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Chupacabra
Chupacabras (not to be confused with Chewbaccas) have done everything from stealing your sheep to having an intimate relationship with your mom to raping your 4 month old brother with a spoon.
WTF is a Chupacabra?
A Chupacabra is a furry from Mexico that specializes in sucking blood out of animals, especially goats. No one knows what El Chupacabra looks like, but descriptions have ranged anywhere from a mix between Cthulhu and George Bush to a very striking resemblance of you. Unfortunately like all the people from Mexico, the Chupacabra have been illegally invading America via the trunk of a car since the 1990s. Fucking Mexicans Chubacabra! First they take our jobs, then our money, and now our women. What's next?
Known Types of Chupacabra
Attempts at Describing a Chupacabra
Farting Lizard
The most common description of Chupacabra is a reptile-like being, appearing to have leathery or scaly greenish-gray skin and sharp spines or quills running down its back. This form is about 3-4 feet tall, and stands and hops in a similar fashion to a kangaroo. This variety is said to have a dog or panther-like nose and face, a forked tongue, and large fangs. It is said to hiss and screech when alarmed, as well as leave a sulfuric stench behind. When it screeches, some reports note that the Chupacabra's eyes glow an unusual red, that gives the witnesses nausea. Some witnesses have reported seeing bat-like wings.
Dog-Lizard
Another description of Chupacabra, although not as common, is described as a strange breed of wild dog (i.e. what you will be eating tonight at a Chinese restaurant). This form is mostly hairless, has a pronounced spinal ridge, unusually pronounced eye sockets, fangs, and claws. It is claimed that this breed might be an example of a dog-like reptile. Unlike conventional predators, the Chupacabra is said to drain all of the furfag's blood through a single hole or two holes made on the cock.
El Chupacabra on El JewTube
According to this retard who decided to do a tribute to our beloved El Chupacabra, it also eats children.
In this particular video, some faggot, presumably a /b/tard, pits Riddick against El Chupacabra.
Looks moar like Chewbacca to me.
IRL fame
The popularity of the Chupacabras has resulted in it being featured in several different ways.
Books
- Several scientific books trying to either prove or disprove their existence.
Blogs
- Every conspiracy fundie ever on the internet has some blog about Chupacabra.
Movies
- See: El Chupacabra in El JewTube. Fanboys of El Chupacabra go batshit insane when describing the extent of their relationship with Chupie in their JewTubes.
Television
- The X-files (What hasn't been featured on this show? fucking conspiracy fags.)
Note-worthy things Chupacabras have done
They did it for the lulz
The first reported siting of border-hopping Chupacabra doing it for the lulz was in March 1995 in Puerto Rico. In this attack, 8 goats were discovered dead from being drained of blood. In 1975, similar killings in the small town of Moca occurred; but at the time were attributed to local sodomites. Initially it was suspected that the killings were committed by a Satanic cult Jews, but further killings were later reported around the island, and many farms reported losses of over 9000. Each of the furries had been bled dry through a series of small circular incisions on their cocks.
Moar Border-Hopping Chupacabra Sightings
America
/b/
- Whenever there is a mention of something somewhere sucking, /b/tards cream their jeans at the thought of being sucked off by this lovely creature. As a result, El Chupie holds a dear place in the heart of the anus of the internet; though not quite as famous as he should be. You can help by spamming the fuck out of this place if you want Chupie to be loved even moar.
In Russia, Chupacabra suck you!
- Bored of getting BJ'ed by cowfags, Chupie decided to travel to the Land of Opposites. At this point, it is unclear how many furfag Russians have been sucked off by Chupie.
Colombia
Being a homo and a crack addict obviously go hand in hand; therefore, one would expect Chupie to show up here, amirite? A few years ago, a series of reports on Colombian national news reported more than 300 dead sheep in the region of Boyaca, and the capture of a possible Chupacabra specimen to be analyzed by scientists at the National University of Colombia.
Philippines
Chupie was caught again in the Philippines sucking dick on the corner after getting his rent money ripped off by Filipino hookers. Some of the residents believe that it was the Chupacabra that killed 8 budding Filipino hookers after being scammed out of his rent for a second time. The owner of the skilled Lolis reported that he saw a dog-like furry ass-pwning his property.
Your Mom's ass
- Srsly, who hasn't been there?
Delicious Denial
In an attempt to deny the existence of the awesomeness that is Chupacabra, the liberal media has tried to pass of El Chupie as akin to Bigfoot or the Lochness Monster. What Bitches don't know about is that Chupie is real, and will assrape anyone who says anything to the contrary. If Chupie wasn't real, why does he have his own tshirts?.
So, I heard you liek...
Things Chupacabra do liek
- Buttsecks
- Crossing the Mexican Border
- Goatse
- Lolis
- Mudkips (Who doesn't, amirite?)
- Tubgirl
- Rape
- Sucking
Things Chupacabra don't liek
Summary
The Chupacabra is: One. Scary. black person....that will eat your childrens and chikins, and have buttsecks with your wife and your mom. Oh, and he hates you. But feel free to return the favor.
Gallery
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Perfect gift for Valentines Day. -
You should buy these sextoys for your girlfriend! -
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Girls, the perfect gift for your boyfriend this Valentines Day! El Chupacabra Mousepad!
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Composite of Farting Lizard El Chupacabra Species. -
I dare someone to buy this mask and go to Mexico. -
El Chupacabra merchandise. -
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batshit insane fanfic p.1 -
batshit insane fanfic p.2
See Also
External Links
Blogs
- A faggot blogging about chupacabra.
- Another gay chupacabra blog.
- Slightly unrelated blog by a user named Chupacabra blogging about Barack Obama.
- jackass blogging about wanting a chupacabra as a pet.
- Yet another fucking Chupacabra blog. Oh Lawd, these Chupacabra fanboys are obsessed!
Forums
Misc. Websites
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Chupacabra is part of a series on Visit the Truth Portal for complete coverage. |
