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PirateSmacK

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This article is ancient history. You can help by reliving the moment.
PirateSmacK was restored from the depths of encyclopediadramatica.com.
Some material will likely be outdated, missing, and/or no longer considered funny in today's lulz standards. You can help by updating it and making it worth reading.


[[Nobody loves him][I am here today to tell you all the tale of a little boy named Steven...]]
 
“ 		 

I am here today to tell you all the tale of a little boy named Steven who mistakenly thought he was funny. This began long ago, on a little website known as Wikipedia, where faggotry typically abounds and petty squabbles are commonplace. At first, he seemingly misunderstood the purpose of the Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit! As a result, he wrote an article all about himself and his completely dysfunctional family. His daddy liked to hit his mommy and his mommy liked to do drugs. Surely this was no place for a child! Sadly though, he ended up homeless whilst his parents divorced, as instead of food and clothes and shelter, his mother bought crack instead. She smoked up all their money! What a sad way to be forced to live. This changed somehow though, and Steven's mommy is now a "recovering addict," which means that she'll jump at the slightest chance and throw it all away for some more crack, depriving Steven of his terrible, tiny apartment in the ghettos of suburban California. What a hard life he must live! Since his parents were too busy hurting each other and themselves, poor Steven was left with no one to raise him but the Internet, which as I'm sure you can all tell is an absolutely terrible babysitter. Hewas fooled by the Internet into thinking that he was somehow important and relevant, when in reality the world is a very mean place thatdoesn't care about him, his deadbeat father, or his crackhead mommy. The internet is funny like that. This leads us to our dear friends at Wikipedia, who are in actuality very nice people and not at all hateful towards our own friendly wiki,the Encyclopedia Dramatica. Steven found apparent meaning in editing a vast database of trivial and non-trivial human knowledge, especiallythe Simple Wikipedia, whose beginner's English and simple concepts Steven could easily understand. He edited plenty of pages there,trying to help other "special" people who had a hard time with multicyllabic words or abstract concepts. He had found his home! Oneday though, he wandered over to the grownups' Wikipedia and, thinking he was important, asked them to make his brand new account anadministrator. He was promptly laughed out of the virtual town and exiled, sent sulking back to his "special" home on the web, despiteplenty of pleading and begging on his part to sit at the big kids' table. What a sad day! In an unfortunate turn of events, one of our beloved (and now, sadly,fallen) Encyclopedia Dramatica sysops noticed this series of events and found it slightly amusing, making the mistake of pointing it out and attracting Steven's attention. What was this new wiki?! It was aplace of wonder, a haven for those who do silly things for silly reasons and a place they could laugh with each other! Surely he wouldfit in here! He had done a silly thing! He followed his new sysop friend around all the time, looking for acceptance and approval like a sad lost puppy and at first he received it, and it made him very happy! Then he had a great idea! If asking to be an admin on Wikipedia was funny once, surely it would be funny again and again! So he went about making new accounts and asking the beleaguered Wikipedia adminsto join their club. They didn't think this was very funny though and sent him scurrying away again, disappointed and broken. What a sad day! Nobody loved him! His daddy didn't love him, daddy just loved to hit mommy. His mommy didn't love him, mommy just loved to smoke crack. What about those nice people at Encyclopedia Dramatica? Surely they still loved him! Sadly, this was not the case at all. After he came rushing back to show off his latest attempt at being funny everyone at Encyclopedia Dramatica got tired of him acting like a little boy showing off his shiny new toy. His toy wasn't new anymore and the nice people at Encyclopedia Dramatica had other things about which to worry, so they didn't pay any more attention to him. How could he get them to love him again? One day some people were fighting over a sandwich and he thought he could help, and posted pictures of the sandwich everywhere. Some people didn't think this was very funny though and poor Steven ended up banned. This made him very sad and very upset, so he made up new accounts on his elite Linux supercomputer and searched the Google for how to use a proxy server so he could be unbanned again. Sadly,the admins at Encyclopedia Dramatica had had enough of him and kept banning his new accounts and undoing all of his great edits. This wasan outrage! Poor Steven just got angrier and angrier. Something had to be done! Steven made dozens of accounts to try to make Encyclopedia Dramatica like him again, but it was too late. Every time he piped up, they would ban him and his proxy, telling him to get out. They didn't wan thim there anymore. So he tried to dig up dirt on the mean people at Encyclopedia Dramatica, only to get it wrong every time. The only people he could find anything out about were people who other mean people had researched. Since his old friends at Encyclopedia Dramatica were gone he decided to try to be friends with these people, who happened to work on Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia that anyone can edit! This, however, did not work, as these people didn't like him either and he had become creepy, following them around the internet and begging for attention and pictures of naked people. Soon enough he was banned on sight and this made him very sad. Those mean people at Encyclopedia Dramatica had found out all of his personal information and told everyone about him, because he wasn't funny and they don't like things that are not funny. This made him very upset, especially after his crackhead mommy found out about it and berated him for his doings on the Internet. He demanded that his once-congratulatory article be removed, and made lots of threats which he couldn't back up. He even tried to disguise his computer by using a super-elite installation of Microsoft Windows XP, but those mean administrators at Encyclopedia Dramatica couldn't be fooled, and they kept banning and picking on him. He had had enough! He was going to do something! He was wrong. There was nothing he could do now to make anything better except leaving and he was too dumb to do that. All he could do was act like a sad little boy who'd has his ball taken away, standing in the dirt of the playground and crying because nobody else wanted to play with him. That is how he stands today: alone, unwanted, and crying. He can't even take his ball and go home, someone else has already taken it. All he can do is wave his arms and cry as loudly as possible, hoping someone will wander by and care, because his crack-addicted mommy and abusive daddy don't care about him and neither does anyone on the big mean Internet.
 

„
 

—KH, on the ED users' list


An Introduction to PirateFagG

File:Stevizzle.jpg
Work your arms all you want, we know a born fat fuck when we see one.
He is not allowed near real ladies.

PirateSmacK, as he was originally known, is a failed troll and one of ED's most persistant vandals. Ironically he does it, not for the lulz, but due to the fact that even when he was trying to make helpful contributions to the wiki we didn't fucking want him around.

Imagine the unfunniest, moodiest, most self-important 16 year old MySace whore you know, then give her a micropenis, take away any life goals or aspirations she might have, give her a computer that's almost as old as she is and there you have it, your very own PirateSmakK.

   
“ 		 
Semen Pleasure was my nickname in jr. high
  		„
  		 

—Written by PirateSmacK himself.

Life

Steven was born on Oct. 29th, 1991 in San Francisco. As you can see from the lovely story above, his parents split up after his Dad beat his mom and was arrested in 2001. During the divorce, Steven's mom took the classy way out and became addicted to drugs and lost her house. It was hard for Steven, knowing that his mother didn't love him enough to not become a cock sucking crack whore who would see his fat ass out on the street. Being the resourceful guy that he is, he was only homeless for three years, which just goes to show that if you have half a brain, you don't need to be homeless for three fucking years. Steven's mom now claims to have quit drugs and is a recovering addict. He currently lives in a shitty little apartment in a hella sketch part of town, however he has no aspirations in life so he probably doesn't realise just how pathetic that is. Ignorance is bliss, when you're a supercool internet pirate.

On Wikipedia

 
“ 		 
I'm sorry for what I did, I'll take a long wikibreak for now and come back to request unblock when I've matured and you people cool off a little I'm really trying to help (see my contribs for useful edits) but made a few mistakes/funny things sorry.
  		„
 

—He left on May 31st and was back on June 1st. They didn't believe him either.

His primary account was Rayesworied and of course PirateSmackK. To protect Wikipedia, an entire investigation has been made into his sockpuppet accounts:

Though at first, the sheer amount of vandalism on Wikipedia looks like win, a quick look at his early contributions shows he tried so very, very hard to be a good editor but unsurprisingly, failed.

   
“ 		 
I'm not pissing around I do have mostly good edits, just tried to have a little fun.. :'( I thought its understood that it was a joke when it was first bought up on your talk page so I replied like that ("typo etc")
  		„
  		 

—PirateSmacK backtracking after being a little bitch.

   
“ 		 
Yes, that's how it works. Wikipedia is not divided into "friends" and "enemies" - if people I like or support screw up, I bind them over about it. Same as if they're people I don't like. You can't cry foul play because "he was nice to me, and then I fucked around and he wasn't!". The issue was more than just one "joke" edit - you were not blocked before because you agreed to not piss around. You pissed around. Can you understand why that "one joke edit" might have wider implications than it would coming from a user with a squeaky-clean log?
  		„
  		 

—Ironholds, who quite rightly blocked him.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Basket of Puppies

Piratesmackk also created a female persona to fuck with the Wikipedos, because he knows he can't get anywhere in life as a dude. Evidence linking the two is quite strong.

  • Piratesmackk, in his usual idiot self canvasses for help [1] [2]. Steven gives "him"self away further by trying to cover it up: [3] His excuse is particularly unconvincing: [4]
  • He admits to having an account matching Basket of Puppie's description: [5]
  • The Basket of Puppies user is a female who has a "cerebrospinal fluid leak". The persona is fake and exaggerated; who would really be so open about their illness on the internet? [6] Not subtle at all. It seems more like a sockpuppet a la Poetlister rather than a real person. Fortunately, Wikipedos are also scum like "her" and are too stupid to notice.
  • If one were to look at the timing of the edits, and compare it to socks of Raysworried and PirateSmackK, it would appear that they are the same person (Person A makes some edits, then Person B makes some edits, etc). There are some intersections so he is probably logged in simultaneously using different browsers or web proxies.

On Encyclopedia Dramatica

PirateSmacK seems to have a bizarre crush on many of ED's sysops and frequently dedicates songs and stories to them in an incredibly awesome yet sadly failed attempt to annoy. The only sysop he didn't annoy on a daily basis was Zaiger - coincidently Zaiger was the only sysop who would regularly unblock him, thus spreading the rumour that PirateSmack was actually Zaiger's sockpuppet.

Dancing Sandwich War

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Less than 1/5th of the war documented. It resulted in ...

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Everyone getting B&


April 29th will forever further be known as Dancing Sandwich Day and Retarded Edit War Day.

The Start of the War

How to troll ED

PirateSmacK's most notable achievment on ED was playing a small part in the Dancing Sandwich war, resulting in faggotry which continues to piss off the SysOps to this day.

Some argue that people are forgetting that ED is not 4chan and repeatedly spamming a shitty image around does not make it funny. Others disagreed, and thus the Dancing Sandwich War began. During the war, many, many accounts (mostly belonging to newfags) were spammed with the .gif, whereas established accounts were locked by the SysOps. Other accounts were created to show their disdain.

The war itself lasted between 20-30 minutes, although because of their love for groovy food, others continued spamming the image around and continue to do so to this day. Thus everyday, this poisoned sandwich makes ED become that little bit gayer and unfunny. The butthurt further continued when other users who supported the sandwich logged on later and realized they'd missed all the fun.

Attempts to add this section to the Dancing Sandwich article, however, were delayed when someone pointed out everyday is Retarded Edit War Day on ED.

The Players

Simple Wikipedia

File:Piratesmack holocaust denial.PNG
PirateSmack shows his support of the great white race on the only wiki he doesn't vandalise.

Interestingly, the only place where PirateSmacK doesn't act like a complete fuckwit is his Simple English Wikipedia account - as you can tell by his edits. We can conclude therefore that somewhere deep inside him, he genuinely wanted to be a wiki editor - but opted for being a spammer after one reject too many. Others believe that Simple Wikipedia is simply too retarded to notice the vandalism in the first place.

His account can be found here.

Oh wait - B& again as even Simple people got tired of his incessant BAWWWing for Rollback rights.

Vanity Page

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Oh please oh please oh pleeeeeeeease make me e-famous!


Being both a shitty editor and a shitty vandal, PirateSmack would not normally earn a page. But like a rash that keeps coming back, the other EDiots soo tired of him that the only reason it was ever created was to drop dox. Desperate for the attention he believed he deserved, PirateSmack tried creating this article while removing the shit he smeared all over wikipedia, claiming it had nothing to do with him.

You Can't Catch Meee!11!!

C'mon Guise it's Not Funny Anymoar ...

File:Piratesmack bitching.PNG
PirateSmack simultaneous threatening EDiots with dropping dox while asking them to confirm if said dox are true.
   
“ 		 
I now have full access to all your dox: Your full irl name (which ends with a 'ki'), the school you attended and graduated in 2000, the shitty band you play for, your YouTube account, home address, bunch of pics and more. I haven't even looked carefully yet.

I had decided to leave the vandalism behind and edit properly but you just keep blocking all the accounts I create.

As much as I hate to dox people on the internets, I lose control when I get high. Since I quit TOW, now I'm bored as fuck and I've been drinking a lot lately too; so don't tempt me.
 

„
  		 

—Asspirate, trying to threaten the sysops.

   
“ 		 
Fuck you. I tried to join the irc to troll back in the good old Zaiger's days but the bots automatically set a ban on my IP or something. Also irc has privacy issues so I haven't used it since a long time. Just delete the page damnit. I don't really care about wiki editing anymore just want all these dox gone. Fuck.
  		„
  		 

—Giving more weight to the argument that Piratesmack was Zaiger's sockpuppet. Or fuck buddy.

   
“ 		 
Funny thing about dox is that they don't work if nobody cares.
  		„
  		 

—It's true.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

Despite the fact he was initially thrilled to have an article to call his own (see above and the talk page, in March 2010 PirateSmacK suddenly demanded that this article be taken down. Like almost everybody with a page on Encyclopedia Dramatica Pirate claimed he just wanted the dox removed. This however is bullshit because:


  1. He boasted that the dox were wrong, and
  2. He only started complaining AFTER the doxs were removed.


It is therefore suspected that his friends mother discovered his online shenanigans and is threatening to cut his internet down.

Just like every other time he's created another sockpuppet account, Pirate promises that he will be a good boy and stop shitting about. The sysops reacted in their usual manner. In retaliation PirateSmack in threatening to carry out the internet death sentence - dropping dox. Luckily for everybody involved Piratefag is about as good at finding information about people as he is at trolling.

Dox

  • Future placeholder for PirateFag's dox, which are now well-known to certain members of the Dramacracy. Be a good boy, now :3
E-Mail: [email protected]

See Also

Other Wiki Vandals:
All far more successful than PirateSmack



 

PirateSmacK is part of a series on

Whores

Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage.

 

PirateSmacK is part of a series on

Trolls

Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

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