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Paheal
Paheal is the most complete, useful and effective site at raping your childhood. It is the best rule 34 site in existence[citation needed] (when it works). While it has seemingly limitless pages of win, it only loads shit about 5% of the time. And don't even try the goddamn "tag list," it looks promising but as soon as you click something the whole site freezes and the text jumps around like your mom on a black dick. Better off with Imagefap. Please watch out for dismembered labia, they are often found on tables. If you make 34 of something Paheal WILL find it.
Why does it exist?
Paheal was spawned on April 24, 2007 and exists for the same reason Macrochan does. The people that have the goods got sick and tired of giving out the really easy shit, and all their epic finds were no where to be seen. Now, if some silly sausage asks for porn of X, you can tell them to LURK THE FUCK MOAR and go to Paheal. Now, 34 fans can get their daily chicken choke fix without hearing bitching from 7chan, whining: '34 has already been fulfilled', 'gb2/h/', or denial of moar/sauce. Needless to say though, don't be a douche you fucking cunt rag and lurn 2 internet.
Liability
The owner of this fantastic web entity happens to be Ruud v.d Burg (aka Slayerduck) of Bisschop van Mierlostraat 35 Mierlo, Nederland. He is not at all ashamed of hosting pedophilia and bestiality related content so make sure you bring this up to him at all times.
Userbase
More info and logs on the userbase can be found here.
The user base generally consists of massive ponyfags, rejected trolls and lurking spics. Most of an image's comments consist of random memes being tossed around like a 12-year old Taiwanese prostitute in a back alley, faggots begging for sauce, unregistered users bitching about how their moms raped them up the ass with rake, and 14-year old TARTS either plugging their shitty web page or begging for more Sonic and Naruto MS Paint bullshit. Some users claim that they are women and are instantly and furiously hit on by just about every other member of the site (as per internet regulations). This is bullshit because as we all know there are no girls on the internet except dickgirls thus proving that at least 80% of Paheal users are gay or trannies. Enjoy your AIDS. They even enjoy raping you every second when you upload fake noods of celebrities because they're not in_character and properly give you a banhammer if you spam celebrity fakes just like katy perry fucking niggers or one picture that has snoop dogg in it, to get people riled up in comments even so most of the community are racist. They're mostly the hitler of the internet porn community, because obviously 90 percent of them are from 4chan or reddit.
—Anonymous trying to sound 'smart' | ||
—Anonymous user | ||
What is on the site?
- 34 for teh lulz - Probably the second best reason to visit. Memes are very popular, plus lots of ridiculous shit that is awesome.
- 34 for raping your childhood - Just when you thought Salute Your Shorts was too obscure for some fidgety artist to use in his latest necroscat masterpiece.
- 34 for fapping - There is a good bit of this, but that's not very funny. Also if you go to paheal with the intention to fap you probably don't belong on the internet and will probably end up with this.
- not34 - Tag rushing things as not34 as well as notporn are a common and awesome pastime sure to prove you either don't know what the fuck you're talking about or are so goddamn awesome you didn't even have to read the FAQ.
(are you a bad enough dude to tag over 9000 images as 'not34' before getting B&?)
- Not_Porn - Images that can range from almost porn to a photo of an ordinary building. Uploading these can bring the user scorn, or lulz.
- Do Not Post - Some artists don't want pictures posted on Paheal because they run a retarded Jew, but some artists don't want their pictures on Paheal because they suck at art and are told by Paheal's users such. Of course since these artists are huge faggots they tag their shitty little picture for delete, which mods promptly delete because the picture is a piece of shit.
- tagme - Images with just the default keyword of tagme either mean the up-loader is a nigger, or doesn't know what the hell is going on.
—Desumilk, on Reiq's douchebaggery | ||
Lolicon and Shotacon
Surprisingly, you won't find many flame wars about this here. Though, it's easy to troll. All you have to do is say that it is illegal, or wrong, or for epic trolling, that you will go to hell for fapping to it.
—Malorie | ||
Furry
Being a site that allows furry, but is mostly filled with ponyfags who hate furries (even though they're both furries; It's not to hard to start a flame war on the subject. Really, it just takes posting something. Since furries ruin everything, large amounts of hate will spring up immediately. But seriously though, there is some furry shit on this site that will make you cry. Also: what is and isn't furry is serious business. Just so the n00bs know, if it is covered in fur, it's a furry. If it isn't covered in fur it isn't furry. Same with scaleys and ponies. On the border line are things that are their own race. Minotaurs, kobolds, Khajiit, and moogles. This is also a great thing to troll about unless you are a faggot.
People on this site who fap to Gardevoir like to argue that this does not make them furry so please give them a good swift kick in the cunt and tell them to go the fuck back to /vp/.
Guro
Most guro on the site is littered with shit storms about how horrid guro is. The guro can get pretty epic though when Soemele, Paheal's own resident gurofag drops by has occasionally been known to make some pretty epic guro. Most of his works are of strong female animu characters or of minorities that he gets a raging hard on for, but they are still epic. Still, he will always be there to guro up bitches who fuck with Paheal or more realistically, him. His most epic guro to date is the one he did about StrangerWithCandy,who bitched about how her crappy sketch of a mudkip was placed on the site. In response, Soemele tied her up, force fed her a mudkip, ripped her stomach out, and then pierced both her and her mudkip with a wooden stake through her vagina.
Shops
Many people like to wack it to celebrities but soon find that most of the ones they want to fap to are underage. To fix this world wide epidemic the scientists of the internet diligently worked day and night in search of a solution. Sadly right before they were about to make a major breakthrough they stumbled on Rule 34 and upon reading it instantly came up with a quick fix to all of our problems. Their solution: dig up your favorite porn pic from your hard drive and shop the face of the celeb you want to fap to into the picture.
The only problem with this brilliant scheme is the fact that over 9000% of the shops were painfully obvious and looked like shit. These shops are put on paheal daily and often bitched about by Anonymous. Soon George Bush learned about the American method to evading the van so he changed the rules so that you could not longer put the head of anyone underaged onto people who are having sex, regardless of the bodies age. So if you want to fap to Stephanie your out of luck. THIS JUST IN: EMMA WATSON IS NOW LEGAL IN THE U.S POST SOME FUCKING SHOPS!
Except, you have to fucking make sure Emma Watson is in character, due to the fact, she has to be Harry Potter's bitch, and not Emma Watson randomly fucking some guy.
(Also putting images already on Paheal onto a template is fine too)
Paheal's 'Memes'
Most Paheal memes are just one picture posted over and over with minor alterations each time.
GanonWatch
Starting with sum pr0n of GanonJew watching Young Link and Young Zelda sexing it up through a window, a user decided it would be funny to shop the peeping tom into 'Gendodorf'. This sparked a chain of MS Paint add-ons to the image, turning Ganon into a meme monster. After the original picture could be edited no longer user Foppe (A.K.A Faggot) decided to simply replace Ganondorf with Gardevoir thus starting a shitty spin-off meme. Soon a user named Jew simply removed the Ganon and placed himself, in netsona form, as well as Old Snake instead, both sporting "o3o" faces, thus giving all other members with netsona another reason to post more pictures that they could tag with their username.
Gremrat quickly claimed to have created the meme, when all she did was suggest a version. The meme quickly spiraled out of control and turned fail, as other users started spamming their own versions, effectively killing its lulz. Titanium quickly rushed in and declared this meme to be dead, stating that any additional GanonWatch pics would be terminated. Titanium and the other mods occasionally let new GanonWatch pictures slide.
-
The original -
Proceed -
The failed edit -
The Goofy Time edit
Rule84
Rule 84 states: "There is nothing Weegee cannot infect"
AdminWars
When two site admins have great differences in opinion, they may clash in the IRC, or in comments. The most recent adminwar is between Warrior and Titanium, regarding if Zero Suit Samus, with only having Tits or nipples showing under the Zero Suit qualifies as porn. Warrior is biased, due to his massive Samus fetish. Upload sum Samus, that could easily be seen as porn or not porn, and watch the lulz commence.
Paheal Forced Memes
DEL
originally used by users in comments for deletion, too lazy/retarded to tag deleteme, but is now mostly done for spam and annoyance, and has lost its purpose and original meaning. Del is also a nigra ghost from the shitty band the Gorillaz.
-
DEL?
It's Ditto
It's Ditto is just like the Ditto meme with an additional twist - when ever a unidentified pink object is found in a picture, someone posts "It's Ditto". From that point onward, anyone who opposes the fact that it's ditto is answered by "It's Ditto"
- Anonymous1: It's Ditto
- Anonymous2: That's not Ditto it's a prolapsed anus.
- Anonymous3: It's Ditto
Whole Thread Copypasta
This is when a user copypastas every word in the comments area for that one image and submits it as their own comment. This is usually done on images whose threads are already OVER 9000 posts in length. This act pisses everyone off, excluding trolls. The mods end up deleting the post, and the poster ends up B&. This makes preforming a whole thread copypasta the equivalent of an Iraqi suicide bombing
Self-Inserting Comments
Self-Inserting comments are made when a Paheal user comments a picture saying what he wants to do to the people or person in it. Former user BigDawg was among the first to explicitly describe what he'd do to the people in the images, as if they where real, would read the comments, jump out of his monitor, and let him suck their dick. The majority of users who do this are immigrants from Aerisdies
Ifucked[enter well known namefag here] & [enter well known namefag here]isanigger
Last thursday people began signing up as "Ifucked" and then a well known user's name. It all started with IfuckedCatBountry, Google that shit Mah Boi. Then a Doc Icegonogle hate made the user name DocIcenogleisanigger.
In The Den?
In the den is a meme exclusively to the underage b& members of the Paheal IRC everyone else thinks it is annoying as fuck. While originally used to answer a question or post you didn't understand it is not being used just for the sake of posting.
paheal's favorites
Labia on a table
Oooo, where is that labia?! On the table, just where I left it.
I dunno, someone just left it there.
Catsketch
Catsketch is a series of lulzy sketches made by CatBountry. CatBounty's Catsketchs have been featured more than any other persons works on Paheal.
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IT'S NOT DIFFERENT AT ALL, IS IT STEVE -
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Tonight we yiff in hell! -
Crocoduck!
Netsonas
Only the most awesome and 1337 members have a netsona; which is a fuckton like a fursona except they somehow manage to be twice as gay most of the time.
The best way to gain a cult like following of pre-teen zombie retards is to draw as much porn of your netsona as possible, like some sort of masturbatory-go-round. Pair yourself up with whoever the fuck you want and no matter how shitty the artwork is you will get Over 9000 comments before you can hit F5. I GUARANTEE IT.
Trolling said people will usually result in an instaban
(It's also important to note that users will often circle jerk each other with their netsonas, resulting in so many comments that the page length may very well dwarf the Xbox in rare cases. FACT: 99.9% of these are tl; dr and will make you an hero if you try reading all of the useless dribble.)
—Jeb, being the only one with sanity | ||
Featured Image
Some images on the site provide epic lulz to a level that deserves recognition. Others might ruin childhoods so mightily that they need exposure, or an image is of a 34 so rare, that it defies logic. Every so often, in indeterminate intervals, the featured image is changed. Titanium became the only admin who can feature images right before the string of Avatar features occurred .
There are over 9000 images that members have spammed, demanding a feature of the pic. Said images usually have a high sexy rating, or are of Renamon being pumped full of pig shit. These images are almost never chosen, just to piss off the users.
-
This image will never be featured
The Great PuertoPahealian War of '09
This section is in the process of being made so please to be the not fucking touching it.
Alexander Santiago
touched...
- Other aliases
- jean-huertas, Carlitos-Belmonte, and carlitos-belmonte5
One day in a desperate attempt to get preggers a European visited a sperm bank, unfortunately there was a mix up and she wound up getting the sperm from a Mexican donkey. Upon birth his mother, sickened by his grotesque appearance, sent him Puerto Rico in hopes that she would never see him again. Alexander was then adopted and raised by a group of animals called Puerto Ricans. At age 10 Alexander was sent to Kindergarten, where he developed a loli fetish. Seeing as Alex was too retarded for regular kindergarten he was sent to a military school. Sadly Alex was also a weak ass little bitch and was often subject to beatings from his classmates Jean, Carlitos, and some other kid also named Alexander. Scarred and alone Alex turned to the internet. Having accumulated an unnatural amount of fetishes Alex soon found Paheal and became the semi-productive member known as Carlitos-Belmonte. After 180 days on the site Belmonte's tiny balls finally dropped and he asked wiiaboo if he could become a moderator an hour later Belmonte received the Paheal rejection copypasta. Belmonte being the crazy fucker he is decided the only thing he could do was to claim to know Canadian pornstar Ariel Rebel and then try take over the site in the name of Ariel Rebel, blame it on the kids who rape him daily at school, and then become an hero.
Mrl274
Mrl274 is probably the most retarded troll on Paheal. He came in and instantly made netsona's for members of Paheal who had none and also making a shit load of 34s of Rat. By making new netsona's Mrl quickly helped feed Paheal's cancer causing it to grow uncontrollably. Mrl274 would also leave comments that were so retarded that all people who read them had a drop in their I.Q. He has been b& over 9000 times each time coming back with a clone account, of course each clone just like in the movie Multiplicity is more retarded than the one before it.
- Quotes
—Mrl724 | ||
—Mrl274 | ||
—Mrl274 | ||
—Mrl274 | ||
Thranos
Perhaps one of the more annoying N00bs on paheal. He got b& for starting a tag war with Jeb over his shitty netsona, which happened to be a picture of Alucard with a crown. Soon after this b& Rule34d jumped in and make him his very own original netsona. Two weeks later when the b& was lifted Thranos dragged his noob ass back onto the site. Thranos has been banned over 9000 times since then putting him in the ranks with Mrl274 and if he is around when Mrl274 isn't then he is always the center of epic phail. On top of being a troll Thranos is also an attention whore and was the one who created his sub-section in the first place and continually is editing it to make him self seem like more of a badass by deleting things like "when the b& was lifted" and replacing the word "dragged" with "snuck".
Otaku-san
This troll came onto 34 trying to point out how certain things were not considered 34, like mermaids, and when I say he tried to point out I mean he bitched hours on end. Otaku-san after losing the battle to the namefags, mods, and anons Otaku-san started posting pictures of Greek Mythology shouting "IF >>78130 IS PORN THEN SO IS THIS!". Sadly for Otaku-san Paheal gladly accepted the pictures as 34 thus destroying the foundation of his argument. Otaku-san left Paheal for some time but came back to upload a pic after someone on 7chan's /34/ made fun of him. His picture was of a screen shot of the thread with a penis a above it and text below it saying "Poster # is a retard". The picture was deleted and Otaku-san was banned.
Rule /35/
A 4chan esquire board based off of Rule35, Rule35 states that if there is no porn of it, it will be made. Even though it states nothing about requesting many users come onto the board requesting shit 24/7. It got so annoying that a separate sticky was made for requesting. Most washed up artists come to the board to bask in the flattery of other equally washed up members.
The Rule34 Forum
While not as boring as the Rule /35/ board, the Rule34 Forum is the shit hole of Paheal as 4chan is the asshole of the internets. 90% of the users on the forum are spambots the other 10% are made up of admins and the most weeaboo pieces of shit you've ever seen. Even though admins and mods are constantly deleting spam spambots have been a prime concern of for users. To bad for them wiiaboo doesn't give two shits about the forum and has placed updating it to eliminate spam to the bottom of his to do list.
Hall of Shame
-
-
Some sort of deity. -
-
They will never give you up or let you down. -
Naturally not even their mascot is saved from furfag, rule 34/63-ification. -
-
-
Even fags who should never be allowed to lift a pencil are encouraged to 35; much to the chagrin of its users. -
Yes, that is L being raped by a giant fucking ant. Paheal: home of weird shit. -
Single black person and Non-Nigger, not quite DOUBLE_NIGGER -
wryyyyy -
You're gunna feel this one... -
How about now?
The Great Toddlercon Purge
On January 9, 2010, wiiaboo(woowoo) posted an announcement on the site's Notes wiki:
- "I'll cut to the chase. All (
lolicon/shotaconread the update) toddlercon is going to be deleted over the coming months/year. The reason it will take so long is because there is a ton of content that has to go. Why you say? Well the reason is because such content is fastly becoming illegal the world over, there are currently a handful of countries that put lolicon on the same level as child pornography and prosecute its posession and distribution to equal effect, and while it is debateable, because there is no real children involved and there are certain artistic merits etc; if the law says its illegal then its just illegal. - Now for the past few weeks you may have been noticing that images have been dissapearing, this is the reason. If you are wondering where some of your uploads dissapeared to, this is the reason. We usually hash ban the images and set the ban reason as "TK" standing for toddlercon because Toddlercon is the stuff we have been focusing on so far and sorry that "TK" is rather ambiguous but it will be made clear from now on. Therefor if you have read this, don't upload anymore content that might be considered too close to child pornography. We will give you a grace period of around a month where we will just delete the content as it's uploaded but after that we will start handing out bans. This is basically a new site rule from here on out.
- I know alot of you have strong views against this (present admins included) and dont agree with it but really, if its against the law then its against the law. And we certainly dont want to get on the wrong side of the law here. Just to be clear, for now we are focusing purely on purging the site of toddlercon (which danbooru describes as "A more extreme form of lolicon, revolving around very young children and even babies." so yeah, you can see why that stuff goes first).
- Regarding the general "lolicon" images; that will be decided upon when that legal grey area clears up, because it is quite a large grey area at the moment. If you have any opinions on this, good or bad, then please email me at [email protected] because i really want to hear what the userbase thinks as its a topic that websites like paheal are going to face into more and more in the future. Thanks for reading. - wiiaboowoowoo
- P.S. If you could help us out by reporting any Toddlercon you come across in your travels then that would be great.
- UPDATE: Just to clarify, for now toddlercon is the ONLY content we will be deleting until we can get a clear definition of what is lolicon and shotacon, you would be surprised how thin the line is." Revision 5 by wiiaboo at 2010-01-09 16:46:07.434157
This revelation of course prompted some relevant rule34 representing the situation (by Tomato) which was quickly featured by Titanium. The image, representing Paheal as the giant Phallus raping free speech, with the balls of society pushing it forward, quickly became a forum for dramatic discussion of anonymoi. The image depicted the manga page that inspired baby fuck all shaded out, plastered with words.
See also
- Rule 34, there is porn of it, no exceptions.
- Rule 63, there is gender bending porn of every character.
- Rule34.com, another similar site.
- ObscureGET, likewise.
- Hentai
- Anime
- Aerisdies
- Paheal's History
External links
- rule34.paheal.net
- rule34c.paheal.net, comics
- rule63.paheal.net
- cosplay.paheal.net
rule35.paheal.net, imageboardDead
Paheal IRCDead- r34booru redirects to rule34xxx,
more highly censored and inferiorsuperior alternative to Paheal.
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