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Poland
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It has been suggested that this article should be merged with Germany. To find out moar, spam the goddamn talk page. |
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This shit country needs cleaning up Somebody should do something about it. |
Poland is a little and uninteresting country in Europe and is widely known for being among the most conquerable countries in the world. However, Poland is also known for steroids, and their filthy Jews. Poland is renowned for having the world's most hideous women second to Australia's Aborigineses, or whatever they're called, and right above Zimbabwe. Most real Christians view Poland as completely irrelevant because Jesus had never traveled there-- as, nowhere in the country, can you find twelve wise men or a virgin. The nation is known as a buffer zone between good and evil, referring to the neighboring nations of Germany and Russia (you decide which is which). Poland is also well known for its citizens who are capable of shape shifting. Throughout the last thousand years its borders have changed frequently as it has been pwned repeatedly by surrounding nations, and due to severe butthurt disappeared off the face of the earth for almost 200 years.
History
For most of its unremarkable history Poland existed as a fairly large, aspie nation, occasionally licking Russian, Tatar, Scandinavian, and German ass. Poland was known for its bad judgment in exporting white trash of all kinds. They all fucked one another like there was no tomorrow and produced tons of beautiful blue-eyed babies that now grace every brothel west of Berlin.
So Germany - overrun by fugly, smartarsed Jews and fugly, shit-thick Frauleins - became jealous and wanted in on all the fun. Invading Polackistan with Panzers only slightly less fragile than the indigenous blart, ze Germans triggered the raid known to oldfags as "World War II" and all so they could adopt those beautiful blond, blue eyed babies, kill the fugly Jews and leave the remains of the lumpen-Lebensraumer locals to kill each other off fighting over the last of the cabbages (the winnar, in an appalling example of troll's remorse, later being made Pope).
Without the Jews raping and jewing the nation's industry, currency, government, infrastructure, and all the other things of civilized life, Poland instead chose to become an Hero by bending over and opening up for Big Brother. Since replacing the Kremlin with the Vatican and joining the European Union, Poland's primary exports are now Meth, plasterers and Visa whores.
Thus there are, unsurprisingly, few Polish people now left in Poland. The least-retarded fucked off to America or Britain several years ago; the rest of this proud nation of illiterate, superstitious, bigoted alcoholics now prefer mooching off Britain with its fantastic economy and bone idle natives.
Indeed, by the 21st century, it had become clear, even to the Polish president and his entire government, that emigration was a wise choice. Taking the decision to fly to Britain, issues with being able to navigate led them into a tree in Russia.
Population
There are currently 11.7 million Polack plumbers living in England. 38,860,000 in Poland. 10,024,711 in the USA. And about another 10 million in the rest of Europe.
It is a common misconception that "jokes" about the stupidity and criminality of Polish people were invented by the Nazis as propaganda. Research has shown that most Polish jokes have a basis in historical truth, and the reason so many were spread by the Soviet Union and Nazi Germany was simply because they had the most experience in dealing with Polacks.
These "jokes" are in fact a treasured part of Polish oral tradition, literature and history. The stories have been passed down from grandparents to children over hundreds of years, and few people inside Poland are capable of understanding what's so funny about them.
In 1939 Germany helped Poland get rid of its retards, handicapped, gypsies, homosexuals, and Jews. This initiative was at first welcomed, until they realized that most Pollacks qualify as clinically retarded. Historians believe that the Holocaust could have lasted up to 34 years if Germany had tried to free Poland from the burden of mental defectives.
Politics and Governance
For a time, Poland was ruled by identical twins, Jarosław and Lech Kaczyński, who were prime minister and president respectively. This was considered a good thing by the people of Poland because that way they only had to remember one guy's face. It also enabled the two brothers to get up to all sorts of zany, Parent Trap-esque shenanigans at cabinet meetings which brought lulz to all. Sadly, it was not to last as Lech Kaczyński was killed in a plane crash in 2010.
Currently, the Polish political stage is divided between the following parties:
- Civic Platform: a group of German politicians unable to return to their homeland, due to Polish plumbers stealing their cars. They move around on a platform towed by a Honda Civic. Thanks to their apathy towards witch-burning (or anything other than earing money for new cars) they gained a lot of liberal votes and won presidential elections last Thursday.
- Law and Justice: a far right party led by
twoone twin midgets and inspired by a TV show about a crime-fighting priest (hence the name). It is known for hatred for trees, Europeans, progress, planes and Russian airports.
- Polish People's Party: this party exist only to eliminate stupid people's votes from the election results.
- Democratic Left Alliance: the Polish Communists. They demand compulsory abortions, 110% income tax and bringing back Stalin from the dead.
Polish Military
Moar info: You Forgot Poland.
The Polish Air Force is in possession of 200 assault kites and 5 parachutes that will only open on impact. Poland also acquired 100 brand new F-16 jet fighters but only half of them made it to Poland (the rest sank in the ocean).
The Polish Land Forces, with badly trained soldiers and outdated weaponry and vehicles, are a the definition of fail, most notable for getting pwnt in World Wars Episode II: Poland getting owned by Soviets and Nazis.
The Polish Navy is one of the most feared navies in the world. It has a fleet of a couple hundred outdated Soviet ships, modified with transparent bottoms so sailors can look at the old Polish navy. Its fleet of 9,001 screendoor submarines is considered unbeatable.
Polish Navy men are no longer given the option to be buried at sea due to the high loss of life involved in digging the graves.
Culture
Poland is a popular tourist spot, especially among the Germans, who have been visiting it regularly for over 9,000 years, usually choosing to stay for at least 100 years. Renowned German painter and philosopher Adolf Hitler loved the country so much that he built a concrete summer cottage and several summer camps there. However, the cottage was vandalized in 1945 by drunken Russians, and all the camps except for one were destroyed by drunken British tourists, who were so bombed on Polish vodka that they bombed the camps for major lulz. The one surviving camp was turned into a boring, gloomy museum, which, because of its gloominess, is now a big hit with Jewish tourists where Stiwen Szpilberg shot "The Schindler's List".
Michael Jackson wanted to build a nightmare theme park ("Michael Jackson's Wonderland") in Poland, but dropped dead after overdosing on Propofol, Xanax, Valium, Klonopin, Midazolam, Vicodin, OxyCodone, Dilaudid, Glue, Pre-Pubescent Boy's Sperm, Dr. Murray, Cock, White Skin, Debbie, More Young Boys, and Crack. Pedo Bear apparently still wants to buy a castle in Poland and live there.
Crime
—A German Joke, i.e., unfunny but rude | ||
Religion
Moar info: The Pope.
Poland used to be 90% Catholic until last Thursday, when the Polackticians changed the tax laws, so that everyone who declared being religious had to pay 0.2% of their tax to support that religious institution. Since then, Poland is 3% Catholic, 8% Mormon and 100% Moron
The previous version of the Pope was made in Poland. John Paul II (real name: Szczebrzeszyniarz Brzeczyszczyczmoszyski) became a face many successful meme images and after a while, JP v2.0 gave up his job to his Nazi lover, Darth Benedict.
Sports
Moar info: Alcoholism.
The most popular sport in Poland is the Polish triathlon which includes going to the public pool on foot and returning home by bike. In many cases, wasted Polacks climb shit for no goddamn reason, as well as fuck their shit up.
Previous Video | Next Video |
Music
Poland is world renowned for its rich and beautiful cultural heritage, which is expressed through traditional Polish music.
Previous Video | Next Video |
The heartfelt ballad above about the priorities of young males in contemporary Polish society is arguably one of the finest examples of Polish music.
Tourist information
- The Germans invaded Poland so quickly because Poland was on vacation and only the Jews were "home". <- Polish propaganda. Fact is the Nazis walked into the country backwards, so all the Polacks thought they were leaving.
- According to Polish trolls German astronomer Nicolaus Copernicus and French composer Fryderyk Chopin were Polish plumbers, but in fact not even their National Hero Thaddeus Kosciusko without whom USA would still suck Brits' cocks was an ethnic Pole (he was of Ruthenian and Lithuanian Heritage), the only notable Polish plumbers in history were Unabomber and an hero Stephen Kazmierczak.
- Birthdays were not celebrated in Poland; they had Calendar days instead. (This has been changing, though, due to Poland becoming capitalist, now.)
- Many Polish names sound like Brzęczyszczykiewicz, just to troll Americans, or piss off Germans.
- Polish women do not use vibrators because it chips their teeth.
- Knock knock. Who's there? Polish burglar.
- 99% of the Polish plumbers are homophobes and therefore homosexual.
- Most Polish computer users can fluently speak English, however they cannot even write correctly in their native-language, cos they're too lazy to hold ALT all the time.
- Their main export are pretty, barely 18 girls, with blond hair and blue eyes, as well as meth, and death metal.
- The main import is ice as no one in Poland knows the recipe
- Polish Vodka is TEH REAL DEAL. It was invented there. "Pure Polish Spirit Vodka" is 96% (a massive 192 proof) alcohol content, and is prescribed by Polish doctors for a range of ailments (including parasites). Actually 160 proof, faggot. Some claim that Polish Vodka can burn the cancer right out of a person. But it cannot burn Teh AIDS out of anyone. It is fact, no Pole has ever been diagnosed with cancer, mostly down to the fact that polish medicine has not progressed beyond the application of heather to any and all ailments. and AIDS does not exist within the borders of Poland.
- Poland also produces over 100% of all stripper poles. It has held this monopoly since Last Thursday.
- Poles are known to have shitloads of alcohol digesting capacity. They hold old Guinness record, 12.4 promiles. The Polack who wasted himself so much was riding a bike. Update: Record reportedly broken in April 2009 by a Russian faggot.
- In Poland, left is actually left, and right is actually right, thus when leaving Poland many British become confused.
- Poland also has a big community of Ukranians, all of whom dress up as humans.
- Poland is a known good luck charm: John Kerry forgot about it, and totally fucked up. George W. remembered Poland and successfully
fixedwon the election. (see: You Forgot Poland) - There was a group that tried to create the first Polish terrorist cell, and their first action was an attempt to blow up a bus. The entire effort dissolved shortly after the leader severely burned his lips on the exhaust pipe.
- Poland is home to one of the greatest Pedobears of all time, Roman Polanski.
- There are no niggers in Poland
- In Britain most Polish will be found working in a factory or on a building site speaking little to no English
- With their habit of copying every little thing from The Mighty West, Poland - of course - has learned how to 9gag too. They have memetic dumpsters which are the equivalents of it, like the very popular Kwejk or komixxy.pl. Like their original counterparts, they are nothing more than a shitload of unfunny, forced trash, created by 13- and 16- year old scavengers or retarded students.
- Polish version of Nostalgia Critic is called "Niekryty Krytyk". Just so you know, although he's even worse than the original, he has his own radio show. Then there's ripoff of that ripoff, called "mietczynski" (aka "hipster-bearded-lowlife"). Polaks are so original, right?
- Young freedom fighters from Poland protested strongly against ACTA. However, this won't do much good, because current Polish Prime Minister Donald Tusk don't give much of a fuck.
- Poland was involed together with Hungary in the Destruction of Czechoslovakia, which was operated by Germany, so Poland acutally acted as complicity of Hitlers aggressive policy
Gallery
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Typical Polish bodybuilder.
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Image of more typical Polish citizens. -
Typical polish fashion accessory: the hair tie. It wears all the time, in all occasions. It's a very sexy accessory. -
A metrosexual Polack -
Cover of Grand Theft Auto: Poland. -
Loading Screen from Grand Theft Auto: Poland. -
PresentDECEASED Polish president (left) with his dog (right,current status unknownDECEASED TOO, LOL) -
Poles are so totally Not gay~ -
Polish Army is always ready for action. -
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Rich Pollacks Enjoying their night out at a Fancy Restaurant. -
Typical Polish taxi. -
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Tits or GTFO
Polish girls happen to have exceptional mammaries, thus warranting Poland's existence as a country. busty.pl happens to document this phenomenon quite exceptionally. It's a shame their asses are flat.
See Also
External links
- http://vote5pisforgotpoland.ytmnd.com/
- http://hitlerpoland.ytmnd.com/
- Polish literature
More Polish literature- Polish man too drunk to notice he had been shot in the head 5 years ago. Evidently it did not affect his brainpower.
| Featured article September 14, 2021 | ||
| Preceded by 9/11 |
Poland | Succeeded by Norm MacDonald |
