BuzzFeed

Have you ever been on Cracked and thought to yourself, You know what would really make this place better? Having all the same bullshit articles, but instead of including that pesky text, why not just spam headers and gifs like a 9 year old learning a new swear word? No way,l that would be fucking retarded, you say? Too bad; not only does this exist, but some people even seem to find it funny.

Buzzfeed (more like Buttfeed, amirite?) is a shitty linkbait advertising ploy masquerading as a "humor site", and one of the faggier things that has emerged out of the Web 2.0 era. Not only is original content unheard of, but Buzzfeed actually takes it a step further by posting mainly "articles" that often consist solely of a few Tumblr-ripped pictures, or even just fucking emoticons, and they are the reason we have the word "listicle", a Buzzfeed invention consisting of only a list, with very little writing to accompany it, a method inspired presumably by watching the autistic fundies at Conservapedia shout bible passages at random visitors, or maybe it's the other way round. Unsurprisingly, the site was created by a Jew named Jonah Peretti^✡, like the similar clickbait network Gawker Media's Nick Denton^✡.

The site is populated by 16 year old girls, hipsters, liberals stuck working at Starbucks for the rest of their lives, feminazis, SJWs, and Islamophiles that claim that Jews did WTC. Just like Another website, they rely solely on clickbait articles.

This Might Be The Most Fail Staff A Site Has Ever Had

The Buzzfeed staff is filled with sodomites like Christian Zamora, who authored the list "The 21 Most Important Celebrity Bulges of All Time" and "writes" for, you guessed it, Buzzfeed LGBT. Another "writer" is Lauren Yapalater, a Jewish female who masturbates daily to photos of Zac Efron and is utterly obsessed with him.

But that's not surprise. Buzzfeed's ability to churn out "Top 10" lists defies anything the internets have ever known before. The "writers" make completely meaningless and/or gratuitous nonsense lists all day like some sort of OCD housewife. At times it's funny because some of them are vaguely racist. Most of the time it's as unfunny as any Uncyclopedia joke.

3 Paragraphs (And A Statement) About The Content Of Buzzfeed

Buzzfeed is slightly more content-free than Uncyclopedia. It can be divided into lists, quizzes, and videos.

The vast majority of Buzzfeed "content" consists of lists of numbered headers with gifs placed underneath them. Of course, images just by themselves don't make any sense, nor do the headers. In vain attempts to look slightly more intelligent than a spambot, Buzzfeed lists entries sometimes try to describe their images, because being forced to deal with more text than a tweet is more than the poor average user's brain can handle. Thanks to the disjointed nature of the lists, reading them can be appropriately simulated by imagining a schizophrenic making a vaguely themed reaction image thread all by himself. These lists can be about a wide variety of topics that are all equally pointless. And whatever the fuck Tumblr is shitting its panties over. These lists often try to be funny or relatable by claiming to be about some number of problems or things, at least 100, that certain faggots can understand. Occasionally, there are lists about social justice. The only difference between these and other lists is that the usual faggots in the comment section are replaced by Feminazis slinging enlightened words of unrecognized brilliance which they know will one day change the world, and their white knight thralls whose only notable feature is that they are so desperate for pussy that they're willing to suck up under their real names. Yes, that's right, thanks to Facebook comments being more rampant on Buzzfeed than pedophilia in the Vatican, the geniuses who comment are completely fine with dropping dox on themselves while displaying their faggotry.

The second type of gruel served up at Buzzfeed can only be described as the bastard child of those retarded OK Cupid quizzes that were everywhere last Thursday, and a crack-addicted lemur who spends all their time on Tumblr. The typical quiz is like a list, only you can click on some of the items and at the end it tells you something meaningless and gives you a gold star for not being distracted by any shiny objects for thirty seconds. The quizzes are better designed than one would think, given the fact that they work at all, instead of taxing user brainpower by forcing them to track and total up their answers to get their results. Quizzes are thoughtfully organized and designed up to the same exacting standards as the lists, and make about the same amount of sense. Many of them also have the miraculous ability to give the same results for wildly different answers.

The third variety of crap in this shithole is videos. Take the same stuff found in lists and force people to sit still while they get spoon fed their inane bullshit in clips ranging in quality from My Immortal to Nickelback. Given the attention span of the average user, it should be no surprise that videos are the least popular thing on the site. Surprisingly, though, the comment sections of videos sometimes contain lulz, as this section attracts the same sort of users as youtube, meaning that it's not uncommon to find retards having slap fights over serious business.

BuzzFeed Journalistic Practices

No OC ever

Double standards are the only standards BuzzFeed has ever had

BuzzFeed is the 9gag of journalism, regurgitating thrice eaten, twice vomited and once shitted out garbage they found on other sites. Every single bit of content on BuzzFeed is something they found on tumblr, that was first found by someone on reddit, who took it from a link shared by his friend on facebook to an actual content creator from their personal site. Not that you would ever know that because BuzzFeed thinks "Source" means "First place I saw something" even if the source is written directly on what they just stole (assuming they didn't take the extra effort actively remove the attribution).

Publishing The Same Article 50 Times

But it isn't enough for them to eat other people's shit and vomit it out, they also like to eat their own shit and purge it back onto the web. What do I mean by that? Simple, every article has 50 variations trying to clickbait people state-by-state with only the locations changed ("20 signs you're from Florida/New York/Nebraska").

Force feeding readers a taste of 3rd wave Feminism

Sweet, let's just not take care of ourselves and call it body positivism. Gives one of our sysops something to fap to anyway, so it's good for SOMETHING.

For Buzzfeed readers, the right to show every part and secretion of a womans body all over the internet is enshrined in the constitution. There are things that men can show from their bodies that no one wants to see, but the men and women of Buzzfeed want you to believe this shit is repulsive only because they are wimminz. The wannabee Chivalry you see from these authors is merely babying grown woman by having double standards of body positivism and objectification that they do not apply to men. This is ironic because it assumes men are tough and women are week, typical 3rd wave feminist behavior.

Take that Manternet, don't supress my red tide!

How dare you stare rape a model paid for that!

So Objectification suddenly isn't so bad?

Plagiarism

Anything on BuzzFeed that isn't already stolen by them from random people or from themselves, is stolen from people who actually deserve to get paid.

BuzzFeed has been on the receiving of multiple copyright lawsuits and has been known to steal shit from (aside from funnyjunk) other online and print publications, as well as Wikipedia and YahooAnswers like a drunk college student. One particular writer was caught stealing over 40 pictures, and those are just the ones he was caught stealing. All of which might explain why it seems they aren't only neglecting to source their content, but actively try to obscure its origin with misdirected links and making the attribution information as small and as matching in shade to the background color as possible.

Shilling For Advertisers

But it doesn't end there. There is also BuzzFeed's shameless shilling for advertisers. If you post a comment critical of a product that has ads on BuzzFeed, get ready for it to get deleted faster than you can say "Violation of FTC regulations". On two occasions a staffer was caught deleting comments criticizing Hasbro and Dove soap. After he apologized, three more posts were found to have been deleted about Microsoft, Pepsi, and Unilever. And, again, these are only the ones we know of and there are probably countless more.

The true irony was that this was exposed by Gawker. And when even shitty journalist sites like Gawker and VICE start calling you out on fucking up journalistic integrity, that really means something.

CEO Bans All Gamers Over GamerGate

Few people in positions of power within the gaming press actually did anything about GamerGate. One of them was the owner of The Escapist who returned from his long absence of running 12 other websites he owns to inform everyone that gaming is not dead and to make all his retarded columnists apologize and later fire them anyway, a few other sites were eventually cohered into adopting an ethics policy, but mostly people just wrote angry articles on both sides of the debate while the rest of us sat back and laughed.

But Jonah Peretti, CEO of Buzzfeed, took it a step further by announced that he will be firing everyone in his company that listed "Gamer" in their hobbies and convincing other CEO's to do the same.

BuzzFeed's idea of an interview

This is akin to swatting a fly with a bazooka, and to date he insists that this is not a prank and he is 100% serious. Even though it isn't exactly clear if this was supposed to be pro or anti GamerGate... In fact, no one has any fucking idea what BuzzFeed thinks of GG because every moron can use BuzzFeed to air out his own opinions to the public and the actual management doesn't give a shit. In fact, you can't even be sure if it's really a feminazi site or if it's just a site that will publish any feminazi rant without even reading it. That's why, at the moment, looking up "GamerGate" on BuzzFeed will bring back a few positive articles, a couple of neutral ones, and a shitload of insane and conspiratorial articles all written by some guy called Joseph Bernstein. Bernstein is one of the guys who wrote the original "Gamer Are Dead" articles that helped cause GamerGate, and now seems to be trying to atone for his sins by publishing utterly insane shit on the only "news" platform that will have him. So far his articles have included psychotic rants, an interview he baited Zoe Quinn's ex into and then rearranged every word in it like they were written on fridge magnets to the point the guy's replies to the questions were written by Joseph himself, and recently wrote an article about GamerGate trying to brainwash a children's author.

All this really proves is that BuzzFeed has no unified opinion on anything because anything can be (and is) published there. Probably because all of its articles are vetted by indian immigrants who's understanding of english words is only slightly better than that of the company's CEO, who's so detached from reality no one understands what he's talking about anyway. Nonetheless, this hasn't stopped the rabid GamerGate retards to attack the site like everything else ever with their whiny cries of "ETHICS! ETHICS!".

Buzzfeed on YouTube

Buzzfeed has quite a bit of Channels. Despite their thumbnails, it's not surprising that even their videos are clickbait, they're adding a new video daily on their channels, which consist of the following:

Buzzfeed: No dip Sherlock, this is their main channel, majority of their videos are stupid reaction videos, As that hasn't been done before. Other videos include stupid sex tips, getting out of the friendzone, and eating shit from other countries. Typical people reacting are feminazis, hipsters, and lesbians. Also known for their endless praise of shit-tier animes like Naruto, Sword Art Online, and Attack on Titan.

Buzzfeed Yellow: Take Buzzfeed and make it about "improving your life." Most the videos does with shit nobody cares about. Populated by basement dwellers trying to make themselves better around women.

Buzzfeed Blue: Typical "OMG SCIENCE IS SOOOO KEWL" YouTube channel, watch as clueless losers who dropped out of High School react to lab projects they missed in High School.

Buzzfeed Violet: Dating tips central, full of videos such as "Top 6 things only lesbians will understand" or "top 5 reasons why it's better to be gay". By far, this is their clickbait central moneycow.

Buzzfeed Pop: More shit nobody cares about, watch as drunk adults sing like a baby to crappy pop songs or try to remember who the fuck Darth Vader is.

9 Most Common Buzzfeed Headlines That You Have To See

Buzzfeed's well researched entries.

Note: Buzzfeed is still more credible than most video game journalism.

The following is an incomplete list of praeternaturally stupid Buzzfeed lists:

• "239 Pictures Of Very Different Clouds Behind The Same Image Of Arnold From Hey Arnold!"
• "985 Disney Princesses With A Serious Case of Bitch Face"
• "712 Adorable Puppies That Have No Clue That One Day They Will Die"
• "320 Things Worse Than Learning Beyoncé Lip-Synched At The Inauguration"
• "489 Hedgehogs With Things That Look Like Hedgehogs"
• "Top 543 Things You Can Do With a Carrot"
• "224 Reasons A Panda Should Never Be Your BFF"
• "850 Happiest Puppies Of All Time"
• "270 Signs You Were Raised By Asian Immigrant Parents"

The Top 15 Words overused at Buzzfeed

Even VICE knows it's shit

• Glorious
• Divine
• Majestic
• Heavenly
• Flawless
• Spectacular
• Adorable
• Insanely
• Desperately
• Epic
• Frittata
• GIFS
• Sexy
• Hot
• Cute

Hard hitting shit as usual

What we think are The 6 Best See Also's

• Lena Dunham - this famous child molester is a contributor to the site
• Clickbait
• Cracked
• Gawker
• OCD
• Salon
• Web 2.0

One External link (That You Should Never Click On)

• Don't click this bait
• "The 13 Shittiest Buzzfeed Lists", an article - By VICE
• "Why I Hate Buzzfeed", an article - By Maddox
• "Clickhole", a parody site - By The Onion (actually better than the original)

BuzzFeed is part of a series on Sites Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage.

BuzzFeed is part of a series on Social Justice Visit the Social Justice Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article July 8 and 9, 2015
Preceded by Salon	BuzzFeed	Succeeded by Video game journalism