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FreeSaiyan
FreeSaiyan, aka Michael Towers, is the kiddie-fiddling self-invented spamlord of the UK anime scene. A legend amongst scammers, perverts, megalomaniacs and drama queens, he has stalked like a titan from project to crumbling project, flanked by his chittering hangers-on, leaving his taint on everything he has ever touched like a creeping weed that smells of week-old dried-out wanksocks that would, in all likelihood, make even a washing machine fall pregnant if ever they ventured inside its unsuspecting drum.
He is the webmaster of AnimeLeague, chairman of fAiLCon and mastermind of a million zany get-rich-and-famous-quick schemes that made his name like a rash all over the internet and IRL. His level-based pyramid schemes and horde of pre-pubescent girls carrying out harassment campaigns for him have ensured him the title of "The L. Ron Hubbard of Anime."
The Man Himself
Freesaiyan is well known among his online community as a paedophile, a power mad nazi, a lazy useless asshole and general all round twunt.
He spends his life struggling to cope with the organisation of his forums and small scale meets. This is made difficult by delusions of grandeur on the one hand and paranoia on the other which, when combined, cause him to imagine that anyone gives enough of a fuck about his tiny empire to be trying to sabotage him at every turn.
FreeSaiyan's hobby is spouting off about the brilliance and success of his convention (ALcon), his club (AnimeLeague) and his work (several terrified naked children locked in a basement). To avoid hurting his feelings, be careful not to point out that he hasn't got a job and lives with his mummy (he's 27). HA HA! Only joking - Mike's feelings are robust to the point of rudely snubbing anyone who tries to try and help him out, pointing out the 13 THOUSAND members of his forum.
There are 139 in the UK. (Or were, at it's peak.)
Helping out with the forums are similarly upstanding folk like yankee Matt Nada, who can usually be found up his own arse writing convincing arguments about anime no one cares about.
His modus operandi is to careen around the forum, swinging his Scythe of Deletion +3 at any post he doesn't like and a Piku Piku Banhammer at those who disagree with him even slightly.
He also bolsters the numbers on the forum by running his 'blog' as a thread in the forum. This forces his Goth Loli groupies have to go into the forum to be able to mess their kecks over his wisdom.
Y Hello Thar, Little Girl
As everyone knows, there's nothing strange about a 28 year old who holding "Meetups" for females under 16 and on some occasion boys (See Picture Below). Don't forget your ID, he needs to clarify that you are officially a child. Yup. It all has to be above board.
In one of his other worrying ventures, a School of Manga, he seriously asked for personal details of mid-teens without so much as a nod in the direction of any possible legal ramifications. He even uses the word "Laws" in quotemarks, as if flaunting his undisguised contempt for them.
—AnimeLeague, The Michael Towers Song | ||
The AnimeLeague meets are just official reasons for FreeSaiyan to hook up with anything on legs as long as it's young, innocent and unsuspecting and has consumed enough free alcohol to kill a Beluga whale and pickle its caviar (provided from the meets 'excess', from which he also draws his wages).
A boy is fine too, as in this case at least one of the participants will have balls, not to mention crying hysterically after sex about how THAT DARNED MEWSKI IS TRYING TO SABOTAGE HIM! (despite the fact that if Mewski really were out to get him she could just shop him to Operation Ore for grooming minors).
There are also plans for a Michael Towers shota manga series ever since he experimented with boys at his dark expo hostel disguised as a gingerbread house. (Yet again see above picture).
All things move toward their end, however, and in an attempt to put the "Paedo" part of his PaedoBorg antics behind him he now has wild BDSM forum frottage (on a forum that is meant to be PG13 we might add) with (allegedly) 21 year old forum member LadyKiko.
Absolutely nobody will be surprised to learn that "She", if she exists at all, is from Michigan, given (a) The minute proportion of UK-based AL members and (b) What average UK anime fans outside of the forum think of him.
The vomit inducing bios on their combined ALJ forum thread have set off some alarm bells that suggest that this is the usual Mike Towers bullshit train.
—We suggest some viagara to help with that "too soft" problem | ||
—LadyKikos surprisingly similar set of contradicting character traits | ||
All evidence seems to point to the true identity of LadyKiko.
But who knows? maybe Towers has actually managed to bag himself a hot legal honey to be his anime eve an internet camwhore single mother with whom to play forum BDSM posting ping pong. Or maybe it's all an elaborate ruse to rile up AL's barely pubescent attack dog Fate-chan into a fit of jealous rage (she has been displaying classic signs of butthurt over Towers and Kiko's frottage fest) so that when she finally meets him in person the standard gag reflex on seeing Towers is overcome, and in a surge of mad teen angst butthurt she will attempt to claim her man.
AlCon
AlCon (also known as FailCon and LOLCon) is an animu convention which got off to a roaring start by scheduling itself to clash with AmeCon 2009 in the same city, and refusing to move in an act of brash, assholish grandstanding. Spoiler: nobody turned up.
It was run by a schizophrenic committee, the two "Co-chairs" having just broken up with each other resulting in a screaming hissy fit and one of them being summarily ousted.
Based in the De Montfort University in Leicester (and a pub down the road when they got thrown out), it ran between September 7th and September 9th 2007, and proved to the world that you can't spell convention without CON.
The Committee
The committee consisted of an ever-changing number of people, but was originally led by the two-headed beast of FreeSaiyan and 'Mewski', who were also screwing each other. Regular readers of these hallowed pages will need no telling that on the internet, this seldom ends well.
Predictably, FreeSaiyan and Mewski broke up, so FreeSaiyan went into in a jealous rage and tried to make Mewski cry by kicking her off the Committee in an act of petty revenge for closing her pool to him. Mewski, who held all the contracts for the event, returned fire by threatening to pull the plug.
The vote to kick her off was held in secret (the sure sign of a committee that isn't falling apart at the seams) and she was finally ejected in a massive, lulz-heavy screaming bitch fight during a committee meeting around May 2007.
What none of them seemed to have considered was that with Mewski gone, nobody was left who had any experience whatsoever running a convention - FreeSaiyan himself isn't even capable of holding down a job, and thinks that running a shitty webforum that he posts in all day is as good as going out and earning a wage like everyone else.
2008 Committee
For 2008, FreeSaiyan needed a plan for getting new staff in. Why call on friends or pay skilled professionals, though, when you can flimflam a bunch of precious hangers-on from your forums into doing it though?
Unluckily for these poor saps he has suckered in, FreeSaiyan constantly bombards them with phone calls, e-mails, PMs and any other form of communcation that he can use to exhort them to do his bidding. ("His bidding" in this case means turning the convention into a gigantic clusterfuck of advertising for the websites he runs.)
THE DRAMAS!!
Shagathons
Every year the is an annual shagathon where the most drugged up, drunk and biggest failures get together to out try and see which couple are best at sex. The roll of on'er (get it?) of Towers' previous frotfests reads as follows...
- 2004 - (Held in Women's Toilet) - Winners: McJones and Jade
- 2005 - (Held in room 42b) - Winners: no winners, all suffered from premature ejaculation
- 2006 - (Held in Women's Toilet) - Winners: Ash and Asana
- 2007 - (Held in Games Room) - Winners: Ash and Jenny (Arkio and Asana were later disqualified for faking orgasms)
- 2008 - (Held in room 39b) - Winners: To Be Decided!
Ryan Gentle
The first many heard of Alcon was when Ryan gentle aka Senshimedia e-mailed UK anime dealers claiming to be the AlCon dealer liason. Cue the breaking out of suture kits and surgical tape as those in the UK anime community who know of this lying, scheming, molecule-minded knobend desperately attempted to sew their splitting sides back together.
In a frantic bid to claw back credibility AlCon prepared a press release disassociating themselves with Ryan and making it clear they bought him a one-way ticket to BannedVille. Ryan's reaction? Gun based violence. Best of luck with your next endeavour, m8!
Gamestation
British game store chain Gamestation were reported to have been eager to run the Games Room at AlCon. However when we called the manager of the local GameStation he laughed and claimed to have "Filed their phone number somewhere, probably in the bin".
Midlands MCM Expo
As previously mentioned, the original dates for AlCon clashed with the new Midlands MCM Expo. As not previously mentioned, they tried to reason with AlCon. However, FreeSaiyan decided that the Midlands MCM Expo was out to get them and told them where to shove it.
Unsurprisingly, the staff of Midlands MCM Expo pulled their backing for - and according to the ever-lulzworthy Ryan, AlCon became a banned word on the MCM Expo forums.
AmeCon 2007
In an attempt to consolidate their atrocious attendance figures, some of the committee set up a registration desk at AmeCon'07 in the, er, Bring and Buy Room.
Despite strict instructions not to harass AmeCon attendees, the people "Running" the desk employed what can only be described as barrow-boy tactics, venturing out into corridors and haranguing anyone that ventured within half a light year of the Bring and Buy Room, including AmeCon committee members, one of whom was collared at least three times.
Furthermore, despite the promise of live-action fanservice in the less-than-appealing shape of a topless female (Washu), they actually ended up worse off than when they started.
Total registrations: Zero
Total cancellations: One
Mission...... Well and truly FAILED
Event stealing
It was already well known that AlCon were only out to steal events from other, more established conventions to fund their own pockets and as a vain attempt to claw back what they were set to lose.
This was even more evident when, while trying to browbeat AmeCon members into signing up, they managed to poach one of the long time standing guests of AmeCon - Japanese culture expert and all round very nice person Akemi Solloway.
This must have been done on the quiet, because otherwise the AmeCon staff would have both (a) jumped on the surreptitious little twats and turfed them out on their arses a damn sight sooner and (b) let poor, credulous Akemi know what she was letting herself in for.
The full thread, the near-total lack of enthusiasm and the surprising absence of posts saying "Hold up, wasn't she at AmeCon?" can be seen here.
Committee Confusion
—Sakuraslight | ||
TL;DR: Every time drama erupts, someone else is mysteriously vanished from the committee roster, as if they never existed. Eerie.
Registration Count
At the end of June 2007, the membership had climbed to an epic 96 paid members (88 if you discount the committee). At under 30% of capacity, things got so bad that FreeSaiyan was reduced to sending out email missives to all his forum pals encouraging them to sign up.
The pitch, astonishingly, was that registrations for the doomed convention are going so fast that they would close by the end of July 2007.
Pfffffffff.
Dealers' Room
In perhaps the jewel in the crown of AlCon's complete and total incompetence, the dealers turned up to find a Dealers' Room that was both (a) unguarded and (b) unlocked. That's right folks, the Dealers' Room was left COMPLETELY UNSECURED and without a single soul around to protect it from thieving little fucktards.
Many a dealer has sworn never to have anything to do with future conventions 'run' by A.L. on the back of this.
Breach of Copyright
For 2009, those naughty chaps have been using a trademarked character - Kero from Card Captor Sakura - to lure in new marks. Happily, as the convention is a commercial venture, this doesn't even live in the same area code as "Fair use."
Curiously, his precious "Pwanda" mascot isn't the creature on the page. Perhaps he finally realised it was a pile of shit. Or maybe Pwanda hasn't been putting out lately.
The Convention Itself
The convention was set to run up to about 7pm each evening... at which point everyone was be kicked out of the main University and all of the "300" members were to head to a pub down the road where all the evening events were meant to happen.
According to the publicity, this car-crash of an event was to feature a DJ. The DJ in question was supplied by the bar and didn't play any slitty-eyed music at all. Cue a bunch of pissed-off Weeaboos having to spend four hours listening to Britshite that college kids like.
Posted before the con by FreeSaiyan himself on the AnimeLeague Forums was this lovely list of reasons why people should have attended AlCon.
1. We're all friendly and down to Earth. Probably the friendliest convention in the UK. (Note that he wouldn't know as he hasn't been to a single convention, or had a single friend. Besides which, you'd think the friendlier ones would have committee meetings rather than committee fucking screaming matches.)
2. Anime Bar! In addition to everything else, we have a bar with anime on the big screens! Relax, and have a few drinks! (A sad attempt to put positive spin on the fact that everything shuts down at seven, and they force everyone into a shitty English pub. Oh, sorry, if you're under 18 that means LOL BUTTHURT FOR YOU!)
3. NOT just anime! We have rooms for Video Gamers, Roleplayers, Artists, and much more! Even if you aren't a huge anime fan, you'll have a great time! ("Hey, Mike. I thought we were an anime convention?" "Shut up! We still have to sell another 220 places to get my- I mean our money back!")
4. Attention to detail. Since we're relatively small (300 people), we can put in the time to ensuring you get an amazing convention experience! We'll put in the effort for you. (Remember that guy who said that hell was being trapped in a room with all your friends? Well, if they can't be fucking civil in committee meetings, we can only speculate how much lulz will ensue on a weekend when they actually have to do some work.)
5. So much for cosplayers! Cosplay Masquerade, cosplay blind-date and so much more planned! (Cosplay blind date? "So much for cosplayers" indeed.)
6. Awesome guests. So far we have Dave Cheung of the awesome Chugworth Academy webcomic, and MasakoX of the incredibly popular Naruto Abridged series. More guests to come!
(WEBcomic artist whose WEBcomic hasn't even been on the fucking WEB for months, and the guy who does the unbearable shitty knockoff of Yu-Gi-Oh Abridged... joooooooooooooy. Note: Still more interesting than meeting shit American voice-actors at Amecon)
7. We're very CHEAP! Only £30 entry. AND, if you need a place to stay, you can stay at the Halls of Residence (3 minutes walk away) for just over £50 for three nights. We're one of the cheapest conventions in the UK! (Actually, this one is almost true - but they probably don't mean the same sense of CHEAP! as we do. But then again, you get what you pay for. By AlCon's standards, you could hold an "Anime convention" in your bathroom by drawing frames from Naruto on the wall in your own urine for FREE!)
8. Dealers! An entire room to buy the kind of items you'd not normally be able to find in the shops! (With Ryan as the original dealer liaison, this is bound to be a success!!!! We can't wait!!!! And of course you can't normally find this kind of tat in the shops - especially if you're looking in a fucking grocery shop. But they are right with the drugs that are sold, you can't find them in the shops.)
9. We love to party! Pub Quiz, J-Party, AMV Night, and much more lined up! (All in the bar! Wow, that bar is starting to sound kind of full, huh? Of course, they haven't contacted any of the people who have experience of running events like this, so you can look forward to a bunch of dorks trying to figure out how to connect a laptop to a TV while everyone else counts the ceiling tiles.)
10. We have an amazing online community. Just go visit the animeleague forums and get to know us today! (Another ploy to get people to join FreeSaiyan's community, where 90% of members aren't even from the UK, and the UK section is just filled with gruesome Drama.)
Post Con
As soon as FailCon was over, the reports started coming in hard and fast with such comments as "All we could do is stand around" and "The MCM Expo is alot better than AlCon" rapidly appearing.
Some from "helpers" on the day, specifically the long ditched Mewski, who tried to help out the convention despite warnings from everyone that FreeSaiyan would just abuse her, and promptly proved them all right. This included the borrowing of everything she owned, as FailCon had not even considered bringing any equipment with them, and also the fact that the dealers still considered Mewski to be the chair of the con.
As predicted by all who had even the slightest semblance of a clue, the convention was a complete failure.
2009 Convention
Much to the amusement of all, fAiLcon keeps crawling along like a half dead dog waiting for someone to put it out of its misery. Despite its second run in 2008 repeating nearly all the mistakes of its 2007 outing, the slack jawed nitwits that occupy the AL forum continue to pay to attend, little realising that there is a whole host of better run events up and down the country they could spend their parents' hard earned money on.
These idiots - combined with first time congoers who don't know any better (and who never make the mistake of going to fAiLcon again afterwards) - allow Towers to continue his sorry little wankfest and pay for the sort of A list guests and entertainment making an appearance at this year's train wreck.
So far we have a UK Visual Kei band no one has heard of who claim they will "Rip down the walls between Eastern and Western music and lead a Visual Kei revolution the world over." How they intend to do this by playing at an anime convention where everyone is well aware of Visual Kei is anyones guess. Shit though they are, they do at least have some kind of tenuous link to Japan; more than can be said for the second BIG act Towers has lined up.
Skull Branded Pirates... Now, while this author stands by the solid concept of a thrash metal pirate band, we fail to see what this has to do with an anime convention. Towers probably justifies their inculsion due to fAiLcons "Clan" system (an idea ruthlessly stolen from Tokonatsu) which includes pirates as one of the clans.
Our condolences go out to the Skull Branded Pirates who obviously have no clue as to what they have been suckered into and upon realising their error they live up to their pirate name and keelhaul Towers from the front of their van as they rape and pillage the rotting carcass that is fAiLcon.
JapAnime Network / Manga Alliance / Fail-Expo (AKA Towers' New Masterplan)
FreeSaiyan's latest venture into the rarefied air of Lulzland is a laughable attempt to become the PaedoBorg of the UK anime community. (Yes, he will assimilate your kids with Rohypnol flavoured cookies.)
Around the middle of March 2009, various members of UK anime convention committees received an email from MISTER Towers bringing the JapAnime Network to their attention. The aim of the network is to "get beyond the credit crunch" - strangely, he doesn't go into much detail at that point (it shouldn’t surprise anyone to learn that he votes Conservative, as that’s pretty much what the Tory Party’s policies were at the 2010 UK General Election - and scarily, they still ended up in power) - and unify the entire UK anime scene into one glorious whole.
With one glorious hole sitting at the head of it all.
With this in place, his fantasy continues with everyone "Helping one another through combined resources and expertise" and "Expanding what we have and building a better future for everybody in and outside of the industry."
Read: because everyone worth a damn in the scene has his address spam-filtered, he wants everyone else to do his donkeywork and spam FOR him, and thus he will ascend to his rightful place as TEH MAN of anime in the UK.
Make no mistake, Michael Towers is not in this for the good of the UK anime industry - he is in it for Michael Towers, and for Michael Towers alone.
All he wants the people he's contacted to do is:
- Give him all their contacts so he can buttspam them to oblivion
- Plaster his shit mascot logo, Pwanda the
typoPanda, all over the fucking joint - even on official con merch (it is rumored that Pwanda is an excuse for Mike to dress up in a costume and approach young children more easily) - Whore his lackeys' tat as promotional items
- Inform him of any promotional campaigns the event might run, so he can
steal the idea and use it himselfadvise further and give useful input - Give him your undying support and adulation as the brain behind it all
- Don't go talking to each other without him being told about it because that would make him cry
- ...oh, and your daughter looks pretty fit too... she is under 16, isn't she...
The established anime conventions of the UK took one look at this and promptly burst into uncontrollable fits of laughter. When they eventually regained composure, the general consensus was "Oh, for the love of all that is even semi-holy, will this spacker EVER just fuck the cunting shit right off?!"
What Towers can't get through his inch-thick skull and into his bubblegum brain is that there is absolutely no need in the UK anime scene for such an organisation, because the anime conventions largely get along just fine with each other anyway. From MinamiCon to Auchinawa, AmeCon to Tokonatsu, AyaCon to Tomodachi, the committees have friends across the board, and help each other out when their events run as it is.
Some even have committee members who are also on another event's committee, so they have links that way as well. Even if there was a requirement for this, they wouldn't touch a thing that Towers has had his mitts on with some bugger else's barge pole.
The only thing of his they do want to touch is his face. With a baseball bat. Freshly nailed. And even then, they'd burn the bat afterward.
At events following the announcement of the JapAnime Network, committee members have, you know, "Networked" with members of other committees to have a pint, chuckle at the proposal, and, you know, "Help one another through combined resources and expertise. "And they did it all without his "Help" too. Funny that.
Undeterred, Towers has garnered some support - Alcon and AnimeLeague jumped at the chance to join such a forward-thinking venture, which is absolutely nothing to do with the fact that both of those shitholes are his own wall-eyed, eleven-toed children as well. He sucked enough cock at Delusional Dimensional Entertainment, another body famed for their interesting ways of doing things, and CollectorMania have also added themselves to the list. Along with this came a rebrand - the Japanime Network became the Manga Alliance.
Possibly funniest is that even Towers admits the alliance is bullshit, as can be seen in the following lolworthy quote from his own forum (which he has since naturally deleted lest his horrifying hypocrisy be revealed to all; fortunately someone has screen capped it for prosperity.)
—Mike Towers whom, lest we forget, everyone is still out to get | ||
Ignoring for the moment the fact that A) Mike needs nobody to try to make him look like a moron and that B) There is no need for a networking club for an industry that already has excellent channels of communication, the Alliance was (and still is) a ridiculously obvious marketing tool for Dimensional Entertainment.
A quick tip for the fucktards behind this bullshit: if you're trying to sell something as representative of the whole UK, plastering your companies flagship character over everything is not the way to do it (Especially when the Panda is the national animal of China dipshits).
FYI, the concept has not been "Re-worked" at all. All the drivel on the Alliance site is still about getting through the credit crunch and sharing resources, so why Towers is so surprised that "Elitists" (i.e. anyone who has half braincell and can therefore see right through him) are ignoring him I don't know.
Flushed with such success, Towers then went on to tread on even more toes - specifically, those of MCM Expo. His delusions of grandeur led him to propose a rival Expo event that's "Fresh" and "The place to be".
You see, MCM can only afford guests like the cast of Heroes and scenery like the actual Ecto-1 from Ghostbusters. Mike knows better, and is presumably in negotiations with the author of My Immortal and the guy who wrote the Twilight flash game.
Encyclopedia Dramatica wishes them the organisers of MCM every success in giving the little fucktard a hearty kicking.
UPDATE: Towers actually had the front to turn up to the MCM in May 2009, and was shortly afterward ejected. The circumstances surrounding his GTFOing are unknown, but he is now trying to pretend it didn't happen.
See here for Mike and Dimensional Enterfailment Entertainment's attempt to defend their utter bullshit "Manga" and fail for epic lulz - Shit Manga wannabe
Team Dimension
As part of his continuing drive to force himself on the UK anime community like Gary Glitter on a Vietnamese school child, Towers in partnership with Dimensional Entertainment has also formed an online unofficial art school (so not really a school at all then) for the AL forums called Team Dimension.
The aim of this is to apparently turn the retarded spunktards who infest this forum into elite manga making teams. This is presumably so Towers can get someone to make a manga series based round himself that depicts him in a world where being an unemployed failure who lives with his mum and runs poorly organised conventions made up of ideas stolen from other, better run events is something to be proud of.
The scheme has a five level program (hmmm, think I heard something like this before, only less sinister) that is apparently designed to help people work up from the skill level of a talentless monkey smearing shit on the wall to a fully fledged manga-ka.
Feel free to laugh at the levels on the link forum post as ED now presents a more accurate interpretation:
Level 1: Entry/Portfolio
No drawing required (pretty fucking odd for an art school) you’re just required to learn the correct approach which is to bend over and let Towers and Dimensional fuck you in the ass.
Level 2: Building your style
Having determined what style you like to be fucked in Team Dimension will educate you on what the professional Team Dimension standard is. As it turns out, it's to draw and write shitty manga that no high street store will stock.
Level 3: Team Building
Team Dimension will try to put you into artistic teams, but won’t be able to because you like everyone else in this ponzi scheme wants to be an artist too. Acting like a proper artist and working through jobs such as inker, toner or letterer sounds to much like hard work to you.
Level 4: Formalising Teams
If we somehow manage to cobble together a group of people that can manage to draw something that doesn’t look like a syphilis ridden whore took a shit on a pizza then we get you to work on magazine adverts and on projects for game and toy companies. Well, we would, if we actually had any industry links or paid commission work beyond making our shitty Pwanda manga (for which you will not be paid).
Level 5: Professional Production
If somehow you and your team mates have accidentally picked up the skills that allow you to produce a professional product that people might want to buy we automatically own all rights and royalties. Then, having screwed you like a cheap whore we’ll wipe our dick clean on your leg and leave you in a puddle made of your broken dreams and raped childhood.
Even Mike himself doesn't know how many people, if any, would make it to level 5 [1], but rest assured this isn't is a total scam to get free artwork from artists. Note: Nobody has discussed the requirements to move up from level 4 to level 5, meaning that teams will forever be stuck at level 4, with a likely excuse being "Your artwork is good, but just not good enough to make into a professional manga". If a team should protest against this decision, that team will just be told that they can make dojinshi.
Cosplay Island
The nice folk at Cosplay Island given Mike a head start in their forums, but questioned the need for, and legality of, taking the personal details of under-16s in his School of Manga failure - a question that Comrade Mikhail Andreievich Towerski swung the banhammer at the questioner for.
When he realised that this wasn't actually his forum, he ran whining to the moderators that the nasty people were being not very nice to him and to delete the thread. They refused - instead deleting the spam-post he placed there for his Fail-Expo, leaving the resultant (and thoroughly deserved) shitstorm of abuse in a locked thread as a warning from history.
FreeSaiyan's latest paranoid delusion is that those who posted in the thread are the same ones who wrote this section of the page. After having his e-penis laughed at, he bleated out this brainfart on his own forum, and had his ego massaged by the liquid-minded spacktards therein, as they licked his arse and called it chocolate. They then went forth and proclaimed e-fatwas on his behalf on various forums and blog posts that criticise their God and his glorious work.
—Blog "replies" from AL attack dog Fate-chan, stopping herself just before she mentioned Jesus Juice | ||
So you've never been to a convention, but you create forums yourself, hmm...? Sounds like you want to be Towers yourself, Fate-chan; that's exactly how he started on his megalomaniacal path...
The tragic thing is, it's quite simply not true. The simple truth is that NO FUCKER who's been in the UK anime, manga, cosplay, gaming, and Japanese culture communities for anything more than half a femtosecond, likes Michael Towers, his squadron of llamas and the drama they spread at the slightest whine from their leader. Anyone with an IQ of more than one digit wouldn't trust him to run a fucking bath, never mind any (dis)organisation like this.
However, now back in his comfort zone and not liking the way things were going for him, he has now decided to pretend it never happened, deleting his own AL posts accusing Cosplay Island members of updating here. We, however, know the truth, and await his next drama-generating lump of faeces with great languor and detestation.
AnimeLeague Club London
Said turd of fail did not take very long at all to arrive. Spamming sections of anime forums designated no-spam zones (does he ever fucking learn?!), Towers plugged the AnimeLeague Club London, a one-day event which is to be held at the Slug And Lettuce in America Square in the heart of London, mid-November.
If this sounds a lot like the London Anime Club did to you, you'd be right - for it is the exact same venue the LAC ran at. He's basically ripped off the entire format of LAC and claimed it as his own.
The announcement of fAiLCL (as it is already being called) generated the usual amount of lulz, especially when posted in the MinamiCon forums. Many of the people behind MinamiCon also ran LAC, which discontinued its regular events at the end of 2008 due to dwindling numbers over the years.
Despite this, Towers seems to believe he'll be able to get 400 people in for this, promising "Dealers, video gaming, anime screening, an Artist Alley, DDRing, roleplaying, card-gaming, along with many events such as a masquerade, pub-quiz, parties, special guests... and much more!".
The problem here is, being an 18+ event held in a bar, many (read: all) of his pubescent spacktard groupies won't be able to get in. For added drama (as if it were needed), the Para-Para obsessed collective Roppongi Street will be attendance, including in their number a known thief, vandal and troublemaker by the name of Max "Katch" Beckwith ➤, who has already been permabanned from many an event for being an out-and-out cunt.
Beyond that, Towers' reputation already comes caked in so much shit you can smell him from the other side of the city, so anyone who's anyone in UK anime fandom won't be going anywhere near. Not on the day, at least - they'll likely be having a word with the Slug staff to borrow the CCTV footage afterwards for a good laugh.
Chatroom Parties
Towers has recently started spamming all of his mindless minions about some sort of a "Chatroom party" which is where everyone, erm, piles in the IRC channel and, erm, you know, types. The whole idea screams RTS (Real-Time Spamming), which is of course par for the course - it's the original Towers Wet Dream. Here is a copy of the email:
Hi There! ^_^ Are you bored this summer? Got nothing to do? Never fear, come to our chatroom party! It will take place on Sunday 26th July and will run from 7PM to midnight GMT (2pm to 7pm EST) in the AL chatroom and everyone will be invited (whether they're on AL or not)! We will be running events, contests, our anime radio station (plenty of music to listen to!) and generally having fun throughout the evening. You can read up more about it at http://www.animeleague.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=1&t=88801 To join the chatroom, simply click on the chat link on the Animeleague forums. The direct link to the chatroom is http://www.animeleague.net/forums/chat.php We can also be reached on mirc via irc.synirc.net and on the #animeleague channel. ^_^ See you there! Animeleague Staff
"Are you bored this summer? Got nothing to do?" How about you sit hunched in front of your computer for 5 hours watching a wall of piss, arse, wank and drama scroll up the screen, instead of doing something infinitely more productive."
More on this as it develops.
Spam, Spam, Spam, Spam!
It is quite clear that FreeSaiyan's favourite food is spam - he seems to live on absolutely nothing else. To the right there is his most recent command to the shitehawks on the AnimeLeague page on Facebook. The Führer's quite obviously not content with fucking off the UK anime scene, so now he's going after everyone else too...
Also on the 14th/15th May 2009, Mr Towers decided to become Nigerian and send everyone in the UK a special email invitation, here is what it says -
Hey, Fellow Otaku! o_o; (Noticed you around online) I was going through some anime boards and I noticed your name there. So I thought that I'd send you an invite to our community! ^_^ It's located at http://www.animeleague.net/forums . We're a friendly and slightly insane community that caters for anime, artists, roleplaying, general off topicness/randomness, entertainment, cosplaying and meetups. I feel that you'd fit in really well there, so would you like to come along and check us out? ^^ Also, and just as importantly (!), I want to invite you to the clan I have on there for British people, and is called Anglo-Revolution. It's in the ClanNation section, and the link to it is http://www.animeleague.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=19&t=35215 Clans are a great way to get easily involved and jump in. ^_^ I'm also on AIM. My AIM name is FreeSaiyan My msn name is [email protected] I do not check my email much, so if you wish to reply, then you're more likely to get a response if you either IM me, or register on the boards and PM FreeSaiyan on there. Thanks, hope to see you around! ^_^
Can you spot the spamtarget, kiddies? I wonder how he'd react to his own treatment...? I'm sure he'd like it.
Alternatively, we would recommend following this link to make a formal complaint under the Data Protection Act.
Bribery, Spying, Interrogation & Hypocrisy
In the latest episode of A Certain Saiyantific Failgun, Mikey-Boy has decided to turn his whole fucking forum base into shills to pull unsuspecting retards into his little online circle-jerk, artificially inflating his e-penis even further. The plan is that for every new member that an existing one (let’s call them Fucktard A) gets to join up, said Fucktard gets 500 internets. If, one month later, Spacker B is still on the board and has posted more than 50 times, an additional 500 internets are added to Fucktard A’s account, magically generating £1 ($1.50 US) of IRL moneyz out of thin air. Towers will allegedly stump up via PayPal when they hit £3, and says he is not taking advantage of this scheme himself - probably because he’ll be scamming something even bigger on the back of it.
Surely Question One that any individual with even half an ounce of conscious, rational thought in their heads would be asking is: where is the money coming from? It sure as fuck isn’t coming from the proceeds from FailCon. Having failed to fully book-out the 700 places the con has set, a measly 56 (barely 11%) of those who have signed up have put their money where the drama is. Other, not to mention bigger, conventions in the UK book up rock solid inside 2 weeks to more than double the figure that FailCon’10 has - the difference being that their members actually pay up. You can guarantee, for example, that 2011’s MinamiCon 17 will be half-full by the Sunday of MinamiCon 16, which takes place in April 2010.
The whole ‘deal’ was greeted by the UK anime community with no small amount of hilarity, as Towers has once again opened his swing-top nut, displaying to the masses the rattling, pea-sized amount of matter he contains therein. Someone else must have borrowed his single functioning braincell when this stratagem was brewed up, as true to form, it’s made of solid 24-carat FAIL. Only a complete molecule-mind would go so far as to, let’s face it, BRIBE people to encourage others to use his forums, and do so with such a hypocritical goal as to make sure people keep posting to his wanky little cyber-spunkfest. For an individual who is renowned as THE single least-posting member of any forum outside of his own - why, if not for his shamelessly self-promoting spam and whiny, retro-
perambulating defence posts, he probably wouldn’t be posting elsewhere at all - to start asking others to keep posting in his forum in such a fashion is duplicity worthy of GLaDOS herself. Furthermore, claiming to crack down on those using proxies, when he has such a fetishistic love of using them himself - witness his futile attempts to defile this page - denotes such a neck of shining brass pound-shop gold paint, giraffes look on in envy. As if that were not enough, he’s also going to be spying on new members that signed up by this hare-brained initiative, and interrogating them, as this quote suggests...:
—Oh, never was a slip so Freudian... People are not a commodity, Mike, they certainly don’t like being BOUGHT. They won’t be keen on having their integrity questioned like that either. Hell of a way to drive people away. Just an FYI... | ||
2010 Update
Following multiple attemps to derail both this page and its talk page on ED by various Hogwarts-obsessed minions, spackers and sock-puppets, this EDitor has gained permission from a mod to update with happenings as of mid-August 2010. Strap yourselves into the LOLlercoaster, everyone - here we fucking well go...
Spam Lords Are From Gallifrey Too!
Towers is now fucking with time as well as the anime scene. Apparently the next fAiLCL will be a full day event - which he classes with his very next spack-out as mid-day to midnight. It seems there are is now a new timezone that spins twice as fast as the rest of the planet, making one full day go by in a mere 12 hours. This is entirely plausible, though, as Towers’ gargantuan ego is enormous enough to generate its own gravity field, likely causing a slingshot effect to make him travel faster than shite, enabling him to really believe all the fucked-up drama he spins.
This EDitor wouldn’t put it past Towers to try and claim FailCon 2010 is the country’s first SIX-DAY anime con on the back of this.
Also, completing the ninja-ing of the original (and STILL best) London Anime Club, universally referred to in the UK anime community as LAC, Towers now calls this blatant knock-off the London Anime Con. Flyers seen in Orbital post-Expo confirm this. Plagiaristic fuck.
NemaCon
In other convention news, rookie event NemaCon, based in Middlesbrough Town Hall, Teesside, severed all ties with Towers after he waded in spam-fisted again, claiming that it was a convention being organised by AnimeLeague. In reality, it was organised in conjunction with Middlesbrough borough council. Whether the council was pointed in the direction of this page is unknown, but if not, there can be no doubt that they’d have cut links a damn sight faster if they had been.
The Banhammer Backfires
Towers was finally subjected to a taste of his own medicine in the wake of the 2010 MCM Expo, held at the London ExCeL at the end of May. Weaseling his way into the position of an admin on the MCM Facebook page, he asked the head admin whether he could make a post there. Said admin didn’t ask what the nature of the post was. Biiiiiiig mistake.
The post turned out to be more Towers spam about his own crappy events, flung forth with wild abandon and sticking to inboxes belonging to members of that page like shit on velcro. Being posted in this way, it appeared as if it had come from MCM themselves. This was something that angered many, and led to a thread on the MCM Forums filled with lulz and drama. Being a thread that is not AL-based, it remains there for people to PTSL at, with only Towers’ retarded attempts to defend himself (despite being told multiple times to fuck off) being pruned. The thread in question is 7 pages long, so it may be a bit TL;DR for some, but it is well worth the read. The upshot of all this, though, is that Mike Towers has been completely, irreversably banhammered from anything that MCM runs: forums, Expos, any other events. He can’t deny it anymore.
• cue Land Of Hope And Glory •
Things That Go Buzz In The Shite
Doctors in ED’s Health Research Department have finally discovered conclusive proof that Fucktarditis is contagious. Some attendees of fAiLcon 2010 seem to have succumbed to this condition, having caught it from their feckless fearless leader, and are organising, of all things, AN ANN SUMMERS PARTY. For those outside of the UK who may not be aware of this particular company, Ann Summers is a cheap and nasty chain of high-street sex shops, which entices the hairy-palmed masses through its doors with promises of tacky costumes and lingerie, lotions, potions and various battery-operated devices meant for insertion in various bodily orifices. Also available in sa(i)d emporia is pornography, but the tameness of the material on show means it is barely deserving of such a description; certainly nothing is on offer that’s going to trouble the veritable yottabytes of grot which the Interweb can and does deliver in abundance without so much as breaking a sweat.
An Ann Summers party usually involves a gaggle of cackling harridans gathered round a selection of these products, getting drunker by the second as they pour ever stronger substances down their basic drains, shrieking with shrill laughter as they peruse the assembled items. However, given the nature of fAiLcon gatherings (see Shagathons above), your humble EDitor has a strong hunch that this party won’t end there. The suspicion is that an orgy soaked to the *cough* bone with drama (and other substances of a dubious nature) will ensue, with attendees likening the real-feel silicone contraptions (batteries not included, but supplied in copious numbers, one would wager) to a tentacle or two, and subsequently re-enacting various scenes from tasteful anime classic Urotsukidōji: Legend of the Overfiend.
There is a thread in the fAiL forums which is homing in on 200 posts regarding this little soirée, and still hasn’t been stomped as a REALLY FUCKING BAD IDEA - and to complete the diagnosis of Fucktarditis, these simpletons even have set up their own Facebook page to spread their diarrhoea-brained asshattery ever further. As the particularly disturbing icing on a cake we only wish was a total fucking lie, there seem to be individuals signed up to it of both genders.
Leicester’s De Montfort University, the regular venue for fAiLcon (when it doesn’t chuck everyone out and make them decamp to a pub down the road) may or may not have been informed of these plans - we are trying to confirm this. And if it transpires they don’t know - well... public duty and all that *cough* jizz, you know?
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7th August 2009: ED Publically Apologises To AnimeLeague And Deletes The AlCon Page
External Links
- Alcon Main Site, feel free to troll.
- Anime League Forum Troll here more, break the precious forum of bile and hate. It will shock absolutely no bugger to learn that it also doubles as Dimensional Entertainment's forum. And triples as Manga Alliance's.
- Manga Alliance You may be noticing a pattern here. And you'd be absolutely fucking right an'all. TROLL FOR GREAT JUSTICE!
- Cosplay Island Towers stumbles spam-fisted into another forum to plug his shizzle, takes a thorough twatting from the regulars, and panics when he realises he can't delete the thread himself. He cries when the mods don't do it for him, instead locking it and deleting the original plug - preserving forever his retardedness for all to see. Best goddamn laugh we've had in ages.
- Urban Dictionary's definitions of a FreeSaiyan, Mewski and AnimeLeague (the latter pulls up multiple definitions referring to AL). Vote up moar plz.
- AnimeLeague again Oh, they're being beastly to me again. Why can't they see I just want to be the most important person in animu? Come, little girl, stroke my ego a little... it's behind that zip down there...
- Manga Alliance News Twitter - a twitter feed of the latest Mike Towers/Manga Alliance arse & drama
- Manga Alliance News LJ - more proof that all drama ends up on LiveJournal
- FreeSaiyan's Animeleague Christmas Message The King's rambling 2007 message to his loyal shitehawks - delivered from the most appropriate 'throne' possible. Ask yourself this: Is this babbling fool REALLY fit to serve as a figurehead for the UK manga and anime community? We, and many others, think fucking not.
(UPDATE: Towers is so obviously proud of his brains spilling out for all to see, the muppet has made the video private. Something to hide, hmm? Something you'd rather the likes of Dimensional and Showmasters didn't see? It would be an awful shame if someone had, say, downloaded the video already...)
- Petition to get FreeSaiyan the fuck away from ShowMaster Events - The petition is now closed, but ShowMaster want to hear from you
- AnimeLeague yet again Oh go on, be my friend, please. Pwetty pwease wiv a chewwy on top. I’ll give you all my lunch money...
- fAiL Forums: Ann Summers Party 196 (and, no doubt, counting) posts of pure fucktardedness and douchebaggery…
- MCM BANS MICHAEL TOWERS COMPLETELY Best. Webpage. EVER.
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