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Adult Swim
Adult Swim is a block of programming on Cartoon Network to show uncut anime, but instead is used to showcase their shitty sitcom ideas while high on skunky weed. It's also a dumping ground for failed network shows, guys who are members of the "Bob Odenkirk Cocksucking Circle", and failed indie comic writers. Some time later, it was decided that Saturdays would be devoted to anime, adding 14 year old girls to the Target Demographic. The lineups have since blended and Adult Swim continues to pollute the airwaves on TV. Given the painfully low budget of their shows, and their overt support of terrorism, it's safe to assume that Adult Swim is run by self-loathing Japanese people of Jew origin. Adult Swim is especially hated by weeaboos who still feed from their moms' tits and shit, because they're too busy BAWWWing over the lack of Inuyasha in the current schedule and writing slashfic to bother having a social life.
Bumps [They're fucking retarded.]
One of their trademarks is that in between shows, there is white text on a black background in which the gays at Cartoon Network get to showcase their utter contempt for their viewers, in a "I'm better than you! You suck the shit out of my asshole 'cause I rule and you drool!" hackery. Sadly, it's obvious that they put more time into writing these bumps than any of their shows.
Merchandise
Historically, Adult Swim has tried and failed to sell their merchandise. They failed so hard that it's traditional to view any attempt by them to sell their stuff with laughter due to the way that they inevitably let politics ruin the product. Most notably was when they tried to launch a line of action figures; instead of figures people wanted, we received complete shit in it's place because the creators wanted toys of characters THEY wanted, not figures that paying customers wanted, resulting in a wave of Phil Ken Sebben, a Bear, Master Shake, and MC Pee Pants figures no one bought, killing the entire toy line as a result.
The network instead has had most of its luck with hats and clothing based on Aqua Teen Hunger Force. The people who consciously purchase this garbage are mainly post-gothic community college fags who eat at IHOP at 2:00 AM daily, speaking and LOLing at at least 100 decibels, perhaps under the impression that they are societal elites or even that someone enjoys or respects their unique™ and edgy humor.
Incarnations
Adult Swim has gone down more times than a 12 year old Taiwanese hooker. Constantly jumping the shark, it suffered most notably in the past when it lost the rights to Futurama and self-inflicted a gunshot wound to its face by killing off 99% of its anime line-up. Only the new season of Venture Brothers has saved the network this year, as well as the kickback money Brendon Small is forced to pay Mike Lazzo out of his fortune via the Dethklok/Metalocalypse cash cow, as payment for Lazzo saving Small's career and sparing him from having to go back to his former job as an underpaid gay for pay bottom in porn movies.
No Moar Anime
Sometime in the middle of March, Adult Swim announced that they were finally pulling their "almost final solution" to the anime problem by removing all anime from their weekday lineup, sparing only Inuyasha because they knew even die-hard anime nerds hate Inuyasha. Butthurt weeaboos bitched and moaned about how this was unfair, and a complete violation of their weekly scheduled masturbation times, in-between downloading more shows illegally from glorious Nippon and continue hurting the business they claim to support. Adult Swim later pulled their real "final solution" and relegated anime to 5 in the morning, safe from human eyes.
Adult Swim whined back that ratings was why they took anime off the network, saying it never pulled in the ratings. This makes sense, as Americans got sick and tired of slope shows on their television devices years ago and now every anime company in the U.S. is bleeding cash or shutting down. When butthurt fantards complained back that Adult Swim never, EVER promoted or advertised anime, Mike Lazzo basically replied saying it wasn't worth it, and Adult Swim would rather concentrate on plug-whoring their own shitty shows so they can keep all the money, just like the other media companies.
Adult Swim is now a low-rated channel, thanks to butthurt weeaboos everywhere, and with lots of Family Guy,American Dad,Robot Chicken, King of the Hill and Squidbillies. Butthurt fantards know the truth of the matter, correctly claiming the block is worse off now and that anime is "Adult Swim's only saving grace". They're not watching Tyler Perry's House of Shit.
To spite Adult Swim, many anime fantards have moved to support Sci-Fi Channel's "Ani-Monday," a Monday night block featuring shitty anime no one wants to watch. Except Gurren Lagann, of course. Manga Entertainment actually has to pay the Sci-Fi Channel to run them. Unfortunately Ani-Monday died out in 2011 to make room for Sharknado.
Even after reviving Toonami, anime is still banished to one night a week for one simple reason - weeaboos are absolutely full of empty promises. Despite their empty promises that they'd watch Adult Swim more if anime was on weeknights, ratings would go down the toilet, and those same weeaboos would whine "I torrented this show months ago, why would I want to watch it again? Ew, dubs!".
Gayben Strikes a Deal With Adult Swim
Gabe Newell decided to get off of his lazy ass and team up with Adult Swim to make some kind of TF2 animated series, which made TF2 fanboys shit their pants. Of course, it will be worth the wait.
Adult Swim Shows
—Adult Swim | ||
- Family Guy - Has never been funny on any network. Example: "Less used than Alan Rickman's answering machine".
- American Dad - Basically like Family Guy, except it tries to be funny.
- Futurama - Moved to Comedy Central about about 8 years ago and new episodes were produced when it switched to being on Comedy Central despite Adult Swim making the absolute statement that there will never be any new episodes of Futurama produced. Ever.
- Robot Chicken - kills OVER 9000 pieces of plastic crap each episode. Still not enough to make up for the fail. If not for kicks in the balls, there wouldn't be 10 minutes of their show.. Produces some lulz (and we mean very few).
- Tom Goes To The Mayor - made by Tim and Eric so it need we say more? Baleeted.
- Death Note - anime for scene. Baleeted.
- Inuyasha- anime for furry. Baleeted.
- The Brak Show - faggy showtunes and lame music that was never funny. Baleeted.
- Big O - Batman meets Gundam = meh. Baleeted.
- Frisky Dingo - Good luck understanding any joke without seeing every previous episode. Fans look at this show like it's the holy grail of AS despite its clear shittiness. Baleeted
- Loiter Squad - The niggers of Odd Future do random shit (thus loiter and work as a squad). Produces a small amount of lulz.
- Minoriteam - Favored contender for Worst TV Show Ever Made. Made up entirely of nonstop unfunny racism, shitty animation and unfunny. Basically what would happen if those inbreds over at Stormfront decided to make a TV show. Cancellation after one season was too nice of a death.
- Assy McGee - Get it? It's like a archetypal 80 cop drama...BUT THE MAIN CHARACTER IS AN ASS UHYBDS AL OLOLOLOL OL OLOLLO now you've heard every joke from every episode. Canceled before they could get Assy drunk and put him on a Tilt-O-Whirl so he could throw up.
- Bleach - Basically the only thing keeping Narutards from wiping out Cartoon Network with their extreme butthurt. Contains the same amount of faggotry as Naruto.
- Saul of the Mole Men - Was funny in the first episode, kept going on and on until no one gave a shit. Baleeted.
- Stroker and Hoop - The same, unfunny shit you would get on MTV. Baleeted.
- Lucy: Daughter of the Devil - tried to be edgy, no one cared, got canceled.
- Pee-wee's Playhouse - Yes, that's right. Adult Swim actually showed this for like a couple of months!
- Saved By the Bell - Yes, they even showed this, too!
- The Mighty Boosh - Britfag "humour". Almost as bad as the British Office. Canceled. Even we Brits didnt think The Mighty Boosh was funny. FFS , it was on BBC3 for a start, thats like staging a lemon sucking competiton in the Chihuaha Desert, and wondering why no one turns up. At one stage the viewing numbers must have reached double figures, but not for very long. They sold it the americans, because basically your average american will watch any shit, how else do you account for the popularity of Friends and The Nanny?
- Moral Orel - Season Three was arguably the classiest thing that was ever aired on AS. Then it got canceled due to the executives being pussies. To this day, there are no DVD releases of Moral Orel's second and third season.
- Delocated - Popular with 13 year old boys. Would completely fail if not for the amazing Paul Rudd.
Baleeted.Check again, fucktard. Baleeted - Harvey Birdman - this show was actually funny because it had Steven Colbert but isn't funny anymore because he quit to do more impersonations of a white black person. Baleeted.
- The Drinky Crow Show - Shitty animation by a shitty animator. Baleeted.
- The Oblongs - A really, really, really bad show with really, really, really bad animation about some deformed family affected by toxic waste or some shit. Basically a poor man's version of The Simpsons or South Park. The premise is basically if you're a rich person or a bully, you can get away with anything and I MEAN ANYTHING! This piece of shit show only lasted for 13 episodes and has a fan base, seriously? What a terrible poor excuse for a cartoon! THANK GOD IT'S NOT ON, ANYMORE!! However, it could come back!
- Aqua Teen Hunger Force - Originally drew viewers to the network due to the pretentious pee-adolescents get from watching a cartoon aimed at a slightly older age group, as well as perceiving talking food products as normal. Humor was barely there in the first place; has only degraded since then. Nearly killed Adult Swim and Cartoon Network when someone convinced them that nerds, geeks and spazzes would leave their basements dateless and pay to see this show at a theater because Adult Swim was convinced ATHF could compete with The Simpsons. ATHF The Movie has the shame of actually beating Kevin Smith's Cop Out record for going directly from a theater to basic cable, bypassing video and pay-per-view completely.
- Space Ghost Coast to Coast - Cartoon talk show with a superhero no one knows. Still funnier than Conan O'Brian, even when he guest starred on this show. Baleeted.
- Superjail - It's like your average violent AS Show, but with actual lulz and jew David Wain as The Warden. The same 11 episodes have aired nightly for the past 3 years. It used to be cool, until they made season two, which had actual production values and explored character development – completely defeating the purpose and theme of the original series. Despite being somewhat decent and watchable, no new episodes will be produced because Adult Swim is convinced that everyone wants to watch whatever shit the hugely over rated, unfunny and untalented Tim And Eric are doing this week.
- Sealab 2021 - Harry Goz is god. Had a nostalgic charm in the beginning, before turning into a fetid LOLSORANDUM fuckfest. Baleeted.
- Metalocalypse - I DO COCAINE!!! The only thing more Metal than than Metalocalypse is Francium, which FUCKING EXPLODES when placed in water, if you even make it to a water source, as Francium is both radioactive AND highly reactive, meaning that you will probably lose a few limbs if you carry said substance around with you without a protective layer of oil.
- Home Movies - Voiced by the same guys who do Metalocalypse (srsly). Looks like it was drawn by a five-year-old with a learning disability. Which is why its so funny, among other things. It was only funny because of McGuirk AKA H Jon Benjamin, and Louis C.K. Finally, no longer airing, thank god.
- Squidbillies - Yet another Jew York show about rednecks. Rendered in glorious MS Paint because ink is expensive.
- The Boondocks - This show is like dividing by zero. It has animu AND niggers put together for your pleasure. One of the only good shows on this network and is filled with lulz. Also, Adult Swim likes to troll the show's fanbase by airing new seasons every 3-4 years because, again, it thinks that its viewers would rather watch the unfunny, cheap as shit production values of Tim and Eric. The comic strip is way more lulzy and hardcore than the show. Check it out, you won't be disappointed. Best moment is the gansta Bob Ross.
- King of the Hill - Annoying Texans with narrow urethras talking about propane. No explanation needed. Also, featured Brittany Murphy who, like the show itself, is dead.
- Mr. Pickles - An entire show made off of one unfunny joke, that "joke" being edge somehow sharper than Jack (the webcomic). A ripoff of both Lassie and Moral Orel. The main character is debatably combination of Labby and Mr. Pickels
- The Office - Don't get excited, it's the Britfag version. Baleeted. For some reason theres an element of metrosexual city fags who at some point decided The Office was OMG so funny, and it got hyped up to the nipples. Ricky Gervias has never been funny, to be honest the episode of Band Of Brothers where they find the Concentration Camp in Bavaria was funnier than anything Gervais has written. Watch out for his next abysmal pile of dog shit heading your way, yanks, called An Idiot Abroad, about as funny as the Mob.
- Rick and Morty - Another crappy cartoon on Adult Swim, but this time it's about a scientist and his grandson who go on sci-fi adventures. It's basically a ripoff of Back To The Future if that film was on steroids. Made fantards cream a few times because it refrenced Gravity Falls.
- Tim and Eric Awesome Show, Great Job! - Glorified YouTube Poop. Srsly, this show is gayer than 27 guys fucking 9 guys. Known to celebrate Caturday. Baleeted.
- Titan Maximum - Seth Green dick sucking at work, he basically created it to troll anime for almost ruining Adult Swim. Even though its been already done much more creatively and clever with that Perfect Hair Forever show. Baleeted. (Too bad we can't say the same thing about Seth Green himself). Fuck Sonic for ever putting him in that Ch-ching commercial that got over quoted by 35 year old d bags before there was ever a concept of an internet meme.
- Xavier: Renegade Angel - A CGI fetishist's nightmare. Made by the same guys that made the extremely unlulzy and rightly overlooked Wonder Showzen. Baleeted.
- Garth Marenghi's Darkplace - modern day rendition of bad 80s dramas. worth checking out, so therefore baleeted.
- The Venture Brothers - A show about failure, according to the creators. Sounds like you can relate. Also full of pussies and Veterans. Because it's a decent show it takes forever to get new episodes because, again, AS thinks its money is better spent on more Tim and Eric shows.
- Mary Shelley's Frankenhole - Something Dino Stamatopolous decided to dick around on instead of the delightful Morel Orel. Only exists because of the hilarious celebrity cameos but was later Cancelled when Dino quit the CAWK Gobbling to keep his shows on the air. Disappeared when Dino went to FoxHD to produce High School USA, a rip off on Archie Comics that Dino deemed a homage with the same straight face that Chris Chan calls Sonichu an original character.
- Check It Out with Steve Brule - Abysmally shitty spin-off of Tim and Eric Awesome Show, a one-joke show starring the most useless character to receive a spin-off since Tim & Eric themselves. Thankfully canceled after twelve episodes.
- Children's Hospital - Yet another terrible live action program. An unfunny parody of Grey's Anatomy which would be absolutely unwatchable if it weren't for two hot brunette doctors. Basically a poor man's Scrubs, with occasional tits.
- 12 oz. Mouse - Rare instance of lulz on Adult Swim
- The Jack & Triumph Show - A poor attempt at 80s and 90s sitcoms. Think of it as a bad ripoff of ALF.
- Too Many Cooks - Another poor attempt at 80s and 90s sitcoms except its a fucking 10 minute theme song with rejected Full House characters, Saturday morning cartoons, a bird, chicks with bad hair, a killer that rips off Jason from Friday The 13th, cannibalism, a sub-par Star Trek parody, and a Snarf knockoff dying a slow and painful death; failing to hit the reset button and ending up in purgatory. THEN EVERYTHING STARTS OVER AGAIN!!
- World Peace - A show about a post-apocalyptic world.
Possibly shut down for racism. Only time will tell.Cancelled by the kikes at [[[adult swim]]] due to Sam's countless instances of calling out and insulting the Jews. - Supermansion Another steaming, nut filled log brought to us by Seth Green who is still showing himself to be a ONE TRICK PONY by overusing the idea of using action figures he stole err was inspired by Nickelodeon's ACTION LEAGUE NOW! It's main theme borrows from comics like Batman The Dark Knight Returns where a retired superhero returns from obscurity to train the next generation and because of this, always has the the government breathing down his neck.
Kitties
Now at Adultswim.com they have a section on cats with hats on. The first one is photoshopped while others are just abused fat cats. The reason why they created this section is unknown. Most likely because they're retarded furfags or because there was a Joke about the same thing on South Park and they think it'll make them look edgy.
Zoe Quinn Mentioning
Last night on February 7th 2018, someone working for Adult Swim did a Adult Swim Bump to mention positive things about women including Zoe Quinn as a Game Developer and founder of Crash Override. Either the staff of Adult Swim are not aware of this cuck's action, or the Adult Swim staff is announcing they got cancer and their humanity doesn't have much longer to live before they become mindless white knighting SJWs.
Quotes
Also See
- ATHF Terrorist Attack
- Family Guy Shit that is over quoted by people who can't make their own jokes
- King of The Hill Hillarious
- Futurama It's going to stay on Comedy Central for over 9000 years because Adult Swim is too cheap to pay for great shows
- BAWWWWW
- MC Chris
- TV
Links
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Adult Swim is part of a series on Visit the Television Portal for complete coverage. |