D-malice

Note: this is an article about an Encyclopedia Dramatica user. For more information, please see the appropriate user page. To leave this user a message, please visit their talk page.

D-Malice (aka Jacob Ray Axe, SWFTWLF, black person, Shard-Life, and of course former Portal Czar and EDitor ShardDax) is yet another EDF meme/lulzcow, and everyone's gimp. With D-Malice, we have an ugly fat ass in denial with his urges to make everything pink and belief in ghost stories. He's an unemployed Graphic Artist, failed college twice (and bound to fail this third time. Update: copped out and ended up getting an Associates Degree from a Community College), has a very shitty life and makes terrible music, yet he still believes he's hot shit. He takes Internet insults VERY SERIOUSLY and has a habit of being the source of hate thread after hate thread on EDF. Fun fact, he has never passed up an opportunity to get ANGRY and HURT about what people say about him on the Internet.

About D-Malice

Got trolled hard when he was given sysop powers (for whole hour!) as a joke, after promptly blowing his load at the thought of being part of the God Squad and that maybe some people really did like him, he became suicidal shortly thereafter when they took it away and told him to gtfo.
The former Portal Czar of the ED Music Portal. He was fired when this small responsibility made him think and act like he was an ED Sysop.
Is an internet tough guy.
Is a friendless loser.
Claims to be an "ex-Cyber Goth," but moar likely a fat Bloody Beetroots wannabe
Jellyous of people who aren't fat.
Harasses ex-girlfriends.
Is an all around failure.

Crimes of Faggotry

Adding himself to the ED Forums article with a self-wanking description of himself.

	“	D-Malice - Self-important ex-Cyber Goth	„
	—his entry into the ED Forums article

Being an Internet Tough Guy

	“	I don't think you have the ability to fuck even females, tough-guy. I'll give you my full address and even help buy you a plane ticket, if you so enjoy eating a meal consisting of a .45 bullet and my Size 13 American boot in your testicles.	„
	—D-Malice, To ChrisPerron and all challengers, definitely not compensating for something.

B& for ~~3 days~~ ~~a week~~ a month for edit warring faggotry

	“	A month, for deleting spam on a page and removing something from my talk page? What the hell? I have projects, articles in wait, A PORTAL...	„
	—ShardDax

Using EDF as his personal Twitter.
Trying too hard.
Liking Depeche Mode.
White knighting for fat whore EDS1

Typical Reaction to one of his music videos

Anitude: WTF is he singing?
Merf: He's rocking like an austitic 
Cunt: I think he's singing "Don't cry for me Argentina"
Marekatt: Cry for D-Malice instead
Cunt: hahahahaha autism

File:Sharddax youtube reaction.JPG

Another satisfied customer leaves her appreciation on Template:Youtube2

List of Posts

On Himself

	“	I haven't done any bi-shit since I was, like, 15, and even then I only kissed a guy. Believe it, I would have to be convinced of the world ending before I ever really did that again, much less fuck a guy.	„
	—D-Malice on his sexuality.

	“	it was more from spending the last 4-6 years holding full-time jobs and going to full-time school, somewhere in between there doing side-work and playing music. Doesn't leave much time for sleep much less working out sometimes when you have a life IRL.	„
	—He actually flunked out of college and is on unemployment -- read next.

	“	flunked college, working on getting a job as to pay for my GFX/Web Design site, etc., etc.	„
	—How did that work out for you? It must take lots time to make shit music, have no job, flunk school (TWICE), and fail at life

	“	Expertise: "Sports/Activities" (i.e.: The stuff I only do when I'm not being really lazy): Swimming, Martial Arts, Weightlifting, Weapon-Training, Breakdancing.	„
	—D-Malice, claiming to have skills in all things.

	“	I'm overweight by maybe 20lbs (I weigh 214 since last week) for my height (6'0") and build	„
	—D-Malice, on his height and weight

	“	I'm done with this fight, now back to the fight of getting Lulzy to do something worthwhile for ED besides ruin articles.	„
	—D-Malice actually right about Lulzy - Until he made a D-Malice article

	“	This morning...? I jogged about 1/2 a mile, stopped and did push-ups and crunches, and jogged back.	„
	—Why So Jellyous?

Previous Quote | Next Quote

On the Ladies

	“	But anyway, yeah, I had tried to kinda drop most of those feelings about her a long time ago. Besides it being her wishes, I didn't want to fall in love with another girl online (long-distance in general), especially right now as I get closer to getting out of high school, and into the non-sheltered real world.	„
	—Ancient History

	“	Then, to make a long story short, we talked more often, my idiot friend started to half-stalk her online, some things happened between my conviction and my true feelings, and here I am again, still in love with her, maybe even more-so now. I don't know how to handle that part, but right now, things are going fine. I'm actually really happy with the way things are going between me and her, just maybe a little sad I don't see her as much online (I think my "friend" had something to do with that...)	„
	—So it's not only D-Malice that surrounds himself in layers and players of gay

	“	Couple days ago, I decided to talk to an ex I'd stopped talking to months ago. Yes, the same one I told to slash her wrists.	„
	—Oh hell...

	“	Anyway, I'm debating making this into one of those "Culture" things, but we basically had it out tonight, again. Highlights include calling her an immature 13-year-old in an 18-year-old's body, her saying I was never good enough for her (she's now dating some 16-year-old that's totally "better" than me lol), and a lot of references to the fact she's a gold-digger.	„
	—Deciding to talk to an ex because he's such a great guy.

	“	Two ex-girlfriends basically became Scenewhores or "Emo" "kids" (termed loosely 'cause we're in our 20's)	„
	—D-Malice. being a hippocrite about his old ways

Previous Quote | Next Quote

HAHAHA I TROLL U

After realizing everyone's laughing at him, he came up with this genius "open letter".

[[HA!][Dearest EDF]]

	“	But srsly, thanks for the h8. No really, I've said it before a few places, it's obv. the best way to get rid of something is to keep calling it out or baiting it with words like "butthurt" and "fat," 'cause that's totally what some of you Internets Superheroes seem to flame me for to GTFO or something. Here's the real kicker, deliberately being a USI jackoff who's knowingly pissed you off for pages upon pages of lame wankery, eventually having to attempt to end it myself to save yourselves the trouble (which it never seems to get through your LOL IMMA FLAME THE FUCK OUTTA FATTY drives), is what makes me LOL the hardest. Notice how I've never done anything to directly piss off the people that matter on both the forums and ED? Probably because they're not retards hellbent on being right or being "perfect" to a point of ruin and anti-lulz some of your have brought about. But that's okay, I'm sure you'll understand someday, when you're still crying in a corner because your IRL turned out shittier than your OTI one. Much love, forever and always	„
	—D-Malice TL;DR - Irony and BAAWWWWWWWWWWWW

D-Malice had off-handedly mentioned if gencdo did a Lulu cosplay for Halloween, he'd do a Wakka one. Deciding it was something mostly irrelevent, he'd forgotten about it:

	“	Not rly, I kind of do look like Wakka, if I tanned.	„
	—D-Malice

Turns out someone did remember, and made this comparison of one fat-ass to another animated one shown on the right.

In forgetting it all, he wrote:

[[Wat?][WAKKA-WAKKA]]

	“	I don't recall comparing myself literally to weeb characters, but if I did, I was probably referring to the fact I haven't had a natural hair-color since the beginning of the millennium, or drunk. Whatever. I've never denied being fat, just not as fat, and it was never a baw thread; I told the bitch she was a child and once told her to kill herself with razorblades I sent to her house, how is that crying over a failed relationship? Gay, haha, so many seem to be hoping for it, but it never happens. Would make more sense considering my taste in music and style, but I digress. I'm glad you've read all my posts, I'm sure they were mighty fine reads considering I usually post on graveyard hours waxing poetic about how I must have killed one of your wives or a goat, but again digressing. Point here is, if you did write an article about me, I'd fact-check it for accuracy. <3 <3 <3	„
	—Asking for it again

I'm Kind Of A Big Deal

ShardDax was very upset over EDS1's fall from grace. He believed that he personally had a hand in getting Lmte and Habermann b&. Therefore, he took it as a personal affront to his huge ego when people began posting "free lmte" images in various places. Enraged, he went on a mission to delete each and every occurrence of this posting. Unfortunately for him, ShardDax never got the memo that deletion rampages are bad, and a form of vandalism. When he was caught edit warring with two other users over THAT VERY OFFENSIVE IMAGE, he was b& for 3 whole days.

Then he thought it would be a good idea to come talk shit about his ban on IRC:
<%ShardDax> I was still gonna go deleting all I found
<%ShardDax> Userpages, articles, etc.
<Pory-tan> lol
<%ShardDax> Meh alright then, have fun supporting bad trolls and trying to get Lmte his job back.

So his 3 day ban turned into a one week ban. Then he talked some more shit.Which earned him a one month ban. Still clueless that 'talking shit = moar ban', he continued his bitchfest because banning him is the same as supporting the terrorists:
<ShardDax> A month, for deleting spam on a page and removing something from my talk page? What the hell? I have projects, articles in wait, A PORTAL...
<ShardDax> Nah, Subseven's mad I'm deleting spam, therefore I'm "edit warring" or something. He needs to just fuck Icky and stop crying.

This was strike three but onoes how will ED survive without him? Well it did and by the end of it he had talked himself into a year. Goodnight sweet prince. Even still he tweets away his angst, convinced that ED cannot get along without him and his Music Portal edits.

ShardDax: Subseven, still reading my Twitter? Count how many Music EDitors ED has now? Was it still wise you banned me for reverting a spammer?
(ShardDax learning absolutely nothing from EDS1)

Eventually his ban was lessened to a week, but not before he issued this hilarious ultimatum:
[01:54:49] <ShardDax> If sherrod doesn't work this out
[01:55:02] <ShardDax> I'm not coming back
[01:55:12] <ShardDax> And ED is completely cut from my record
(ShardDax threatening to break it off with ED forever if Sherrod doesn't do what he wants]]}}

D-Malice wishes he wasn't made of sno w

File:D-MaliceSNOW.png

He only had to post it once!

Fan Art

Fan Art About missing Pics

Obama reacts to D-mal

Obama reacts to D-mal
D-Malice has been known to gobble up neutrinos before heading out to Hot Topic
He'll tell you he's not Emo, but we all know better
2 lolcows talk: "BAWWW I'm a fat ass, jerk my micro penis to make me feel better plzthx."