Bullshido.net

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You think you got the balls to come here?

Bullshido.net is what you get when you combine the age level of GameFAQs, the community of MySpace and the mentality of IMDb. The website is famous for being the unholy shithole that 50% of internet tough guys originate from. Although it claims to be a news site for martial arts topics and events, it's actually just Facebook for steroid-consuming asshats. Half of the topics are debating wet dreams over which professional UFC fighter could kick whose ass, and also flaming any purists who don't practice MMA because they are lol pussies!!!11 Don't troll these elite fighters, they will fuck you up IRL.

	“	The most prolific members of Bullshido are a bit like superheroes: working towards the public good behind a consistent, masked persona.	„
	—Sean Trenor, Mob Justice

Message Board

WHAT'S UP BRO? You haven't posted a message in the past 5 minutes, so we're going to keep this fontsize=12 message on all the pages you visit. Look how big this font is! This tells you that we don't fuck around. BTW, while you browse halfway down your browser window just to scroll past this BADASS message, be sure to check out all 50 ads we have on this page for your viewing pleasure. Advertisements for things like BODY BUILDING and GUNS and shit, because, you know, this is a message board for REAL MEN! NOT PUSSIES ON OTHER MARTIAL ARTS FORUMS. They don't know jack shit about real fighting because they aren't registered on this website. Remember that you don't keep constantly posting, you're a whiny little bitch ass pussy, and I fuck your mother all night. POST OR DIE

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Ads? In MY web browser?

The web design of Bullshido.net is basically equivalent to that of an emo 14 year old on MySpace. Creating a page on Bullshido requires you to have at least 5 overlapping backgrounds, 24 images, 30 steroid advertisements, a font size that's bigger than your monitor resolution, and tons of colored text. Even if it's just the forum index. Unless your computer has 8gb of RAM, you're either fucked, or you have to close all your background processes, including the operating system, just to browse the website. And even then, it'll have more lag than the MW2 LAN party you hosted in your basement last week, you pathetic waste of fuck.

Community

Most of the posters on the forums are hicks or rednecks who have no fighting skill outside of watching UFC and owning a pair of $6.00 Everlast handwraps. Common posts include losers recording themselves shadowboxing, trolling, and talking about how much cooler BJJ is than competitive wrestling. If you can somehow dodge past the 40 advertisements on the pages, you might even find a boxing glove review here and there. Of course these reviewers are the same morons who don't actually practice a martial art, and try to teach themselves Judo in their friend's garage by watching professional YouTube videos.

Every thread found on Bullshido.net meets with the following cycle of events:

1. Guy posts videos of himself kicking a bag to prove his badassery
2. Guys critiquing those videos to prove their badassery
3. Other guys invading the thread to correct the critics
4. Flaming thread creator with vague terms like "leg kick"
5. Bots link to weight-lifting products
6. Bots link to steroids
7. Random Jet Li film reference
8. Commenting on the original guy's video stating that his workout room sucks

Bullshido loves child porn

1. Troll post
2. Topic creator declares internet jihad and flames all responders
3. New member with 0 posts comments that he is in the same situation
4. Bot links to pornography
5. Topic creator responds to new member whilst ignoring posts and arguments from other posters
6. Retard posts a random Bruce Lee quote and nothing else
7. Retards notice that the thread has over 100 posts and decide to check it out
8. Flame war
9. Bot links to gun shops
10. Original critics from phase 2 quotes a random member's signature and claims that it contains false information
11. Random member from phase 18 responds to critic's signature critique, which causes an entire new discussion
12. With 13 arguments going on at once, the topic somehow changes to how Tony Jaa could kick Anderson Silva's ass
13. Random UFC fans enter thread and derail the topic
14. Other members join the thread asking which brand of boxing gloves is the best
15. Bot links to porn again
16. Retarded thread creator returns and asks for comments on his video, unaware of the fact that the last 62 pages have been arguments about stupid unrelated bullshit
17. Hell breaks loose
18. Moderator closes thread
19. ???
20. PROFIT!

Women

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We have a forum dedicated to telling stories about fucking girls. Therefore, we are cool.

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Typical advice given on the forum.

If you thought recording your friends grabbing each other's asses in a basement while wearing Tapout shirts meant you had no life, think again. The board known as Liquors, Loot, and Ladies is basically the equivalent to /b/ on 4chan okay, maybe it's not THAT bad, but comes close. As the name implies, the forum is used to discuss topics relating to beer, women, and cash. Obviously this is a false statement, as every forum poster in the world lacks a job, a girlfriend, and prefer to drink Mountain Dew-branded "Gamer Fuel" than any alcoholic substance.

Despite the community claiming to be BAMFs, most of the threads you find here are by pussies crying over how their girlfriend broke up with them for playing too much Halo. Of course they don't actually say this, and replace it with something along the lines of "Yeah, my girlfriend wouldn't pick up my beer and M14 rifle from my truck, so I beat the fucking shit out of her and now she left. Fucking bitch." Analysts claim that this is the origin of the name Bullshido, and others have disputed that the entire forum is fake, because of the internet's rule 30.

Gong Sau Faggotry

Bullshido has had a history of of reasonable, intelligent adults challenging each other to a fight over the internet. Unlike other sites, though, challenges to fights (dubbed Gong Sau) are taken seriously.

HAHAHA DISREGARD THAT I SUCK COCKS. Almost no gong sau challenge ever actually happens, because Bullies are pussies who would rather talk than fight. All the gong saus ever proposed on Bullshido so far fall into three categories:

• Shit gets talked, nothing happens. This is almost always the result.
• If the fight is between a member of Bullshido and a non-member and the Bullshido guy loses, there is a good chance that no video will ever make it to the Internet. Example: a faygoat is toyed with by one kung fu black belt, then gets his ass wrecked by the second one:

“	Although I didn't feel them at the time, now my shoulder is hurting from the axe kicks, and i'm unable to hold my right arm up. He consistently out punched me and snapped down my takedowns (I suspect he either prepared extensively beforehand or wrestled) for about ten minutes, though I got in a few leg kicks. I pull guard/start buttscooting when one of the other black belts suddenly runs up to me to stop the fight. Turns out my nose and lip were bloody.	„
—Hedgehogey, learning that kung fu hurts

“	Train hard, go back pwn them even harder.	„
—Darting Fingers, advocating for a rematch

“	Hedge did extremely well. In the second match he was taking quite the beating, and he just kept coming back over and over. Really good spirit.	„
—TaeBo_Master, giving Hedgey credit

“	Also, for the record he at least five major cuts on his face, we had a hard time mopping up his blood all over our floor ... My student came to me and said I don't want to beat him any bloodier, what do I have to do to win this thing?	„
—The kung fu master, laughing his ass off. Note that these people trace their lineage through Chewbacca.]]

Man, I could use a video of that fight. Couldn't you?

• In exactly five cases, there has been video of the fights. Check out these awesome results:
  • The first time, the people who said they wanted to fight did not, but two members of the posse got into a shoving match, and one of them got jumped from behind like the last twink in the gay bathhouse:
    
    
    • • The second time, the whole thing went for less time than a Subway sandwich in a fat man's hand, and the eleven-month student of Brazilian jiu-jitsu beat the 25-year kung fu "master".
        
        
        • • The third time, some cracker beat up an Azn about half his size. It was awesome.
            
            
            • • The fourth time, a fat Jew hobo went up against a yuppie prick and lost so badly that his own kid won't acknowledge him any more. The fight went for 18 seconds, which is a record low for any gong sau.
                
                
                The best part of the "fight" happened afterward, when the hobo made a half-assed attempt to take on the winner again.
                • • The fifth time, the aforementioned faggot took on a Ninja in his backyard dojo. It quickly devolved into wrestling and slap fighting. Lulz can be had as you hear the ninja choking. Rumor has it that afterward, each of them was choking on the other one's cock, in a true display of martial brotherhood.

                Whatever the result, no gong sau ever ends the underlying drama:

                

                Investigations

                

                This is the man who investigates you, and these are your options when he does. Choose wisely.

                Bullshido likes to investigate martial arts personalities they think are pussies or lying. Most of the time, is some retard wandering in and mumbling that maybe their local tae kwon do instructor is lying about being a Navy SEAL or a world champion martial artist. Then other retards run in circles around the first one, either yelling at him to prove it or telling him to kick the faker's ass. Nothing happens, nobody does shit, and life goes on.

                One in a while, though, a concerned member will conduct a responsible investigation and expose the fake's private life for public amusement. This will win the investigator wide renown, lots of rep, and if he's really lucky, a banhammer. Because, srsly, who wants that creep around?

                See Also

                • Internet tough guy
                • Steroids
                • Serious business
                • Flame war
                • Arguing on the internet

                
                

                External

                • Don't click unless you're TOUGH SHIT!
                • Tutorial on how to build muscles

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