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Dick Masterson

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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Dick on Dr. Phil sporting a pedo mustache and rapist glasses
Ted Kaczynski took the fall for Dick
   
“ 		 
Female anger is the weathervane of truth
  		„
  		 

—Dick Masterson

Little is known about Dr. Dick Masterson, only that he is a messenger from God sent to enlighten women around the world about why everything sucks because of them. In other words, he is one of the most obvious IRL trolls that has ever lived but women fall for it and thus create a weird meta-troll effect where he's proven right due to the hordes of butthurt bitches left in his path. Dick Masterson is Dax Herrera's alter ego. Here is a link to Dax's myspace http://www.myspace.com/daxer Here is another link on a bodybuilding forum. Oh yeah, I sure want to follow his "teachings" hahahah http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=131233283 Doing a search on Dick Masterson on this same bodybuilding forum will yield many results, some from "Dick" himself who gets butthurt when he is proven to be nothing but a troll, and a hypocritical one at that. On his men are better than women forum, these facts were posted by a woman, and were quickly taken down by him or one of his mods. They got a little butthurt themselves, seems Dax doesn't like it when he is unmasked.


   
“ 		 
You're paying for the whore to leave
  		„
  		 

—Mighty Dick


Website

While the majority of Dick's fame comes from his real-life escapades, he also has a website through which he shares his infinite wisdom with fellow assholes and male chauvinists of the internet. Having an advanced degree in Dickology, Dick has written many classic works, including this list of reasons he compiled on why men are way better than women.

A typical woman's reaction to the truth. Fucking priceless.
A Dickovator


no women can stand against dick:

Dick Masterson: women line up to go out with me!

Her: I don't see any women lining up to go out with you, and even if there were, I would be last in line.

DM: maybe if you hit the treadmill more often you will be in first.

This is an example of a technique Dick has created and mastered known as the "Verbal Cunt Punt" or VCP for short. It allows dick to turn raging Feminazis back into respectable women without the need to punch or kick their filthy untouched snatches.


Top 10 Reasons why Men are Better than Women

10. Men have penises

   
“ 		 
Having a penis — in other words looking like a man and having man parts — is a man’s way of telling other men, ‘Hey. Look at me. I’m a man. I won’t fuck up whatever it is that you’re trying to do.
  		„
  		 

9. Marriage is stupid

   
“ 		 
Marriage was invented because women were too busy whoring it out to fuck the only the guy who was paying their rent and feeding their fat asses French bon-bons every day.
  		„
  		 

8. Boys destroy things

   
“ 		 
Men are natural destroyers. We pop right out of the man-womb and start on a life-long tirade of progress by tearing down the Earth with our mighty, man-manly man-fists. Goddammit, that’s awesome!
  		„
  		 

7. Men wear watches

   
“ 		 
Women don’t wear watches; they wear bracelets. Women wearing bracelets is like dropping a bus of retarded kids off in front of a taffy pulling machine. They can just stare for hours and never get bored.
  		„
  		 

6. Men write illegibly

   
“ 		 
Writing is stupid and an ineffective way to communicate. Men know this so they don’t give a shit about handwriting things with big hoops and loops and squiggles and shit so aliens can read notes about remembering to pick up your birth control pills after 6th period from space.
  		„
  		 

5. Men live less than women

   
“ 		 
Men know this so they blast off from birth like shooting man stars — burning out ten years faster, but setting the whole night ablaze with manness. Women just kind of lie around like big fat pigs in big fat puddles of shit.
  		„
  		 

4. Women are racists

   
“ 		 
Women’s entire lives and social circles are based around hatred.
  		„
  		 

3. Men are not sponges

   
“ 		 
Women are social chameleons — or better yet: social vampires.
  		„
  		 

2. Men do not have Tourette Syndrome

   
“ 		 
I believe all women suffer from a mild and extremely localized form of Tourette Syndrome. The afflicted organ? Their tongues.
  		„
  		 

1. Jesus was a Man

   
“ 		 
Whether or not you believe in Jesus, there is one fact you can’t argue with: he was a man. No religion anywhere has ever put a woman in charge of shit. That’s called dogma — man-dogma — and it means men are better than women.
  		„
  		 

FUCK YES YOU ARE THE BEST GUY EVER

DOX

   
“ 		 
I don't waste my time sitting around with friends calling websites that piss me off.
  		„
  		 

—Dick

Like a real man, Dick puts out his contact info for directly handling death threats. Of course, all of the women who call keep on proving Dick's point that women are stupid because they just ramble on about shit nobody cares about.

Previous Video | Next Video

Hate Mail

Dick Masterson serves a secondary purpose as an agent provocateur, inciting self-professed feminists to express their true feelings and views. He simply states a general view about women, and then militant feminists - women and men - bombard him with death and castration threats, often accompanied by a generalized claim about men. Because it's not sexist if you're a girl. Or a self-loathing male.

   
“ 		 
I think you need to be castrated. Why you ask? Well deary You cant have these opinions and get away with it, its like being a pedophile - Thats why you need to be castrated! DAHHHHHH!!!
  		„
  		 

—-Girl power on thoughtcrime

   
“ 		 
Thanks for reading this, and I hope I was able to educate you on something, because God knows you need a lot of it.

May God (apparently Jesus in your case) bless you with less stupider thoughts, not intelligent.
 

„
  		 

—-Harini Chandrasegaram on modesty

   
“ 		 
why do you think that thing between your legs really means anything

it would not be that hard to just cut off and look what would you really have then being a male would be well sucky the littles thing it and your on your knees holding it crying well go fuck your self (if you a can get it up)
 

„
  		 

—-angela on penis envy

   
“ 		 
If you love men so much, go suck some dick and get some fucking respect for girls.


 

„
  		 

—-hatty on persuasion through homophobia

Previous Quote | Next Quote


The Biggest Problem in the Universe

Dick hadn't been updating anything on his website since last thursday, then On May 20th, 2014, Masterson started a podcast called Biggest Problem in the Universe with long-time web "satirist" Maddox. The Podcast was pretty pretty Awwright at the beginning. What made the show lulzy was that the entire premise of the show is Dick trolling and Autistic 40 year old balding Armenian and Maddox being too autistic to understand it. Dick even contradicts himself multiple times just to piss Maddox off with his lack of care that that he was contradicting himself, causing Maddox to go into massive tism fits.

On May 31st, 2016, Maddox abruptly cancelled the successful 107 episode Podcast (not including bonus content) due to Maddox being upset that Dick was having sex with his ex girlfriend (whom Maddox had been broken up with for 3 years, and happened while he was already dating his current live in girlfriend). Being cucked by Masterson, he killed the podcast and attempted to ruin Dicks personal and professional reputation.

The Dick Show

Following the untimely death of The Biggest Problem in the Universe, Masterson started his own Podcast, The Dick Show, a very HIGH ENERGY podcast. Weekly tidbits of Hot Goss are distributed like Orange Chicken samples in a mall food court. Asterios Kokkinos, a New York liberal whe stresses the 'cock' a little too much whenever he says Michael Dukakis' name, regularly contributes, as does Sç̱͈͓͔̬̠̞z̴̙̖̥͕̪ḩ̖̣̣̙̱̬̘ṳ͈̈a͎̣̙̟̳̱̞n͇̹, the audio engineer by day, ass-farming civil war reenacting Nazi stoner by night.

Personal and Professional Reputation

On September 25th, 2016, Maddox launched an attack on Masterson's "personal AND professional reputation". Maddox released a video trying to spin an innocuous statement by Masterson into him being a rape apologist, and subsequently sicked the helldogs of the SJW world on him, getting him fired from Upright Citizen's Brigade.

Dick Masterson: Autism whisperer

Dick Masterson proved to have a very useful weapon in his arsenal that Maddox did not count on. What does a man due when your former business partner attacks you, runs a smear campaign, and leaves you with your fan base of autists? You weaponize that autism.

Maddox's attack failed miserably and backfired, the Patreonis kicked in a whopping $18,465 (2/2/17) to the Dick fund, spiraling him into a 24-hour, 7 day a week alcoholic rage, condensed into an hour and a half long Podcast. Dick then channeled the power of Autism to outsource the work of finding examples of Maddox advocating for sexual asault which caused him to disavow his only successful book, go through the accounting ledger to show Maddox was lying about his financials claim and actually owed Dick over $5k, spawn a parody of Maddox that earns more money on Patreon than the real Maddox, buy up domains realted to Maddox and all people associated with Madcast media, troll Maddox's twitch stream, create a charting comedy album about what a cuck faggot Maddox is and chart higher Maddox's #4 charting comedy album, and pick apart the content of his new book to prove that the entire thing is Maddox recycling old rants from Biggest Problem in the Universe.

Dick has weaponized autism by separating his audience into two catagories: top autist and bottom autist. He incentivizes weaponized autism by giving austists life advice in a simple to understand way and mocking them when there is too much tism (aka labeling them a bottom autist).

The Valentine's Day Massacre

On February 14th, 2017, Dustin, a random guy who had made a Facebook page for the show and appointed himself Moderator, brought 3 of the saddest stories to the bonus episode, at one point leaving listeners wondering if the current caller had killed himself. Among the other callers were a sexually-abused and near-homeless trap and a guy with.. well, with just a shitty life. Mind you, he brought these callers into a comedy show. Dustin, as a result of his actions, was sentenced to a day in the stocks down at the marketplace where customers could hiss and curse at him, along with the occasional golden shower.

External Links

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