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Mexico
Mexico (mex as in "Mexs" to shout out at a Mexican - 卐 - jee as in HI pronounced "he" since it's Spanish -ko as in Cocaine) is a giant contaminated drug lab full of chili peppers, government oppression, dealers, whores, corruption, tequila, factories, jumping beans, blindingly quick mice, sombreros, tacos, sex, and of course, the filthy Spics. The entire continent of Central and South America could actually be considered part of Mexico as well, but it's too insignificant for the government to recognize this as many of their civilians are dead due to swine flu.
History
Last Thursday, the ancient Mayans moved to Mexico, which was a big fucking mistake. They were savage people living a savage lifestyle; they would slice off people's cocks with leaf blowers and eat them just to appease the "Sun God". They created a disorganized, disgruntled group of small villages lacking any contact with the outside world, and things quickly went downhill from there. In the 16th century, the Aztecs were utterly pwned by the Spanish with help from Aztec-enslaved tribes, because even then nobody liked the Azteca. Those Injuns who were either too lazy to work or too busy dying from smallpox got replaced with free labor from Africa and the East Indies, hence the reason why some Mexicans appear blacker or look Asian.
The Mayans kept their own land for the next 170 years (and live there still, kidnapping the odd tourist and gibbering about the glory of human sacrifice). The Mayans like to think of themselves as pretty cool guys, but really it was the Aztecs that had all the gold, while all the Mayans had was a bunch of boring het slashfic about their chicken serpent god Quetzalcoatl, which by the way the god Xiuhcoatl would have pwned anyways. (cause it's got an 'X' in the name and everyone knows the letter 'X' makes everything cooler)
The term "Mexican" is also used by people who want to save time and effort memorizing worthless countries like Guatemala, Honduras, Colombia, Venezuela, and Nicaragua but not Brazil since its nigger/trap/aids population makes it undesirable for anyone. The origin of the name "Mexican" has been suggested to be derived from Mextli or Mēxihtli, a secret name for the god of war and patron of the Aztecs, Huitzilopitchli, in which case Mēxihco means "Place where Mēxihtli lives."
In the 19th century, Mexico's Government was pwned out of Texas by crazy rednecks who later gave it as a gift to the United States. It was during this period that the U.S. accidentally captured New Mexico, which the U.S. has unsuccessfully been trying to give back for 150 years.
Modern Mexicans are a strange race, adept at computer virus distribution, boxing, masked wrestling, and dropping dead due to swine flu. While there have been few examples of Mexican celebrities finding overseas success, prominent Mexican citizen Chupacabra enjoyed brief fame in 1991. And of course, there's always Ricardo Montalban. Other famed celebrity personalities include George Lopez, Che Guevara, and The Most Interesting Man In The World. The main exports of Mexico include beer, firearms, swine flu, illegal immigrants, and drugs.
Last Thursday Mexico became the birth place of swine flu, when loyal fans of Porky Pig fucked a boar with 4 different influenza strains, thus infecting half of Mexico City overnight. When 100 beaners died within hours from something other than beans sprayed with insecticide, the Mexican Government started closing fucking everything to prevent it from spreading, after which they infected over 9,000 eurofags, and a few Jews, and has spread from Russia to Peru to Canada to Israel effectively fucking over the whole of mankind. Of course it wouldn't have happened if you had not gone to Mexico for Spring Break, dumb-ass.
Typical reaction from reading a wikipedia article about Mexican holidays
Present
Modern Mexico is in a sad, lulz-less state. In the late 1990s, the ruling PRI government began distributing maps, first-aid kits, and fake IDs to select households to encourage the systematic immigration of the entire populace to the United States, an initiative dubbed "Vete a la Chingada de Aquí". In the interim, Mexico is used primarily as a storehouse for drugs, guns, and whores (especially whores). It is also where over 90% of Americans dump their shit, making Mexico the garbage dump of the world (just behind Detroit).
Illegal immigrants that are apprehended by the man are invariably sent back to Mexico (or Meh-he-ko, as it is pronounced in their primitive tongue). While many favor this initiative, the resulting labor slave shortage would force whitey to pay the Unions fair wages for all those jobs typically filled by the Mexican, or actually getting HIS hands dirty with work in the janitorial, landscaping or lunch-serving fields. As we all know that will never happen, U.S. officials currently have a "revolving door" border policy with Mexico, meaning that once deported, illegal immigrants are free to sneak back over when no one is looking (but not when noone is looking).
The major industries in Mexico have stepped up to deal with poverty in their land, though. Last year major drug cartels, bored with just running shit brick weed and trained professionals across the border, wanted to show they cared, so they decided to sponsor Mexican Idol, in which over 9,000 contestants have to chop off their competitor's heads and stick them in coolersleaving them by the side of the road to show how hardcore they are. The winnar who makes it to the end gets an 8ball of crack and a lifetime contract for making music with major government officials.
In Captivity
When keeping mexicans as a pet, one must consider if they can actually care for their newfound family member/moustachioed taco receptacle. Mexicans require daily care and attention, such as:
- Manual Labor
- Clean Bedding(yesterday's newspaper will do just fine, dont use anything of value as they will steal it)
- A large place to run about and dig with a high, barb-wired fence, at least 19 feet high. They will jump
anything of lesser height and escape
In the wild, Mexicans eat a wide variety of tortilla/bean/cheese/car part combinations, and they often drink large quantities of bong water and gasoline. When keeping mexicans, it is best to emulate their natural diet as closely as possible. Some recommended foods are:
- Motor Oil
- Chain link fence
- tacos
- burritos
- taquitos
- burraqos
- and 'dee twenny eench speener reems' Translation: 20 inch spinner rims
This balanced diet, along with daily exercise(border jumping and ditch digging)will insure that your sweaty little friend is around for many years of fun family entertainment.
Mexican Inteligence
"Mexican intelligence" is, in fact, an oxymoron, since the intellect of your average Crisco pumper falls somewhere between that of a dead goat and the lube of said dirty carcass used to insert into its butthole by his unwashed (and uncircumcised) schlong.
Scientists have speculated that the brain dead look on a Mexican's face (see picture) is due to a complete lack of the part of the human brain responsible for self-awareness and common sense. They all are also politically and socially behind.
Experimentation has revealed that the closest any other race can come to experiencing what the brain of a beaner feels like is to be bludgeoned in the head with a lead pipe until delirious and on the fringe of going into a coma. This constant state of delirium is the reason why Mexico is a shit hole and nothing is or can be done right in cities where these members of the Mexican race are a majority.
Language
Mexicans speak a bastardised dialect of Spanish loaded with clucking and spattering. Due to their constant use of the sound 'oy' as in "oy con dios", there's big argument over, whether or not they were the ORGInal Jews, which could be easily be proven by the way they enter the USA.
How to troll Mexicans
IRL:
- Remind them that they're shorter, fuglier, and the overall laughing stock of Latin America.
- Call them "Chicanos" (Seriously, they get really angry).
- Throw tacos at their faces.
- Say that "El Santo" is gay and deserved to die (Mexican pedo-wrestling).
- Tell them how good it is be legal in a country.
- Ask why their national soccer team is mostly made of Mexican citizens who are originally from Brazil.
- Call Go, Diego, Go! savage for owning a pet Jaguar.
- Remind them how Argentina kicked their ass during the 2010 World Cup.
- Remind them how Spain won the world cup.
- Tell them that their soccer team sucks for not getting a World Cup despite having two FIFA's in their shit country.
- Ask them for tips to cross illegally to other countries.
- Tell them to zerg rush another country.
- Say that El Zorro is a ripoff of masochistic supervillain Deathstroke.
- Blame them for the Swine Flu.
- Ask them why abortion isn't included in the Mexican lifestyle.
- Ask them why they dress like gangsta nigras (fucking cholos).
- Call Mayan noses unattractive.
- Tell them to go fold a taco.
- Tell them how great a hero Cortés was.
- Tell them Spanish dubs are better than theirs.
- (and consequently) Say that Spain can re-pwn them any day they want.
- Tell them that Cesar Chavez was against illegal immigration and any guest-worker program.
- Tell them that Che Guevara hated Mexicans.
- Insist that Olmecs were Blacks, Chinese, or Aliens.
- Insist that the few white people in Mexico are more Mexican than any wannabe-Mexican anchor beaners in the States.
- Ask why they are so obsessed with Jeffrey Dahmer.
- Praise Jacks Black's Mexican accent in Nacho Libre.
- Say that Adal Ramones is funnier than Brozo, Andres Bustamante or any other moderately good Mexican comedian. If you don't know who the hell Adal is, then do the same thing but instead mention George Lopez.
- Insist that Pancho Villa got owned by Americunts.
- Grow your own drugs and sue them for copyright.
- Tell them that China is (still) kicking their asses with the population stats (but not for long).
- Tell them Aztec sounds cooler than Mexica.
- Tell them Halloween is better than Day of the Dead.
- Cheer during the boat scene at the end of Apocalypto.
- Tell them to go back home and fix their dirt-poor third-world Nazi-communist hellhole country because there is no such thing as "Aztlan" and they'll only get arrested, deported, and/or killed for trespassing on American soil.
- Insult Snow Pea from Mucha Lucha (this has recently been proven to work).
- Inform them that 71 percent of Mexican women and 66 percent of Mexican men are overweight, and that obesity in Mexico may exceed that of America by 2018.[1]
- ????
- Profit!
Avoiding being trolled by them
DO NOT fucking eat anything cooked by Mexicans, or you will regret it.
Beaner Creation Myth
Beaners (an honorific term for a Mexican, one that praises the healthy tint of his skin) believe that they are the children of Quetzalcoatl, the Aztec sky and creation god. The truth, however, is that they are the half-caste product of their parents fucking (and those Mexicans do a lot of fucking, amirite?).
Many of these so-called "light-skinned" or "mixed race indigenous Mexica Azteca" nurture socially unacceptable feelings regarding Spain's colonial past, believing that the Conquistadors destroyed their cultural heritage, but what they ultimately fail to realize is that they are the descendants of those sexually uninhibited ex-cons, not the people currently living on that faraway peninsula.
E.Z.L.N.
Irl trolls, and Mexico's discount version of Al Qaeda. Known as Zapatistas, they are what you get when you colonize a country but don't kill its Natives (which is always a bad move).
Mexicans are a Fertile People
Mexicans have a proven history of having kids - lots of them, and early. How early? Recently, one in Brazil gave birth at nine. (Link to Fox News, well known for its journalistic integrity.) The record, however, was set in 1939, when a five-year, seven-month-old girl gave birth, meaning she must've gotten bizzay when she was four. When entertaining a Mexican at home, it is always important to first inquire whether or not he or she intends to have sex with you or your children, as (much like the Japanese), fornication is simply a polite way of saying hello.
It is safe to assume that all Mexican women you meet are pregnant. For each child they shit out, the US government pays them an extra $250 in addition to their food coupons, which subsequently gets stolen by a lazy, welfare-leeching niggra.
People named Jesús
You may be surprised to find that in Mexico, there is Jesus. Not the Jew nailed to the 2x4, but "Jesús," a common male name. While the two names initially appear similar, note that the Mexican version places a mark above the "u" (the meaning of which continues to puzzle linguists), and that the pronunciation is similar to "HAY-zoos". Some believe this is actually a corruption of "Hey, Zeus" and that the name began as a plea to the thunderbolt-wielding serial rapist from Greek mythology. Others think "ú" is simply a typo.
Mexicans in America
There's no denying it: there's a whole bunch of corn-loving, crop circle-making aliens in the U.S. Srsly. Statistics indicate that Mexicans make up 22.3% of the population in the U.S.A., selling taco-flavored kisses to make their way in a country that seems to be turning increasingly browner...
Mexicans in America 2: The Movie
Once in America, many Mexicans attempt to become more "American." This is variably accomplished by: buying Hollister clothes; celebrating Thanksgiving; listening to Metal, Rap, or Country music; always using the word "dude"; going to Hot Topic; speaking comprehensible English; voting Republican; joining the military; and, most importantly, telling all the subsequent illegal Mexicans to "Vete a la Chingada de Aquí mojado." It is fact.
Mexicans in America 3: The Reality Show
America's first choice of music is overwhelmingly (c)rap (thank you, niggers, wiggers and chiggers. Your mother would be proud). Mexicans often listen to rap to appear "bad ass" and even profess to love it. The problem of not actually understanding English, however, was something of a problem, until enterprising young Mex-Americans created Spanish (or Spanglish) rap. Unfortunately, this is even gayer than original rap. It is in fact so gay that the only thing gayer is French rap, which is humiliatingly gay.
Mexican Weather
As a direct result of all the lawnmowers being produced in factories across Mexico, the weather is usually hot and dry. However, the vast number of Taco Bells provide a cool shade, as well as a welcome darkness for half of Mexico's population to have sex and/or rape in privacy. The other half, of course, are the ones being raped.
Roof Dwellers
The expensive (and motherfucking slow) tubes from Mexico[2] are affordable only by the richest of ricos. They also have basement dwellers, but since the weather is hot as Hell (literally) and every top tier Mexican house has at least one abandoned room near the roof for domestic workers, Mexican "basement dwellers" move to the roof where they do the same crazy shit as their counterparts everywhere else.
How to Mexico
- Flee your gang-infested country because it is so dangerous.
- Do not assimilate into new country's culture and force them to adapt to your fat ass.
- Reproduce at the rate of cockroaches and burden social welfare system until it collapses.
- Purposefully mold your new community into a replica of the place that you fled!
- Eat beans and have more babies.
Absolut Lulz
Recently, the Swedish vodka company "Absolut" ran a controversial magazine/billboard ad in which they displayed a map of the borders of the United States and Mexico in the early 1800s prior to Anglo-American conquest. On top of this map was the caption "In an Absolut World", with a bottle of vodka sitting in the corner. What this has to do with alcohol is beyond anyone's imagination, but it's not like commercials ever try to make sense, anyway. Like pussies, Absolut only ran the ad in Mexico, but enterprising Americans found out about it and immediately felt butthurt, demanding that the ad be pulled from circuit. Absolut, feeling both public pressure and troll's remorse, yanked the ad like the faggots they are. They did this mainly because they didn't want to lose their American market, which is much more important to them (silly Absolut - the Mexican's drink is Tequila.)
While the incident was soon forgotten, evidence of this long-ago, brutal skirmish remains on the Internets. On the one side of the Showdown of Stupidity were the fucktards who claimed the ad was disrespectful to Americans and that Absolut was run by a bunch of left-wing t'rrist supporters; on the other was the equally fucktarded opposition, composed mainly of hippies and beaners who like to yell about freedom of speech, stolen territory, and all that other shit that people just start to tune out after a while. Below are some links to Absolut-gate, replete with drama, lulz, and retardation.
YouTube
- Some
senilewise old farts discuss the topic on CNN. - Absolut apologizes
- To err is human, to forgive is Un-American.
- The Federal Beaner Investigation in action.
Fact of the Day
Villain Khan from Star Trek was in fact a Mexican. Trek producers were trying to find a really scary racial stereotype and rejected a Viking, a Borg, and a Nazi before settling on Khan as we know him today. In the episode "Viva Khaaan!!!!", Khan (real name: Rodolfo Neri Vela [3]) is Mexico's first (and subsequently only) astronaut, who in 1985 steals the Space Shuttle Atlantis, and then tries to steal the Enterprise from Jew Captain Kirk after a three-century siesta. In a historical cross-cultural TV love scene, Khan is permitted to kiss a ginger, an act not repeated until Desperate Housewives. In actuality, there are no Mexicans on any of the Star Trek episodes because, as one could guess, Mexicans don't want to work in the future either.
Furthermore, there are no Mexican Olympic teams because any one of them whom are able to run, jump, or swim, are of course illegal immigrants in the United States.
Sinco De Mayo
This is a holiday which was invented by the Alcohol industry as an excuse for Americans to get totally shitfaced while wearing a sombrero. It is loosely based on Mexican history when France, after realizing how pathetic Mexico is and that the water there is not safe for human consumption, called off its imperial pwning in favor of someplace more worthy of conquest.
A Mexican's Career Options
- 4chan admin
- Aztec High Priest
- Bassist for Metallica
- Bullfighter
- Criminal
- Day Laborer
- Donkey Show Star
- Drug Dealer
- Fruit Vendor
- Garbage collector
- Gardener
- Gum Salesman
- Graffiti "Artist"
- Home Depot CEO
- Illegal Immigrant
- Janitor
- Lazy Assistant to White High School Spanish Teacher
- Low-budget Cartoon Character
- Luchador
- Midget-for-Hire
- Nigger's lackey
- Pedophile
- Politician/Cheater
- Professional Job Thief
- Roadside Flower Pusher
- Rapist
- Roadside Windshield Cleaner
- Guy/Woman who bitches about how great Mexico is and how horrible America is, despite living in America and occasionally visiting Mexico. This Job is taken seriously by the majority of all Mexicans.
- Soldier
- Soldier (dead)
- THIS
- Tiger Feeder
- Vote for Pedro
- Whore
- Worker at Taco Bell
- Parent of
83(Swine Flu) 82 children from one women
Gallery
-
A Mexican on a daily basis. -
-
Typical Mexican doing what he does best, jumping the border. -
Mexicans preparing to steal desirable farm laborer positions.
-
A Mexican taking a siesta on his luxurious bed of dirt. -
Typical mexican gangster. He so gangsta!
-
OH NOES!!! -
Spanish-language conversations can only be conducted via wild gesticulation. -
Depression is a common problem in Mexico. -
Mexicans would like to fuck Bush. -
Typical Mexican swim meet. -
In Mexico, gay ranchero is the new goth. -
An ugly beaner showing his pride for his country.
-
One of Mexico's two state-sanctioned superheroes (the other being the bee guy). -
If laraza say it is are land, it is are land. -
It is delicious Mexican culture, you must eat it. -
Mexican cheerleader showing her school spirit. -
PedroBear. -
A gay Mexican. -
Mexican furry. -
El señor Bush addressing his "vatos" regarding Mexican immigration. -
La señora Bush shows her deep cultural ties to the Mexicans. -
Look closely to see that the average Mexican girl tends to shave her eyebrows. -
Typical Mexican investment banker. -
Fixed -
Some Spanish Mexicans take a break from bull-slaughtering to inspect a set of genitals. -
A thin Mexican woman. -
Typical photo of random Mexicans. -
Typical mexican baby . -
A national hero. -
Some American women think Mexicans are sexy.
-
It's not a competition.
-
Now on sale. -
Mexican clothing. -
Wild Mexican appears! -
A dance actually invented by Mexicans, on accident, while taking a break from picking cabbage.
See Also
- Mootxico
- Gb2
- Lazy
- Alcohol
- Drugs
- Narcovideo
- El Blog del Narco
- Inciclopedia
- Poop.mov
- Spics
- Murder
- Rape
- Pedophilia
- User:Ivanflr
- User:Kombucha
- California
- Arizona
- Roberto Madrazo's Berlin Marathon Cheat
- Mexican AIDS
- Kosovo
- Pakis (The Britfag equivalent of Mexicans.)
- Manuel Uribe
External Links
- Authentic Mexican food
- Best video game ever.
- lol Mexicans
- Some Mexicans deserve to be shot.
- The First Lady welcomes Mexican Immigrants on the official Page of the White House.
- Typical Mexican Video
- Illegal Alien Vs. Predator
- El Mariachi
- Desperado
- Once Upon a Time in Mexico
- You just fucked with the wrong Mexican
- Mexicans trying to get away from the Border Patrol
- Juan,Carlos,and Antonio all jump off a cliff to see who will hit the ground first. Who wins? Society.
- Fat Mexican
| Featured article August 22, 2006 | ||
| Preceded by Nathanr |
Mexico | Succeeded by Gorgeous George |