Halloween

This year Michael Jackson will look even more authentic.

Halloween is that special time of year we remember the birth of Satan. Due to it's demonic origins people, especially children are more likely to be killed on this night than at any other time of the year.

Because of this there are many urban legends surrounding Halloween intending to make it even more scary, such as poisoned candy, satanic murders and mannequins which turn out to be genuine corpses. Except these are not stories - they are true.

Children

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Due to recent events, children should be safer this Halloween.

Halloween is one of the favorite holidays for most children - combining the candy from Easter with the undeserved presents from Christmas. Responsible adults should always be safe on Halloween while making sure the children have fun:

Wait until nightfall
Dress them up so nobody will recognize them
Travel to a stranger's house
Allow the children to ask them for candy
Threaten to vandalize their homes if they don't
The creepier the house and its occupants look - the better
Devil's night, watch 'em empty houses go ablaze.

Idiot kids with a camera.

Religions

Pagans

	“	Halloween. That was the eve of Samhain ... firstborn children were sacrificed ... Samhain eve was a night of dread and danger.	„
	—National Geographic (1977).

	“	Therefore we cannot too highly appreciate our debt to the Romans for having put an end to this monstrous cult, whereby to murder a man was an act of the greatest devoutness, and to eat his flesh most beneficial.	„
	—Pliny Natural History.

	“	Since they are man-eaters as well as heavy eaters, and since, further, they count it an honorable thing, when their fathers die, to devour them, and openly to have intercourse, not only with the other women, but also with their mothers and sisters.	„
	—Strabo Geography.

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A few hundred years ago Pagans would celebrate the end of summer by honoring the dead - mainly by adding a few more dead people.

Human sacrifice was the main event of Halloween. You will notice the above quotes come not from fundamentalist Jesus freaks but from magazines and books dedicated to science and history. Modern pagans will tell you this is a lie - but would you rather believe reputable journalists and historians or a 16 year old wiccan who believes she can cast hexes?

Those fucking Christfags need to learn to be tolerant like us.
Cannibalism is only bad when Christians do it.
Damn those Christians for screwing with our religion.

Christians

	“	I think we ought to close Halloween down. Do you want your children to dress up as witches? The Druids used to dress up like this when they were doing human sacrifice ... The children are acting out Satanic rituals and participating in it, and don't even realize it.	„
	—Pat Robertson The 700 Club

	“	The Bible says they were to stone the person for enticing - not because they had been worshiping. That is strict! So what should our response be to those who want us to go trick or treating with them or to celebrate any holiday that has a basis in paganism? We are not to do so.	„
	—BTW astrology and Christmas trees are evil too.

	“	Instead of celebrating, what's a Christian to do on Satan's feast day? PRAY! Intercession and spiritual warfare should be the first item on our agenda. It is NOT a last resort!	„
	—Pray for the occultists.

	“	It's Halloween. To most people it seems like harmless fun. But, beneath Halloween's candy coating is a history of diabolical evil, evil that is directly connected to the occult and Satanism, evil that you need to be warned of!	„
	—HARM OF HALLOWEEN Like eating too much candy.

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Christians do not celebrate Halloween as they despise anything which resembles fun. Because they are not allowed to dress up and eat candy, Christians celebrate Halloween by burning evil books, including books written by the Pope and Mother Teresa and Bibles (except the King James version).

Some argue November the 1st - All Saint's Day - has been combined with Halloween to remember the souls of the, especially dead martyred Christians, so there is nothing immoral about celebrating Halloween. This is a lie because nobody gives a flying fuck about All Saints Day.

Typical Christian who has his head way too far up his ass.
A traditional Halloween recipe.

Satanists

	“	Two major holidays, HALLOWEEN and Walpurgisnacht are celebrated by the Church of Satan.	„
	—Anton LaVey, Founder of the church of satan.

Satanists celebrate Halloween not because they are pagans but because they hate Christfags. Although not all satanists are pagans, all pagans are satanists. While pagans pretend to be ashamed of their brutal and bloody past, satanists relish it and frequently commit gruesome murders in the name of Lucifer.

Anton LaVey also died on Halloween. Coincidence?

Yes - he actually died on October 29th but the date was changed on his death certificate to make him look more hardcore.

A satanist admires his dark lord and master.
Get your own fucking holiday.

SPECIAL MENTION

Amanda Knox

In Italy Meredith Kercher was murdered by Amanda Knox on November 1st 2007, proving once again satanists often get the date wrong. Meredith was killed because she refused to take part in sex games with Amanda and her boyfriend - despite the fact Amanda is clearly very fuckable.

Amanda later confessed to the murder in front of a jury completely surprised that stabbing someone to death could be so messy.

	“	I heard that she had her throat slit and from what I saw in CSI these things are not quick or pleasant so I said, gosh . . . bleargh . . . this brutality, this death . . . bleargh . . . it really did shock me.	„
	—TV lied to me!

	“	I couldn’t be prouder of my daughter. It went very well. We all had a chance to see who Amanda really is.	„
	—Amanda's father Curt Knox. No really.

	“	Uh they aren't Satanists. They're just devil worshipers. There is a difference.	„
	—Carolyn posting on the Daily Mail article.

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Costumes

It is common for children in the 6-10 year-old demographic to dress up for halloween, usually as ghosts, demons, witches, ghouls, and other similar things. However, costumes which have litterally fuck-all to do with halloween such as pirates and fairies are unfortunately common. This is one of tthe easier ways to spot a Concerned mother. If it really annoys you having to constantly provide costumes for your children for extortionate amounts of money, simply show them this video:

Poisoned Candy

Aside from pretending to be a witch or vampire (which is only acceptable for kids under 14) the main treat on Halloween is candy, even after being told for the rest of the year it's wrong to take sweets from strangers.

Some argue stories of poisoned candy are just urban legends to make Halloween seem more scary. This is a lie. During the 1970s many children died from eating home-made sweets laced with drugs or poison - including 5-year-old Kevin Tostan who ate candy containing heroin. Luckily vigilant parents are able to spot these dangerous sweets as they all bear a distinctive blue star. If you receive an e-mail about such sweets pass them on as quickly as possible.

SPECIAL MENTION

Timothy O'Brian

In 1974 8-year-old Timothy O'Brian died after eating a Halloween sweet laced with cyanide. His father claimed he received the treat from a house in Texas - but when police investigated the house, it turned out to be abandoned.

It also turned out the boy's father had taken out $20,000 life insurance policy on his son and had attempted to poison him and was due to be executed on Halloween 1982.

Furries & Otherkin

Traditionally Halloween is the time of year evil spirits and monsters rise up from damnation to walk among the living - such is the case with furries and otherkin. Because Halloween is the one time of year normal people dress up as werewolves, demons and vampires it is easy for the usual sick fucks to rise up from their underground lair to pretend they are normal. Adult babies have also been known to turn up at this time of year. Although they may look the same as others, they will still act their same faggy way, so pay close attention.

Most worryingly alcohol is often served at Halloween parties and stolen by stoned teenagers. If you become intoxicated at this dangerous time of year it is easy to become an unwitting victim in a yiff pile.

Video

Gallery

The Horror Show About missing Pics

Happy Birthday Lucifer!
Balloon boy is all the rage this year.
How to frighten Liberals and conservatives at the same time.
Old meme

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This is actually a badly-made hot dog costume.

This is actually a badly-made hot dog costume.
French kiss?
It comes in kid's sizes too.
Some people go out partying this week. You will be at home alone fapping.
And to help you ...
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File:Halloween sims 2.jpg
File:Halloween sims 3.jpg
HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!!
With extra nuts.

Featured article October 31, 2009
Preceded by Ty Cobb	Halloween	Succeeded by TrollsOfTerror

Halloween

Contents

Children