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Casey Anthony
Casey Marie Anthony currently resides in Florida - the same state that brought you Ottis Toole and Josh Phillips - with her parents Cindy and George. This ugly attention whore spent the last 3 years receiving cunt punts at Tallahassee Federal Correctional, due to the fact that she killed her child, but LOL SHE PULLED AN OJ and got away with it! A self-confessed spiteful bitch, Casey has been the subject of much BAWWWWing by journalists such as Nancy Grace on account of the fact that she's sliding in and out of jail like cock rubbing up against her sphincter. As Casey believes her life is an accurate imitation of "Sex and the City", she originally wanted to have an abortion because no man would want to bone her with a whiny little rugrat looking at them through a crack in her bedroom door.
After consulting her Magic 8-Ball, however, she instead decided it would be easier to spew it out of her crotch; let it mutate for a couple of years; then kill it and pretend she never had a child to begin with.
She was served with over 9000 counts of child neglect after failing to report her 2-year old daughter, Caylee, missing for over a month, went to court and eventually got away with it.
The story
An abbreviated version of the story.
On June 9-12, 2008, Casey reported that she dropped off her daughter with babysitter Zenaida Mexican on June 9 and that she had been staying with nannies or friends while she worked.
June 12: George Anthony says Caylee was spotted by friends of the Anthony family.
June 15: In her testimony in Casey Anthony's bond hearing, Caylee's grandmother, Cindy Anthony, revised her estimate of the last time she saw the girl. Cindy Anthony said video of Caylee reading a book helped her remember that Caylee went with her to visit her father at an assisted living facility on Father's Day. The day after, Casey walks into a nearby Blockbuster video with her boyfriend; they planned to rent out "Faces of Death" but seeing as that was unavailable, "Untraceable" and "Jumper" went into a plastic bag instead.
So it was that on the 18th, after viewing her strange and self-incriminating selection of titles, she borrows a shovel from her neighbor claiming she's going to do some much needed yard work. Only a couple of days later - with her daughter "missing" - Casey transforms into a beer drinking cum guzzling pumpmuppet on Ecstasy.
Why?
June 23: Casey abandons her car in a parking lot.
June 28: Goes to the Beach with her boyfriend.
—Judge John Jordan |
June 30: The car Casey had been using is towed from the Amscot store on Goldenrod Road and Colonial Drive.
July 8 - 15: Casey reaches the thousand dollar GET mark by issuing bum checks - out of her best friend's checkbook, since no bank in their right mind would let Casey herself open an account - left right and center for things like Pabst Blue Ribbon, edible panties, and that faggy hoodie she was wearing in her mugshot. Interestingly enough, no diapers (or anything else) are purchased for Caylee during this time period, which will lead to speculation in the coming months about whether Casey is an AB/DL - perhaps a surplus of diapers at home - or Caylee is lying in a pool of her own shit somewhere.
July 15: Casey's mom confronts her about Caylee's whereabouts, she forces Casey to call the police, the Sheriff's Office is notified that Caylee Anthony has been missing since June 9...her mother then pwns her and has the police come get her.
July 16: The white Pontiac Casey once drove - found abandoned and still, miraculously, containing its stereo - is picked up by the Anthony family from the wrecker company. The company manager, nosing around the car at the time, said the smell in the trunk made him want to barf.
July 16: Police talk to Zenaida Gonzalez who - surprise, surprise - says she does not know Casey Anthony. Police take Casey to Universal Studios (where she said she worked), they scream "RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH!" in her face and bat her with nightsticks for a while. After being bruised, humiliated and a little annoyed, Casey finally admits that her supervisor gave her the pink slip after catching her smoking a joint.
July 16: Casey Anthony is arrested and led away in handcuffs, much to the delight of protesters re-enacting the part in "Lord of the Flies" where all the kids want to bring the IRL banhammer on Piggy.
July 17: The Sheriff's Office takes possession of the car and finds evidence of possible human decomposition in the trunk. The car is sent to the forensics bank. Casey Anthony is officially charged with child neglect, lying to investigators and interfering with a criminal investigation. The judge denies bond because she showed a "woeful disregard for the welfare of her child."
Casey - proving that she isn't afraid of polygraph tests - blames the smell of decomposition in the car on a maggot-infested pizza. Since the four male Mythbusters are too busy gang banging Kari Byron to really care, it falls to WFTV Eyewitness News of Orlando to show the Americunt public that Casey is talking out of her (very loose) ass. They recreate the experiment, with a Domino's meat pizza, and lulz ensue when the BS detector goes off. The pizza in question, although not having maggots after 12 days or smelling like a decomposed body, is still too stanky for human consumption.
Casey's attorney Jose Baez, after brown nosing the Orange County Sheriff, requests a bond hearing. In it, he said he knew why Casey lied and she will only cooperate if she gets immunity from future charges. The judge sets bail at $500,000.
July 29: Baez asks a judge to bar the release of jail house recorded conversations, 911 tapes and visitor logs to the media. Said barring did not happen.
August 21: The nephew of "Walker, Texas Ranger" wanna-be, bounty hunter, and National Geographic TV show star dumbass Leonard Padilla posts Casey's 500,000 bail - in real money. YAY.
August 27: Evidence of decomposition is found in the car and is tested and found to be Caylee. Almost a week later, it is revealed to the media that they found outgoing searches for chloroform (which also turned up in FBI lab tests on Casey's trunk) in her Internet cache.
—Nancy Grace, captain of the obvious. |
September 24: Casey learns the FBI's cadaver dogs have more brains than she does and don't take the "abortion on toast" label for pizza literally - so she backtracks: blaming the god-awful odor in her car on a squirrel. Contrary to popular belief, that squirrel did not plaster itself all over the bumper crawl into the car's engine.
October 10: Baez gets together with Judge Strickland, he WRYYYY's about searching for the truth; slings around accusations of evidence tampering; tacks on some crap about his client's legal rights - every single one of which doesn't mean crap now, since she can't get a fair trial anyway.
Strickland - proving Judge Dredd (who would have just shot Casey on sight) has more common sense than he does - says "he guesses" throwing Caylee in the trunk could constitute neglect. This when we all know putting the girl in a trunk without air holes equals no oxygen, which equals DEATH.
Later that month, Baez embarks on a two-week long effort to put his hands up his client's orange shirt and fondle her breasts, but is pwned by anal-retentive corrections officers and perverts who want Casey for themselves.
December 11: A BODY BELONGING TO KIDZ SNOT HEAD WAS FOUND less than half a mile away from Casey's parents' home. Wow, Casey's effort was being highly overestimated for all this time..... and so was the FBI's. Like the cliche blonde that put a Sesame Street puzzle together in 3 weeks, they took FOREVAR to figure out what those watching the news coverage to fap at pictures of Caylee in her yellow swimsuit knew all along. National news is now on this story like trashbags on a dead toddler.
February 8, '09: Baez, now thoroughly whipped into place, mimes Casey's struggle against impending rape on a street corner as cars full of divorced husbands roll by . . . each honking their horns to his huge cardboard sign - which reads "Will Put Out A Hit On Your Ex For Food."
Meanwhile, Caylee is being packed into the Petco Critter Trail and roasted into kitty litter, against the wishes of her mother who wanted Snot Head's skull for a dildo holder/trophy.
OH TEH NOES!
Good thing George Anthony was restrained from jumping on the little brat's funeral pyre, or Fred Phelps and his jizz jockeys would have a special "Twofer Tuesday."
Everything after that: Nancy Grace on wangst overload, replaying Michael Jackson's "Gone Too Soon" over and over, all while trotting out pictures of the two things that should never be allowed near him. Cops, out of disgust for her HUEG ego and abrasive manner, cause her to wangst OMG TEH JUSTICE even more - by delivering Casey Twix bars and useless crap from the prison commissary in return for flashing of tits. State attorney's office delivered on /r/ for Caylee autopsy content; bricks were shat.
September 30, 2009: A bloodstain in the shape of a dead loli is lying in Casey's trunk. If her family's telling the truth, then they must like to eat child-shaped pizzas.
July 7th, 2011: Not Guilty! Problem, twitter? Nancy Grace's head explodes on live television.
Diary of Days
Shortly after Caylee was born, Casey started a MySpace account. Of course it's set to private but as if that would stop us from reading it?
—The admission of guilt |
The Evidence Of This Bitch's Stupidity
- She didn't report her daughter's "disappearance" for over 5 weeks
- Nobody else reported her disappearance for over 5 weeks
- Her handwriting looks like a criminals - no shit, they always have strange exaggerated writing
- Finding a conveniently named innocent person to pin the 'kidnapping' on after stupidly divulging to her mother that the baby was with 'Xanie the Nanny'.
- Her dad is a retired cop yet never thought to question his daughter's actions
- Casey lied about working at Universal Studios (why?)
- The attorney wants to block all releases of Casey's calls made from jail. Much to his dismay, this is not happening.
- She abandoned her car in a parking lot, which had evidence of decomposition.
—The attorney |
—Sworn statement of Zenaida Gonzalez, Casey's scapegoat |
—Casey Marie Anthony, on her MySpace account, July 3, 2008 |
Casey Anthony: MOTHER OF EVIL
Caylee Anthony waited. The car near her turned and opened trunk in parking lot. There was her doll in the trunk. She didn't see it, but had expected it now for years.
Her warnings to Grandpa were not listened to and now it was too late. Far too late for now, anyway.
Cayleigh was a loli for two years. When she was young she watched the cars and she said to dad "I want to be in the trunks daddy." Dad said "No! You will BE CHLOROFORM BY WHORES"
There was a time when she believed him. Then as she got older she stopped. But now in the Epcot base of Orlando she knew there were her doll
"This is Grandpa" the radio crackered. "You must get your doll!"
So Caley gotted her Veggie Tlaes and went to the car. "SHE GOING TO GET CHLOROFORMED" said the Mickey
"I will chloroform at her" said Casey and she fired the google missiles. Kaily climbd in trunk and tried to get doll. But then rag fell and she were trapped and not able to breathe
"No! I must get my doll" she shouted. The radio said "No, Kayele. You are the doll."
And then Caylee was decomposed
Bel-Air
Now this is the story all about how Caylee got covered in duct tape, and wound up in the ground I'd like to take minute just sit right there ...And I'll tell you all how Caylee lost all of her air
In Orlando Florida, born and raised Kaylee lived till she dissapeared for 31 days Chillin' out, maxin', relaxin' all cool Waitin' for the day she'd be in a tomb
When her mom showed up, up to no good She said it was too much work giving her food Caylee started to cry, and her mom prepared To wrap in some duct tape and deprive her of air
Caylee begged and pleaded for the rest of the day But her mom wouldn't listen, said Caylee would pay For costing her time that could be used to party She put the tape on Caylee who said "Mphfphfmm"
She died, yo this is bad Her momma wasn't even a little bit sad That Caylee ran out of her air as a tyke Hmmmmm.... Something ain't right
But wait, what if they find Caylee dead and all that? Is jail really the place to send her mom, that cool cat? I don't think so, but we'll see how she fares At hiding the fact she deprvied Caylee of air
Well a, she stuck the body inside of her car, she said "Alright now it's time to go party!" She got drunk for the next fortnight, drinking her light beer She wasn't trying to arrested, she had only just killed her
She went to her car, and when she got near She noticed that her daughter wasn't fresh, which filled her with fear. So she moved the body, if anything she could say her crime was rare She thought "Nah, forget it, plenty kids have no air."
She pulled up to the forest around 7 or 8 Said "Yo Caylee, I'll smell you later!" Looked at the trees and tossed her daughter in there So no one would know she deprived her kid of air.
How do I drunk and partied?
-
SUCKY SUCKY FIVE DORRA -
Casey partying with some other slut and a black person. -
Casey showing her patriotic colors at an "Anything But Clothes" party. -
Hunched over the toilet, courtesy of having one tee many martoonis.
-
"On the eighth day, God created BEER." -
Plumber'sButt. -
This is the company the good mother would keep. -
Like daughter, like mother. -
I'd still hit it. -
lol nevermind
Not Guilty!
Casey had all her charges dropped, besides 4 charges for lying about evidence. She only has to serve 1 year in jail and pay a fine of $1000. Which leaves the question: How do you win a case where you got charged for lying about evidence and your alibi? After, she tried to blame it on her Mexican babysitter, and so she's trying to sue her now. Casey pleaded the fifth when asked about the trial. This couldn't have happened without America's quality court system.
Dox
Attorney's letter to the media
Complete case dox as compiled by the Orlando Sentinel
Her MySpace?
Transcript of Lee Anthony interview.
Emails and dox on Casey's intarwebs.
Casey's arrest affidavit.
Vids
Casey Anthony "Me Worship" CD.
See also
External Links
- Chat site where they love to troll the Anthony residence and post pics.
- This website is updated almost daily with information about this case.
- Dog "King of Mullets" Chapman jumping on the WRYYYYYYYY bandwagon.
- Central Florida Crime Line.
- Email message to Scifag Greta Van Susteren, on FBI Lab decomposition tests.
- Nancy Grace's web site with up-to-date information regarding Caylee.
- Caylee had it coming
