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Crossmack

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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lol dongs.

Crossmack, or Ian Crossland is a moderately prominent YouTube person, e-psychiatrist nonpareil, professional actor, and e-philosopher who understands "THE POWER OF ONLINE VIDEO COMMUNICATION". Ian is prone to philosophizing about any topic imaginable, from Jesus's half-black ancestry to the future of online communication: connecting to the internet with our MINDS. His drug-induced ramblings are amusing to watch while basking in the afterglow of just having jacked off, as Ian believes himself on par with the greatest existentialist intellectuals of the 19th century, despite the fact that he's nothing but a drug-addled hippie with an ego the size of Montana. Ian admits that the United States is a macrocosm of a single person (PROTIP: look up "macrocosm"). Ultimately, it is assumed that Crossmack is the 21st century digital sybok jesus christ-neo.

   
“ 		 
The sixth dimension is a pool of thought and gravity.
  		„
  		 

—Crossmack, on Stickam

Crossmack the Thespian

Crossmack in Drag as Vera
Crossmack as The Patient in Catch 22 -> prob. about to get a handjob
Crossmack about to get the shit beaten out of him by some girl (again) !!!

Ian Crossland graduated from Kent State University with a B.A. in theatre in 2001. Some of Ian’s favorite roles have been Matt in The Marriage of Bette and Boo, Laertes in Hamlet, Wallace in Women and Wallace, and DJ Vince Fontaine in Grease. Ian has performed with director Ronan Marra before, appearing in his last production, Off the Hook. Some other shows Ian has performed in are Life Is a Dream, Dial “M” for Murder, Twelfth Night, Macbeth, City of Angels, and Scapin.

Of course none of THAT measures up to dressing up in drag for the role of 'Vera', amirite?

Crossmack removed from LiveVideo due to Psychiatric Problems

Live Video Reject The Neo-Christ Sybok
Crossmack carries his delusions to THE PROMISED LAND

   
“ 		 
Stephen Colbert understands me, he knows my fear and I love him for that
  		„
  		 

—Crossmack (SRSLY)

Woar Crimes

The Bringer Of Light

Crossmack has violated the Geneva Conventions dozens of times so far and seems unlikely to refrain from doing this in the future. Meanwhile, the United Nations Security Council has failed to take action. Some of Crossmack's worst crimes against humanity include:

Dealing with Crossmack

If you are a troll and are confronted by Crossmack, immediately claim that your behavior is somewhow the result of your parents' divorce, apologize for everything you have done, and profess your undying friendship to him as well as your newfound dedication to the One World Movement. Later, hit on his scorned girlfriend, lol.

Quotes

"I want a TV Show on ABC where i can talk about fucking and drugs. My personal experince with Sex, and Drugs, and Lies, and Alcohol."
   
“ 		 
Every man is gay. Every person wants to have sex with everybody.
  		„
  		 

—Crossmack, on Stickam

   
“ 		 
AIDS is a state of mind...
  		„
  		 

   
“ 		 
mine the moon
  		„
  		 

—Ian

   
“ 		 
we are fucked!!!! we have to move now! BUILD THE SPACE PROGRAM! YOU'RE A HUMAN FOCUS!!!!
  		„
  		 

—Ian Crossland

   
“ 		 
When I watch myself on video, I see myself and realize I'm an Ignorant Fool
  		„
  		 

—Crossmack

   
“ 		 
Christ looked at things from the perspective of the 6th dimension.
  		„
  		 

—Crossmack, on Stickam

   
“ 		 
Let us explore it... together. Each man hides a secret pain. It must be exposed and reckoned with. It must be dragged from the darkness and forced into the light. Share your pain. Share your pain with me... and gain strength from the sharing...
  		„
  		 

   
“ 		 
Buddhist monks are too extreme.
  		„
  		 

   
“ 		 
HIV does not cause AIDS...healing the fear of the people that believe what they are told, at face value, by the scientific community. Do not be afraid of what they tell you. Question it.
  		„
  		 

"I'm concerned about the planet..and we can't wait around for the government."

"We are all our own Messiah."

"I think the words start it."

"I AM NOT ON CASH SURFERS DOT COM !!!!"

"We all just give it to each other without realising it."

"I seem ignorant. I am ignorant, that's the thing."

"Being on youtube is power."

To solve global warming :

"We need to spread English."

On the problem of threats from authority during Civil Disobedience :

"So what happens if they kill you, it only makes you stronger. We're all gonna die someday!"

On sex:

"Everyone does it, but no one talks about it. I'd talk about it on television. I want a TV show on ABC where i can talk about fucking and drugs...My personal experience with sex, and drugs, and lies, and alcohol.

On the Vagina: "A pussy is gross, but it feels good when you put your dick inside it."

On the Vagina :

"A Pussy is gross, but it feels good when you put your dick inside it"

CrossMackian Theory

Crossmack on Jesus

Crossmack has been known to have an extreme hatred of Jesus and religion. Asking Crossmack about any religious topic on stickam results in a long, pot-induced rant about how religion is just sun worship and how the truth is relative and how Jesus was just a man who conned people into believing he was God; you know, typical pseudo-intellectual pothead rambling.

Crossmack's claims about Jesus:

  • Jesus was half-black
  • Jesus was a stoner and was constantly high on mushrooms and cannabis (despite the fact that neither grow in the harsh, arid climate of the Negev Desert)
  • Jesus was an "extremist"
  • Jesus' story was ripped off by people who wanted to make money by being burned and tortured by Nero in pagan Rome.
  • Jesus = every pagan god crucified, despite the fact that crucifixion is one of the most common forms of capital punishment in ancient cultures (some modern cultures even do it for shits and giggles).
  • Jesus = Horus (Crossmack calls Horus "Horus Ra" which is a misnomer since Ra was the only Ra there was) because the movie Zeitgeist said so, despite the fact that Horus, unlike Jesus, was the product of incest, had sex with his own mother, and after being crucified was chopped into pieces that were then spread along the nile.

Crossmack in ED Chat is Responsible for the Following Memes

  • Macrocosm
  • THE POWER OF ONLINE VIDEO COMMUNICATION


LOGGING INTO THE INTERNET WITH OUR MINDS

05:21 <Crossmack> I'm talking about implants
05:21 <Crossmack> about logging into the internet with our minds
LOG INTO THE INTERNET WITH OUR MINDS

THE POWER OF ONLINE VIDEO COMMUNICATION

<hep> those are called life lessons
<longcatinmypants> fine, edn
<hep> welcome to growing up
<hep> what are you going to DO?
<hep> besides sit on the internet and whine?
<Romantic> Hi ItalianStallionette.
* WHITEHAT6591 is now known as nat
<tfo> hep: whine and hope that things change by themselves!
<Crossmack> do you understand the power of online video communication?
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THE POWER OF ONLINE VIDEO COMMUNICATION

MACROCOSM

[20:55] Crossmack: the United states is a macrocosom of a single person
THE UNITED STATES IS A MACROCOSOM* OF A SINGLE PERSON

* - MACROCOSOM/MACROCOSM

The chatlog

"I don't control minds. I free them", Crossmack

The entire tl;dr chat log from December 18, 2006, may be found here.

Crossmack The Movie by an EDiot

   
“ 		 
AIDS is a construct of the mind ... Tuberculosis is not in fact a disease, but in fact a mind focus, which is a celebration of humanity.
  		„
  		 

Crossmack reacts to Movie

The aforementioned video successfully managed to troll Reverend Crossmack. After viewing it, Ian posted two videos where he discussed reality and macrocosms, then he revealed that he was planning to leave YouTube and delete his videos as the Crossmack Movie had made him incredibly upset and butthurt.

   
“ 		 
I gotta stop making these videos... I watched Ian Crossland The Movie and it was like, me being all stoned. Ian Crossland The Movie is about a guy, this stoner, that's not me.
  		„
  		 

Other Macrocosms

Trivia

  • Crossmack "acted" in a public service announcement for the "church" of scientology along with the orignal Yellow Ranger from Power Rangers.
  • Ian is often trolled by the compulsive liar, wannabe-hacker and jenkem user AaronEverettLand.
  • According to Cinema Confediential, Crossmack is auditioning in J.J. Abrams' Stark Trek XI for a small on scene role as Sybok (in his early years) [1]

Gallery of Crossmackery

  • Ian as Dr. Crossmack, "I believe your diagnosis is the FEAR"
    Ian as Dr. Crossmack, "I believe your diagnosis is the FEAR"
  • After Weed & Messianic Delusions
    After Weed & Messianic Delusions
  • Ian will cast a spell on YouTube
    Ian will cast a spell on YouTube
  • Before Weed & Messianic Delusions
    Before Weed & Messianic Delusions
  • Aaahhh!
    Aaahhh!

See Also

Resources

External Links

Crossmack is part of a series on YouTube.

Visit the YouTube Portal
Crossmack is part of a series on Language & Communication
Languages and Dialects • Grammar, Punctuation, Spelling, Style, and Usage • Rhetorical Strategies • Poetry • The Politics of Language and Communication • Media • Visual Rhetoric
Click topics to expand
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