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Judge William Adams
| Judge William Adams | |
|---|---|
 Download Kazaa? That's a paddlin' | |
| Details | |
| Description | Texas Judge in Aransas County, known for paddlin' internet users. |
| Classification | Progenitor of Butthurt |
| Virginity | Compromised |
| Fears | Kazaa, the internet, youtube, technology, gays |
| Values | God, beating children, sodomy <video type="youtube" id="etyugRjCkrY&start=42" height="25" width="190" frame="false" /> |
| Links | |
| URL | Youtube |
If you take the man at face value, Judge William "Bill" "The Judge" Adams (AKA Judge Dredd) is a high class judge and all-around good natured family man. However, behind the monkey suit lies the most monumental redneck sack of shit winner you will ever meet. Hailing from the lovely county of Aransas in South Texas his existence is spent beating his wife and daughter and feasting upon the sandwiches they prepare for him. Make no mistake, while this smarmy fucker doesn't wear a wifebeater and shotguns cans of Bud Light, he is the embodiment of backwoods trash. When he's not busy lying through his teeth about his family life and wasting taxpayers' money on stupid shit he's getting secretly filmed beating the holy fuck out of his disabled furry daughter.
—Judge William Adams, exercising his second amendment rights like a retard | ||
—Judge William Adams, demonstrating his true redneck colors | ||
The Video
Last Thursday the daughter of Billy posted a video to YouTube that was secretly filmed in 2004. The video in question depicts Judge Adams savagely beating his daughter with a belt. From what can be garnered from the video, Hillary is a bit of a video game fan (note the Starfox Adventures and Sonic Adventure 2 posters on the wall) and a computer geek. Judge Adams, being the upstanding, moral individual (read: redneck dumbfuck) he is didn't agree with her downloading that evil rock and roll music and playing those satanic video games and decided to "give her a spanking." Instead of a spanking, he proceeds to beat the living fuck out of her, good ol' boy style. At the time, Hillary was downloading Japanese music and games that were not yet available for legal purchase in the Jewnited States. Not wanting to miss out on the latest episode of the hottest animu Hillary turned to the Internets to satisfy her cravings. Disappointed with his daughter's actions, The Judge then decided he was going to beat some sense into the little shit.
Detecting the incoming justice, Hillary smartly placed her camera on a shelf and covered it, leaving it on "record" mode to capture everything that happened. Seven years later she released the video causing the shitstorm of butthurt taking place today. What was captured is grainy images of The Judge relentlessly manhandling and beating Hillary everywhere on her body, threatening to beat her across the face if she doesn't assume his demanded positions. Hillary's mother, another victim of Billy's abuse, is seen shouting at her and telling her to "take it like a grown woman".
—Wife of Judge William Adams, beating her daughter in fear of the same happening to her | ||
Hillary originally posted information about the video on Reddit, but the video quickly spread throughout the various tubes. Because Hillary is a gamer, the video gained momentum on the v board on 4chan, as thousands of basement dwellers lifted their flabby arms in outrage that someone could hurt a white, normal looking girl that enjoys vidya. This selective vigilantism then spread to b from there, picking up more supporters along the way. Judge Adams should be preparing his asshole for the oncoming shitstorm created by the mass of nerdrage slowly vibrating towards him with the force of a thousand suns, ED will be following all the way, as lulz will undoubtedly ensue. Hope your career works out buddy! (It should be noted that he is up for re-election on 8 November 2011, just one week after the video was posted. The timing of the video upload is almost certainly intentional, on the part of his daughter, sneaky little rascal.)
It is worth pointing out that Hillary has a disability. She has ataxic cerebral palsy and was born with fucked-up fingers, though she has since, through a program of physical therapy involving learning to play the piano, managed to get 1337 p14n0 skri11z. This didn't faze Billy one bit, however, and he still beat her to no end. For he knew that, despite her pleas to the contrary, the bitch was faking.
BREAKING YOUR DAUGHTER NEWS!
Judge Dredd himself has been contacted by a local news outlet. When asked for statement, he said, "It happened years ago.. I apologized." That's right guys, he's truly rehabilitated! His bad! Moreover, he made sure to let us know that, "It's not as bad as it looks on tape," proving that he is truly a reasonable, God fearin' man and we have all blown it out of proportion. So go ahead and pack it up guys, its time to leave him alone. More information in the External Links section.
Dox
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Raw divorce data: 127597 ADAMS WILLIAM 47 HALLIE G 46 01 02/01/1986 12/13/2007 004 ARANSAS Source: http://www.dshs.state.tx.us/vs/marriagedivorce/dindex.shtm
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How can YOU help this father of the year?
- Call him and let him know what a great job he's doing. If you are too shy to tell him how great he is via the phone, you can always email him at work [email protected]
- Judge Dredd has been lonely since his divorce, and as a good christian he is not allowed to sign up for pornography. However you can sign him up to receive your favorite porn so that way he doesn't have to sin in the eyes of God.
- Order him his favorite pizza I heard he likes: Pizza Hut (361) 729-7270, Papa Johns (361) 643-0737 (361) 806-2540 (361) 937-2424, Panjo's Pizza and Pasta (361) 729-1411, Europizza (361) 790-2443 and Dominos (361) 729-4700
- Send him free samples of lube from [1] , [2] , [3] , and [4] . He will be grateful seeing as he is newly single and the ladies will be lining up to date this fine man
- He is a humble christian man and may be too shy to start his own dating profile so feel free to start one for him
- As a Christian you can't have enough Bibles
- He also enjoys Chinese food especially from New China express (361) 854-3888, Hunan Express (361) 992-6666, Hua T'Ai Chinese Restaurant (361) 857-8788
- Be sure to Google "Judge William Adams beats daughter" over and over and click on all links of him beating his daughter to defend this man from trolls.
- Leave a comment on what an amazing judge William Adams is
- Call Aransas County Court Judge C.H. "Burt" Mills at (361)790-0100 and tell them you think it's bullshit that anyone has anything negative to say about Judge William "Bitch had it coming, and I was glad to give it to her" Adams. Then yell that she didn't deserve to live in that house!
- If all else fails, some good old gay hookers from Craigslist should do the trick.
Græt success
That's a Paddlin'
Previous Video | Next Video
See also
- Christian Spanking Blogs
- Rusty Ray - possible bff?
External Links
- WhitePages.com profile of William Adams (CONFIRMED)
- Aransas County Court-At-Law Page - Has the phone number for the court where he works. I heard he likes pizza!
- Aransas County Court Contact Page - Let them know that one of their judges is about to be fucked a la Anthony Weiner
- Gawker coverage of story
- Daily Mail coverage.
- Local News (Corpus Cristi, TX) coverage (with a statement from Billy)
- CNN Coverage (OH SHIT NATIONAL NEWS)
- Faux News affiliate
- Forbes article on the video and internet revenge
- 212 related articles and counting about Judge Dredd on Jewgle News including Huffington Post, Faux News, and even some Zimbabwean news blog! The butthurt is truly beginning to flow
| Judge William Adams is part of a series on Gay Republicans [OPEN THE CLOSET!]
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