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User:Clydewarren

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Most Encyclopedia Dramatica users will already be fully aware of the existence of Christian Weston Chandler the autistic, bigoted virgin who has been giving the internet laughs for many years now but not as many will be aware that the esteemed creator of Sonichu has an older half-brother who has the potential to be a lolcow in a similar fashion to CWC himself. With that said, meet Cole Smithy, born July 1963 who is almost as much of an egotistical, self-centred, fool as his half brother Chris is. Modestly proclaiming himself as "the smartest film critic in the world," Cole's main claim to fame is being the first critic on Rotten Tomatoes to give the much loved Toy Story 3 a negative rating, and although he presents himself as some much respected and revered genius he's pretty much unknown in world of film critquing. Being the amazingly, intelligent gift to film reviewers he is, Cole expects his legion of adoring fans (sound familiar to anybody?) to donate a minimum of 25 dollars to his paypal account and recently has posted several offers on Ebay asking people to pay for a night's drinking and discussing films with him. The minimum bid he expects in these offers is of at least 250 dollars although Cole insists he will be generous on the night out and selflessly buy the first round of beer (the bidder must pay for all alcoholic beverages afterwards however.)

Review Videos

As a budding, intelligent, film critic Cole feels it's necessary to upload constant video reviews to his Youtube account "colesmithy" and to his own website on a regular basis. A quick look around Cole's Youtube channel informs us that he only has 47 subscribers, 602 total video views and 406 channel views since joining in 2006 which is a pathetic amount for the self proclaimed smartest film critic in the world which his channel description informs us as being a fact "everybody knows."

It doesn't take much further inspection for us to realise why Cole isn't particularly well renouned in the world of film. His videos are usually [[[penis|short,]] consisting of an introduction from a voice over guy billing him as the smartest film critic in the world, him pretending to be controlling the video editing on camera and a dry, uninformative, boring review of a classic film in which he tries to cram in as many big words as possible in order to appear intelligent while mainly seeming pretentious. The drawl used at the end of words he is attempting to stress out the importance of is also extremely irritating and done in a similar fashion to the Random Capitalisation used by his younger half brother to emphasise words deemed as important.

   
“ 		 
Insanity is rampant. At an abstract level the picture presages Hitler's mad Machiavellian manipulation that turned Germany into a killing machine in World War Two.
  		„
  		 

— Cole being a modern day wordsmith

Toy Story 3 Controversy

Being the self absorbed, arrogant, attention seeking, douche he is Cole gained internet notoriety for being the first movie critic on Rotten Tomatoes to give Toy Story 3 a negative rating. Rating the film a C+ (or two stars out of five), Cole used ridiculous personal reasons such as the angst held over having the neglectful Barbara Chandler as a mother to lash out at the beloved film and raise the ire of many film obsessed, loyal Toy Story 3 fans worldwide. Regardless of whether you're a fan of Toy Story 3 or not it's undeniable a film with a 99% approval rating on Rotten Tomatoes (a website frequented by some of the hardest to please, most knowledgable film critics round), must be doing something right and that Cole was just trying to be controversial and gain infamy for his review in order to attain more viewers of his horrendously pretentious, film ramblings. Of course it's possible since Cole is the world's smartest film critic, he genuinely disliked the film and thought that all of his superior peers were wrong to shower it with praise.

Recent E-Bay Auctions

Recently, Cole has once again annoyed the internet by the constant relisting of an item on Ebay, the priveledge of spending three hours with him in a New York bar drinking beer and discussing movies. Not only has Cole implemented a minimum bid of 250 dollars but he insists that after Cole is kind enough to pay for the first round of drinks, from there the bidder must pick up the rest of the bar tab. Cole has re-listed this bid several times over the last few weeks so it's obvious this isn't some kind of joke and that Cole really is an expectant, arrogant, potential autist who holds almost the same level of unwarranted self importance as his younger, autistic, half-brother. The text accompanying the advertisement is fully quoted below:

   
“ 		 
Talk about movies with internationally syndicated film critic Cole Smithey, the Smartest Film Critic in the World, while drinking great craft beer in Manhattan on a Friday or Saturday night.

Cole will hang out with you for three hours at a West Village bar of his choosing to drink great craft beer (think Green Flash Imperial IPA) and talk over any and all aspects of movies.

The bar tab will be on you, but Cole will buy the first round of beer.
 

„
  		 


See Also

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