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Kesha/Timeline
| Date | Event | Location |
|---|---|---|
|
May 1, 1776 |
Adam Weishaupt founds the Illuminati. |
Ingolstadt, Bavaria |
|
March 17, 1956 |
Rosemary Patricia "Pebe" Sebert hatches from a reptilian egg. |
Michigan City, Indiana |
|
September 26, 1973 |
Lukasz Sebastian Gottwald is born. |
Providence, Rhode Island |
|
March 1, 1987 |
Pebe attends a party and Kesha Rose Sebert suddenly falls out of her vagina. |
Los Angeles, California |
|
May 1, 1991 |
F.A.R.T. the Movie is released. The film features an old woman identifying the scent of 4-year-old Kesha's fart as coming from a "very virile man". |
|
|
1997 |
Dr. Luke joins Saturday Night Live as their lead guitarist. |
NBC |
|
2003 |
Pebe forces 16-year-old Kesha to record her first song, "Stephen". |
|
|
May 12, 2005 |
The Wedding Planner episode of The Simple Life airs. This episode features two whores staying at the Seberts' house while planning a wedding. |
Fox |
|
September 26, 2005 |
Kesha signed a contract with Dr. Luke and his record label, Kemosabe Records. |
|
|
October 5, 2005 |
Kesha attended Nicki Hilton's 22nd birthday party where she wasn't drugged or raped. |
Paris Hilton's House |
|
October 6, 2005 |
Kesha did not wake up naked in Dr. Luke's bed and did not phone her mum. |
Dr. Luke's Bed |
|
December 5, 2005 |
Kesha has her lawyer, Fred Goldring, attempt to terminate her contract with Dr. Luke. |
|
|
January 27, 2006 |
Ke$ha enlists DAS Communications to find her a better contract within a year. |
|
|
January 27, 2007 |
DAS Communications fails to find Ke$ha a contract within a year. |
|
|
May 25, 2008 |
DAS Communications sent Ke$ha and Pebe an email in which they used "explicit language" when referring to Dr. Luke. |
|
|
September 11, 2008 |
Ke$ha attempts to terminate her contract with DAS Communications and celebrates Jews Did WTC. |
|
|
January 1, 2010 |
Ke$ha released her first album, Animal. |
|
|
June 16, 2011 |
Ke$ha admits under oath that Dr. Luke never abused/raped/teabagged her. |
|
|
October 18, 2011 |
Pebe admits under oath that Dr. Luke never abused/raped/teabagged Ke$ha. |
|
|
November 10, 2011 |
Ke$ha registers the domain name putyourbeardinmymouth.com |
GoDaddy |
|
December 6, 2011 |
Ke$ha makes her first post on her Put Your Beard In My Mouth Tumblr. |
Put Your Beard In My Mouth |
|
April 25, 2012 |
Ke$ha makes her last post on her Put Your Beard In My Mouth Tumblr. |
Put Your Beard In My Mouth |
|
September 25, 2012 |
Ke$ha's Die Young single is released. |
|
|
November 30, 2012 |
Ke$ha releases her second album, Warrior, which crashes harder than an aeroplane into a skyscraper. |
|
|
December 14, 2012 |
Adam Lanza goes for the high score. |
Newtown, Connecticut |
|
December 18, 2012 |
Ke$ha apologizes for causing Adam Lanza to murder 20 children and then proceeds to lie about being "forced" to sing Die Young. |
|
|
December 20, 2012 |
Ke$ha admits that she lied about being "forced" to sing Die Young. |
Ke$ha's Website |
|
April 23, 2013 |
Ke$ha: My Crazy Beautiful Life begins airing its first season on MTV. |
MTV |
|
October 7, 2013 |
Pitbull's single, Timber, is released. The song features Ke$ha and is currently her last song... and we hope that it fucking stays that way. |
|
|
October 29, 2013 |
Pebe Sebert sends Dr. Luke an e-mail where she attempts to extort him and threatens to blackmail him with Ke$ha's false rape accusations. |
A Series of Tubes |
|
January 3, 2014 |
Ke$ha checked into Timberline Knolls, an eating disorder treatment center. |
Lemont, Illinois |
|
March 6, 2014 |
Ke$ha was finally released from Timberline Knolls after doctors erroneously deemed her to no longer be a threat to society. |
Lemont, Illinois |
|
September 5, 2014 |
Simone Battle of G.R.L., a Kemosabe signed girl group, is found hanging in her closet. Ruled a suicide, but Ke$ha has never denied involvement in her death. |
Los Angeles, California |
|
October 14, 2014 |
Ke$ha files a LOLsuit against Dr.Luke and finally plays the rape card. |
|
|
December 2, 2014 |
Lady Gaga reveals that she was allegedly raped by a music producer early in her career. |
The Howard Stern Show |
|
December 2, 2014 |
Mark Geragos poses the deeply philosophical question "Guess who the rapists was?" and then responds "#bingo" when some faggot says "Lukasz". |
|
|
December 2, 2014 |
Lady Gaga's lawyers call Geragos out on his bullshit. |
|
|
December 2, 2014 |
Geragos claims that Lady Gaga's lawyers are lying and then threatens to drag Lady Gaga to court to testify against Dr. Luke. |
|
|
December 23, 2014 |
Ke$ha performed live with Yeast Infection. |
Nashville, Tennessee |
|
June 9, 2015[citation needed] |
Ke$ha amends her lawsuit to include Sony. Ke$ha now claims that Sony knew about the abuse (that didn't actually exist) and did nothing about it. | |
|
October 23, 2015 |
Jem and the Holograms, a reboot movie of the 80s animu of the same name, is released. Ke$ha has a small role in this shitty flop of a movie. | |
|
February 19, 2016 |
New York Supreme Court Justice Shirley Werner Kornreich denies Ke$ha's request for an injunction. |
New York |
|
February 19, 2016 |
Brandon de la Cruz starts a GoFundMe campaign in an attempt to raise $2,000,000 and buy Ke$ha's contract from Sony. |
GoFundMe |
|
March 9, 2016 |
Shitty tabloid The Crap publishes an article that claims that Sony is planning on dropping Dr. Luke. |
The Wrap |
|
March 9, 2016 |
The faggots of Twitter begin planning for the |
|
|
March 22, 2016 |
Ke$ha files an appeal against Shirley Kornreich's ruling that compares her contract to slavery. |
New York |
|
March 22, 2016 |
The progressive libtard commenters on HuffPost begin frothing at the mouth and finally start calling Ke$ha a liar after her slavery comments. |
Huffington Post |
|
April 3, 2016 |
Ke$ha claims that she rejected a deal that would have given her her "freedom" if she apologized for making false rape allegations. |
|
|
April 3, 2016 |
|
|
|
April 6, 2016 |
Ke$ha gets BTFO when Shirley Kornreich dismisses all but one of the claims in her LOLsuit against Sony. |
New York |
|
April 7, 2016 |
Jennifer Lopez releases her single and "feminist anthem" Ain't Your Mama. |
|
|
April 7, 2016 |
The spastics on Twitter begin harassing Jennifer Lopez via the |
|
|
April 7, 2016 |
Demi Lovato makes a tweet promoting Jennifer Lopez's Ain't Your Mama and is promptly harassed. |
|
|
TBD |
Ke$ha does an Amy Winehouse/Steve Irwin/Kurt Cobain. |
TBD |
