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ISIS Paris Attack 13-11
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THIS PAGE IS BEING WATCHED BY ENEMIES OF THE LULZ. BEWARE OF BUTTHURT REVISIONISM. |
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BREAKING NEWS!! MUSLIMS DID IT! |
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| French November 2015 Attacks | |
| Nationality: | French 
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| Highscore | Killed 130, injured 368 |
| Top 25? | Yes, #3 of Co-Op mode |
| Style | Co-Op |
| An Hero? | Yes |
On Friday the 13th, November 2015, de_paris was the site of a brutal game of Counter-Strike where the Terrorists Won. The normally gay city of Paris was rocked by some decidedly not gay shootings and bombings, leaving 130 French dead and 368 injured. France responded by finally closing its borders AFTER letting terrorist sand niggers in, and declaring a state of emergency. Around 100 of the dead were hostages killed in the Batacalan Theatre during the performance of Eagles of Death Metal, which, ironically, is NOT a Death Metal band at all. Survivors have claimed that death was preferable to listening to their music. On the plus side, all Parisian students then got Saturday off of school after the attacks. To the shock and amazement of the world, it appears at least eight persons of Arab descent with ties to ISIS were responsible for the carnage, although given that they were just trying to secure their virgins in Heaven, their actions may have been completely justified.
Perpetrators
Just hours after President Obama declared that ISIS is contained and not gaining strength, the grateful Muslims of France, ever thankful for letting them take refuge from the shithole country of Syria, decided to show the French their appreciation in the time-honored tradition of their people. Of course, these peaceful followers of the merciful and loving Allah would not dream of any retribution for France's role in the bombing of ISIS in Syria, for Islam is a religion of peace.
The Party Begins
The peace celebrations began in the Bataclan Theatre where several of the paraders burst in and began shooting off celebratory gunfire at the assembled theatre patrons. This sent at least 80 of them into the loving arms of Allah and many others to one of France's lovely hospitals (to no doubt be cared for by sexy French nurses, the lucky bastards). Next, groups of celebrators took to some quaint French restaurants (where patrons were no doubt sipping hot espresso while smoking exotic cigarettes) and gave them a taste of delicious Arab culture that sent another 36 people into Paradise! And of course, nothing quite says "Europe" like a rousing game of soccer. So it was only natural that the loving Muslims would set off celebratory fireworks that allowed at least five more people to pass through the Gates of Heaven (even the visiting Germans were lucky enough to get in on this action). All in all, it was a joyous night of peace and love, putting forever to rest the fears of those naysayers who erroneously claimed that the Muslim influx into Europe would ever result in conflict or distress. A true victory for social justice.
Why do sandniggers hate France?
Frogland has a problem with sandniggers, with over 5 million of them infesting their pussy country, with the most in Marseilles. France also really enjoys making fun of Muhammed, like over at the Jewish newspaper Charlie Hebdo.
After sandniggers shot up Charlie Hebdo for years of blasphemy leaving 21 people dead, the cowardly Jewish liberal magazine decided to double down. One cartoonist survived the attack because he was a lazy Frenchman who slept in and was late for work; he drew the next cover. Regarding the terrorists, the cartoonist said: "At one point, they lost their sense of humour." Charlie Hebdo's next cover, Issue 1178, featured a cartoon of Muhammed shedding a single tear, and nearly 8 million copies were printed vs. the usual 60,000. After the attacks in January, at least 3.7 million people marched and rallied in France, with the most in Paris, the largest rally in French history since Paris was freed from the Nazis. People shouted "freedom" and "Charlie" and "we are not afraid!" The march included 46 world leaders like Frog President, Fish and Chips Prime Minister, Sausage Chancellor, Vodka Foreign Minister, and Bagel Prime Minister.
Those anti-terrorism rallies put an end to terrorism once and for all.
Just kidding. There have been at least 50 revenge attacks since the Charlie Hebdo shooting. For some reason, the continued blasphemy from Charlie Hebdo and millions of people supporting blasphemy didn't exactly warm the hearts of violent Mudslimes or put them in a forgiving mood. It's unknown whether terrorists have in fact "lost their sense of humour." Nevertheless, in a series of attacks ten months later, attacks that surely had nothing to do with blasphemy by Charlie Hebdo or the January rallies in Paris in support of blasphemy, at least 100 were killed in Paris and other parts of France. One gunman yelled "This is because of all the harm done by Hollande to Muslims all over the world!" Frogfag President Hollande later declared a state of emergency and closed the borders of Frogland. You know, to show that they were not afraid.
Al Qaeda did Charlie Hebdo, but ISIS (a splinter group of Al Qaeda) did 13/11 and outdid them with a higher score since ISIS has more dosh from looting Mosul's Central Bank. To recap 2015: France humiliates sandniggers, sandniggers attack Paris, France bombs Syria, sandniggers attack Paris, France bombs Syria, __________. Guess the next element in the sequence to win the prize: an all expenses-paid trip to beautiful Paris! Visit the Eiffel Tower! Go to a lovely street cafe! Enjoy a local music venue! See U2 and Coldplay perform live!
To further troll sandniggers, Charlie Hebdo put out a new cover featuring a Frenchman full of holes drinking champagne, which is haram to sandniggers. Families of victims loved the cover, since the blood pouring out of their recently alive loved ones was drawn with a different color, like all those commercials for tampons and Mortal Kombat.
Shooter Info
At least one Belgian sandnigger, 26-year-old Abdeslam Salah Abdeslam, is currently in custody of the baguette-wielding authorities. Fun fact: French authorities questioned him at the border with Belgium, but let him go, after gazing deeply into his innocent Muslim puppy dog eyes. However, he has since been captured, and is expected to serve six months in a medium security French prison. After his release, he will live a life of peace before dying at an old age and finally getting his 72 virgins.
Born into an innocent Muslim family, Abby's older brother Brahim Salah Abdeslam spontaneously blew up in a busy cafe during the last level of GTA: Paris. Can happen to anybody, amirite?
Videos
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Quotes
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Gallery
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Average reaction to Eagles of Death Metal -
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Asking for it. -
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Begging for it. -
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Hipster irony: Dying at Death Metal concert. -
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Set phasers to LULZ... -
NSA can't crack PS4? -
Hashtag fail -
No exceptions. -
Paris prays for meme abuse to end. -
Terror threat level red!
High Score
| Graded score | |
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| Kill count: | 130/20 More than the French ever killed in WWII |
| Accuracy: | 10/20 Typical Arab spamming |
| Style: | 19/20 Played it like GTA |
| Butthurt: | 20/20 Pope calling it "World War III" |
| Bonus: | 15/20 Dead Frenchmen is never a bad thing |
| Total score: 194/100 (S) | |
Wanted Level:
___________________
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___________________
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National Guard
See Also
- France - where shit went down
- Terrorism
- ISIS - did it for the lulz
- 1-14 Jakarta Attacks - the sequel!
- Charlie Hebdo
- Nice truck bro
External Links
- news article
- another news article
- Not everyone cares about a bunch of dead crackers
| Featured article November 16 & 17, 2015 | ||
| Preceded by Five Nights at Freddy's |
ISIS Paris Attack 13-11 | Succeeded by Chaosscizzors |