Jacob Sartorius

Jacob Sartorius is a 14 year old fuckboy who makes cringy music videos and vlogs on Youtube.

Jacob Sartorius in the flesh.

"Hey, look at me everyone! I'm cool because I have abs!"

The Story Begins

A faceless couple was fucking around without condoms, and accidentally, in October 2002, Jakey was born. The couple, realizing their mistake, put him up for adoption. He was unwanted since the beginning. When he was adopted, he moved to some greasepit town Virginia where the bastard was raised. At age 7, he began "acting" in musicals. Jakey, being filled with USI, thought he could make it big in the music industry.

In 2014, Mr. Sartorius discovered the world of autism where people post 6 second videos doing stupid things. Because using Vine makes you so kewl, right? Apparently, it was a video about cyber bullying that went viral, and, in turn, made him famous, of all things. Later on, Sartorius began regularly uploading content to Vine, and became mildly popular on the app.

But then Jacob said "Hmmm. I'm already popular on Vine. Maybe I can become even more popular by uploading my cringy content to Musical.ly, while sporting my fuckboi haircut." And so he did. Later on, in 2014, he signed up for Musical.ly, and began making "lip sync" videos of overrated pop songs.

Bullying

It seems as though all this didn't stick to plan for Mr. Sartorius, as his "fame" made him the target of bullying. According to Wikipedia, he "had to switch schools three times" due to said bullying. This isn't to blame the bullies. Any normal person who sees this fuckboy would tell him how much of a faggot he is.

Escape From Real Life

Like most people who are addicted to social media, it provides an escape from reality, especially when ones' real life sucks so much. Sartorius is quoted by the following:

Before Musical.ly, I wasn’t the most outgoing. The app helped me goof off. It’s like no one is watching besides the camera.

Jacob has no talent. He thinks he does, but he doesn't. But when your parents are rich, and have connections, anything's possible. And Jacob is no exception.

Crying On Stream

There, there, Jacob. They didn't really mean what they said.

“	I'm just a KID, who sits in my room, and makes MUSICAL.LYS.	„

Looks like Jacob, here, is getting more than he bargained for. A video uploaded to Santorius' Youtube channel, dated November 21, 2016, shows Jacob reading hate mail from complete strangers online. While staring blankly at his screen, he breaks down and starts crying, proving that his self-esteem is so low, as to take goofy internet comments seriously. Seems like an internet career is too much for Jakey.

The important part is from 0:13 to 0:56. Forget all the other crap.

External Links

Warning: only for the curious, it is strongly advised not to go here.

• Youtube channel where he uploads his cringe material
• Another channel, only this one contains vlogs