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<font color=green>[[File:Post check.png]] '''Anonymous'''</font> 06/06/10(Sun)20:02 No.9872048
<font color=green>[[File:Post check.png]] '''Anonymous'''</font> 06/06/10(Sun)20:02 No.9872048
:The joke was that [[sad | Keanu]] is immortal and takes on new identities, often having been many famous historical figures. Sometimes it's said he is simply a "Man from Earth"-style immortal, sometimes he is a vampire or sucks the life-force out of those around him. In relation to this, his tragic life history was occasionally brought up. Recently (in the past week) the photos of Keanu eating on a bench alone and looking depressed and it caused Anon to feel sympathy for him. When some pointed out his tragic history - his father was a manual laborer who left when he was three, his mother dated around leaving Keanu to be mostly raised by relatives, although he was a promising hockey player an injury kept him from playing competitively, he moved around a lot (attending 4 high schools in 5 years) and didn't make many friends, he had to quit acting school because he was broke, his best friend River Phoenix overdosed and died, Keanu has expressed many times his genuine desire to have a family but when his GF Jennifer Symes became pregnant the baby was born dead, she then suffered extreme post-partum depression that broke up their romantic relationship although they remained close friends, later she committed suicide by car, a paparazzo claiming Symes had hit him unsuccessfully sued Keanu for 1.5 years (Keanu won), Keanu's sister got cancer and he's spent millions keeping her alive, and finally the whole world shits on him for being stupid and a bad actor - Anon began to feel they could relate to him and came up with Cheer Up Keanu Day on June 15th. All the recent threads have either been promoting Cheer Up Keanu Day, spreading the sad story, making sad Keanu verticals, or other stuff like the mixtape...
:The joke was that [[sad | Keanu]] is immortal and takes on new identities, often having been [[George Washington|many]] [[Winston Churchill|famous]] [[Mao Zedong|historical]] [[Ayn Rand|figures]]. Sometimes [[Some argue|it's said]] he is simply a "Man from Earth"-style immortal, sometimes he is a [[vampire]] or sucks the life-force out of those around him. In relation to this, his tragic life history was occasionally brought up. [[Last Thursday|Recently]] (in the past week) the photos of Keanu eating on a bench alone and looking depressed and it caused Anon to feel [[Troll's Remorse|sympathy]] for him. When some pointed out his tragic history - his father was a [[Wetback|manual laborer]] who left when he was three, his mother [[Whore|dated around]] leaving Keanu to be mostly raised by [[Your mom|relatives]], although he was a promising [[Hockey|hockey]] player an injury kept him from playing competitively, he moved around a lot ([[Special Ed|attending 4 high schools in 5 years]]) and [[Forever alone|didn't make many friends]], he had to quit acting school because he was broke, his best friend [[Junkie|River Phoenix]] overdosed and died, Keanu has expressed many times his genuine desire to have a family but when his GF Jennifer Symes became pregnant the baby was born dead, she then suffered extreme [[PMS|post-partum depression]] that broke up their romantic relationship although they remained close friends, later she [[An hero|committed suicide by car]], a paparazzo claiming Symes had hit him unsuccessfully sued Keanu for 1.5 years (Keanu won), Keanu's sister got cancer and he's spent millions keeping her alive, and finally the whole world [[Scat|shits on him]] for being stupid and a bad actor - Anon began to feel they could relate to him and came up with Cheer Up Keanu Day on June 15th. All the recent threads have either been promoting Cheer Up Keanu Day, spreading the sad story, making sad Keanu verticals, or other [[Crap|stuff]] like the mixtape...
</div><br />
</div><br />
[[File:Keanu Immortal.jpg|thumb|right|270px|""Money is the last thing I think about. I could live on what I have already made '''for the next few centuries'''"[http://www.hellomagazine.com/celebrities/200305283652/keanu/reeves/matrix/1/]]]
[[File:Keanu Immortal.jpg|thumb|right|270px|""Money is the last thing I think about. I could live on what I have already made '''for the next few centuries.'''"[http://www.hellomagazine.com/celebrities/200305283652/keanu/reeves/matrix/1/]]]


Thus, the truly sad tale of Keanu's life frought with [[Lost|loss]] and hardship began making the rounds on [[B|/b/]], [[tv/|/tv/]], [[a/|/a/]], and just about everywhere else on the [[NORP|norp]] side of the [[interbutts]] (including [[Facebook]]).  It didn't take long for a movement to be created to cheer up the [[emo|melancholy]] celeb...
Thus, the truly sad tale of Keanu's life frought with [[Lost|loss]] and hardship began making the rounds on [[B|/b/]], [[tv/|/tv/]], [[a/|/a/]], and just about everywhere else on the [[NORP|norp]] side of the [[interbutts]] (including [[Facebook]]).  It didn't take long for a movement to be created to cheer up the [[emo|melancholy]] celeb...
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Keanu is, after all, a [[Buddhist]].  And although no one is arguing that Keanu hasn't had real [[money|success]] in his life, after a long career of occasional artistic hit-and-misses, and an obviously troubled personal life, he seems to be questioning the realities of exactly [[hookers and blow|what "success" ''is'']].  He's probably gotten tired of listening to every Jew studio exec demand he [[sell out|sell-out]] and make another [[Michael Bay|shitty summer blockbuster]], or other [[douchebag]] celebrities he knows whining about how much it costs to insure their Ferrari while he's spending millions to save his sister dying from fucking [[cancer]] in the hospital.  So, unlike vacuous [[new age]] [[yuppie]] [[hipster]] faggots who claim they're oh-so-enlightened and sticking it to [[The Man]] because they recycle and [[I don't watch TV|don't watch TV]], Keanu's indifference and apathy is due to actually having ''had'' real loss in his life, and has learned from it the hard way.  So since [[EMO|we've all been a Keanu at one time]], every [[luser]] and [[failbook]]-fag on the internet seems to have turned Keanu into a symbol of ''modern-man-conflicted''.  Thus, many people see Keanu symbolizing ascetic [[DO NOT WANT|distaste]] toward modern pursuits of [[rich and beautiful|fame]], [[Jew gold|material wealth]] and [[sex|creature comforts]] that [[America|Murka]] blows its load over.   
Keanu is, after all, a [[Buddhist]].  And although no one is arguing that Keanu hasn't had real [[money|success]] in his life, after a long career of occasional artistic hit-and-misses, and an obviously troubled personal life, he seems to be questioning the realities of exactly [[hookers and blow|what "success" ''is'']].  He's probably gotten tired of listening to every Jew studio exec demand he [[sell out|sell-out]] and make another [[Michael Bay|shitty summer blockbuster]], or other [[douchebag]] celebrities he knows whining about how much it costs to insure their Ferrari while he's spending millions to save his sister dying from fucking [[cancer]] in the hospital.  So, unlike vacuous [[new age]] [[yuppie]] [[hipster]] faggots who claim they're oh-so-enlightened and sticking it to [[The Man]] because they recycle and [[I don't watch TV|don't watch TV]], Keanu's indifference and apathy is due to actually having ''had'' real loss in his life, and has learned from it the hard way.  So since [[EMO|we've all been a Keanu at one time]], every [[luser]] and [[failbook]]-fag on the internet seems to have turned Keanu into a symbol of ''modern-man-conflicted''.  Thus, many people see Keanu symbolizing ascetic [[DO NOT WANT|distaste]] toward modern pursuits of [[rich and beautiful|fame]], [[Jew gold|material wealth]] and [[sex|creature comforts]] that [[America|Murka]] blows its load over.   


However, the paranoid assholes who manage Keanu's career (and obviously exploit him) are not having it. Sad!
However, the paranoid assholes who manage Keanu's career (and obviously [[exploit]] him) are not having it. Sad!


{{quote|Keanu Reeves would like to thank all of his fans for their concerns regarding his happiness and wants to assure everyone that all is well. This situation is a result of a misinterpretation of a paparazzi shot.|[http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1996460,00.html#ixzz0qwkzqR2m Keanu's rep]}}
{{quote|Keanu Reeves would like to thank all of his fans for their concerns regarding his happiness and wants to assure everyone that all is well. This situation is a result of a misinterpretation of a paparazzi shot.|[http://www.time.com/time/arts/article/0,8599,1996460,00.html#ixzz0qwkzqR2m Keanu's rep]}}
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[[File:Keanu_quotes.jpg|thumb|right|250px|[[;_;]]]]
[[File:Keanu_quotes.jpg|thumb|right|250px|[[;_;]]]]
[[File:Leo_vs_keanu.jpg|thumb|250px|[[Strutting Leo]] does not give a flying fuck about [[Sad Keanu]]]]
[[File:Leo_vs_keanu.jpg|thumb|250px|[[Strutting Leo]] does not give a flying fuck about [[Sad Keanu]]]]
*His first name means "the coldness".
*His first name means "[[Frosty the Snowman|the coldness]]".
*Hardcore [[Buddhist]].  
*[[Extreme|Hardcore]] [[Buddhist]].  
*Dad abandoned the family when he was 3, never reconnected with him.
*Dad abandoned the family when he was 3, never reconnected with him.
*Mom was a showgirl.
*Mom was a [[Stripper|showgirl]].
*Had a long string of stepfathers, constantly moving.
*Had a long string of stepfathers, [[Parkinsons|constantly moving]].
*Different high schools.
*Different high schools.
*[[Dyslexic]].
*[[Dyslexic]].
*Had a keen interest in hockey but the Olympic dream ended after an injury.
*Had a keen interest in hockey but the Olympic dream ended after an injury.
*Dropped out of high school to become an actor.
*Dropped out of high school to become an actor.
*His daughter died stillborn.
*His daughter was stillborn.
*Girlfriend died in a car crash after being plied with drugs by [[tranny|Marilyn Manson]].   
*Girlfriend died in a car crash after being plied with [[PCP|drugs]] by [[tranny|Marilyn Manson]].   
*His best friend is his sister...she's dying of leukemia.
*His best friend is his sister...she's dying of leukemia.
*His remaining money probably pays for her medical bills.   
*His remaining money probably pays for her medical bills.   
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*[http://www.hellomagazine.com/film/2003/05/28/keanureeves/ Gave £50 million to the crew of the Matrix.]
*[http://www.hellomagazine.com/film/2003/05/28/keanureeves/ Gave £50 million to the crew of the Matrix.]
*Donates most of his money to charities for [[cancer]] research.
*Donates most of his money to charities for [[cancer]] research.
*Took a 90% pay cut on his salary on The Replacements (2000) so Gene Hackman could be cast. Previously, he had deferred $2 million of his salary so that Al Pacino could be cast on The Devil's Advocate (1997).
*Took a 90% pay cut on his salary on The Replacements (2000) so Gene Hackman could be cast. Previously, he had deferred $2 million of his salary so that [[Guido|Al Pacino]] could be cast on The Devil's Advocate (1997).
*Gives most of his earnings to charity and the backstage people who help on the set.
*[[Moralfag|Gives most of his earnings to charity]] and the [[Fluffer|backstage people]] who help on the set.
*Is quite humble when he speaks of himself, quoted saying: "I'm a meathead, man. You've got smart people, and you've got dumb people. I just happen to be dumb." - Keanu
*Is quite humble when he speaks of himself, quoted saying: "I'm a meathead, man. You've got smart people, and you've got dumb people. I just happen to be dumb." - Keanu
*He owns a house in Qualicum Beach, Vancouver Island BC, Canada and is reported to have said "I like your chicken" to a employee at the local grocery store  
*He owns a house in Qualicum Beach, Vancouver Island BC, Canada and is reported to have said "I like your [[Twink|chicken]]" to a employee at the local grocery store.
*[[Leonardo DiCaprio]] makes moar money than him, even though Leo can't act for shit either.
*[[Leonardo DiCaprio]] makes moar money than him, even though Leo is fucking ugly as hell and can't act for shit either.


{{quote|[http://www.hellomagazine.com/film/2003/05/28/keanureeves/ Money is the last thing I think about. I could live on what I have already made for the next few centuries.]|Keanu Reeves on Immortality}}
{{quote|[http://www.hellomagazine.com/film/2003/05/28/keanureeves/ Money is the last thing I think about. I could live on what I have already made for the next few centuries.]|Keanu Reeves on Immortality}}

Latest revision as of 18:54, 19 January 2019


Perhaps the most immortal and giving celebrity in history....

...and possibly the most depressed.

WTF's happened to Keanu?

Anon copypasta:

File:Post check.png Anonymous 06/06/10(Sun)20:02 No.9872048

The joke was that Keanu is immortal and takes on new identities, often having been many famous historical figures. Sometimes it's said he is simply a "Man from Earth"-style immortal, sometimes he is a vampire or sucks the life-force out of those around him. In relation to this, his tragic life history was occasionally brought up. Recently (in the past week) the photos of Keanu eating on a bench alone and looking depressed and it caused Anon to feel sympathy for him. When some pointed out his tragic history - his father was a manual laborer who left when he was three, his mother dated around leaving Keanu to be mostly raised by relatives, although he was a promising hockey player an injury kept him from playing competitively, he moved around a lot (attending 4 high schools in 5 years) and didn't make many friends, he had to quit acting school because he was broke, his best friend River Phoenix overdosed and died, Keanu has expressed many times his genuine desire to have a family but when his GF Jennifer Symes became pregnant the baby was born dead, she then suffered extreme post-partum depression that broke up their romantic relationship although they remained close friends, later she committed suicide by car, a paparazzo claiming Symes had hit him unsuccessfully sued Keanu for 1.5 years (Keanu won), Keanu's sister got cancer and he's spent millions keeping her alive, and finally the whole world shits on him for being stupid and a bad actor - Anon began to feel they could relate to him and came up with Cheer Up Keanu Day on June 15th. All the recent threads have either been promoting Cheer Up Keanu Day, spreading the sad story, making sad Keanu verticals, or other stuff like the mixtape...


""Money is the last thing I think about. I could live on what I have already made for the next few centuries."[1]

Thus, the truly sad tale of Keanu's life frought with loss and hardship began making the rounds on /b/, /tv/, /a/, and just about everywhere else on the norp side of the interbutts (including Facebook). It didn't take long for a movement to be created to cheer up the melancholy celeb...

"Cheer Up Keanu Day"

Turn that :( upside down.

After the lonely looking star of The Matrix began making the rounds on the internets, June 15th, 2010, was marked as Cheer Up Keanu Day and the fantards created a Facebook group, with the goal of organizing mass-mailings of letters and gifts to the saddened celeb. This is touching, although how anyone actually plans to accomplish anything tangible with this is a fucking mystery, since Keanu will most likely be indifferent to such trite, worldly efforts to change his eternal somber mood. He's probably dealt with enough fan bullshit already at this point, dontchathink? Meh.

Cheer Up Keanu Day:

Previous Video | Next Video


Despite what you'd normally expect about such a fanboi-spawned event attracting trolls like flies to shit, so far it seems to be proving remarkably faggotry-free (most likely due to the fact that newfags are too young to have seen any of his movies) , with even the basement dwellers on *chan taking particular interest in the event, and in Keanu.

Why Now?

Keanu is, after all, a Buddhist. And although no one is arguing that Keanu hasn't had real success in his life, after a long career of occasional artistic hit-and-misses, and an obviously troubled personal life, he seems to be questioning the realities of exactly what "success" is. He's probably gotten tired of listening to every Jew studio exec demand he sell-out and make another shitty summer blockbuster, or other douchebag celebrities he knows whining about how much it costs to insure their Ferrari while he's spending millions to save his sister dying from fucking cancer in the hospital. So, unlike vacuous new age yuppie hipster faggots who claim they're oh-so-enlightened and sticking it to The Man because they recycle and don't watch TV, Keanu's indifference and apathy is due to actually having had real loss in his life, and has learned from it the hard way. So since we've all been a Keanu at one time, every luser and failbook-fag on the internet seems to have turned Keanu into a symbol of modern-man-conflicted. Thus, many people see Keanu symbolizing ascetic distaste toward modern pursuits of fame, material wealth and creature comforts that Murka blows its load over.

However, the paranoid assholes who manage Keanu's career (and obviously exploit him) are not having it. Sad!

   
“ 		 
Keanu Reeves would like to thank all of his fans for their concerns regarding his happiness and wants to assure everyone that all is well. This situation is a result of a misinterpretation of a paparazzi shot.
  		„
  		 

—Keanu's rep

Sad Keanu Is Sad

Expectedly, that candid snap of Keanu looking ronery on a park bench was suddenly everywhere and was screaming for OC. The internets were happy to oblige...

  • Keanu is increasingly hungry.
    Keanu is increasingly hungry.
  • >:\ meanie
    >:\ meanie

Moar Keanu

Shoops and the like About missing Pics
  • tv fanart.
    tv fanart.
  • Tom Cruise makes Keanu feel bad.
    Tom Cruise makes Keanu feel bad.
  • Like Dr. Manhattan, Keanu needs his space...
    Like Dr. Manhattan, Keanu needs his space...
  • Keanu with one of his few close friends.
    Keanu with one of his few close friends.
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
  • Wait...what?
    Wait...what?
  • Keanu with some imaginary friends.
    Keanu with some imaginary friends.
  • Like LronBlubbard, Keanu will start his own religion one day. Only his won't fail epically.
    Like LronBlubbard, Keanu will start his own religion one day. Only his won't fail epically.

I was bruised and battered, I couldn't tell what I felt...

The Passion of Keanu

Previous Video | Next Video

Depressing Keanu Facts

;_;
Strutting Leo does not give a flying fuck about Sad Keanu
  • His first name means "the coldness".
  • Hardcore Buddhist.
  • Dad abandoned the family when he was 3, never reconnected with him.
  • Mom was a showgirl.
  • Had a long string of stepfathers, constantly moving.
  • Different high schools.
  • Dyslexic.
  • Had a keen interest in hockey but the Olympic dream ended after an injury.
  • Dropped out of high school to become an actor.
  • His daughter was stillborn.
  • Girlfriend died in a car crash after being plied with drugs by Marilyn Manson.
  • His best friend is his sister...she's dying of leukemia.
  • His remaining money probably pays for her medical bills.
  • Never married.
  • His best friend (River Phoenix) died of...drugs?
  • Avoids most relationships.
  • Turns down big roles if he believes the character's too violent.
  • Gave £50 million to the crew of the Matrix.
  • Donates most of his money to charities for cancer research.
  • Took a 90% pay cut on his salary on The Replacements (2000) so Gene Hackman could be cast. Previously, he had deferred $2 million of his salary so that Al Pacino could be cast on The Devil's Advocate (1997).
  • Gives most of his earnings to charity and the backstage people who help on the set.
  • Is quite humble when he speaks of himself, quoted saying: "I'm a meathead, man. You've got smart people, and you've got dumb people. I just happen to be dumb." - Keanu
  • He owns a house in Qualicum Beach, Vancouver Island BC, Canada and is reported to have said "I like your chicken" to a employee at the local grocery store.
  • Leonardo DiCaprio makes moar money than him, even though Leo is fucking ugly as hell and can't act for shit either.
   
“ 		 
Money is the last thing I think about. I could live on what I have already made for the next few centuries.
  		„
  		 

—Keanu Reeves on Immortality

Depressing Keanu Quotes

   
“ 		 
Grief changes shape, but it never ends. People have a misconception that you can deal with it and say, 'It's gone, and I'm better.' They're wrong.
  		„
  		 

—Keanu

Keanu lieks anime

Apparently, one of the few things Keanu still enjoys in life is anime...

   
“ 		 
Yeah sure, I like a good anime now and again. I mean, they're just television shows like any other, really, but they can really portray some interesting messages when done right. ...My favourites? Well, there's this one called Cowboy Bebop, that's definitely it. A few others like Akira and FLCL are cool. The Wachowski brothers showed me this movie called Ghost in the Shell, when we were doing The Matrix, and that was really impressive.
  		„
  		 

—Keanu on the set of Street Kings

The new happy Keanu

Prance Keanu

  • Finally on par with Leo.
    Finally on par with Leo.

External Links

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