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Liz Shaw: Difference between revisions
imported>Ham Makes Me Sick |
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| Line 74: | Line 74: | ||
* Compulsory paternity testing | * Compulsory paternity testing | ||
From the Hambeasts mouth (some of her policies | +++From the Hambeasts mouth (some of her policies+++ | ||
Families: | Families: | ||
* The declining rate of the two parent household is leading to an | |||
increase in child poverty and crime rates, so we need to work to | increase in child poverty and crime rates, so we need to work to | ||
keep families together by increasing the role that CYFS will play in | keep families together by increasing the role that CYFS will play in | ||
the raising of the child. By keeping a family together, this will also | the raising of the child. By keeping a family together, this will also | ||
ideally lead to a reduction in the welfare spend. | ideally lead to a reduction in the welfare spend. | ||
* Children need two loving parents so regardless of sexual orientation | |||
adoption will be open to all couples who meet the criteria. | adoption will be open to all couples who meet the criteria. | ||
* Gay marriage will be legalised. | |||
* For families who are no longer intact, there will be in emphasis on | |||
both parents contributing to the upbringing of their child - both | both parents contributing to the upbringing of their child - both | ||
financially and with custody. | financially and with custody. | ||
* Compulsory paternity testing where the identity of the father is | |||
contested. | contested. | ||
* Working for Families to be cut. | |||
== External Links == | == External Links == | ||
Revision as of 01:45, 23 September 2011
Liz Shaw, born Elizabeth Joan Shaw in Wellington, is a hambeast currently residing in Auckland, New Zealand. Liz likes to pretend she is Australian despite not having Australian citizenship. New Zealanders wish she would go to Australia, Australians are happy she doesn't.
She started her career as an Attention whore back around 2005 with an spectacular NZ Idol appearance.
After leaking the plot to Shortland Street, Liz managed to get herself banned from one of the larger production companies in New Zealand which was a bit of a problem as she had wanted to get herself a job in the MAINSTREAM MEDIA.
Liz managed to get the attention of a bunch of Basement Dwellers with her antics on the Internet and even had a sub forum dedicated to her attention seeking ways.
In 2011 Liz Shaw decided to run for New Zealand parliament as a candidate for Auckland Central. As with most things she sets her mind to, she failed dismally and became the laughing stock of the country once again.
Australia
Liz loves Australia and sometimes dreams that she was actually Australian. Luckily for them she was born in Wellington and while she can work in Australia, is not a citizen.
Liz has tried to live in Australia at least 4 times and each time has ended in disaster. Last time it is claimed that she ended up in debt and broke and had to some back to New Zealand to live as Australia kicked her out. A debt collection agency in Sydney is now looking for her over unpaid debt.
Despite all this, Liz still has a love affair with Australia and it is obvious she wants to marry it. This could be a problem however as she already married Auckland.
Who knows, maybe she will one day get herself a job in the Media over there. Ripper.
While in Sydney, Liz experimented with illegal narcotics. No problem though, everyone in Sydney does ecstasy. Besides, after we have done a weekend of prostitution, drugs, gambling and god knows what else there is always GOD to turn to.. well, unless you are just too lazy to get off that sofa and go to church.
Oh, if more politicians had such a rosy background the world would be a happier place.
Shortland Street
Liz, also an aspiring actress, was the first extra to be blacklisted from Shortland Street after leaking storyline details about the soap's romance of the year to a fan website. Liz has been banned from Shortland Street and all other South Pacific Pictures productions because she posted information she gleaned as an extra.
Craccum Debacle
she just didn't know to go away (still doesn't, will never learn)
NZX Porn Shoot
In 2005 Steve Crow, ‘the porn king’ advertised a nude model search in Craccum, the University of Auckland’s student magazine. The prize was $10,000 wiped off the winner’s student loan. Liz participated and posed nude, and while she did not win the competition, received $400 for her participation. Photos are widely available online, and many critics have suggested that Liz may have been more successful if she had simply waxed and wiped her ass
Liz Shaw's porno pictures. Warning: It's digusting.[2]
NZ Idol and Media Aspirations
In 2005 Liz Shaw auditioned for a place in season two of NZ Idol. Not only did try to take over host Dominic Bowden's presenting job, only to spectacularly fail, but she also performed a shocking rendition of Malibu by Hole/Courtney Love. The audition was featured on a G027 Telecom ad as being a bad example of what you could watch on your mobile and Judge Paul Ellis commented that Liz she was a "talent-free zone".
Liz is so passionate about working in the "mainstream media" that she offered to cut off both her arms.
She is spectacularly bad at managing money and has debt collectors in both Sydney and Auckland on her arse.
Political Career
In 2011 Liz Decided she would stand as an Independent MP for the Auckland Central electorate. Obviously as with everything else Liz does this was doomed to failure before it started. However, many lulz were had and her facebook political page was up and down more times than a Vietnamese hooker on crack.
Liz, as an aspiring politician had the right idea, her stance on censorship was overwhelmingly obvious with anyone who disagreed with her or asked questions she found difficult to answer finding themselves banned. This included the Human rights commission who kindly pointed out that this was not the best political strategy.
Anyway, after censoring the Human rights commission, Liz went on to tackle larger problems, like how to build a bridge between Auckland and Sydney. This of course got picked up by various Media outlets and she became a bit of a laughing stock.
Undaunted by the stupid people laughing at her, she added other things to her slowly growing list of policies and things she stood for (I know, most politicians work this stuff out BEFORE running, but not our favourite Attention Whore)
Right before she once again failed to actually finish something she started, and removed her political campaign page, she had written: "Standing for parliament has been a long term goal of mine, and I'm doing it this year because I feel I have something very worthwhile to contribute and the time is right.", I guess the time was actually wrong.
Some of Liz Shaw's Policies
- Building a Bridge between Auckland and Sydney
- More rights and assistance for Homeless
- Remove all social services that could actually help the homeless
- Except those she uses
- Kill the disabled and intellectually challenged
- Outlawing breastfeeding in public
- Forcing earthquake stricken Christchuch to relocate to Otara
- "Fixing" Auckland's Public Transport
- Introducing a toll bridge between North Shore and Auckland Central
- Reducing the toll charge when she got a car
- Banning the burqa
- Paying those with physical disabilities less to work
- Ensuring women are paid less than men
- Reducing immigration - need to mention that she had no clue about the procces that is currently in place; or criteria
- 0% income tax
- Compulsory paternity testing
+++From the Hambeasts mouth (some of her policies+++ Families:
- The declining rate of the two parent household is leading to an
increase in child poverty and crime rates, so we need to work to keep families together by increasing the role that CYFS will play in the raising of the child. By keeping a family together, this will also ideally lead to a reduction in the welfare spend.
- Children need two loving parents so regardless of sexual orientation
adoption will be open to all couples who meet the criteria.
- Gay marriage will be legalised.
- For families who are no longer intact, there will be in emphasis on
both parents contributing to the upbringing of their child - both financially and with custody.
- Compulsory paternity testing where the identity of the father is
contested.
- Working for Families to be cut.