Pete Brand

Internet marketing mastermind

Pete “Catholic Guilt Sufferer” Brand [1] is a self described internet marketing and social media expert. While most people use social media to whore themselves out, people like Pete see it as a way for businesses to “directly engage their customers” i.e. harass the shit out of them. The business model of Pete’s company centers around convincing technically illiterate people that enabling consumers to like a product on Facebook is worth several thousands of dollars. Mr. Brand is also a powerful SEO wizard.

Internet Marketing Academy

Occasionally Pete takes a break from trying to reinflate the dot-com bubble to teach others his techniques at his Internet Marketing Academy seminar. [2] This seminar is different from others in that it is not shady as fuck or outrageously priced.

Beyond using the abysmal ninja meme as a central theme, the academy website makes several bold claims that attest to the effectiveness of the workshop.

	“	We always offer 100% satisfaction guarantee on our workshops. Not only have we never had to give someone their investment back, but 100% of the attendees since 2007 have said they'd recommend our workshops to others (except their competition). That's pretty cool.	„
	—ninjasintraining.com

The site also features interviews with some of the marks discussing their personal experiences with the con.

Father Of The Year

In 2011 Pete Brand won the prestigious father of the year award, narrowly beating out competing fathers. During the victory ceremony that followed the sons of the losing fathers were sacrificed to Pete in a ritual performed by the Father’s Day Council.

When asked what drove him to victory Pete cited his Catholic guilt, suggesting that without religious indoctrination he would not care about his family. [3]

Information Security

Recently Pete Brand has delved into the world of information security. Eager to assist in disseminating his important message local media picked up on this, granting him an interview. [4]

	“	You almost have to put yourself in a cynical state of mind whenever you're looking at anything on the computer, and you're going to click it	„
	—Pete Brand struggling to explain clickjacking

To aid in combatting fake profiles on social networking sites Pete presented a series of guidelines for identifying profiles of would be scammers. They are as follows:

• Pictures look like Heidi Fleiss
• Relationship set to “complicated”
• Friends with people whose names contain letters not found in the English alphabet

Further elaborating on the topic of social engineering (while failing to mention the term “social engineering”) Mr. Brand flexed his cyber muscles.

	“	I don't think (the spam and scams) is going to be a problem for Facebook. I think it's going to be a problem with people who are naive. Really smart people fall for that stuff and I just don't get it.	„
	—Pete Brand discussing his invulnerability to social engineering.

See Also

• Social Engineering
• Scammer