Iraq

In the early days of the Coalition occupation, Baghdad's revered museum of antiquities was looted by opium addicts.

Iraq is yet another barren, war-ridden shithole of a country in the Middle East, home to loads of smelly, primitive sandniggers and kurds, all which happen to be batshit insane Muslims. One would think that such a worthless piece of shit would have no relevance to the modern world and be of no value whatsoever. But, due to the country having lots and lots of oil, the 'Murikans and the rest of the West can't seem get enough of the country and have bombed, invaded, colonized, looted, and generally pwned the country since at least 100 years ago, generating loads of IRL drama in the process.

George Bush Señor - The Original Pwnage

Once upon a time, Iraq was a primitive, useless, and unknown country. It, like most other countries in the world, had already been looted by the British for all of its resources. However, legendary strongman and troll Saddam Hussein came to power and led a regime for 30 years that caused more butthurt from America then any other. At first, he took control of all of the oil reserves in country, then made a fuckton of money for himself and his friends selling all of the oil in Iraq to 'Murika, in order to feed their massive gas-guzzling pickup trucks. However, doing that by itself was not enough for him, and he decided in 1990 to start an epic flame war with the West and Saudi Arabia, by invading the neighboring and similarly useless country Kuwait. By doing this he made one of the greatest troll moves of the 20th century, and pissed off every other country in the world. But (sadly), it turned out, Saddam's seemingly epic troll would backfire and turn his country back into a total shithole.

Dubya's dad, Saudi Arabia, and most of the other corrupt Western countries controlled by defense contractors needed another war to make lots and lots more money, and this was the perfect opportunity. Shortly after Saddam's invasion, 'Murika and a shitload of other countries nobody cares about amassed their armies upon the border of Saudi Arabia and Kuwait. They invaded, and epic pwnage insued. All of the Iraqi planes in the sky were shot down, all the tanks destroyed, and all of the Iraqi troops riddled with bullet holes from trigger-happy 'Murkians with M-16s. Saddam's army was totally destroyed by the 'Murikan counter-troll, and he retreated back into Iraq, to be bombed even more by the 'Murkians and to be cut off from all food and water.

Drama v2.0

In 2003, George Bush got butthurt after being taunted by the Iraqi dictator Saddam Hussein, who then invaded and occupied Boobylon, raped the U.S. economy, and sought control of Iraq's vast deposits of oil, as well as the profitable schoolhouse-painting industry (known among insiders simply as "the biz"). Iraq would also have served as a base for a future attack on Iran, but Donald Rumsfailed fucked it all up.

Operation Oilraqi Faildumb

Saddam's weapons of mass destruction.

Iraq was the victim of a massively-homicidal failed oil and gas exploration (Operation Oilraqi Faildumb). Test wells were drilled into the skulls of 150,000 hapless sand-niggers with M16 rifles. The brown ones were liberated from the tyranny of mineral wealth a second time because War Wars I failed to steal enough. This is what Iraqi Freetards call "liberation": bombing to death a mountain of people that did nothing to them, kicking in survivors’ doors every night for a decade, shutting off their power and water and making them live knee-deep in their own shit and trash and shooting to death anyone that doesn’t immediately stop at occupation road blocks that are ten feet apart. Criminally-insane oil executive Dick Cheney helped Iraqi Freetards understand that when we drop bombs on cities it's always out of love.

This is the “Bush Doctrine:” if you drop enough bombs on the brown’ens eventually they is Christians, roses and American flags sprout from their buttocks and they love you. When rag-heads do it they call it Jihad but we have uniforms so it’s different.

Operation Oilraqi Faildumb was also the dumbest and least successful military maneuver since the Maginot Line or ever. Team Neocon World Police spent a trillion dollars invading a country with no military and no weapons of even minimal destruction and lost to starving peons with counterfeit AKs and no electricity. Even the neocons admitted the Special Olympics War Games had been a failure after participants knocked over every hurdle. Asked how the most expensive gas-station robbery in history had gone so badly, W replied: "Anyone that don’t sig heil Iraqi Freedumb is from Nigger Town and hates freedom and the terrorises win. Derp terrorizers freedumb ‘Murka derp derp.”

The Coalition of the Willing to Kill Brown People for Money contained token Lobster-Backs and other irrelevant nationalities but no one cared. The United Kingdom's strategy of dropping tons of bad teeth from a formation of bombers was a failure and thankfully they were frequently the victims of friendly fire. The Australians were predictably deported for petty theft and other alcohol-related crimes.

Freedumb isn’t free of course and many leftards don’t understand Iraqi Freedumb was more about stealing gold from Fort Knox than stealing oil. Instead of going down to Wal-mart and buying Batman Halloween costumes and hunting rifles with their own money, the Neocon Republicommunist LeftRight stole $1,000,000,000,000+ from American taxpayers at IRS gun point. Evil Jews and their prostitutes were mostly responsible for Operation Evil Penis Freedumb.

Operation Oilraqi Freedumb: Your Tax dollars at work

War from a Soldier's point-of-view

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The Public's View

Iraqi Prime Minister Maliki (right) confers with unidentified Coalition soldier.

Dan Rather, the mastermind behind Operation Oilraqi Freedumb.

If you disagree with Operation Iraqi Freedom, you are either a terrorist, an America-hating liberal, or worse, French. If you agree, you are a true American, probably Christian, probably rich, and definitely hire migrant labor.

20 percent of all available bandwidth on the Internets is taken up by people arguing about Iraq (the other 80% is devoted to pr0n). On one side you have fat-fuck rednecks waving flags, and on the other you have hippies smoking pot. The dialogue is never intelligent, informed, or very amusing; that is until a flame war erupts, and then it is GAME ON!

• April 20, 2006: Iraqi Resistance Growing Stronger...And Speaking Better English, Too

War of TERRAH!!

Fighting the War on Terror by invading Iraq is the equivalent of sticking some rusty syringes and a live grenade up your asshole to combat an upset stomach.

THIS IS AN ACCURATE COMPARISON

Why we really went to Iraq.

Present-Day Iraq

Lol noone cares

Last Thursday, America elected a new president who promised to take the military out of the Persian Gulf. Since then, the public's attention has been refocused to moar important things. Due to these happenings, Iraq remains the same shithole that America left it. Some Argue that Iraq is actually worse now than when America invaded it, but most are just attention whores trying to stir up drama.

Praise for Iraq

Iraq is such a safe place to work that one can easily become an internet film star

"I believe that the government that governs best is the government that governs least, and by these standards we have established an exemplary government in Iraq" - Stephen Colbert, praising W at the White House Correspondence Dinner.

"The Earth is overpopulated, thank you for removing that million!" - Environmentalists praising Iraq.

"No Human Rights violations took place at Fallujah. The Bombs dropped were smart, nice & fluffy" - Human Rights Watch praising the Liberation!

"Thank you for handing Iraq over to us on a silver platter, while tying up the infidel army in a Quagmire" - Ahmadinejad's praise for W's actions in Iraq.

"Thank you for letting us raep you at the pump, while our allies at Blackwater raep Iraq girls; it is important to exchange feelings of hurt in cultural exchanges" - Oil Companies. (Military needs oil, Iraq produces less oil due to warfare. As demand goes up and supply goes down, price goes up, that's economics 101.)

Americunt Soldiers Destroying Iraqi Property for the Lulz and Justice!

Of course destroying the precious property of a few anarchy-ridden, desperate for survival, looting Arabs is always lulzy for your average nice, family friendly American solider! Note that one of those happy, car-crushing soldiers in that video was also a Arab himself, so how can he laugh at destroying the precious property of his follow desperate kin? Absolutely The American solders were doing it right by destroying those immoral, thieving, greedy bastards' car! That's what you get for collecting precious wood in your own war-torn country which was improved by us nice Americans, you Iraqi scumbags. American justice ftw!

American Ends The Iraq War on Dec 18th 2011

Too bad no more than 4,600 American soldiers were IRL PWNT (not including mercenaries like Black Water) compared to the 10,000 plus in Vietnam and Korea yet Amurikas are BAWWWWWING over the horrible losses of American lives in Iraq...disregarding the HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF IRAQIs killed who were mostly terrorists innocent civilians. Mission accomplished! Now them Persians Iranians are next! Hopefully the Americans can pull a 300 Spartan on them Poorsian arses by disarming them of their deadly nuclear weapons! American will now complete their mission to eradicate terrorism from the Middle East by fighting and beating Iran. Of course, invading Iran has nothing to do with gaining more control oil for big corporations.