Bulgaria

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Even if you could read it you'd never have heard of it.

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The next generation baffled by object in road.

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"A Bulgarian Christmas Feast".

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"Bulgarian girls are great." Apparently. Until they get depressed.

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Eeyore. Less depressing than Bulgaria.

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Bulgaria's most famous export. Made in Turkey.

It's nearly impossible to find anything that isn't depressing to say about Bulgaria. However, according to www.bulgariatravel.org "A picturesque small country called Bulgaria has existed for more than 13 centuries in Europe, linking East and West. Bulgaria remembers ancient civilisations and great people that wrote its turbulent history. Situated in Southeastern Europe, Bulgaria occupies the northeastern part of the Balkan Peninsula."

The depressingly supine history of Bulgaria

• Pre-45AD

Owned by the Greeks despite not being Greek. No resistance.

• 45-632AD

The Romans conquer Bulgaria (Thrace) enslaving 300,000 citizens. No further resistance until the fall of the Roman Empire.

• 632-1014AD

The only real time Bulgaria exists as a country. Call it Bulgaria's manic phase. In 718AD they kill 22,000 Arabs. In 917AD they kill ten of thousands of Greeks.

• 1014-1396AD

The Empire strikes back. Byzantine Emperor Basil II ("the Bulgar-Slayer") blinds 15,000 Bulgarian prisoners taken in battle before releasing them. No resistance or any uprising of the Bulgarian population or nobility after the establishment of Byzantine rule.

• 1396-1876AD

Muslims beat Christians in Bulgaria. The losing side, thought to number several thousand, are bound together and marched naked before the Sultan where a group of executioners proceeds to kill them, either by decapitation or by severing their limbs from the body. No resistance to Ottoman rule for five centuries.

• 1876-1914AD

The Turks massacre 15,000 Bulgarians, causing Russia to invade Bulgaria and end Ottoman rule.

• 1914-1918AD

During World War I, Bulgaria finds itself fighting on the losing side. The Bulgarian army suffers 300,000 casualties, including 100,000 killed.

• 1940-1945AD

Bulgaria sides with the Nazis. In early September the Soviet Union declares war on Bulgaria and invades it, meeting no resistance.

• 1945-1990AD

Communist, owned by Russia. No resistance.

• 1957AD

Development of Golden Sands and Sunny Beach resorts begin. No resistance.

• 1990AD-2010AD

Bulgaria holds multi-party elections and privatizes its economy, but economic difficulties and a tide of corruption leads over 800,000 Bulgarians, most of them qualified professionals, to emigrate in a "brain drain" from a country with not a great deal of brains to spare. Russian mafia takes over. No resistance.

• 2010AD-present

Bulgaria is enslaved by the police and the government. No resistance.

Depressing Bulgarian rankings

• 39th most popular holiday destination
• 26th largest zinc producer
• 97th biggest oil producer

Depressing Bulgarian facts

• The average GDP is one third of that of Belgium.
• There are 150,000 tractors and 10,000 combine harvesters.
• Bulgaria does not have an embassy in Iceland.
• Bulgaria has 500 soldiers serving in Afghanistan.
• Bulgarian train drivers have been issued with rotating chairs so they can pee out of the window without having to stop [1].

Depressing famous Bulgarians

An examination of the "List Of Famous Bulgarians" at Wikipedia[2] shows that there are no famous Bulgarians.

Examples include;
1) Sport. Georgi Georgiev - 2 World Titles for Sambo (2003, 2006).

2) Criminals. Nikolay "The Eyeglasses" Dobrev.

3) TV News Presenters. Ralitsa Vassileva.

4) Monarchs. Michael II Shishman.

5) Dissident Physicists. Stefan Marinov.

6) Wombles. Great Uncle Bulgaria.

The most famous Bulgarian actress is called Rositsa Chorbadjiyska and there has never been a famous Miss Bulgaria.

The Bulgarian language

Just as Esquimos have a large number of words for "snow", according to Google Translate Bulgarians have a large number of words for "depression".

See Also

Suicide

Depressing External Links

• MEET THE BULGARIAN PEOPLE BULGARIAN MEN WOMEN & CHILDREN
• Bulgarian Lolcats
• Bulgarian Porn