Avira

Richard Yamamoto presenting the Avira 'Double Value Half Size' dildo [1]. He is the first known zombie produced by the Umbrella Corporation.

Made by the Umbrella Corporation, an obscure antivirus tool, Avira is a trollware antivirus that installs more adware and spyware than Conficker and has a false detection rate so big, it detects the entire OS and itself as malware. The other Avira made by Umbrella Corporation is a methyltransferase that gives antibiotic resistance to bacterial strains.

The Umbrella Corporation supports the Auerbach Stiftung, a foundation created by the company's founder and CEO, Tjark Auerbach. It promotes biological weapons and other international biological solutions.

Avira uses (what they call) a zero-day malware prevention system which blocks access... To the whole operating system. This makes it incredibly hard to use and laggy as hell.

Umbrella Corporation

"Who invited you here?
INTRUDER ALERT!!1!"

Umbrella Corporation CEO, Tjark Auerbach, training Umbrella's first generation of zombies

Umbrella Corporation was founded by Hitler himself and given to Tjark Auerbach for his promise to "make software that does good things for whites and bad things for the jews." More than 100 million consumers and small businesses now depend upon Umbrella's security expertise and facepalm-winning antivirus software, making the company the number-two market share leader globally.

In addition to infecting the online world, Umbrella's CEO promotes infecting the offline world through the Auerbach Foundation, which supports biological and nuclear weapons. The philosophy of the foundation is to make everyone Umbrella Corporation's slave. Umbrella provides bacteria and viruses, delivered as cloud-based services.

Umbrella's CTO, Oliver Auerbach, tests mind controlling bacteria on niggers at the Marienkrankenhaus hospital. His first recorded success was turning Richard Yamamoto into a mindless zombie.

One of their projects, Avira, is both a spyware dropper dubbed as an antivirus program and a methyltransferase that gives antibiotic resistance to bacterial strains.

	“	AND NOW YOUR NUMBERS UP THE TARGETS PAINTED CLEAR AND NOW YOUR NUMBERS UP MARKED FOR DEATH	„
	—Avira advertisement

Avira Building Immunization

Disabling Avira

Anti-Avira crypter

If you wrote a program and it is wrongfully detected as a virus, you can do one of the following:

• Send a WM_CLOSE message to windows titled "Avira AntiVir Personal - Free Antivirus" and "AntiVir Guard: Attention, Detection!".
• Execute "taskkill /f /im avira.exe >nul"
• Use a crypter.

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Drama

Fake Aviras

In July 2010, F-Secure's Mikko Hypponen decided to troll the Umbrella Corporation and created a rogue security program called "Antivir Solution Pro" which caused a lot of butthurt because it crashed the real Avira and had a lower false detection rate than Avira.

Gallery of Fake Aviras About missing Pics

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  Fake Avira
• 
  Fake Avira: Electric Boogaloo
• 
  Avira Nguyen, another fake Avira

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Umbrella's CTO, Oliver Auerbach, "DJ Avira", is also getting trolled by fake DJ Aviras.

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Avira and BitDefender

In August 2010, Avira warned that BitDefender was infected with a trojan. BitDefender failed to defend itself and was deleted by the rogue antivirus. Avira later explained that BitDefender had "suspicious properties". Actually, all programs that had the strings "CheckSumMappedFile", "LoadLibrary" and "GetProcAddress" were detected as "TR/Dropper.Gen" even if the strings were never used.

Spyware and popups

Typical Avira pop-up advertising for penis enlargement bacteria

Since summer 2011, Avira requires spyware installs for receiving the Web Protection feature in the Free Edition. Avira Free Edition also has a pop-up asking customers to buy the paid versions on a daily basis and repeated 'adware' pop-ups several times a day. This has irritated many users, who have uninstalled Avira and switched to a different antivirus.

In April 2012, users of paid versions of Avira started getting pop-ups on their desktop for gambling and phishing websites. The advertising pop-ups were sponsored by Avira so they couldn't be disabled. This caused the antivirus to be classified as adware.

	“	I used to to have Avira AntiVir on my system a few years ago, back when I was playing World of Warcraft. Then the fucking thing minimised WoW, while I was tanking in an instance thus causing a group wipe, merely to show me a fucking ADVERT to try to get me to "upgrade" to the paid version. Needless to say, it was immediately uninstalled, and subsequently no Avira product has gone anywhere near any computer under my control since. Behaviour like that is as bad as the malware it purports to protect against.	„
	—Steven Roper

Avira detects itself as malware

After Sophos detected itself as malware, the Umbrella Corporation thought it would be OK if Avira also detects itself as malware. So Avira, after dividing by zero, infected its files with AIDS (Avira Immunisation Deficiency Syndrome), detected itself as TR/Spy.463227 malware and deleted itself. This was also not an accurate detection - AVG detects Avira as Trojan Horse Generic14.BXNU.

	“	Is there a Darwin Award equivalent for AV vendors?	„
	—Tom 13

	“	New Ad slogan "Buy Avira - we're so paranoid, we don't even trust ourselves!"	„
	—Phalamir

	“	I, for one welcome Avira's practical demonstration of how to disappear up your own arse.	„
	—TeeCee

Avira deletes the entire OS

AntiVirProActiv Service Pack 0 started blocking several vital Windows processes detecting that they were ridden with malware, preventing all PCs from booting. Operating systems were left malfunctioning or inoperable. [2]

	“	So it's previously managed to delete itself. Now it's managed to delete the O/S. Next week: "AVIRA DELETES TEH INTERNETS!!!111!!!!"	„
	—TeeCee

	“	What number of patch? "Service Pack 0" Zero? Well that would have made me suspicious straightaway. I mean, it's like V1.0 of a Microsoft product; you just don't, do you?	„
	—Andrew Duffin

	“	I dumped Avira last week, having got fed up with its constant advertising, and _re-writing_ of my Windows permissions. Looks like I was just in time!	„
	—G7mzh

Gallery of Avira

Avira About missing Pics

• 
  Typical Avira error
• 
  "Enlarge your cloud today!"
• 
  These two were real girls until they touched the Avira packages infested with antibiotic-resistant bacteria
• 
  Avira trolling its users

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  Avira doesn't support Windows 8
• 
  Resident Evil Retribution: Milla Jovovich vs Umbrella's CEO, Tjark Auerbach
• 
  Another typical Avira error
• 
  Updating Avira

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Testimonials

	“	Installed Avira to Win7 because I have seen it highly rated by some of you people here. I just had over 2 hrs of my time wasted because its detection of trojans, virii and malware is total BS. Look at some of the files it is detecting as virii. Even System Internals software and anti-malware software Smitfraud. I have Avira set to medium sensitivty and not high. If I had it on high it would probably want to quarantine the Windows folder even. I've scanned that external backup HDD in the past with Avast and Malwarebytes and both report it as clean.	„
	—guppy

	“	seriously who would use this software in a business?	„
	—Anonymous

	“	IT IS IMPOSSIBLE, this is my web and I have tried to delete ALL FILES. Whan I delete all files on the server avira show the same message, how it is possible have a malware if the server is empty????????. Can someome of avira support tell me why????????	„
	—tomy00

	“	WARMING WHICH FOUND WITH AVIRA, IS THAT MEAN "THERE IS AVIRA FOUND SOME VIRUS WHICH WILL DAMAGE THE FILES OR HARDWARE IN MY COMPUTER? PLEASE HELP ME.... IT'S URGENT. I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT WARMING "SYSTEM ERROR [5] THE FILE COULD NOT BE OPENED"	„
	—Ivone

	“	I knew there was a good reason to avoid this AV like the plague.	„
	—Framitz

	“	I love how when you click on a hyperlink to get info on the supposed virus it brings up a purchse order link instead. I bet lots of suckers have fallen for that one. I will say that Avira is very light on resources but I would never pay for software I can't trust. All AV can't be trusted to be accurate but this false detection rate is just off the wall and is a bad product. Back to Avast, me thinks.	„
	—guppy

Related Articles

• PIFTS.EXE
• Last Measure
• I GOT NORTON!
• Spyware
• System32
• Virus
• Bacteria
• Computer Gremlins
• Resident Evil
• TsimFuckis
• Juliana Wetmore
• YOU'RE A BIRD!
• Brian Peppers

Links

• Official website
• Avira mediates resistance to antibiotics IRL

Avira is part of a series on Softwarez Visit the Softwarez Portal for complete coverage.