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Gamers: Difference between revisions
imported>Nujen →Evolution of Gamer: added a sentence |
imported>Nujen Removed pipelines. |
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[[File:Mature Gaming Station.jpg|250px|thumb|right|Your average gamer, over 17 and morbidly obese.]] | [[File:Mature Gaming Station.jpg|250px|thumb|right|Your average gamer, over 17 and morbidly obese.]] | ||
[[Image:Kid feeding kangaroos fucking.jpg|thumb|410px|right| Gamers are bound to be fooled by professional critics bribed by large gaming companies.]] | [[Image:Kid feeding kangaroos fucking.jpg|thumb|410px|right| Gamers are bound to be fooled by professional critics bribed by large gaming companies.]] | ||
A '''Gamer''' is someone who plays games, typically to excess whilst living in his parents' | A '''Gamer''' is someone who plays games, typically to excess whilst living in his parents' basement. Gamers are self-obsessed, incompetent, megalomaniacal people who, due to their inability to realize their [[Paraphilia]] related fantasies, resort to the alternate reality provided by various mind-numbing, pocket-emptying, IQ-draining, socially insignificant games as an attempt to fulfill the need of their bloated egos and to mask the pimples, freckles, and pock-marks which crater their pale, sunlight-deprived faces, resulting in the non-existence of their social lives. If they do happen to have friends, they will be the first to say "[[Bros B4 Hoes]]" the second that friend meets up with a [[girl]]. Most gamers shop at [[GameStop]] (GAME if they're [[British]]) despite the fact that they complain about their [[butthurt]] from getting ripped off from trading in their used games. | ||
== Evolution of Gamer == | == Evolution of Gamer == | ||
Like ''[[Pokémon]]'', once gamers have reached a certain level of competence/knowledge of [[video games]] they evolve into the next stage depending on their situation. In their initial stage, they spend a very long time drooling over blockbuster games no one will care about in three years. Should the gamer be a [http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/us/2010/03/03/dnt.blind.gamer.beats.zelda.wis reasonably] good player and turn hardcore, they will amalgamate into whats known as a [[Tourneyfag|TourneyFag]], a basement-dweller who has somehow managed to lose enough weight to leave their parents house and turn up at professional video game tournaments. They are commonly noticeable by their socially-retarded conversation skills and [[aspie]]-like BAWLing at anything they consider unbalanced or unfair in a video game, and won't stop bitching until they get their own way, or their parents pick them up to go home. The alternative evolutionary state of a gamer is to become a [[Video Game Reviewer]], where said gamer has refused to leave their basement of dwelling, nor have they developed a decent enough skill for competition. So instead they | Like ''[[Pokémon]]'', once gamers have reached a certain level of competence/knowledge of [[video games]] they evolve into the next stage depending on their situation. In their initial stage, they spend a very long time drooling over blockbuster games no one will care about in three years. Should the gamer be a [http://www.cnn.com/video/?/video/us/2010/03/03/dnt.blind.gamer.beats.zelda.wis reasonably] good player and turn hardcore, they will amalgamate into whats known as a [[Tourneyfag|TourneyFag]], a basement-dweller who has somehow managed to lose enough weight to leave their parents house and turn up at professional video game tournaments. They are commonly noticeable by their socially-retarded conversation skills and [[aspie]]-like BAWLing at anything they consider unbalanced or unfair in a video game, and won't stop bitching until they get their own way, or their parents pick them up to go home. The alternative evolutionary state of a gamer is to become a [[Video Game Reviewer]], where said gamer has refused to leave their basement of dwelling, nor have they developed a decent enough skill for competition. So instead they post videos of themselves swearing at 20 year old NES games no one gives a fuck about any more in a desperate attempt to be accepted by their other equally socially-retarded peers. | ||
== Adult Gamers == | == Adult Gamers == | ||
[[Image:Gamermacro.gif|thumb|Pseudo Adult Gamer]] | [[Image:Gamermacro.gif|thumb|Pseudo Adult Gamer]] | ||
The [http://web.archive.org/web/20071115132733/http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5if3tJjIxhz596nF_zjpcPWstHt5gD8SSC7HO2 AP] reports that—OMG spoiler!!1!11!—most parents hate video games and secretly fear that their video game playing children are | The [http://web.archive.org/web/20071115132733/http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5if3tJjIxhz596nF_zjpcPWstHt5gD8SSC7HO2 AP] reports that—OMG spoiler!!1!11!—most parents hate video games and secretly fear that their video game playing children are losers (if only they [[:Image:Wow.jpg|knew]]). As an exception to that shocking generalization, the AP article offers the story of Marvin Paup, who apparently has a sugar-momma more gullible than even <s>poor</s>, dead Gweet: | ||
{{quote|Those who game with their children are likelier to be younger, single and part-time workers than those who don't, the poll showed. | {{quote|Those who game with their children are likelier to be younger, single and part-time workers than those who don't, the poll showed. | ||
Among them is | Among them is stay-at-home dad Marvin Paup, 33, of Golden Valley, Ariz., who says '''he plays 30 hours a week with his son and dozens more on his own'''. | ||
Their current favorite is "Halo 3," a shooter game played online by thousands of players at a time. His state-of-the-art equipment includes an | Their current favorite is "Halo 3," a shooter game played online by thousands of players at a time. His state-of-the-art equipment includes an Xbox 360 console, surround-sound turned up "really, really loud" and a 65-inch wide-screen television, he said. | ||
"'''That game has | "'''That game has bonded me with him," he said of his 10-year-old son Allen. "It's like a whole new reality with me and him.'''"|[http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5if3tJjIxhz596nF_zjpcPWstHt5gD8SSC7HO2 OMGWTFBBQ]}} | ||
However you may feel about using video games to distract kids from the bad touch, at least he's not | However you may feel about using video games to distract kids from the bad touch, at least he's not asking how to juggle both feeding his child and his busy clan raid schedule. | ||
At birth the adult gamer indulges in gay activities such as: | At birth the adult gamer indulges in gay activities such as: | ||
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*Getting drunk of Mountain Dew | *Getting drunk of Mountain Dew | ||
When the adult gamer hits the age of 18 he immediately goes into a college and state where a lot of fags reside ( New York, California, Canada) and tries to start his life over. Not before long He/She starts to get back into video games. When they do get to college, they are immediately faced with people hostile to his | When the adult gamer hits the age of 18 he immediately goes into a college and state where a lot of fags reside ( New York, California, Canada) and tries to start his life over. Not before long He/She starts to get back into video games. When they do get to college, they are immediately faced with people hostile to his lifestyle. In order to cope, they will recede back into the safer world of video games. | ||
== Association of Gamers across the World == | == Association of Gamers across the World == | ||
In [[China]], stealing one's cybersword will [http://web.archive.org/web/20100130012221/http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200503/s1334618.htm get you killed]. The majority of world's gaming population resides in [[Korea]]. Koreans regularly neglect their [http://www.eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=59697 children over games]. This is one of the reasons that North Korea is still kicking their ass when it comes to obesity. | In [[China]], stealing one's cybersword will [http://web.archive.org/web/20100130012221/http://www.abc.net.au/news/newsitems/200503/s1334618.htm get you killed]. The majority of world's gaming population resides in [[Korea]]. Koreans regularly neglect their [http://www.eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=59697 children over games]. This is one of the reasons that North Korea is still kicking their ass when it comes to obesity. | ||
In America, you cannot like other games other than ''Halo'' and any other bland-as-fuck First Person Shooter, other wise you will be known as a weeaboo fag. You must also like listening to boring heavy metal, graphics that emulate all of reality and wearing things with chains and bats on them. This is due to the common fact amongst American gamers, they all want to join the military and become | In America, you cannot like other games other than ''Halo'' and any other bland-as-fuck First Person Shooter, other wise you will be known as a weeaboo fag. You must also like listening to boring heavy metal, graphics that emulate all of reality and wearing things with chains and bats on them. This is due to the common fact amongst American gamers, they all want to join the military and become heroes, but there's no aliens and lazer guns, and despite how much shit they can spew from their whiny mouths, they are all in fact, gigantic limpdick scared babies. Furthermore, the Military does not accept obese mentally challenged people with alternative lifestyles. One Illinois couple was so into [[WoW]] that they decided to [http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,331732,00.html have a fifth-trimester abortion] rather than walk to the front door where he had been dropped off in his carseat. While eight days worth of gold farming might be seen as great success and win among gamers, the two didn't get to enjoy it once they were carted off in the [[Party Van]]. Other gamers in their party were heard to complain about having to start the quest all over again. | ||
==Gallery== | ==Gallery== | ||
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File:Gaminghamster.jpg | File:Gaminghamster.jpg | ||
Image:Gaming_lifestyle_advert.jpg|Lack of exercise = Death | Image:Gaming_lifestyle_advert.jpg|Lack of exercise = Death | ||
Image:Gamerlol.jpg | Image:Gamerlol.jpg|OBJECTION! | ||
Image:Rpgfanboy.jpg | Image:Rpgfanboy.jpg|HXC gamer at the point of no return | ||
Image:B hold a girl.jpg|Women can lead to character death and should be avoided | Image:B hold a girl.jpg|Women can lead to character death and should be avoided | ||
Image:gamer.png|Gamers also look at porn in their mom's basement | Image:gamer.png|Gamers also look at porn in their mom's basement | ||
Image:Gaymer.jpg|What | Image:Gaymer.jpg|What every gamer wishes he were | ||
File:Fanboy Nintendo.jpg | File:Fanboy Nintendo.jpg | ||
Image:typicalgamer.jpg|Typical gamer activity | Image:typicalgamer.jpg|Typical gamer activity | ||
Image:LOLHaloHaterIsButthurt.jpg|Gamers, [[fanboys]], and [[haters]] will do anything to prove and defend their | Image:LOLHaloHaterIsButthurt.jpg|Gamers, [[fanboys]], and [[haters]] will do anything to prove and defend their opinions to compensate for their small [[genitals]] | ||
Image:Gumtree-Mario-Buttfuck-ad.jpg|A typical gamer want-ad in Gumtree | Image:Gumtree-Mario-Buttfuck-ad.jpg|A typical gamer want-ad in Gumtree | ||
File:Remote broom.gif|Broom: The video game | File:Remote broom.gif|Broom: The video game | ||
Revision as of 17:49, 1 January 2014
A Gamer is someone who plays games, typically to excess whilst living in his parents' basement. Gamers are self-obsessed, incompetent, megalomaniacal people who, due to their inability to realize their Paraphilia related fantasies, resort to the alternate reality provided by various mind-numbing, pocket-emptying, IQ-draining, socially insignificant games as an attempt to fulfill the need of their bloated egos and to mask the pimples, freckles, and pock-marks which crater their pale, sunlight-deprived faces, resulting in the non-existence of their social lives. If they do happen to have friends, they will be the first to say "Bros B4 Hoes" the second that friend meets up with a girl. Most gamers shop at GameStop (GAME if they're British) despite the fact that they complain about their butthurt from getting ripped off from trading in their used games.
Evolution of Gamer
Like Pokémon, once gamers have reached a certain level of competence/knowledge of video games they evolve into the next stage depending on their situation. In their initial stage, they spend a very long time drooling over blockbuster games no one will care about in three years. Should the gamer be a reasonably good player and turn hardcore, they will amalgamate into whats known as a TourneyFag, a basement-dweller who has somehow managed to lose enough weight to leave their parents house and turn up at professional video game tournaments. They are commonly noticeable by their socially-retarded conversation skills and aspie-like BAWLing at anything they consider unbalanced or unfair in a video game, and won't stop bitching until they get their own way, or their parents pick them up to go home. The alternative evolutionary state of a gamer is to become a Video Game Reviewer, where said gamer has refused to leave their basement of dwelling, nor have they developed a decent enough skill for competition. So instead they post videos of themselves swearing at 20 year old NES games no one gives a fuck about any more in a desperate attempt to be accepted by their other equally socially-retarded peers.
Adult Gamers
The AP reports that—OMG spoiler!!1!11!—most parents hate video games and secretly fear that their video game playing children are losers (if only they knew). As an exception to that shocking generalization, the AP article offers the story of Marvin Paup, who apparently has a sugar-momma more gullible than even poor, dead Gweet:
However you may feel about using video games to distract kids from the bad touch, at least he's not asking how to juggle both feeding his child and his busy clan raid schedule.
At birth the adult gamer indulges in gay activities such as:
- Going to conventions.
- Reading comic books
- Watching IGN
- Picking Doritos out of thier bellybuttons
- Getting drunk of Mountain Dew
When the adult gamer hits the age of 18 he immediately goes into a college and state where a lot of fags reside ( New York, California, Canada) and tries to start his life over. Not before long He/She starts to get back into video games. When they do get to college, they are immediately faced with people hostile to his lifestyle. In order to cope, they will recede back into the safer world of video games.
Association of Gamers across the World
In China, stealing one's cybersword will get you killed. The majority of world's gaming population resides in Korea. Koreans regularly neglect their children over games. This is one of the reasons that North Korea is still kicking their ass when it comes to obesity.
In America, you cannot like other games other than Halo and any other bland-as-fuck First Person Shooter, other wise you will be known as a weeaboo fag. You must also like listening to boring heavy metal, graphics that emulate all of reality and wearing things with chains and bats on them. This is due to the common fact amongst American gamers, they all want to join the military and become heroes, but there's no aliens and lazer guns, and despite how much shit they can spew from their whiny mouths, they are all in fact, gigantic limpdick scared babies. Furthermore, the Military does not accept obese mentally challenged people with alternative lifestyles. One Illinois couple was so into WoW that they decided to have a fifth-trimester abortion rather than walk to the front door where he had been dropped off in his carseat. While eight days worth of gold farming might be seen as great success and win among gamers, the two didn't get to enjoy it once they were carted off in the Party Van. Other gamers in their party were heard to complain about having to start the quest all over again.
Gallery
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-
An accurate list of different species of gamers -
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Lack of exercise = Death -
OBJECTION! -
HXC gamer at the point of no return -
Women can lead to character death and should be avoided -
Gamers also look at porn in their mom's basement -
What every gamer wishes he were -
-
Typical gamer activity -
-
A typical gamer want-ad in Gumtree -
Broom: The video game -
Videos
Previous Video | Next Video
See Also
- Video games
- Video Game Reviewers
- Girl Gamers
- Basement dweller
- Angry Nintendo Nerd
- Online sex games
- Otaku
- Tourneyfag
External Links
|
Gamers is part of a series on Visit the Gaming Portal for complete coverage. |
