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3GI Industries: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 23:43, 16 March 2014
3GI Industries is a crew of young misfits from Milwaukee, Wisconsin, that are internet famous for their real life Super Smash Tournament series on YouTube.
Who?
3GI began its career when the crew were all just teenagers who wanted so badly to be like the guys in Jackass. They impulsively began filming themselves doing a myriad of ridiculous stunts and public trolling while wearing costumes and using props, firecrackers, and other explosive devices.
Some of this idiocracy included dressing up as JFK and going through fast food drive-thrus then pretending to get shot after their food was handed to them, dressing up as an astronaut and walking slowly on the beach like they were on the moon, dressing up like a devil and hanging out around a church, and mixing firecrackers with bicycles and skateboards. This compilation would be edited, compiled, and packaged as the Welcome To American DVD.
With the satisfaction they found in this video and the many other skits and stunts before it, they put all of their tiny brains together and came up with an idea that would shoot them straight into the hideous, tore-back vagina that was internet fame.
Real Life Super Smash Bros. Tournament
The gang realized they had one main thing in common: they all liked video games, and they were all willing to humiliate and hurt themselves for attention and recognition. So they banded together and created the real life Super Smash Tournament. This was not an original idea as it had been done a few times already, but they were willing to take it to the extreme by making realistic costumes, replicas of items from the game, and of course use firecrackers and explosives to make it more lifelike. The plan worked, as they are currently the most famous SSBT series ever, and anyone else doing it is ripping them off, even if their video was in fact posted before 3GI's was.
The best way to describe the series in a nutshell is a bunch of guys in their late teens and early 20's with ADHD and too much energy hitting each other with baseball bats and electric mosquito rackets, wrestling around with each other in the woods, and shooting each other with potato launchers and other things that go boom. Oh, and there's a girl off to the side somewhere too.
- What started it all
Previous Video | Next Video
With their relatives and everyone they went to school with wanting to get in on the fame and glory, there are too many featured guests to give a shit about, so instead we'll only detail the major players of the game.
The Rat Pack
Grant Duffrin - Grant diagnosed himself with Peter Pan Syndrome, and rightfully so. This skinny manchild is responsible for bringing together the motley crew that makes up 3GI Industries. When he isn't rocking his biker cop mustache he has an uncanny resemblance to some type of marsupial.
As the brains of the operation, Grant calls the shots, but also gets stuck doing all the work: making the costumes, spending hours upon hours on grueling editing sessions, taking the fall whenever the cops are called for reports of terroristic explosions, and paying for everyone's pizza every time they order out. But his name is still all over the credits and that's all that matters.
No one is sure just how much of Nintendo's dick Grant had to suck to become an official advertiser for them, but getting paid to dress up like Mario characters and act like a jackass in public [1] is a pretty sweet deal.
Eric Nitschke - Eric's name and appearance scream total Deutschbag. This baby-faced, golden-haired boy was perfect for the role of Link in the Super Smash Tournaments, but not Grant enough to play him in the Link To The Future series, cus it's Grant's show and
he's the star, bitch.
Eric's soft-spoken Euro-ass is always too stoned to utter a single coherent sentence during The 3GI Show, rendering him to stuttering and slurred gibberish that trails off at the end. Staying true to his Nazi roots, Eric posted a video [2] of himself speaking terrible German for his language class. Must have been Intro To German, amirite?
Taylor Campbell - Too fat to actually fight in the tournaments, Taylor stands off to the side munching on potato chips as an extra and looks amazed whenever there's an explosion.
Judging from his role in The 3GI Show, he's the biggest burnout in the group. He brings entertainment to the show by sounding a little like Seth Rogen and laughing like a baboon at pretty much everything. This, combined with his long hair, chunky build, and hipster glasses, makes him a fat hippie stoner.
He also has his own bit in 3GI called "Explore Milwaukee" where he dresses in an all-pink suit and black fedora and hits the town as the Puzzle Master [3], giving troll interviews to local residents while pictures of McDonald's hamburgers and random sound effects pop up on the screen. At least walking around town is getting him much-needed exercise. Interestingly, his YouTube channel feed [4] contains only a couple of Bowflex videos that he liked, most likely to "watch later."
Kevin Gonring - Kevin is your average gamer guy with an average guy voice. He really is just an average guy all around. He plays an average role in both the tournament and on The 3GI Show. He will likely live an average life and die an average death.
Shaun Stacey - Shaun is a greasy stoner with a geeky voice who looks like he hasn't showered for days on end (pic related). This is most likely a result of endless nights wasted on gaming. He had nothing interesting to offer to The 3GI Show and was most likely cut after the first episode for that very reason. That's really all there is to say about him.
Kayla Bruss - Kayla isn't the only girl in the group just to keep it from being a sausage fest, she's the only girl in the group because she's the only girl that these nerds could get. Of course she's equally as nerdy, as well as a tomboy. This is still a fail for the guys though because it's clear that no one is banging her on or off the set.
Kayla is cute enough to be the sexy librarian in a sexual fantasy, but clearly not sexually experienced enough to make the fantasy come true. Too girly but not tomboyish enough to battle in the tournaments, she acts as the various Pokémon that emerge whenever a Pokéball item is thrown, attacking the field with smoke, firecrackers, and other projectiles.
Her voice appeared in only the first of The 3GI Show epsidoes [5], offering a unique female perspective where she talked about dicks, sang a song about dicks, and read a furry porn story titled "Dogs As Lovers." She was obviously trying to send signals to the men around her that she desperately needed dicked down, but they were all laughing too stonedly to notice. She was later cut from the show because bros before hoes.
Kayla's dad only made the cut after complaining about hearing constant test explosions and finding various weapons around the house. Once Kayla filled him in on the gig, he demanded to be a part of the videos or else he would ground her from participating in them herself. The guys all told her to fuck off, but after she promised each of them blowjobs, they agreed to let him in.
Old man Bruss was given a pair of commentator headphones and a Professor Oak lab coat and was told to act funny like Eugene Levy in American Pie, but what he did instead was blandly point out the blatantly obvious and make occasional references to the family cat. They were wise to use him sparingly, and unfortunately for Dad, they later sold out by featuring celebrity guest commentators in the third tournament, rendering him completely redundant.
Other video series
3GI has made other video series that have received attention too, such as Link To The Future and their very own 3GI Show, but most of their subscribers only ride their cocks for Super Smash Tournament videos. Their fanboys even go so far as to comment "what about super smash guise?" on any new upload that isn't a Smash Tournament video.
3GI has since been basically likened to a group of monkeys that are ordered to perform for a group of hungry spectators at an online zoo for free. The only upside to this is the fact that they don't act like a bunch of Shane Dawsons and cry about people talking shit about them, and they actually interact with their audience and host free giveaways instead of being Jews and trying to hawk officially signed merchandise.
Recently their fantards have been complaining that they don't like the new editing style of the latest tournament and they demand it be restored to its original ways or else. 3GI responded by mocking the comments with their own individual accounts and even made a video [6] calling the crybabies crybabies and telling them to dislike the video and unsubscribe if you don't like it. So fuck you.
Shout-out to ED, where real niggas go for research
An EDiot discovered that Grant had mentioned Encyclopedia Dramatica during the 3rd episode of The 3GI Show [7]. At the 2:36 mark, he says he did research on the wiki for none other than front page celebrity SammyClassicSonicFan.
Apparently he wanted to feature the ear-raping autistic boy as a guest commentator for the third tournament. This is comparable to Howard Stern bringing retards, midgets, crackheads, and drunks on his show in exchange for cheap laughs at their expense. Unfortunately the lulz couldn't be had because Sammy's mom discovered his inbox and was not too happy about having a random group of men wanting to feature her aspie son in their violent video. His spot was filled by a less lulzy YouTube celebrity.
Quotes
—Grant Duffrin, leader of 3GI Industries | ||
Previous Quote | Next Quote
Links
3GI- 3GI homepage
the3GI
the3GI- grantduffrin - Grant's personal account
- cultfavorite - Eric's personal account
- sheriffbart1029 - Kevin's personal account
- Trailor Christmas Taylor's personal account
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