Civilization

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Warning! This game is known to bring cancer, aids, And USI

Sid Meyers' view of how history should be.

Civilization is an awesome game series made by Fireaxis. Like real life, going from Washington to to New York takes 50 years. Oh, and archers can fire from the same distance it takes to travel with 50 years, which is true IRL.

Leaders

Harun al-Rashid as seen in the game

Korea as seen in the game

Each civilization has a certain leader, and each possess a special ability.

Below is a list of them:

America: Washington

A faggot who will keep declaring war on you. If you don't have freedom, he will usually ask you to declare war on a certain civilization, then call you a faggot because you are a warmongerer. You can just nuke him, laugh, and have lulz.

Arabia: Harun al-Rashid

This guy has the ability to get moar gold from trade, And also get double the luxury resources. He is usually too Jewish to spend his money on building an army, so you can just conquer him.

PROTIP: For extra lulz, find a Muslim player on multiplayer who is playing as Arabia, then nuke Mecca. Lulz will follow as he calls you racist. Extra points if you tell him Arabia is the worst civilization in the game and that the camel archer sucks.

Korea: Kim Jong-un

Nuke him while you can, before he starts bitching and demanding shit from you every turn.

Germany: Hitler

Oh yeah now were talking. This guy is a total faggot, but he will help you deal with the Jews in the game.

History

Civilization V On how the Internet was Made

Mankind Suddenly came out of nowhere, and somehow they all had different cultures and leaders who DON'T FUCKING DIE EVEN AFTER 9000 YEARS!

After mankind popped up in 10,000 BC, the first person to play it was Xerxes of the Persians, in 410 BC. Xerxes then decided to base his empire off of the game, starting by building Sun Tzu's Art of War. The game was also the downfall of Xerxes when he lost to Cleisthenes and the Greeks in 403 BC. After that point at least 100% of people based their daily routine off of the game. Pottery was discovered.

The Romans got with the program, building temples in all their cities and hiring entertainers ("a lulzing civilization is a prosperous one"-Plato). Unfortunately, they made the mistake of attacking the Greek city of Troy, which was garrisoned with 9 veteran phalanxes (defensive power level of over 2). At this point, an ad-hoc expansion pack was released and the game was joined by the American civilization, who plundered Rome and started charging their special lazor units.

For some reason, Sid Meiers didn't like this at all and he insisted on changing the rules again. From now on, all civilizations would be allowed to cheat and human players would always be at a disadvantage. This angered Gandhi, who opened up a can of whoop ass. The Romans and Greeks made a love pact because nobody could tell them apart anyway. Diplomatic talks between India and America were disintegrating until JFK finally broke down and offered India a gift of 30 gold pieces.

Taking his cues from the new game Civ II, JFK started working on the Manhattan Project. It was completed in 40 turns because the Mongols traded their Stealth technology and apparently there was a scientist or something. American nukes wiped the Japanese off the map apart from one city that was fortified with a mighty warrior (it was on a mountain).

In 2003, the renaissance came. Leonardo DiVinci downloaded an advance copy of Civ III and blatantly stole the ideas for his own inventions like J.S. Bach's Cathedral and Spearmen. Leo became the king of France and had William Shakespeare killed for the lulz before some battleships came and shot at him. Leo knew he had to escape to planets beyond the moon, so he came up with the Apollo program. French cities started pumping out SS modules and life support systems. Egyptian paratroopers were having way too much fun hang-gliding to do anything about it. Unfortunately, the shuttle burned up on re-entry.

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