Handegg: Difference between revisions

Revision as of 10:00, 10 June 2015

Two fairies in tights, fagging up the field.

Not to be confused with Soccer.
Nor to be messed with.

	“	Egghands and Baseball were invented so the American "athlete" would only run 10-30 seconds every couple of minutes or not at all. And every time a team loses possession of the ball they take a short break and have a snack. Fucking Americans creating sports where they can still be fat and lazy.	„
	—Accurate analysis

Handegg, or "American Football" (AKA Rugby for faggots) is a sporting activity played only by Americans because of a cultural OBLIGATION for having ~~invented it~~ stolen it from the British. Since Americunts are fat (thus needing a break every 5 seconds), stupid (need to be told what to do every play), and generally unskilled, Handegg was tailored for them. With its use of tights, body armor, under eye make up, fanny pack and helmet (and the QB Snap routine where the team's captain mounts his man's asshole every down) it is the primary recruiting technique for young new homosexuals, as it is a required part of most young men's high school education. The objective of the game is to protect your team's egg so it doesn't get cracked and get it back to the nest. To Americunts, the game the rest of the world calls "football" is to them called "soccer". This makes no sense, as football is clearly played with feet, and yet their bastardization of a real man's sport seems to involve little-to-no kicking whatsoever. This particular misnomer only serves to further the entirely accurate allegation that the Americunt IQ is even smaller than your micropenis.

Rules of the Game

American "Handegg" Football (AKA: THE GRIDIRON GAME!!!) is a bizarre sport with an appropriately strange and obtuse set of rules and positions.

In Handegg, each team consists of 1 fast guy, 1 guy who can throw the egg, and a wall of fat niggers whose job is to run at the other team's wall of fat niggers.

Every "Football" team has upwards of 50 players on the bench, only one of whom puts his foot on the ball. His name is the Kicker, and he is presumably the player after which the sport is named. His job is to kick the ball away so that the other team can score.

Everyone gets told what to do after every snap; stop start, stop start, stop start...to ensure that the game is mind-numbingly boring to play and to watch.

And most importantly, every player who scores a Touchdown for his team is required to do a celebratory dance, after which he is fined tens of thousands of dollars by the National Handegg League for "excessive celebration".

How Amurika views Handegg

Warning: Not Actually Funny

How the rest of the world views Handegg

Football is not gay

TESTICLE SMASH

Handegg vs Football

In order to start an argument online between Handeggfags and Soccerfags, all you need to do is simply mention them in the same sentence, for results like this:

	“	JESUS FUCKING CHRIST YOU TURDS I DON'T CARE IF YOU'RE "LULZ TROLLAN XD" OR NOT JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT FOOTBALL VS. SOCCER OR HANDEGG VS. FOOTBALL OR WHATEVER YOU FAGGOTS CALL IT NOBODY GIVES A SHIT ABOUT YOUR DUMB FUCKING OPINIONS, THE FACT OF THE MATTER IS THAT BOTH SPORTS ARE HERE TO STAY AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE THEM WE DON'T GIVE A FUCK, IT'S NOT LIKE YOUR FAVORITE SPORT IS THE PINNACLE OF HUMAN ACHIEVEMENT OR ANYTHING SO WHO GIVES A SHIT IF SOCCER IS JUST RUNNING AROUND OR FOOTBALL IS JUST BUMPING INTO PEOPLE OR BASEBALL IS JUST STANDING AROUND FOLLOWED BY SPORADIC BURSTS OF RUNNING? YOU /SP/ SHITHEADS ARE LITERALLY THE WORST PEOPLE ON 4CHAN, EVEN IF /B/ WASN'T DOWN THIS PLACE HAS THOSE INBRED MONGOLOIDS BEAT HAVE YOU FAGGOTS EVER EVEN PLAYED A SPORT? OR IS YOUR "SPORT" JUST TROLLING /SP/ ALL DAY AND JACKING OFF TO PICTURES OF SHAWN JOHNSON? NEWS FLASH NOBODY GIVES A SHIT WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU ARE A WORTHLESS PIECE OF DOG SHIT! FUCKING CHRIST MONKEY BALLS	„
	—SUCCESSFUL TROLL IS SUCCESSFUL

Gallery

A closer look at Handegg About missing Pics

A handegg ball properly used. However, the demonstrator has a glorious gaping hole whereas handegg players need an alternative entrance to shove the dildo-shaped ball in.
No. 28 Thomas Goatse hopes to play for the Rams some day LOL
Goatse employs an unusual method for snapping the ball