Israel Keyes

Lose an iPod? This page contains an hero.

This person is a sick fuck! They should never be trusted by anyone!

Possible side-effects will include at least one of these: HIV/AIDS Bestiality Cuckoldry

Israel Keyes
Born:	January 7, 1978
Died:	December 2, 2012 (aged 34)
Nationality:	Americunt
Victims	3-11+
Top 50?	No
Style	Tactical Espionage Action
An Hero?	Yes, in prison

Israel Keyes was a badass Ted Bundy wannabe and sick fuck who got convicted for just about every crime you could think of. Although he only official managed 3 kills, it is likely he reached at least 11.

Although he planned to never get caught, unlike his predecessor, he eventually got V& after almost a dozen years. Despite always being a sick fuck, he cosplayed as a normal person to evade the party van, and was never suspected of anything, probably because he wasn’t a shitskin.

Before the Lulz

	“	I've known since I was 14 that there were things that I thought were normal and [okay] that no one else seemed to think were normal and okay. So that's when I just started being a loner. [...] People found out about some of the stuff I did. Like my parents, and parents of other kids who would hang out with me. They would find out about some of the stuff I did. And that's when I just started doing stuff by myself exclusively.	„

Keyes was born in 1978 to christfag parents in Mormon land, Utah. He grew up homeschool with no social life in some shitty forest in Washington state. His family got brainwashed into believing some crazy christian conspiracy theory from locals and ended up becoming Batshit insane White supremacists who didn’t even have birth certificates and idolized Timothy McVeigh.

Once other kids realized he was batshit insane, he became an antisocial douchebag who killed cats and broke into houses for fun. He stole weapons from neighbors which he should have used to go for the High score, but unfortunately never did this. Due to his parents being strict christfags, he wasn’t allowed to do anything against god as a child such as drink, have a life, or masturbate (unless he became a priest, of course) and had to sneak out to commit lulzy acts for Satan since it was against his parents beliefs.

Crimes

Keyes became truly devoted to satanic lulz around age 20, when he committed an assault on some bitch who was tubing but decided not to get the kill, later saying "I was too timid. I wasn't violent enough," he told investigators. "I made up my mind I was never going to let that happen again."He later joined the army, although he unfortunately never got the chance to kill sandniggers like McVeigh did. He got discharged after likely being molested by fellow comrades for 3 years. After this, he moved to Alaska for whatever reason, and started a construction company.

He started his lulzy spree around 2001 and didn’t get busted for 11 years, although he had hoped to never get caught but did. He burglarized About 20-30 homes across the US and robbed several banks as well. In Texas he burned down a house as a distraction then hit the bank half an hour later while all the police were gone. And yet despite all this, he somehow wasn’t a nigger or at least a spic. Well, if that were the case, he would have been far too stupid to escape getting v& for more than two days, so it makes sense.

Although some argue he got at least 11 kills, he only officially got 3 kills, worse than Kip Kinkel. He was confirmed to have killed an old couple in New York in 2011, and some moar noobz as well.

Samantha Koenig

On February 1, 2012 Keyes abducted random 18-year-old girl Samantha Koenig from a coffee booth and got some free pussy before killing her the next day. He then forgot about the entire thing and went to a cruise for two weeks. He could have stopped here, but instead when he got back he snapped a picture of her corpse next to some newspaper to make her look alive when she was actually already dead. He then sent the picture to her dad from her phone demanding ransom money (sounds like a jew move, amirite?). Unfortunately, after collecting his precious jewgold, he finally fucked up after withdrawing money from Koenig’s debit card but not realizing the feds could track the card’s location. He finally got V& in Texas, and his epic spree that somehow amassed only 3 kills was over.

After this, Keyes was sent back to the slammer and Alaska for moar assrape from Bubba. He tried to escape like Ted Bundy by using wood shavings to pick his cuffs by got tased like a bitch and told to sit the fuck back down. He would get redemption though after slitting his wrist with a concealed razor blade and also Hanging himself in his cell.

Graded Score

Graded Score
Kill count:	3/20 But might have been up to 11
Accuracy:	16/20 Planned murders well in advance, too bad it didn’t result in a decent fucking kill count
Style:	14/20 Not caught over a decade and lulzy suicide
Butthurt:	6/20 No one gave a fuck except for a few weird fangirls
Bonus:	5/20
Total Score: 44/100 (F)

See full ranking

Wanted Level:

S.W.A.T. Team

Gallery

• 
• 
• 

See Also

• Ted Bundy - Who he tried to be an failed
• Serial Killers
• Psychopath
• An Hero
• Jeffrey Epstein

External Links

• Interview with Feds #1
• Interview with Feds #2
• Interview with Feds #3
• Interview with Feds #4
• Interview with Feds #5
• V& Footage
• TOW Coverage

	Israel Keyes is part of a series on [GAME OVERInsert Coin]
	Single Player Elite Hall of Fame Adam Lanza • Anders Behring Breivik • Andrew Kehoe • Ariana Grande Massacre • Baruch Goldstein • Brenton Tarrant • Campo Elías Delgado • Cho Seung-Hui • Devin Patrick Kelley • Dong Yangling • Gabriel Wortman • Jack Gilbert Graham • Jakrapanth Thomma • James Huberty • Luby's massacre • Martin Bryant • Mutsuo Toi • Nice Truck Attack 2016 • Omar Mateen • Panya Khamrab • Patrick Crusius • Reina Nightclub Massacre • Salvador Ramos • Shinji Aoba • Stephen Paddock • Ted Bundy • Vladislav Roslyakov • William Unek • Woo Bum-kon Single Player Amateur Division Aaron Alexis • Alexandre Bissonnette • Akbarzhon Jalivov • Ali David Sonboly • Anderson Lee Aldrich • Andrea Pignani • Anton Lundin Pettersson • Artyom Kazantsev • Audrey Hale • Brandon Scott Hole • Breda Highschool Massacre • Breitscheidplatz • Brenda Ann Spencer • Bruce Jeffrey Pardo • Capital Gazette Shooting • Charles Whitman's Tumor • Chris Harper-Mercer • Connor Betts • Dallas Police Shootings • Darrell Brooks • David Katz • David Kozák • David Malcolm Gray • Death to Traitors, Freedom for Britain • Derrick Bird • DeWayne Craddock • Dimitrios Pagourtzis • Dimitrious Gargasoulas • Dmitry Vinogradov • Dylann Storm Roof • Elliot Rodger • Éric Borel • Euler Fernando Grandolpho • Flemming Nielsen • Fort Hood • Gabe Parker • George Sodini • Gian Luigi Ferri • Ian David Long • Ilnaz Galyaviev • Jake Davison • James Alex Fields • James Holmes • Jared Lee Loughner • Jason Dalton • Jason Rodriguez • Jaylen Fryberg • Jeffrey Dahmer • Jeff Weise • Jesse Osborne • Jiverly Voong • Joe Stack • John Russell Houser • John Wilkes Booth • Jonathan Sapirman • Josef Fritzl • Khalid Masood • Kimveer Gill • Kip Kinkel • Kongsberg Bow and Arrow Rampage • Lam Kor Wan • Mamoru Takuma • Marc Lépine • Mark Barton • Mark Essex • Martin Peyerl • Matthew de Grood • Michael Carneal • Michael Kenneth McLendon • Michael Ryan • Mikese Morse • Mr. Saari • Nathan Gale • Nghtmrchld26 • Nikolas Cruz • Noah Esbensen • Orlando Harris • Otoya Yamaguchi • Patrick Purdy • Payton Gendron • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Petri Gerdt • Ramadan Van Man • Randy Robert Stair • Richard Speck • Robert Bales • Robert Bowers • Robert Card • Robert Crimo • Robert Hawkins • Robert Long • Robert Steinhäuser • Ruslan Akhtyamov • Ryan Palmeter • Santino William Legan • Satoshi Uematsu • Sayfullo Saipov • Stephen Kazmierczak • The Twinkie Man • Thomas Matthew Crooks • Thomas Watt Hamilton • Tim Kretschmer • Timothy Hendron • Timur Bekmansurov • TJ Lane • Tobias Rathjen • Trystan Andrew Terrell • Tyler Peterson • Unabomber • Wade Michael Page • Walter Seifert • Wellington Menezes de Oliveira • Zhao Zewei • Zug Massacre Multiplayer Co-Op Mode 1-14 Jakarta Attacks • Academy Maniacs • Boston Marathon Bombing • Charlie Hebdo • Columbine • Crocus City Hall Massacre • Hiroshima and Nagasaki • ISIS Paris Attack 13-11 • Jews did WTC • London Bridge Attack 2017 • Medianeira School Shooting • Pearl Harbor • San Bernardino Shooting • Sri Lanka 2019 Terrorist Attacks • Suzano School Shooting • Timothy McVeigh • Zhaodong Massacre Civilization and Great Prophets Adolf Hitler • Augusto Pinochet • Aum Shinrikyo • Charles Manson • Heaven's Gate • Holocaust • Jonestown • Joseph Stalin • Kim Il-sung • Mao Zedong • Osama bin Laden • Pol Pot • Saddam Hussein • Waco • World War II Banned From Scoring Alex Hribal • Anthony Warner • Anton Bichivin • Asa Coon • Ben Moynihan • Billy Mitchell • Brandon Clegg • Brian Isaack Clyde • Charles Bishop • Clay Duke • Dillon Cossey • Faisal Shahzad • Frank James • Hayden Jagst • Hugo Jackson • Ilya Ivanistov • John Earnest • Kyle Rittenhouse • Laaiti Ekenstéen • Lindsay Kantha Souvannarath • Logan Clark • MAGABomber • Mikhail Pivnev • Nasim Aghdam • Nicky Reilly • Philip Manshaus • Richard Reid • Ryan Routh • Sam Hyde • Sebastian Bosse • Sol Pais • Stephan Balliet • Todd Rogers • Willem Van Spronsen • William Atchison • You

	Israel Keyes is part of a series on An Heroes
[iPod][Xbox] Died Alone 1-14 Jakarta Attacks • Aaron Bushnell • Aaron Howard • Aaron Swartz • AcidChan • Adam Lanza • Adolf Hitler • Akbarzhon Dzhalilov • Alan Turing • Alexis Pilkington • Amanda Todd • An Halo • Andrea Pignani • Andrew Kehoe • Andrew Koenig • Anthony Warner • Anton Lundin Pettersson • Artyom Kazantsev • Asa Coon • August Ames • Ben Vodden • Bob8466 • Brandon Clegg • Brandon Crisp • Brandon Hole • Brenda Williams • Brigit Gonzalez • Broadt Ledet • Bruce Pardo • Bubba Copeland • Budd Dwyer • Candyjunkie • Arcan Cetin • Charles Bishop • Charmaine Dragun • Chloe Sagal • Chris Benoit • Chris Dorner • Christine Chubbuck • Christopher Foster • Chris Harper-Mercer • Cho Seung-Hui • Clay Duke • Codey Porter • David Ritcheson • Derrick Bird • Devin Kelley • Dustin Michaels • Dylan Klebold • Elliot Rodger • Emma Jones • Eric Harris • Etika • Euler Grandolpho • George Hennard • George Sodini • Gizgiz • Gleb Korablev • Hannah Bond • Heath Ledger • Hunter S. Thompson • Israel Keyes • Jake Roberts • James Leshkevich • Jarrad Willis • Jaylen Fryberg • Jeff Weise • Jenny Grant • JewWario • Jiverly Voong • Jodie Gater and Stephanie Gestier • Joe Stack • John Houser • Jonathan Kendrick Lewis • José Betts • Jürgen Conings • Kevin Neil Whitrick • Klerck • Kurt Cobain • Leelah Alcorn • Livecorpse • Lowtax • Matthias Schoormann • Mario Ferreyra • Marvin Heemeyer • McSkillet • Megan Meier • Mercedes Herrera • Mia Janin • Mitchell Henderson • Mr. Hands • Matti Saari • Josh Ballard • Nathaniel Berhow • Nghtmrchld26 • Nikita Lytkin • Nikki Catsouras • OldDirtyBtard • Otoya Yamaguchi • Panya Khamrab • Paula Goodspeed • Pekka-Eric Auvinen • Petri Gerdt • Philip Markoff • Quentin Hubbard • Rachele Rudd • Rehtaeh Parsons • Ricardo Lopez • Richard Jeni • Rina Palenkova • Robert Card • Robert Hawkins • Robin Williams • Ronnie McNutt • Rudolph Zurick • Ryan Palmeter • Sadie Davila • Salman Abedi • Sam Leeson • Shane Halligan • Shaun Dykes • Shawn Woolley • Shay • Shuaiby • Sol Pais • Stephanie Michelle Brown • Stephen Kazmierczak • Stephen Huff • Stephen Paddock • Stiletto one • Tang Yongming • Tatiana the Tiger • Terry Davis • The An Heroes of Bridgend • Tim Kretschmer • Timothy Hendron • Tony48219 • Tyler Clementi • Tyler Dumstorf • Tyler Peterson • Verne Troyer • William Atchison Failures Adf-fuensalida • Ahuviya Harel • Alek Minassian • Amber Buttrum • Amy Bishop • Anton Bichivin • Ariana Raykotto • Audrey Hale • Aydin Paladin • Bernie Madoff • Brandon Clark • Brenda Spencer • Brian Clyde • Brian Connors • Brook Higgins • Campo Delgado • Charles Ziese • Cobanermani456 • Colonel McBadass • Crystal Shinkle • David Gray • DeWayne Craddock • Dimitrios Pagourtzis • Dmitry Vinogradov • Dylann Roof • Gabe Parker • George Stinney • Hugo Jackson • Ilnaz Galyaviev • Imma-The-Deer • Jakrapanth Thomma • James Huberty • Jameth • Jarrod Ramos • Jeffree Moon • Jessica Evert • Jonathan Ross • Joseph Camp • Justin-anon • Lindsay Souvannarath • Lolo Ferrari • Mamoru Takuma • Martin Bryant • Mary Bell • Michael Carneal • Michael Gimson • Missy • Mychal Bell • Neogrant • Nikkineko333 • Nikolas Cruz • Noah Esbensen • NuzzieKoma • Owen Wilson • Pikacat39 • PogoRoo • RainBoy107 • Richard Reid • Randan Fontaine • Rex Fowler • Robert Crimo • Robert Long • Salvador Ramos • Shaan Singh • Shinji Aoba • Sienna Johnson • Sirtom93 • Sneakylizard • Stephen Fry • TakeShotAction • Timur Bekmansurov • TJ Lane • Toaster Steve • Tom Preston • TooDamnFilthy • Tumbles the Stairdragon • Viper Related Pages 90 Day Jane • An hero day • ask.fm • Autoerotic asphyxiation • Columbine • Golden iPod • Heaven's Gate • High Score • How to become an hero • Jeffrey Epstein • Mydeathspace • Pseudocide • Shotgun mouthwash • Suicide • Suicidal Failure • The Great Sonic-cide of 2007 • Threatening suicide • Virginia Tech massacre • Waco

Israel Keyes is part of a series on Psychopaths

[It rubs the lotion on the skin or else it gets the hose againOpen the box]