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People: Difference between revisions
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Revision as of 18:55, 18 February 2023
People (also known as Humans, which stands for Huge Ugly Monkeys) are a species of smooth, smelly creatures who populate the Earth and the internets. They are the third biggest source of lulz next to animals and dead babies. TheEvilBlueberryCouncil hates them. While most creatures of Earth work together to form a better society, humans prefer to hate each other and disagree on every subject, even if they don't mean it; they just do it because they can. Humans also like to kill each other and themselves. This is because Man's brain is over 9,000 times the size of an apes and is too heavy to function properly. The word human derives from Latin "homō" which means gay; the "ō" at the end indicates that this more than just gay; thus, homō = "ultra gay".
—Elliot Rodger, (the Supreme Gentleman™)'s view on humanity. | ||
Diet
The diet of people is varied, and usually includes fruits, grains, nuts, vegetables, McDonald's and other creatures. Vegetarians refuse to eat the other creatures because of the karma, man, so they get an extra helping of lentils instead. Some people, especially 16-year-old girls, have anorexia which means their diet consists of pretty much nothing at all except for maybe their fingernails and the occasional razor blade, leaving plenty left over for the fatties. (See also: Food)
Intelligence
You probably thought that humans are really intelligent and much more superior than everything else on this planet because they told you so or you heard it on the news and you blindly fell for it (especially if you are a true Murrican). We are sorry to inform you but as usual you are wrong. Most people on the planet are borderline retarded, act without any common sense, and need others to rule them or make up an opinion for them since they are too dumb to think for themselves. Tl;Dr: Most Humans are just Sheep. All the technological achievements ever made are owed to a small group of individuals who are approximately 0.01% of the living human population and are willing to carry the heavy wagon known as human technological progress along with all the retards in it. ITS ALWAYS BEEN LIKE THIS AND IT ALWAYS WILL BE so learn to live with it dumbfuck. In fact if you take all the people and release them into the wild without any modern technology which they didn't contribue to make in the first place the vast majority of them will die within the first week. We got you worried if you are stupid or not ???
How to tell if you are a dumbfuck:
- You listen to autotune sounds made by Justin Bieber, Lady Gaga or Kanye West and you think OMG ITS THE BEST MUSIC EVAAAAR!!!!111!1
- You consider Fox News as a legitimate source of information
- You for that matter believe everything made by the corporate media and make strong opinion about it.
- You think that a bunch of filthy Arabs did WTC
- You care about the personal life of celebrities
- You watch shows like the Kardashians
- You think Handegg should be called football
- You can't control the usage of drugs or alcohol
- You don't know how to turn on the DVD player
- You are reading this from a Mac
- You eat fast food everyday
- You eat, breathe, sleep, blink, piss or shit.
- You (if you are Amerikunt) find nothing wrong with your health care system
- You (if you are Amerikunt) think justice is blind and for all
- You (if you are Amerikunt) join the Army because you think its patriotic
- You (if you are Amerikunt) you think Amerikkka invaded Iraq for 9/11
- You (if you are Amerikunt) you think Amerikkka won the war in Vietnam
- You (if you are Amerikunt) think Amerikkka is number 1
- You can't find your country on the world map
- You don't eat pigs because God said so
- You think women would want to sleep with you for being a nice guy
- You think Robert Pattison is a good actor or in any way hot
- You are a blogger
- You cry like a faggot for the death of a dictator
- You exist.
Recreation
Aside from exploring the internets, people enjoy hill walking, eating meat, stamp collecting and white-water rafting. Also the most favorite of these activities is the good-old sport "piss the fuck out of your neighbor", a humorous game used when a human has nothing else to do and feels a deep emotion known as malice.
Mating Habits
Moar info: Sex.
Humans are divided into two sexes, male and female. Generally, the woman signals that she is ready for sex by showing the man her bung hole. The man responds by getting an erection. Then the mating occurs just like in lower animals, except that the woman lies on her back with her legs in the air, except when resting on her legs with her butt in the air. Usually this occurs only if the individuals are familiar with each other, and "special friends".
For at least 100 years people have used sex for breeding purposes. During this time many sexual deviations (such as furry yiffing and arborphilia) have evolved. Curiously, most of these contribute no special advantage whatsoever to the development of the people gene pool. This is because the object of the mating act is to get the penis inserted into the vagina. The actual selection of genes happens over long periods of time prior to mating, and involves candle light dinners and chocolate, so that the woman can see if the man she will mate with is really committed to the relationship or not. Over 9,000 people in America have AIDS.
Creatures like Chin-chan, who can't use sex for obvious reasons, try to reproduce by buying sperm at sperm banks. The only losers at this situation are children, who get picked on all the time, because they have ugly mothers.
Warfare
Moar info: Warfare.
Warfare is the humans' favorite activity. It has been so for their entire existence, even before people decided that things needed to be written down. Wars have mainly been fought over Freedom, Pr0n, Jew Gold, Menstrual cycles, Oil and the last Halo 2 copy in the store. Two of the most popular wars were World War I and World War II. As a species, humans have never lost a war. Humans are extremely dangerous fighters and will readily fight to the death, especially if you steal their weed stash, destroy their pr0n or call them fags.
Human Nature
Moar info: Crap.
- Can only consider one side of an argument at a time, and become completely convinced they are right by arguing it.
- Think it is OK to do controversial things as long as other people are also doing them.
- Wacko Jacko sang this on his Back-o.
Look-Alikes
- Spics - Not people.
- Jews - Not people.
- Niggers - Not people.
- Arab - Not people.
- Ginger - Not people.
- Women - Not people.
In denial
- Furries - Wish they weren't people: achieve this by dressing up in fursuits.
- Otherkin - Wish they weren't people: achieve this by claiming they have the souls of dragons.
Gallery
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Example of how people are fucked up. -
People are so famous that they named a whole magazine after them. -
In some parts of the world, people are a delicacy and can be purchased prepacked. -
wimins have the tits!
