Russell Brand

The buck-toothed face only a Christ-fag could love.

Russell Brand - He has a bigger cock than you.

Russell Brand is the latest untalented Britisher twat to cross the Atlantic and trick Americans into thinking he's worth paying attention to. Looking like a transvestite crack-whore from the Stone Age, he has become as accepted as Andy Capp, Benny Hill, Austin Powers, Jack Sparrow and the GEICO Gecko, except he's a real person and you can tell that by the smell.

So easy a caveman could do it

A walking Uncyclopedia from somewhere in England who resembles all the rumors of The Missing Link with none of the being black, he was until recently hooking up with Katy Perry, a well-known cockmongler. On a cold winter's night you can find wizened old men telling yarns about the young Brand working the streets, sucking dicks and squeezing titties.

Well, Brand somehow found his way into the international spotlight and became famous for calling the daughter of some rich old dude a whore, stripping buck-naked during the G-## protests in European countries, and making a career being a silly-haired, IRL trolling, hipster Adam Sandler minus the Jewish humor and, thank goodness, the use of Yiddish words.

Russell Brand's "Career"

First appeared in 2004 hosting Big Brother's Big Mouth, a 'zany' British spin off chat show created by Endamol. He quickly became a minor IRL meme by prancing around a studio (clearly coked up), spouting vaudevillian nonsense in mock Victorian English, shouting down trolls, sitting in the laps of audience members, and arguing with his floor staff who vainly tried to get him to stick to the script.

Around 2008, he had made a name for himself in North America as a British art school drop-out in some movies to a point that he blew enough TV excutives that run MTV into allowing him to host an awards show. Nothing of merit really happened there, but Brand was sure to horrify the crowd with his Acid-fueled rants and jokes about George W. Bush being a retarded chimp - y'know, high-brow humor. Whatever the hell he did, it once again impressed MTV enough to bring him back in 2009 for yet another awards show. Granted, this one was a little less forgetful, but he still spent most of it making fun of Bush months after he was ejected from the Black House, saying he'd buttfuck Lady Gaga, and of course, meeting his future bride after saying he could see her ass hanging out of her pants.

Enter 2010, and his notoriety, beard, man-leggings and pointy shoes may have earned him the status of Katy Perry's Brand new husband. What's more, they figured they would have the most awesome of cocaine-and-private-jet-fueled pre-marriage parties with Kanye West. Jay Z, and Simon Cowell in Brand's corner, and Katy hanging out with Rihanna and Beyonce. Yes, that's right, the whitest people on this fucking planet are rolling deep with the Rocafella niggas, and they have Satan along for the ride to make sure Russell signs his pickled, LSD-drenched soul over for being the LUCKIEST asshole to ever live. As part of the deal, he'd be a lead role in one of the highest-grossing shit movies of the summer so far, which is a continuation of a movie he'd done some years ago and also made loads of money on for no particular reason (or talent, for that matter).

Israel Hates Him

Remember kids, before facing down a Jew in an intellectual debate always make sure you are smarter than them because a simple Jew that just graduated High School most likely has more School time under their belt even if you have a Bachelors Degree.

Like so many uneducated, 5th grade drop out celebrities that think that their 15 minutes of fame awards them the intellectual prowess of great American thinkers like G. Gordon Liddy or Henry David Thoreau Russell Brand has decided to throw his tard-hat into the ring and tell us all his LSD driven visions, such as him seeing himself as a Nazi leading Jews to the showers, turning on the gas and watching in wonder and amazement as their faces contort as they die.

Like so many people with big mouths and a lacking of a self censorship region in their brain, see Seth McFarlane, he is surprised and offended that the Joos have given him the title of Anti-Semite in the hopes that people will ignore him for the hating of the Jews.

Like so many 1st Quarter, Libtard, College students, Russel has convinced himself that he has all the answers. Much like them, he ignores the Terrorists actions of Honor Killings, bombings of schools, Killing of Fags and public executions of alleged, adulterous women for the sake of simplifying his grandiose idea. Russ' plan is that all nations must boycott Israel because they are attacking a people that are weaker than them by trying to subjugate the areas of The Gaza Strip and Palestine.

	“	I don’t see Israeli military action in Gaza as a religious issue. For me it seems to be the action of an extreme right wing government that has strong economic ties to right wing organizations in the US. These affiliations are economic, not theological.	„
	—Russel Brand

In other words, the US and Israel are only waging a false war on terror because the Jews love Money and can add to their Jew Gold through the spoils of war and America gets to clean up a bombed out village and build another McDonalds somewhere in the world to get the area's indigenous population on their FROM THE CRADLE TO THE GRAVE MINIMUM WAGE PROGRAM.

Is there some truth to his words - Yes. The problem being that Russel is an R-Tard and the Jews that he wants to attack and expose are more educated and can speak more elequently than a Limey that was living on the street and selling his body at 15.

We here at ED call this the Tipper Gore Falacy because back in the 1980s, when she was trying to censor and remove music like Prince from the Music Stores, she thought she'd be clever and subpoena a trashy, no-good, dirty, Heavy Metal rocker that looks like he's hard on drugs and has no brain.

Unfortunately she subpoenaed Dee Snyder from Twisted Sister. A well rounded and educated Jew from New York that probably spent more time in after school classes than on the jungle jim.

Much like rambling idiots like Russell Brand, Tipper Gore got her Ass handed to her because she wasn't prepared for someone more intelligent than her and because she didn't do her homework and find an actual idiot.

The Most Interesting HashtagMeToo

Jimmy Saville

While he may deny it, Russell Brand once was willing to sell out his his personal assistant, for sexual favors, to well known Pedophile Jimmy Savile for an interview because his MaMa didn't gift him a sibling with a Vagina.

The original agreement would have had Russell trading his sister to Savile for an interview with Savile but having no sisters Russell Brand offered up a new deal, promising Savile that his assistant would play with his Pee-Pee if he told her to and if she wanted to keep her job.

	“	Russell Brand: It would be very nice to meet you one day Mr Jimmy Savile. Jimmy Savile: Well, if you've got a sister, you could meet me by bringing her along. Russell Brand: I mean, I haven't got any sisters. Jimmy Savile: I don't usually meet fellas, but if you've got a sister that's okay. Russell Brand: I've got a personal assistant called [redacted] and part of her job description is that anyone I demand she greets, meets, massages, she has to do it. She's very attractive Jimmy. Jimmy Savile: Well... that's a good start. You could stand her along to do some research. Russell Brand: Would you like her to wear anything in particular Jimmy? Jimmy Savile: I'd actually prefer of her to wear nothing. Russell Brand: Right, so you want [redacted], my assistant, to meet you naked? Okay, well that's not going to be a problem.	„
	—Russel Brand - Jimmy Savile Interview

The only thing that saved Brand's assistants virtue and ass from geezer goo is that Sevile died before the meeting could happen, sparing the poor girl from a fate worse than working for Russell Brand.

Russell The E-Whore

After getting dropped by Jewtube for his penchant for "ALLEGEDLY" raping and sexualing assaulting women, much in the same way OJ "ALLEGEDLY" murdered his wife and a Jewish Busboy. Russ is crying that a D-List comedian like him is worthy of a conspiracy by a high up cabal to silence him because he only speaks the truth despite CIA Agents publishing books about black op missions that are still under the classified status.

Since Russ is trying to attract the short bus half of the Internets that believe they have a rich uncle in Africa that's a Prince of one of their Shithole countries and are willing to believe a Bullshit story if you can include them in it somehow, this isn't just about him - it's about the evil overloards keeping the real truth from you. He has moved to Rumble and is charging followers $60 a year to follow his wannabe Charlie Sheen style rants that lack the Hookers and Blow, Awesomeness and LULZ.

While claiming that he is committed to free speech, Russell Brand is still hush hush about the 16-year-old girl that is pointing the finger at him for misconduct despite his fans desperately wanting the Deets.

Blow Job Tears

	“	them blow jobs where mascara runs a little bit	„
	—Russell Brand

Alice, name changed to protect the Lolita, compared Russell to that of a groomer.

She claims that the first few months of their dating was all flowers, roses and candy with Russell treating her like a Daddy you fuck when Your Mom isn't home and is too dumb to question the smell of Febreze trying to cover up sex funk when she gets home.

It was after a couple of months that she says that things took a darker turn.

	“	I was sat up in bed against the headboard and he forced his penis down my throat and I couldn’t breathe, He was just choking me and I couldn’t breathe. And I was pushing him away and pushing him away, and he wasn’t backing off at all. And so I had to punch him really hard in the stomach to get him off. And then he fell backwards and I was crying and he said, ‘I only want to see your mascara run anyway	„
	—Alice The Loli

Like all little Bitches begging for attention and a lawsuit, she said this is where she became afraid of Russell Brand because Sex was no more about her orgasm and more about Russell getting his nut at any cost even if it meant hurting her.

...Wat?

Are you upset?

Remember how your parents always said if you tried your best, and worked hard and stayed in High School and College, you'd succeed in life? Look at this fucking guy. No really, I'll give you a minute. Still haven't killed yourself in frustration? Well just remember that while you're not getting laid, playing D&D with your friends in Study Hall, and reading a 500+ page book for a 10+ page essay you'll probably steal information from on Wikipedia anyway, this guy literally made a career in DOING NOTHING. There truly is no God, or at least, not a just one.

See Also

• Amy Winewhore
• E-Whore
• Jack Sparrow
• Katy Perry
• Potty Pete

External Lonks

• Rusty's twitter

Russell Brand is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

Russell Brand is part of a series on Sex Visit the Sex Portal for complete coverage.

Russell Brand is part of a series on Surprise Sex

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Featured Article October 6 & 7, 2023
Preceded by Wikileaks	Russell Brand	Succeeded by Israel