Kerry Keane

Kerry Keane, Nazi.

Kerry Keane, psycho bitch and secret fatty.

	“	Your mother is trash for not aborting you. Now your cunt of a mother just feels guilty for bringing you into the world, and like the rest of us, wishes you would die already.	„
	—Ellyju on Kerry

Kerry Keane (a.k.a. dymaxia, [email protected], and Kenneth Pangborn) is the only feminazi, attention whore, Usenet user, with a MySpace full of drivel and butthurt in existence. Keane, an example of the AIDS that is killing ED, has vandalized this entry as well as others.

fLamer

Kerry spammed Usenet for years under a bunch of identities:

• [email protected]
• [email protected]
• [email protected]
• [email protected]
• [email protected]

She hung out on talk,rape, baseball newsgroups, and celebrity gossip groups. Like all attention whores, her real subject was: me, me, and ME!!!1

Moar Lies

• Been raeped
• Is the (wo)man behind goatse
• Behind the GNAA

She does, however, like to take it in the ass.

Victim of the Usenet Archiving Conspiracy

There's nothing worse for an attention whore than having their pathetic crap flushed away. Kerry thought that DejaNews (now Google Groups) was purging itself of her AIDS:

	“	Not everything I write is showing up where it should.	„
	—Kerry, upon finding out that her posts were going exactly where they should

Kerry Keane Hates America

It's true!

	“	I *am* anti-American. ... There are about five sane people in this country, it seems. And no, I'm not one of them. I fear that I am turning into another street-corner Jeremiah.	„
	—Keane, who got that last part right

Crash Into Me: The Meltdown

All that shit was nothing compared to what happened when she got drunk and totalled her car. She thought it was a conspiracy:

	“	Called Enterprise and left a message, and got a phone response from them right away, saying they had a car. I mean, they called me almost immediately. Got there, and yet another thing was weird : the car was RED. It is unfailingly silver when I rent it. Very weird. ... As I was leaving, I saw a rather large middle-aged man watching me. The neighborhood is mixed race, and I know all of the white people in it, and I didn't recognize this guy.	„
	—Kerry, dedicated conspiracy spotter

As brain damage set in, she got crazier:

	“	Can you believe this? They were going into my apartment to list my CDs and my books and LPs, and they wanted to know the value of these things. Casting lots is what they were doing. Remember, only $183 until the junkie boys get rich again. Don't you feel worthwhile?	„
	—Kerry, thinking that the conspiracy wants her crappy CD collection

And crazier:

	“	Kerry Lynn Keane 5650 N. Sheridan Road 16E Car crash was on easter sunday of last year, lake shore drive Tell the hitman to come right here and put a bullet in my head.	„
	—Kerry, protecting her privacy

And crazier:

	“	Jesus gets results from her trolling efforts. If you don't believe me now, rot in hell. Watch the headlines change....	„
	—Kerry, thinking she's Jesus

And much, much crazier:

	“	that way there is no way out for me because i have to rape myself in order to 'clear' all of the code ... i'm not gonna testify to every bit of 'code' stolen from my life ... they are carefully taught to not make sense and to use the code that is culled from my life ... i know, i had a dinner conversation with one of these 'fish' ... it was all gassy code from my life, and then the asshole turned around and told me I was 'psychotic'	„
	—Kerry, totally insane by this point

For the most part, noone cared, but someone looked into who she was, and sure enough, it was our favorite tard herself:

	“	I googled some stuff and her name is Kerry Lynn Keane. What I gather from googling is that she was the one in the car accident and she was possibly raped at one time. I googled the name Kerry Keane and it ties to this website. [1]	„
	—Noone cares about Kerry!

At some point she accumulated too much brain damage to continue posting to Usenet, so she went one step more retarded and made a MySpace page. Much lulziness ensued!

Putting The "Beat" In "Deadbeat"

Keane will fight for her right not to pay her medical bills:

	“	I don't pay my medical bills! I get medical bills and harassing phone calls from medical billers ALL THE TIME. ... I was strong-armed into getting into an ambulance on several occasions.	„
	—Kerry Keane, rebel against capitalism

Well, that's understandable, right? However, during a later meltdown (since deleted), she told a very different story:

	“	Why doesnt baseball stop you from hurting me. To prove to you and your asshole un-generous woman-hurting buddies in baseball, who know this goes on and who dont tell you to stop, I punched myself in the head. Ive been slapping and punching myself in the head for about a year now, and your baseball friends stay in their arrogant little matinee idol tower and bully me about their problem. They have done nothing for me, but play up for the cameras what good guys they are. I have resorted to physically punching and slapping myself and checking myself into emergency rooms to get them to prove how nice they are. They wont do it.	„
	—Kerry Keane, baseball fan

Come to think of it, she does kind of have a point. Baseball guys have nice big bats, and she does love anal. Match made in heaving!

Victim of Internet Stalking

Just because she spews her personal life all over the Internetz, that doesn't stop her from expecting absolute privacy:

	“	If we find that you are filth on the internet....we will make sure that you get the "boot" eventually.	„
	—Kerry Keane, split personality

	“	I envision a future in which obsessive, vindictive wackos never follow people on the internet AGAIN. It is possible, people. Menacing or hateful behavior online is NOT "part of the territory" and we should all be thinking of ways to banish these people until they get help and/or get in trouble.	„
	—Kerry, wishing she hadn't published her crazy everywhere

But you better watch out, because if you trash her, she'll take you to Internet court:

	“	Following people around on the internet - snooping, hacking, engaging in private "intelligence".....is ILLEGAL. ... Even companies like Google or Wikipedia have no reason to snoop on what you do on the internet and don't have much interest in it....unless you are engaging in something criminal. For that, you would already have to be under suspicion of another crime.	„
	—Kerry Keane, Internet Lawyer

Kerry has even tried to wipe out this page, claiming that its author was arrested. No such thing has happened, of course, since there's no law against telling the truth about a psycho bitch.

It's Hard Out There For A Slacker

Her brain damage caused her to lose her bullshit job buying books for a library. Of course, hating America and especially W would never stop her from thinking that the whole country should have nothing better to do than to give her a free job:

	“	Let's face it, there are no laws in this country that obligate you to practice compassion, forgiveness and consideration. Once you've left a school or workplace, they all forget about you, as if you're not a human being. Don't we all forget those with whom we've shared workplaces and schools and social lives?	„
	—Kerry

Well, they couldn't wait to forget about you.

	“	I don't understand how my former employer can carry on as if I don't matter, and is if I ought not feel as if I have the right to anything, as if I'm to blame for everything. I left Columbia because I felt it no longer had a sense of mission, I felt it had not lived up to its values.	„
	—Kerry, not understanding what the word "fired" means

Of course, it's not like she does anything worthwhile with her time:

	“	I have to admit that I've always been interested in celebrity "gossip" but only because it dovetails with my interest in sociology and psychology - the relationship of celebrity to the rest of us, or the relationship of entertainment to the rest of society.	„
	—Kerry, proving that excuses are like assholes -- everyone has one, and they all stink

	“	I can't figure out what has happened to me that I can't read like I used to. You would think that someone who had spent her life in academia would be able to get some reading done during a two-year unemployment period.	„
	—Kerry, who apparently never learned the word "lazy" in all her time in "academia"

And it couldn't have anything to do with her rancid personality:

	“	Back in 2001, we were in a hiring process at Columbia....and one of the things one of the candidates said to me - after learning I attended Northwestern - was, "you have a reputation at Northwestern." To me that was disturbing and absurd. I tried very hard to keep a low profile while I was there. It seems to run in the family. I was just looking through my father's old yearbooks at De La Salle, and he said that his hobby was "sleeping". Why I seem to attract people who hate me without cause is baffling to me. I'm not blind or stupid about it - it's always been clear to me that they're nothing more than a bunch of creepy racists. Creepy racists who get off thinking they've found their secret little scapegoat, someone on whom they can blame all of their failures and humiliations on.	„
	—Kerry, blaming it all on the niggers

Descent Into Furrydom

But this was nothing compared to her adventures in the animal kingdom!

There's nothing like the love between a girl and her dog:

	“	But the funniest thing happened the other day. I walked up to Duke - and he playfully head-butted me and knocked me right to the ground! It was so unlike him, but he did it in such a cute and playful manner. ... He had a frustrated look on his face, and he head-butted me, like he's trying to tell me, "I know you're having a hard time, and this is how people treat you." He copies what he sees around him.	„
	—Kerry, whose own dog hates her

Stop raping your dog and maybe he'll treat you better.

Notice how she manages to whine about how the whole world hates her when describing an incident with her own dog.

Vandalism

It's not a big surprise that Kerry has vandalized this page. Check this shit out. She vandalized the Buttsecks page!

Now everyone hates her, and she's gone off mumbling threats to have us all arrested. Ph33r her!

Kerry Keane is part of a series on Usenet.

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Basics: Flamewar • Followup • Sock puppets • Spam • Godwin's Law • NO BINARIES • Newsgroups: alt.fan.karl-malden.nose • alt.religion.scientology • alt.suicide.holiday • alt.syntax.tactical • alt.tasteless Lore: Eternal September • Guy Macon's original post • Meow Wars • Raping Little Suzy • Susie Q's Party Game Denizens: B1FF • Darkfalz • David Gerard • Derek Smart • Jai Maharaj • Kelly Martin • Kerry Keane • Kevin L. O'Brien • Kibo • Magoo • Nicholas Morency • Onideus Mad Hatter • Raksha • Ray Gordon • Richard Bullis • Ryan Hawe • Schattie • Sine Nomine • Terryeo • Tom Galloway • Tony Sidaway • Wil Sinclair

Kerry Keane is part of a series on Whores Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage.