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Latest revision as of 02:59, 1 November 2011
Johanna Tukiaine is the most famous attention whore in a certain shitty little Christmas village of Northern Europe. She is also known as the AIDS that is killing everything that is sexy.
Whole name Mia Mari Johanna Tukiainen, born in 29th of July, 1978. She is talented singer, model and fatporn actress. Johanna's main claim to fame was her "epic trolling" which caused one of the Finnish goverment officials ( Ilkka Kanerva) to loose his job, last thursday at 2008.
Lap dancer Johanna Tukiainen and known ladies man Ilkka Kanerva had an affair few years ago, which eventually led Kanerva to sending numerous nasty messages to Johanna in hopes of getting some fat pussy. Desperate attention whore like she is, Johanna the dirty little cunt saw a golden opportunity rising within the situation: thus she proceeded to BAAAAAAWWWWWW in all possible forms of media about the nasty messages, even though Johanna was totally asking for it. Eventually her sob story of being almost raped gained major attention in the media and the Finnish Goverment official was getting bombarded with questions and wild speculations regarding the situation between the two.
After few weeks, the whole situation got totally out of hand and Ilkka was fired from his job. So began the legend of Johanna "Tuksu" Tukiainen, who became the most talked person in this side of Duke Nukem Forever.
This of course caused major butthurt, drama and lulz all accross the world and led various other famewhores to pop into the media, claiming that Ilkka had send dirty messages to them as well, but at this point, nobody gave a fuck anymore.
Famous quotes from Johanna
—typical comment from Johanna | ||
—Johanna thinks she is part of the white people | ||
—Shhh. Don't tell chris-chan | ||
— This speaks for itself | ||
Recent History
At the end of the year 2008, Johanna was visiting the land of AIDS and in result she contracted Malaria from the local shitmonkeys. Johanna had to spend several weeks in the hospital and her condition was critical. According to Johanna she had hallucinations and her brains weren't functioning properly. It's possible that she suffered severe brain damage, which would explain her recent actions. She also thinks that God saved her life, because she has some higher purpose in life. If that means living long enough to have her own ED page, then God really is an asshole.
According to Johanna (In her blog 9th of march, 2009) anonymous were trying to murder her while she was in the hospital, suffering from Malaria. Apparently anon tried to inject poison in her veins, but we all know this is just another one of her attempts to gain symphaty and MOAR FAME, since there is no evidence whatsoever to back up her wild accusations.
Other fame
Johanna Tukianen is mainly covered in the weekly gossip magazine, since she isn't real news, she has also performed with various shitty bands which nobody cares about, such as Sash! and Bomfunk MC. She has also been part of very shitty pr0n movie called "Uivelot", but because she is a fat whore and fucking disgusting fat ass, she wasn't given any real role in the movie, instead she only appeared in the background while other actors fucked the living hell out of eachothers. Johanna has also had minor roles in shitty daily drama shows and soap operas nobody watched.
For epic lulz, she was voted for the "The most useless celebrity of the year 2008", and she won the title. This of course only skyrocketed her faggotry and she became delusional about her so called "fame", believing that she was going to be the next big thing and god's gift for humanity.
At late 2010 she got arrested for beating the crap out of some random bitch and for stabbing her own ex-husband, then the crazy bitch also attacked the police officers who arrived at the scene. When she was asked why she resisted the arrest, she explained that the police officers wanted to see her boobs, LOL. When the court summoned her to testify, Johanna was so wasted on drugs that she wasn't able to arrive on time, in fact she was several hours late.
— Johanna knows, that there is a big diffrence | ||
Lately she has been spreading rumors in all major media that her homemade hardcore porn tapes were stolen by anonymous, and she is afraid that they will be leaked into the webz, although we are pretty sure that everyone else is much more terrified by the idea of seeing her naked, let alone having her vagoo plunged by dongs, while she screams like the fat pig she is.
But we all know she just wants moar attention and she prolly has never made any sex tapes, at least what kind of sick fuck would want to hit her greasy ass and leave evidence behind. Unless this is exactly why the tapes were stolen to begin with, one can only wonder.
Following video will portray her MADZ KILLZ in dancing. NOTE: she has had her own dance group since 2003.
Moar info for those who gave a fuck
In the video, Johanna was not suppose to be part of the perfomance, instead her sister Julia was. (Who can actually dance) But she was unable to perform at the stage, because apparently she was having school or something and had to wake up early in the next day. We know, we know, this is all just another bullshit excuse to give Johanna's ass more time in the spotlight. Well arent we glad to see her higly erotic dance moves.
During the perfomance Johanna gave speeches about some stuff nobody cared, like how awesome her sister is and then Johanna talked about how her single was a huge youtube hit, because it got ZOMG! 150 000 hits!!!!
Funfact: One of the dancers in the black jacked is constantly laughin at Johanna's perfomance in the corner and trying to hide it.
Singles
Johanna released her first single, "Lööppijulkkis" at 2009 which was instant youtube hit and her e-penis grew longer than tower of Pisa. Here's the song for those who care, but we advice you to listen this without sound.
Her second single, Some Day was released soon after her first hit song "Lööppijulkkis" This time she cleverly hired another singer for the cover and to do most of the vocals for her, due to these facts, it became instant hit for all those who didn't know about the truth.
We here at the ED have kindly provided also the second single, for your listening pleasure.
MOAR FAIL
In early 2010 anonymous held contest in facebook where he took a picture of rotten potato with only one sentence "I bet this potato will gain more fans than Johanna Tukiainen" and in few weeks the said potato had three times more fans than all of the Johanna's fan sites combained.
Johanna has also stated that she would love to be featured in the playboy magazine, we can only hope that she never will.
At late 2010, anon managed to take footage of wasted Johanna infront of the local nightclub and it soon spread accross the tubes like wildfire.
Following video is part of the footage where local police forces have arrived at the scene to take her way. Note how she screams like a assfucked pig and people just laugh at her and take pics.
Here is also a link to her special video for you:http://www.hymy.fi/kuvat-ja-videot/videot/johanna-tukiainen-burleski-nakuvideolla
Seriously, if you fapped during the vid, you are one fucking sad and lonely guy.
Ways to Troll her
Forget it, srly it's impossible to troll her in any fucking manner, for she owns less than 2 brain cells and whatever you say about her, no matter how negative, she always thinks that you just wanna fap on her.
— Johanna's response to her trolls | ||
— remember that she isnt a whore, she is a showdancer | ||
Johanna also takes all forms of media and attention as positive media and attention, or maybe she is just desperate for moar attention and in denial for the hatred people have towards her.
TROLLS WIN
After years of intense trolling, without any results, trolls have finnaly cracked Johanna.
At early 2010 Johanna treathened to become an hero, because everyone hated her, this of course resulted much lulz and people trolled her even more.
- On her Blog 7.10.2010(d,m,y) she announced that her suicide is canceled. NO KIDDING. Direct quote from her blog entry, translated into english: --
This is just another proof that she is really desperate for attention.
- On her Blog 22.10.2010 Johanna BAAAAAAWWWED that she have had enough of this unjustified hatred towards her and is going to take legal actions against everyone who dares insult her in the future. According to Johanna, her fatness is not caused by intense abuse of drugs and alcohol, eating junkfood and being a whore. In fact she is a fatass because she is depressed from all the unjust hatered and trolling towards her.
NOTE -this whining is coming from a person who caused another person to loose his job for few harmless text messages.
See also
External links
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Johanna Tukiainen is part of a series on Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage. |