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Garrett Simmers: Difference between revisions

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[[File:The Fatass agri.PNG|thumb|200px|Garrett in real life. I'm not joking.]]
{{ib|[[File:The Fatass agri.PNG|300px]]}}
 
{{Ibhead|Gabby Shitters}}
'''Garrett Simmmers''' (GarrettComedian2003) is your typical [[Underage|11 year old]] playing the [[Internet Tough Guy]] on [[YouTube]] that joined on 2013, and he thinks that he is the the most [[awesome]] user ever and that he is the [[Dumbass|best Youtuber ever]] and that he is better than everyone when in reality he is just a [[Basement Dweller|basement dwelling]] 10 year old fatass that goes on his computer and jacks off to [[furry|furry pr0nz]]. He also thinks that he has his own [[Copyright Infringement|TV network]] that airs shows that will probably get him sued and [[Kinect|watched by the NSA]] to see him jack off to his [[porn]]. Many of his [[buttbuddies]] include [[Keegan Salisbury]] (keegantheretardedYTPFapper), Matthew Thorp(TheRetardedMT1000), and Cruise (cruiseThePornoMaker) which of course are all of Garrett's sex slaves. He also has a fetish with Atomic Betty, and he keeps on mentioning her over and over like she's his waifu.  
{{Ibrow|'''Born'''|<small>February 3, 2004</small>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Nationality'''|<small>[[Americunt]]&nbsp;&nbsp;[[File:MiniflagUSA.png]]</small>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Residence'''|<small>[[South Carolina]]</small>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Ethnicity'''|<small>[[White devil]]</small>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Gender'''|<small>Male</small>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Sexuality'''|<small>[[Pansexual]]</small>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Aliases'''|<small>GarrettComedian<br>Garrett Simmers<br>TheGarrettMaster11<br>JuniorWaffle<br>Garrett16074<br>13OhFourG<br>Garrehandro</small>}}
{{Ibrow|'''Occupation'''|<small>Trolling random people online for literally no reason</small>}}
{{Ibend}}
'''Garrett Simmers''' (Garrehandro) is a {{age|2004|02|03}}-year-old typical [[Internet Tough Guy]] from [[South Carolina]] that first joined on [[YouTube]] in [[2013]], who is the leader of a group of vigilantes and weens known as The Meming Crew, who are notorious for having busted lolcows like [[Keegan Salisbury]], [[Geoshea]] and [[Engelbash]] in doing all the wrong things.


==YouTube Past==
==YouTube Past==
On 2013, Garrett had an obsession of [[Goanimate]], he decided to go to [[JewTube|YouTube]] to spread his Go!Faggotry to others so that they can do the same. People left hate comments on his channel and like the blank minded he is, he started to go to the channels of the users that left hate comments started being [[Chris-Chan|retarded]] and made pointless videos out of them. He also [[plagiarism|steals content from other users]] and turns it worse that what it should have been. After many months of hate comments, Garrett decided to be like [[Chris-Chan]] and [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|close his account]] to avoid more hate comments, but he usually comes back to do the same type of [[Bullshit|mullarkey]] that he usually does. But unfortunately, it doesn't end there.
On 2013, when Garrett had an obsession with [[Vyond]], he decided to go to [[JewTube|YouTube]] to spread his Go!Faggotry to others so that they can do the same. People left hate comments on his channel and like the blank mind he is, he started to go to the channels of the users that left hate comments started being [[Chris-Chan|retarded]] and made pointless videos out of them. He also [[plagiarism|stole content from other users]] and turned it worse that what it should have been. After many months of hate comments, Garrett decided to be like [[Chris-Chan]] and [[DELETE FUCKING EVERYTHING|close his account]] to avoid more hate comments, but he usually comes back to do the same type of [[Bullshit|mullarkey]] that he usually does. But unfortunately, it doesn't end there. Eventually, he moved on from YouTube and got a life.
[[File:Gayrett.png|thumb|alt=Puzzle globe logo|A [[Shooped|photoshopped]] image of Garrett]]
[[File:Gayrett.png|thumb|alt=Puzzle globe logo|A [[Shooped|photoshopped]] image of Garrett]]


==The "Feud"==
==The "Feud"==
One faithful day in the world of YouTube, A YouTuber named Jose Hernandez (referred well by his moniker Daxter5150) was busy at making some videos he had planned until Garrett, like a [[dumbass]], decided that it would be a good idea to talk shit about someone that is [[Jealous|more famous]] than him and make him a total [[Cunt|badass]]. So then he started talking shit to Dax In [[Irony|Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Skype, and YouTube]], and that led Dax to respond with making a video called ''How to Play Guitar like Garrett Simmers'', a parody of a video Garrett made in August 2013 depicting Garrett [[YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG|playing the guitar]] in an effort to "torture" Warren Cook, an 11-year old kid who makes fan-made VHS openings for his own entertainment in which he gets criticized badly for it.
One faithful day in the world of YouTube, A YouTuber named Jose "Dax" Hernandez (known better as a member of the Daxter5150 channel) was busy making some videos until Garrett, like the fat [[dumbass]] he's known for, decided to vent his frustrations on someone who is more [[Jealous|talented]] than him so he can make himself look [[Cunt|intimidating]] and [[Gay|gain]] attention. So then he started harassing Dax on [[Irony|Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Skype, YouTube]], and pretty much any site without a policy against diabeetus. Dax eventually took notice and responded with a video called "How to Play Guitar Like Garrett Simmers", a parody of a video Garrett made in August 2013 where Garrett [[YOU ARE DOING IT WRONG|pulled around on the strings]] of a [[Plastic crap|toy guitar]] from Toys-R-Us in an effort to "torture" [[Jailbait|Warren Cook]] (an 11-year old logo kid who would make fictional VHS openings for his own entertainment and got made fun of badly for it).


<center><youtube>zjo_zspy1y8</youtube></center>
<center><youtube>zjo_zspy1y8</youtube></center>


The video received [[bad|critical]] reception, but when Garrett watched the video, he got so [[Butthurt|angry]] at the fact, that he went from retard to full-on Chris-Chan Mode and decided to go start an all-out war with him, and Daxter says that the war will never end after what Garrett has done, or until they have to go to school and play Pokemon. This feud started out in May 2014 to onward, as it is still visible to this day.
Garrett became [[Butthurt|asshurt]] as soon as he saw the video and began flaming Dax, who says that the flame war will never end until Garrett finally decides to go back to school and get off the internets for good. The video itself received [[bad|praise]] from several viewers, and Dax would later go on to make several sequels as Garrett's shit-encrusted ass stands horrified. However, by 2018, things appeared to have cooled off between the two...
 
At one point in [[2015]]/[[2016]], during one of Gabby's [[autistic]] sessions with [[Shit no one cares about|other lulcows]], he almost managed to get Dax killed in a car crash by spamming his notifications on [[Skype]] while he was driving when he forgot to put his phone on silent. This resulted in Dax looking at his phone and getting into a deadly car crash that resulted in a visit to the hospital. Eventually, other people found out about the incident and turned against Gabby for months thanks to this. Rumor has it that Dax is still not over this incident.


==The Taylor Conundrum==
==The Taylor Conundrum==
Not too long ago, Garrett had a enemy of him named Taylor, "The Hayniac VGCP" (AKA VideoGameCartoonPolice). This [[GOTIS|girl]] was involved into a fight Garrett started with one of her known friend. She attempted to stand up for her friend and try to keep him for making fun of him and/or harassing him. Since having only an IQ of Chris-Chan's, he became a total [[aspie|pussy]] and decided to block Taylor, which then lead to a war with Garrett vs [[Fuckbuddies|Taylor's fanboys/fangirls]] over Garrett blocking a girl on the internet, and it has become the most [[retarded|silliest]] war of 2014 that only results from letting your 10 year old son on the internet.
Not too long ago, Garrett had an enemy named Taylor, "The Hayniac VGCP" (AKA VideoGameCartoonPolice). This [[GOTIS|girl]] was involved in a fight Garrett started with one of her known friends. She attempted to stand up for her friend and try to keep him from making fun of him and/or harassing him. Since having only an IQ of Chris-Chan's, he became a total [[aspie|pussy]] and decided to block Taylor, which then lead to a war with Garrett vs [[Fuckbuddies|Taylor's fanboys/fangirls]] over Garrett blocking a girl on the internet, and it has become the most [[retarded|silliest]] war of 2014 that only results from letting your 10-year-old son on the internet.


On February 19, 2015, Taylor even started an [[Stupid|awesome]] hashtag called {{hashtag|GarrettUnblockTaylor}} which caused a [[Diarrhea|giant movement]] against Garrett and have a shit ton of comments up his ass to the point where Garrett's friends start to defend him, but fails every way it can, growing this "war" to the point of annoyance.
On February 19, [[2015]], Taylor even started an [[Stupid|awesome]] hashtag called {{hashtag|GarrettUnblockTaylor}} which caused a [[Diarrhea|giant movement]] against Garrett and have a shit ton of comments up his ass to the point where Garrett's friends start to defend him, but fails every way it can, growing this "war" to the point of annoyance.


==The movement that made him [[Internet Celebrity|popular]]==
==The movement that made him [[Internet Celebrity|popular]]==
After Garrett got trolled even worse than before, his mass army of haters decided to do something to make Garrett butthurt once again, by forcing him to air his body language on the [[Shit nobody cares about|"Garrett Network"]], but just like how Garrett is the retarded 11 year old blob that he is, he refused, piling on more hate and pressure and hate on him. On May 2014, during a Google hangout call, Garrett was crying and screaming while his mom was teaching him body language. Someone by the name of "Darran Good" decided to record the entire footage of Garrett screaming and crying, and upload it onto YouTube. And then he decided to make the new and [[shit|improved]] GBL which looks like total [[aspie|ass]].
After Garrett got trolled even worse than before, his mass army of haters decided to do something to make Garrett butthurt once again, by forcing him to air his body language on the [[Shit nobody cares about|"Garrett Network"]], but just like how Garrett is the retarded 11-year-old blob that he is, he refused, piling on more hate and pressure and hate on him. On May [[2014]], during a [[Google]] hangout call, Garrett was crying and screaming while his mom was teaching him body language. Someone by the name of "[[Powerword|Darran Good]]" decided to record the entire footage of Garrett screaming and crying, and upload it onto YouTube. Sadly, the original footage was BALEETED off the interwebz, however, one of Garrett's ex-friends has a video containing the audio from Garrett's Body Language being streamed on an online radio station.


==Ways to make Garrett Butthurt==
<center><youtube>aZ4D7F9S7V4</youtube></center>
<center><b>5:51 is where the infamous shitshow begins.</b></center>


If you want to make the [[Gay|awesome]] 11 year old mad and pissed, this is what you only have to do:
And then he decided to make the new and [[shit|improved]] GBL which looks like total [[aspie|ass]].


-Tell him to "air his body language." -- He will of course, be very pissed, and then start to repeat the same shitty comeback, then say '''''"Body language? OK!" -Pulls middle finger-'''''.
<center><youtube>zLoJZDJr-C0</youtube></center>


-Tell him that he is a fat kid and he will start making up [[lies]] about himself to make himself feel better. -- He'll then starts to call himself [[Lie|skinny]]
==How to avoid getting fucked up by Garrett==


-Make a rant about him. -- He'll make one back and his will be worse than yours.
If you don't want the professional [[Internet Tough Guy]] to bust your kneecaps open, this is what you SHOULDN'T do when you're around him:


-Troll one of his [[fuckbuddies|friends]] and make them mad and pissed that Garrett might make shitty YTP's out of you. -- It actually happened before.
*Defend any of the people who have wronged him, like Nancer, LyricWest, Wildcat, [[Pedo|Jax Hahn]], Dax and tons more people.
*Tell him to shut up whenever he's gossiping about the people that have wronged him
*Do basically anything stupid like the things either Engelbash, [[Geoshea]] or [[Keegan Salisbury]] did -- He will eventually put you as a target of his shitty circlejerk.
*Bother him enough and he'll soon find a way to hack one of your social media accounts. -- He did this with Logan Swan and Doggis, both people being arguably just as bad as Garrett.


-Tell Garrett that his waifu sucks. -- Or don't because he doesn't have a waifu.
And finally...
 
*Tell him to "air his body language." -- He will, of course, be very pissed, and repeat the same shitty comeback: '''''"Body language? OK!" -Pulls middle finger-'''''.
And finally....
 
-If you have Skype, add him to your contacts, make a spam group, then go to town.


==His [[Buttbuddies|friends]]==
==His [[Buttbuddies|friends]]==
Line 50: Line 62:
=== Keegan ===
=== Keegan ===
[[File:Keegan.jpg|thumb|200px|BBF's forever.]]
[[File:Keegan.jpg|thumb|200px|BBF's forever.]]
[[powerword|Keegan James Salisbury]] or "KeeganTheYTPMaker1000" is a 10-year old kid who [[Shit|makes bland YouTube Poops]]. He is Garrett's best friend on YouTube and Skype. When in fights, he will make comebacks that are shockingly more stale than Garrett's. It was proved that Keegan is more of a [[Retard|delinquent]] than Garrett in real life. On March 5, 2015, Keegan was suspended from his school for punching a teacher right towards her face because his teacher didn't want him to play on his iPad. That caused Keegan to lose his internet privileges and many found out about it. Keegan was popular when he was accused of killing Dipper, a fictional hand-drawn cartoon character from [[Gravity Falls]]. Thus caused him to spew out profanity and cried because of it. The video below had Keegan deal with people accusing him for killing Dipper.
[[Keegan James Salisbury]] or "KeeganTheYTPMaker1000" is a 10-year-old '''(now a {{age|2004|09|15}}-year-old)''' kid from [[Illinois]] who [[Shit|makes bland YouTube Poops]]. He is Garrett's best friend on YouTube and Skype. When in fights, he will make comebacks that are shockingly more stale than Garrett's. It was proved that Keegan is more of a [[Retard|delinquent]] than Garrett in real life. On March 5, 2015, Keegan was suspended from his school for punching a teacher right toward her face because his teacher didn't want him to play on his iPad. That caused Keegan to lose his internet privileges and many found out about it. Keegan was popular when he was accused of killing Dipper, a fictional hand-drawn cartoon character from [[Gravity Falls]]. Thus caused him to spew out profanity and cry about it. The video below had Keegan deal with people accusing him of killing Dipper.
 
<center><youtube>cYw7eiDfAQU</youtube></center>
<center>The video that made Keegan the Keegan he is today.</center>
 
 
<center><youtube>FX5A99orlJw</youtube></center>
<center>His self-documentary video (basically just him walking around his house just in his shorts). He claimed that Part 2 will be made another time but it was never made since.</center>
 
*[https://vine.co/KeeganTheYTPMakeronVine His cringeworthy Vine account]
*{{skype|ytpmaker1000}} His Skype


=== Brandon Figuracion ===
=== Brandon Figuracion ===
[[File:Fuckyoutoo.jpg|thumb|300px|Isn't he cute?]]
[[File:Fuckyoutoo.jpg|thumb|300px|Isn't he cute?]]
[[powerword|Brandon Figuracion]] is an Asian-American kid who is overprotective when it comes to things that happen bad to Garrett. He often becomes a [[White Knighting|whiteknight]] when someone hates Garrett with a passion. His most popular hate targets are Alex Surge and DeadGiraffe, two people who, you guessed it, hate Garrett. He often makes fun of them and even talks about them behind their backs. Brandon also sends death threats to Garrett haters as well.
[[powerword|Brandon Figuracion]] is an Asian-American kid who is overprotective when it comes to things that happen bad to Garrett. He often becomes a [[White Knighting|whiteknight]] when someone hates Garrett with a passion. His most popular hate targets are Alex Surge and DeadGiraffe, two people who, you guessed it, hate Garrett. He often makes fun of them and even talks about them behind their backs. Brandon also sends death threats to Garrett haters as well.


[[File:Ragingcute.png|thumb|200px|The comment section on a video in parody of Garrett. An aspie in need, is an aspie indeed.]]
[[File:Ragingcute.png|thumb|200px|The comment section on a video in parody of Garrett. An aspie in need, is an aspie indeed.]]
 
<br>
*{{skype|amazingcousins19}} His Skype
*{{skype|amazingcousins19}} His Skype


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[[File:CuteEwok.png|thumb|200px|It hurts to look at him.]]
[[File:CuteEwok.png|thumb|200px|It hurts to look at him.]]
[[powerword|Kaleo Marek]] or "CuteEwok" is Garrett's [[Hugbox|highly supportive]] friend. Though claiming he has neutral opinions towards Garrett's haters and fans, he secretly lies and decides to defend Garrett and his friends and will keep anyone against Garrett from attacking him in a powerful fashion.
[[powerword|Kaleo Marek]] or "CuteEwok" is Garrett's [[Hugbox|highly supportive]] friend. Though claiming he has neutral opinions towards Garrett's haters and fans, he secretly lies and decides to defend Garrett and his friends and will keep anyone against Garrett from attacking him in a powerful fashion.


DeadGiraffe, one of Garrett's haters, mostly gets targeted by CuteEwok, though being the dumbass he is, he makes videos to make fun of Giraffe and gives him attention. Ewok foolishly did the wrong thing and got his YouTube account taken down for violations of their "terms of service". He then came back, But not on a happy note. Every time Garrett's haters call up his grandmother (They currently can't get a hold of his mother) telling her all the shit Garrett did (Y'know, death threats an' shit), Ewok has to come to the rescue, which, of course, gets Tits Migee out of trouble.
DeadGiraffe, one of Garrett's haters, mostly gets targeted by CuteEwok, though being the dumbass he is, he makes videos to make fun of Giraffe and gives him attention. Ewok foolishly did the wrong thing and got his YouTube account taken down for violations of their "terms of service". He then came back, But not on a happy note. Every time Garrett's haters call up his grandmother (They currently can't get a hold of his mother) telling her all the shit Garrett did (Y'know, death threats an' shit), Ewok has to come to the rescue, which, of course, gets Tits Migee out of trouble.


 
Today, Ewok is no longer involved with Garrett, and much like Garrett himself he too has moved on. He makes pretty cool [[YTPMV]]s which are better in comparison to the shit [[Keegan Salisbury]] would make.


''"i disagreed with his squeaky 10y/o friend on skype (garrett) and garrett threatened to "hack" me and attempted to ddos me and tried to get his friend to gain access to my youtube account
''"i disagreed with his squeaky 10y/o friend on skype (garrett) and garrett threatened to "hack" me and attempted to ddos me and tried to get his friend to gain access to my youtube account
anyways, i ddosed and doxxed garrett and did some other cruel stuff and ewok started to whiteknight and made THIS"'' -Giraffe on Reddit
anyways, i ddosed and doxxed garrett and did some other cruel stuff and ewok started to whiteknight and made THIS"'' -Giraffe on Reddit
 
<br>
<center><youtube>yKgkjzJTOHw</youtube></center>
<center>The video that caused [http://www.reddit.com/r/CringeAnarchy/comments/37xbzn/whiteknight_12yo_makes_a_video_about_me/ his Reddit appearence]</center>
 
*{{skype|live:cuteewokgaming}} His Skype
*{{skype|live:cuteewokgaming}} His Skype


== Garrett Today ==
== Garrett Today ==
Nowadays, Garrett isn't around and has barely produced any drama or milk worthwhile for the time-being. But one of his now ex-friends, [[Keegan Salisbury]] has sperged out so hard and far that he not only has earnt a page of his own here, but it has become far bigger and more well-made then Garrett's page was.
Nowadays, Garrett isn't around and has barely produced any drama or milk worthwhile for the time being. In fact, he's pretty much found a passion in art these days and has also become a furfag, as you can see on [https://deviantart.com/ItzGarrehandro his new deviantART], and even recently came out of the closet as a [[bisexual]]. But one of his now ex-friends, [[Keegan Salisbury]] has sperged out so hard and far that he not only has earned a page of his own here, but it has become far bigger and more well-made than this page.


==[[TL;DR]]==
==[[TL;DR]]==
Never let your 11 year old kid on the internet. '''Ever.'''
Never let your children be on the internet. '''Ever.'''
 
== Trivia ==
* Garrett's favourite shows nowadays are [[The Owl House]] and [[Kingdom Hearts]].
 
== See Also ==
* [[13-year-old boy]]
* [[Autism]]
* [[Geoshea]] - One of the tards he exposed.
* [[Keegan Salisbury]] - The new lolcow in place of him.
* [[Rage]]
* [[SammyClassicSonicFan]] - Fellow redeemed LOLCOW.
* [[Shit]]
* [[YouTube]]


==External Links==
==External Links==
*[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC790HKi0AQ14Jw36eC22ynA Garrett's Current YouTube Channel]
*[https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC790HKi0AQ14Jw36eC22ynA Garrett's Terminated YouTube Channel]
 
*[http://bitstrips.com/user/CFXJGS/ Garrett's Bitstrip Page]
*[http://bitstrips.com/user/CFXJGS/ Garrett's Bitstrip Page]
*[https://twitter.com/ytpboy360 Garrett's Twitter]
*[https://twitter.com/ytpboy360 Garrett's Twitter]
 
*{{yt|c|UCObwg36Gi-UeLbPYGlHHqzg|JewTube}}
*{{twitter|Garrehandr0|Twitter}}
*{{dauser|garrydoesartandstuff|DeviantART}} '''(INACTIVE)'''
*{{Reddituser|ItzGarrehandro|Reddit}}
*{{instagram|thatsomeonefromnextdoor|Instagram}} '''(PRIVATE)'''
*{{skype|garrettsreturn}} His Skype
*{{skype|garrettsreturn}} His Skype



Latest revision as of 15:32, 20 August 2024

Garrett Simmers looks like it was written by pseudo-intellectual 13-year-old boys.
Look out for unfunny Uncyclopedia bullshit, boring in-jokes, and angsty teen-ery.
You could also add in actual humor.
This person has Assburgers Syndrome,
so you can't say anything bad! :-(


Be aware of that, you insensitive fuck.
Garrett Simmers is an irrelevant lolcow who had long since been milked by the masses.

You can help by finding someone else to pick on, you meen-spirited cyberboolie!

LEARNED TO PLAY NICE

Garrett Simmers may have learned to play nice with others on the internet.

     Watch this page to find out if they revert to their natural state of being an asshole   (_Y_)

Gabby Shitters
Born February 3, 2004
Nationality Americunt  
Residence South Carolina
Ethnicity White devil
Gender Male
Sexuality Pansexual
Aliases GarrettComedian
Garrett Simmers
TheGarrettMaster11
JuniorWaffle
Garrett16074
13OhFourG
Garrehandro
Occupation Trolling random people online for literally no reason

Garrett Simmers (Garrehandro) is a 20-year-old typical Internet Tough Guy from South Carolina that first joined on YouTube in 2013, who is the leader of a group of vigilantes and weens known as The Meming Crew, who are notorious for having busted lolcows like Keegan Salisbury, Geoshea and Engelbash in doing all the wrong things.

YouTube Past

On 2013, when Garrett had an obsession with Vyond, he decided to go to YouTube to spread his Go!Faggotry to others so that they can do the same. People left hate comments on his channel and like the blank mind he is, he started to go to the channels of the users that left hate comments started being retarded and made pointless videos out of them. He also stole content from other users and turned it worse that what it should have been. After many months of hate comments, Garrett decided to be like Chris-Chan and close his account to avoid more hate comments, but he usually comes back to do the same type of mullarkey that he usually does. But unfortunately, it doesn't end there. Eventually, he moved on from YouTube and got a life.

Puzzle globe logo
A photoshopped image of Garrett

The "Feud"

One faithful day in the world of YouTube, A YouTuber named Jose "Dax" Hernandez (known better as a member of the Daxter5150 channel) was busy making some videos until Garrett, like the fat dumbass he's known for, decided to vent his frustrations on someone who is more talented than him so he can make himself look intimidating and gain attention. So then he started harassing Dax on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, Skype, YouTube, and pretty much any site without a policy against diabeetus. Dax eventually took notice and responded with a video called "How to Play Guitar Like Garrett Simmers", a parody of a video Garrett made in August 2013 where Garrett pulled around on the strings of a toy guitar from Toys-R-Us in an effort to "torture" Warren Cook (an 11-year old logo kid who would make fictional VHS openings for his own entertainment and got made fun of badly for it).

Garrett became asshurt as soon as he saw the video and began flaming Dax, who says that the flame war will never end until Garrett finally decides to go back to school and get off the internets for good. The video itself received praise from several viewers, and Dax would later go on to make several sequels as Garrett's shit-encrusted ass stands horrified. However, by 2018, things appeared to have cooled off between the two...

At one point in 2015/2016, during one of Gabby's autistic sessions with other lulcows, he almost managed to get Dax killed in a car crash by spamming his notifications on Skype while he was driving when he forgot to put his phone on silent. This resulted in Dax looking at his phone and getting into a deadly car crash that resulted in a visit to the hospital. Eventually, other people found out about the incident and turned against Gabby for months thanks to this. Rumor has it that Dax is still not over this incident.

The Taylor Conundrum

Not too long ago, Garrett had an enemy named Taylor, "The Hayniac VGCP" (AKA VideoGameCartoonPolice). This girl was involved in a fight Garrett started with one of her known friends. She attempted to stand up for her friend and try to keep him from making fun of him and/or harassing him. Since having only an IQ of Chris-Chan's, he became a total pussy and decided to block Taylor, which then lead to a war with Garrett vs Taylor's fanboys/fangirls over Garrett blocking a girl on the internet, and it has become the most silliest war of 2014 that only results from letting your 10-year-old son on the internet.

On February 19, 2015, Taylor even started an awesome hashtag called #GarrettUnblockTaylor which caused a giant movement against Garrett and have a shit ton of comments up his ass to the point where Garrett's friends start to defend him, but fails every way it can, growing this "war" to the point of annoyance.

The movement that made him popular

After Garrett got trolled even worse than before, his mass army of haters decided to do something to make Garrett butthurt once again, by forcing him to air his body language on the "Garrett Network", but just like how Garrett is the retarded 11-year-old blob that he is, he refused, piling on more hate and pressure and hate on him. On May 2014, during a Google hangout call, Garrett was crying and screaming while his mom was teaching him body language. Someone by the name of "Darran Good" decided to record the entire footage of Garrett screaming and crying, and upload it onto YouTube. Sadly, the original footage was BALEETED off the interwebz, however, one of Garrett's ex-friends has a video containing the audio from Garrett's Body Language being streamed on an online radio station.

5:51 is where the infamous shitshow begins.

And then he decided to make the new and improved GBL which looks like total ass.

How to avoid getting fucked up by Garrett

If you don't want the professional Internet Tough Guy to bust your kneecaps open, this is what you SHOULDN'T do when you're around him:

  • Defend any of the people who have wronged him, like Nancer, LyricWest, Wildcat, Jax Hahn, Dax and tons more people.
  • Tell him to shut up whenever he's gossiping about the people that have wronged him
  • Do basically anything stupid like the things either Engelbash, Geoshea or Keegan Salisbury did -- He will eventually put you as a target of his shitty circlejerk.
  • Bother him enough and he'll soon find a way to hack one of your social media accounts. -- He did this with Logan Swan and Doggis, both people being arguably just as bad as Garrett.

And finally...

  • Tell him to "air his body language." -- He will, of course, be very pissed, and repeat the same shitty comeback: "Body language? OK!" -Pulls middle finger-.

His friends

Like every other popular kid on the internet, Garrett has friends.... on the internet. Shockingly, most of his friends are younger than Garrett (8-10 years old). Garrett has notable friends who receive as much hate as himself, further proving that children should never have access to the internet or to their $5 webcam from Walgreens.

Keegan

BBF's forever.

Keegan James Salisbury or "KeeganTheYTPMaker1000" is a 10-year-old (now a 20-year-old) kid from Illinois who makes bland YouTube Poops. He is Garrett's best friend on YouTube and Skype. When in fights, he will make comebacks that are shockingly more stale than Garrett's. It was proved that Keegan is more of a delinquent than Garrett in real life. On March 5, 2015, Keegan was suspended from his school for punching a teacher right toward her face because his teacher didn't want him to play on his iPad. That caused Keegan to lose his internet privileges and many found out about it. Keegan was popular when he was accused of killing Dipper, a fictional hand-drawn cartoon character from Gravity Falls. Thus caused him to spew out profanity and cry about it. The video below had Keegan deal with people accusing him of killing Dipper.

Brandon Figuracion

Isn't he cute?

Brandon Figuracion is an Asian-American kid who is overprotective when it comes to things that happen bad to Garrett. He often becomes a whiteknight when someone hates Garrett with a passion. His most popular hate targets are Alex Surge and DeadGiraffe, two people who, you guessed it, hate Garrett. He often makes fun of them and even talks about them behind their backs. Brandon also sends death threats to Garrett haters as well.

The comment section on a video in parody of Garrett. An aspie in need, is an aspie indeed.


  • amazingcousins19 amazingcousins19 His Skype

CuteEwok

Now here's someone who's really dyslexic!
It hurts to look at him.

Kaleo Marek or "CuteEwok" is Garrett's highly supportive friend. Though claiming he has neutral opinions towards Garrett's haters and fans, he secretly lies and decides to defend Garrett and his friends and will keep anyone against Garrett from attacking him in a powerful fashion.

DeadGiraffe, one of Garrett's haters, mostly gets targeted by CuteEwok, though being the dumbass he is, he makes videos to make fun of Giraffe and gives him attention. Ewok foolishly did the wrong thing and got his YouTube account taken down for violations of their "terms of service". He then came back, But not on a happy note. Every time Garrett's haters call up his grandmother (They currently can't get a hold of his mother) telling her all the shit Garrett did (Y'know, death threats an' shit), Ewok has to come to the rescue, which, of course, gets Tits Migee out of trouble.

Today, Ewok is no longer involved with Garrett, and much like Garrett himself he too has moved on. He makes pretty cool YTPMVs which are better in comparison to the shit Keegan Salisbury would make.

"i disagreed with his squeaky 10y/o friend on skype (garrett) and garrett threatened to "hack" me and attempted to ddos me and tried to get his friend to gain access to my youtube account anyways, i ddosed and doxxed garrett and did some other cruel stuff and ewok started to whiteknight and made THIS" -Giraffe on Reddit

  • live:cuteewokgaming live:cuteewokgaming His Skype

Garrett Today

Nowadays, Garrett isn't around and has barely produced any drama or milk worthwhile for the time being. In fact, he's pretty much found a passion in art these days and has also become a furfag, as you can see on his new deviantART, and even recently came out of the closet as a bisexual. But one of his now ex-friends, Keegan Salisbury has sperged out so hard and far that he not only has earned a page of his own here, but it has become far bigger and more well-made than this page.

TL;DR

Never let your children be on the internet. Ever.

Trivia

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External Links

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