Stripper

ur doin it rong

A stripper (or wage troll) is the larval stage of the creature that will eventually become a Porn Star. For people who wish their porn smelled like stale beer,vaginal sweat and cigarettes, they can get the wonderful experience of seeing a meth-addled whore with fake boobs dance to bad music. As many a man can attest, there's nothing better than seeing a extremely razor burnt cooch with ingrown stubble under poor lighting rattle around to the tune of Black Eyed Peas' "My Humps". . . not to mention several thousand other songs you will never hear outside of a strip club.

Many fall into the illusion that the stripper dancing on a table in front of them with an ass stuffed full of dollar bills is sexually interested in them. They continue to believe this despite the fact that they spent all your rent money and still haven't got any for the 4th month in a row. This will lead to their landlady to finally be able to tell them to GTFO providing many lulz to their current situation. It is important to remember to never be polite to a stripper as their soulless, self-destructive Attention Whore ways simply can't comprehend it. Trying to be kind and gentlemanly can cause a stripper to become severely confused to the point where it can result in seizures.

The average career of a stripper lasts two years or less, when she marries the only asshole who doesn't frequent her nudie bar, only to live out her days as a waitress when he gets tired of her shit and dumps her. Those that are not completely annihilated by the industry become Porn Stars.

Though many have an annual trailer household income exceeding that of some doctors, strippers have the personal finance skills of a sea urchin. Strippers are savvy investors wielding portfolios of the latest line of Coach purses, acrylic nails and Marlboro Lights. Most are trendsetters in their stripping community with their avant garde financial choices: Why pay the electric bill when you can have Gucci shoes? Why pay $50 for a cab when you've only had 12 shots of patron? When not in the club, they can be found in their natural habitat at the local 24 hour gas station at 4 in the morning where many opt to diversify their vested interests with stale burritos and Red Bull.

You can also see men strip at gay bars, if you are gay or just want a stripper who will touch you. There's also the mythical Chippendale Dancers who dance only for women, but since women have no sex drive, this is obviously a myth.

Pole Dancing

A staple of the stripper's routine to gouge you for all your Jew Gold pole dancing, as the name itself suggests, originated in Poland. Mostly practiced by drunk college girls at spring break but recently, pole dancing has entered the mainstream with many gym's featuring Pole Dancing Fitness classes for flabby housewives and DVDs that teach them how to spice up their non-existent sex-lives and pump up their husband's flaccid pen0r. Your husband should love you no matter what your physical appearance looks like right?

Truly Exotic "Exotic Dancing": Stripping for Two

Someone called "Wide Eyed Wanderer" posted this on the Logan, West Virginia section of Topix under the header "Should Pregnant Chicks Be Strippers??" on Jan. 24, 2009. The rest of the thread can be found here.

"I know that this is a stupid question to post but, believe it or not, there is one workin' at your local strip club. Sad but, true I know. Its not that I frequent the joint on the regular or anything. Its just I stopped in on passing with friends. At first glance she appeared to have a beer belly. After she waddled closer to the pole is when I noticed that it was in fact a belly well into her second trimester. To make things even worse she staggered and flopped while dancing around drunk to songs like, "Let The Bodies Hit The Floor". She even punched herself in the cootch to the beat of the song. I'm not talkin' a lil' tap on the hoo-ha for ha ha's, she was straight bustin' that thing in the lips like it owed her some money. So please, if you don't want to see some nasty drunken ho on the stripper pole, don't go to Glitter Girls of Logan."

Actually, it sounds like a GREAT place to go for the lulz! Later on in the thread, one of the stripper's friends comes forth to say that she would never drink while pregnant because she cares too much for the baby. Instead, as it turns out, she was stoned on heroin, which, she has been assured, won't really hurt the kid. Time to give credit where credit is due. Today's strippers, welfare moms, trailer residents, and assorted underachievers should really follow this lady's lead. Alcohol can lead to monstrosities like Chris-chan that are allowed to live. Heroin can lead to addicted babies that are mercifully shaken to death because they won't stop crying, as they are addicted to smack.

Buzz kill

Some say it's degrading! Well it's not. If you think it is, think for a moment...

• Cane killed Able over a stripper!
• Babylonians had brothels in the size of China!
• Nowadays' costumes are being called Casanova Costumes!

If it was truely ignominious and insulting in some degree, bitches would have stopped it at some point and tried bakery instead.

Trivia

• If a stripper dances for you or near you she automatically wants you to follow her out to her car when her shift is over.
• All strippers are either under-privileged white women or over-privileged black women.
• Except for the older Hispanic ones that used to be Vice President of Peru.
• Strippers are covered with a thin layer of glitter and/or mucous, like snails. This is why after fucking paying to fuck one, you must shower before you go home to your wife.
• If bald, short, ugly fat men with small penises did not exist, neither would strip clubs.
• If you ask any stripper at the club about another one, she'll ironically tell you "She's a whore".
• All strippers start their career thinking she'll make thousands a week, just for dancing. All strippers end by sucking dick for $20 in an alley to support her crack habit and her three bi-racial children.

So You Wanna Be A Pole Dancer?

First you need a stripper name. You don't want the greasy guy with the gunt and the bad combover masturbating in the corner and nursing a Bud Light to know your powerword.

Stripper names can be reduced into a neat formula. All strippers name themselves after one of the following:

• A geographical location.
• A flower.
• An animal.
• A luxury automobile.
• An item of food or alcoholic drink.
• A luxury item that is "klassy," such as "Diamond."

So, if you have six women of dubious morals with varying degrees of drug addiction and lower than average educational achievement and IQ named Asia, Jasmine, Butterfly, Lexus, Chardonnay, and Diamond, you have a Friday night lineup at a small strip club. Try to create your own stripper names. It's fun!

Next, you'll need some music. The following songs were or are popular at just about any titty bar across the country:

• Motley Crue "Girls, Girls, Girls"

• Def Leppard "Pour Some Sugar On Me"

• Pussycat Dolls "Don't Cha"

• Prince "Pussy Control"

• Sir Mix A Lot "Baby Got Back"

• NIN "Closer"

• Katy Perry "I Kissed A Girl"

• Van Halen "Hot For Teacher"

• David Bowie "China Girl"

• "My Neck My Back" Khia

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Gallery

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  How do I shot Poll Dance?
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  The Beginning
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  What every aspiring stripper needs to own a copy of. Especially if she's been in the business for a decade or more!
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  Regular pole dancing allows you to stand on your hair!

See Also

• Danni Ashe
• Porn
• Retired
• cocktease

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Stripper is part of a series on Whores Visit the Whores Portal for complete coverage.