Sealand

The glorious nation

Sealand as shota in Hetalia fanart

The Principality of Sealand is a troll country near Great Britain. Way back in 1967, Paddy Roy Bates, after he got pissed at the UK for denying him his own pirate radio, set out to find land he could found a new nation on. Because the man had already occupied all natural territory, Bates got creative and claimed an abandoned WWII defense platform six miles off the coast of Suffolk. However, it wasn't without a fight because some mick had already taken the platform but Bates quickly told him to GTFO. Thus Sealand was born and Bates crowned himself principal and sovereign Roy of Sealand.

Since then, many lulz were had.

History

UK responds

The British couldn't do shit as Sealand was out of their territorial reach but they tried anyway. When they attempted to blitzkrieg Sealand, royal son Prince Michael Bates, heir to the crown of Sealand, kicked their asses with the help of /k/. The butthurt invaders then called for a lawyer to send the party boat to Sealand. The court dismissed the case because Sealand was still out of the UK's territorial waters and the whiners were told to shut up. People ignoring the court's decision continued to demand tax money anyway, showing that the UK is in fact run by Jews.

Nazi putsch

In 1975, the German Alexander Gottfried Achenbach and several Dutch people planned to take over Sealand to turn it into a fascist dictatorship. Achenbach told Bates that he wanted to establish a hotel with a casino. Roy trusted him (probably because of generations of inbreeding in his royal family line) and appointed him Prime Minister. Achenbach betrayed that trust, staged a coup d’état and held the royal son captive while Roy was in Salzburg. When he heard of that, Roy rented a helicopter and pwned the Nazis. The Dutch were soon released but Achenbach remained imprisoned. The Netherlands and Germany told the UK to take action, but their pleas remained unheard as the UK stopped to care what happened off their coast. Germany proceeded to send a diplomat to get Achenbach free, proving Sealand to be serious business. After Achenbach was set free, he set up an exile government, still claiming that he is the legitimate ruler of Sealand.

Sealand attempts to make money

There it is.

Eventually Roy decided he'd rather bang some Spanish hookers and left the nation to his son. In 2000, Prince Michael Bates decided to get more money by buying a company he then called HavenCo whose purpose was to provide a data haven. Spammers, Hackers and pedophiles would have benefited from such a service had they not been discriminated against. With its main potential customers alienated HavenCo ceased to exist in 2008.

In January 2007, Sealand was put up for sale and The Pirate Bay tried to purchase it. The royals however refused because they saw those noble activists as mere criminals guilty of theft of proprietary rights.

Other happenings

• Shortly after Sealand was founded the UK destroyed another abandoned platform that was outside of their waters.
• Sealand passports were revoked in 1997 because people started to use them for tax fraud, smuggling and organ trade.
• In 2006 a major fire broke out. Essentially, a defective generator almost destroyed the whole nation. Compare to Georgia's military.

Legitimacy of Sealand as a sovereign nation

Holland in its lulziest times

Contrary to what your government will tell you, Sealand is a separate country, if only to piss the Queen off. The argument that Sealand's surface is artificial is dismissible if one takes a look at the Netherlands. With such arguing one, could easily deny the existence of the country's major parts as they were made artificially accessible through the use of levees. Countless lulz ensue when one of them breaks during storm surge.

In 1987, the UK cunts extended their territorial waters from 3 to 12 miles, making Sealand part of the UK. Sealand responded by extending their territorial waters to 2,000 miles out, giving them ownership of the UK and most of Europe.

Sealand has a national football team that FIFA, made up of Swiss assholes, refuses to recognize. However, in 2005 the team was accepted into the Nouvelle Fédération-Board, which includes teams from other tiny specks of countries and imaginary ones. In 2014, Sealand pwned Raetia, 6-1. Raetia was a province of the Roman Empire that disappeared around the year 476, which may be why they need to brush up on their footy skills.

Sealand on the internets

Sealand in Second Life

There's a group on Facebook dedicated to Sealand. If you're one of the people who'd rather spend money on a title from a sea platform than on something actually worth something, this group is for you. The same goes for this forum. While discussing topics such as sports in a country only 550m² in area they set a good example for the average person's IQ on the Internet.

Sealand is also present in Second Life and could come in handy as a backup for Fort Longcat.

However, Sealand's presence on the internettes is not upfront but through blatant plagiarism on part of a group of Northern California Libertarian Jewish Hippy Ectomorphs who can't swim, otherwise known as "The Seasteading Institute".

External Links

• The Principality of Sealand
• Butthurt nazi government

Sealand is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.