Apostrophe

The Apostrophe, also known as the IQ Test, God's Revenge, and many other names, is the root of every problem known to man. It is well known that Adolf Hitler was not fond of Apostrophes, and that he eventually killed himself over them.

History

Some fucking frenchman thought it would be funny to introduce a terrible Grammatical Convention that would fuck over idiots on 4chan in the 16th century. From there, the British decided it would be funny to take it into their own hands, and it was unleashed upon the population. It is still used today.

Normal Usage

An apostrophe is used when an internet user thinks it should be used. For example, lets say the user wants to write "The dog jumps over the moon". Upon further reflection, they notice that "jumps" would look nicer with an apostrophe. The sentence becomes "The dog jump's over the moon". As can be seen, this makes for a much neater looking sentence. In 95.69% of cases, as shown by researchers at Cambridge University, people will use the apostrophe at their own discretion, without regard to proper grammatical rules.

Correct Usage

The apostrophe is actually used to denote a user's political view on a certain topic. People often mistake this for using one anywhere they please. Apostrophes can only be used in the following situations:

1. Political debates, also known as Why the fuck is this political?.

2. Online articles, as some people think that they can be fancy with their knowledge.

3. Intelligence contests, but fuck them. This is the interwebs

4. Certain Wikis.

There are exceptions, but those are the general locations. Grammer Nazi's would argue that they should be everywhere, but these supposed people are not to be trusted.

Here is a generic conversation that could hypothetically happen.

   obamacarelove87: This Black Ops 3 gameplay video is sooooo awesome. I love it!
   mrconf3d3rat3flag: BO3 is just liberal propaganda. Youre such an idiot for playing it...
   obamacarelove87: Its just a game man.
   mrconf3d3rat3flag: Theres no such thing as game's on the internet. Everything has a agenda
   obamacarelove87: Dude, chill. if you dont want to play the game, just say it. let people enjoy what they like. Stop making things political
   mrconf3d3rat3flag: They made this political by making it in the first place left wing bastard's
   HitlerNazi45: Both of you faggot cunts forgot many apostrophes and capitals. You are all fucking morons.
   mrconf3d3rat3flag: STFU asshole
   obamacarelove87: yeah wtf man

The conversation would continue for another 146 lines or so before dying and everyone moving on with their lives. Certain grammarists argue that depending on where the apostrophe is placed, that is where you will fall on the political spectrum. The Tel Aviv Formula was created for determining this.

Conflicts Caused by the Apostrophe

1592-98, The Japanese Invasion of Korea: Started after So Yoshitoshi, Lord of Tsushima, ordered that the Koreans adopt the apostrophe. When they refused, an invasion was launched. It is estimated that anywhere between two and thirty million japs and Jugheads were killed in the battles ensuing this invasion.

1638, Battle of Breisach: General Bernard of Saxe-Weimar, a French General, was speaking when a Holy Roman Empire Garrison approached them and asked them to stop using the apostrophe. Bernard, being the air-headed idiot that he was, decided to counter their demands, and made the garrison surrender. Nobody was killed, and the Romans began using apostrophes on that day.

1734, Battle of San Pietro: After King Augustus II of Poland was brutally murdered by a French invasion force, France declared war on Austria to force the apostrophe into Austrian law. Millions were killed in this battle, and is considerd the bloodiest conflict of 1734. France won the battle, and shortly thereafter, the apostrophe was incorporated into Royal Austrian Law.

1914, World War One: This conflict began after Acrchduke Franz Ferdinand, a known dick-headed cunt, was assassinated by the Cult of Apostrophes, a pro-apostrophe group supporting the article after its exit from the German language in 1876. Only a couple hundred people were killed during the war, but it sent the message to language advocates across Europe that the apostrophe was an important part of their culture. It was reincorporated following the signing of the Armistice of November 11, 1918.

1939, World War Two: Adolf Hitler was a known anti-apostrophe advocate, and brainwashed his country into believing that Jews were responsible for its incorporation into the language. While the Cult of Apostrophes was predominantly operated by Jews, many historians believe that Hitler may have been responsible for its creation in 1903. He then launched his war, and millions of kikes were killed in the holocaust. Hitler forced most of Europe to abandon the apostrophe. It was ended after the nuking of Japan by Allied Forces, and once again, the apostrophe was reintegrated into European society.

2001, 9/11: On September 11, 2001, a couple of Sandniggers flew some planes into the World Trade Center, and in doing so, launched a war with the United States of America. Osama Bin Laden, in a statement to the US media, said "We do not want a war. We want you to stop using the unholy apostrife", which in arabic, means apostrophe. The following war has killed millions of Americans as of 2015.