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{{spoilers|text=[http://casesearch.courts.state.md.us/casesearch/inquiryDetail.jis?caseId=06C16070789&loc=61&detailLoc=CC BILL SCHMALFELDT BITCHSLAPS AARON WALKER WITH LOLSUIT IN MARYLAND CIVIL COURT]{{archive|mJro4}}}}
{{breakingnews|On September 23rd, 2016, an Illinois Federal Court bitchslapped [[Dumbfuck]] Bill Schmalfeldt by DISMISSING his latest [[shitty]] [[LOLSUIT]]!!! [https://www.scribd.com/document/325076092/ECF-10 Link to the court's [[LULZ]]y Decision!]}}
{{spoilers|t\ BILL SCHMALFELDT EXPOSES FAILED ATTORNEY AARON WALKER AS AN EATER OF OTHER PEOPLE's BOOGERS!!!!!!!!]{{archive|dWeSf}}}}
{{spoilers|text=[http://www.scribd.com/doc/302967269/Complaint-as-Filed BILL SCHMALFELDT BITCHSLAPPED WITH LOLSUIT IN MARYLAND CIVIL COURT]{{archive|mJro4}}}}
<h1>But WHAT ABOUT Aaron Walker?</h1><br><br>
{{spoilers|text=[http://www.scribd.com/doc/296859887/No-Contact-Orders-Palmer-Redacted [[PedoBear]] BILL SCHMALFELDT HIT WITH RESTRAINING ORDER BY 3-YEAR-OLD!!!!!!!]{{archive|dWeSf}}}}
Mr. Walker's less-than-stellar legal career is highlighted by the fact that he was fired from his last position as an attorney in 2012 and he has yet to find employment in the field of law. <br><br>Walker embarrasses himself with his suggestion that Plaintiff is becoming “increasingly abusive and unhinged” in his communications with him. Even his own Exhibits show that Plaintiff has been nothing but a gentleman in his dealings with Mr. Walker. However, Mr. Walker did try to obtain a peace order against the Plaintiff in the state of Maryland when Plaintiff and along with his attempt to have the Howard County, Maryland, States’ Attorney prosecute Plaintiff for harassment because Plaintiff once said on his Blog Talk Radio program, “Beware the Ides of March.” Both Mr. Walker and his “long time paralegal” WJJ Hoge III took that quote from Shakespeare as a threat of harm against them when, in fact, the Plaintiff was talking about an online article that would be published on March 15, 2013, that cast an unfavorable light on a friend of theirs. The charge was deemed nolle prosequi by the State’s Attorney. <br><br>Plaintiff doesn’t believe for a moment that Mr. Walker was “reluctant” to file what Plaintiff had every reason to believe was a private e-mail communication between litigants in a civil case. Mr. Walker’s insulting suggestion that he and the Defendants understand that “exposing” Plaintiff’s behavior to this Court “is likely to enrage” Plaintiff “further” and lead to more of what Mr. Walker insultingly and without foundation refers to as “inappropriate behavior.” Mr. Walker is known by his adversaries to be an overly-litigious unemployable attorney who doesn’t miss an opportunity to at least attempt to squeeze a dollar or two out of his would-be opponents. Plaintiff sees nothing wrong with telling an opportunistic unemployed attorney who has lied for years about his reasons for being unemployed that “this is a fight you want no part of,” urging him to “Set down the arrogance and walk away.” If Mr. Walker finds mild language like that to be intimidating, Plaintiff suggests he stick to playing video games all day and not engage in the arts of jurisprudence.<br><br>
[[File:BillSchmalfeldt.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Bill Schmalfeldt: Internet Tough Guy]]
Plaintiff has no problem with this court entertaining yet another frivolous motion by Mr. Walker by granting leave to file an immediate motion for sanctions. Plaintiff prays that this court will first rule on whether or not to accept Plaintiff’s first amended complaint (ECF 6) as well as Plaintiff’s motion to compel Defendant Palmer to show cause why she should not be held in contempt of court for ignoring a court order to reply within 21 days to the request to have the case heard by a Magistrate Judge (ECF 8), and to rule on Plaintiff’s motion to disqualify Mr. Walker for the all-too-apparent reasons outlined in the MTDQ as brought into focus by the swarming of this court with superfluous paperwork and needless attacks in the continuation of his war with Mr. Kimberlin before ruling on whether or not to grant leave to file an immediate motion for sanctions. This case is still in its embryonic stages and this absurd call for sanctions is an insult to the Plaintiff, to the Court, and to genuine practitioners of the art of the jurisprudence across the country.
[[File:BloatedBillSchmalfeldt.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Want to be fat and bloated in 30 days? Just follow the Bill Schmalfeldt [[Butthurt]] [[Emo]] diet: booze for breakfast, lunch, dinner! (hic!) ]]
<br><br>Yes, Plaintiff has been asked to withdraw his MTDQ and, yes, Plaintiff has declined.
<br><br>In a shameless and gutless attempt to prejudice this Court as to the Plaintiff’s ability to manage his own litigation, Mr. Walker stoops to the lowest level this writer has ever seen in his brief career as a pro se litigant to suggest that Plaintiff’s conduct is affected by “early Parkinson’s disease dementia.” For one thing, as suggested in Plaintiff’s reply to Mr. Walker’s opposition to the MTDQ, Mr. Walker is barely an attorney, let alone a neurologist. To make a blanket claim that Plaintiff is “demented” shows a woeful lack of understanding about the nature of Parkinson’s disease and the memory loss, executive dysfunction and visuospatial deficits that attend a person who has suffered from this malady for more than 16-years. It is particularly shameful on Mr. Walker’s part as he used his own documented learning disabilities to force the Law School Admission Council to provide him with special accommodations in order to take his LSAT test.
<b><blockquote>LSAC shall provide [Walker] the following accommodations: (1) 18 minutes additional test time for each section, except the written portion, for which he must be provided double time, (2) 10 minutes additional rest time between sections of the Test, (3) testing in isolation, (4) use of earplugs, and (5) subject to LSAC’s inspection, use of Walker’s personal computer on the written portion of the test. </blockquote></b>


Plaintiff will not blame Mr. Walker’s learning disabilities for his Orwellian insistence that “Oceania has always been at war with Eastasia” as he abuses this forum to advance a personal agenda. Plaintiff’s conduct has not been unruly or vexatious, and he vigorously and forcefully denies the assertions made by Mr. Walker in this regard.
==Who Is Bill Schmalfeldt?==
<br><br>Mr. Walker shows his colors by asking this Court to fund his expedition into further assaulting and insulting the Plaintiff with his request for ‘[a] modest monetary sanction to compensate” him for the “trouble” Plaintiff has created by insisting on his rights to not have his name used for commercial purposes without his permission, to not have his name smeared as a “child pornographer” and to not have his words taken out of context and hammered like square pegs into round holes to fit the dogma of this cult of right wing bloggers. This is not the first time Walker has attempted intimidation to get money from would-be legal adversaries. (Exhibit 2) In an effort to get information on his nemesis Kimberlin, Walker picked up on a rumor that a litigant in a prior lawsuit might be looking for a settlement and sent an e-mail to that litigant.
[[File:BillSchmalfeldtPissesHimself.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Bill Schmalfeldt...who pisses himself when confronted in real life.]]
<b><blockquote>I saw today that you offered to testify against Kimberlin because he lied to you about what happened on January 9, 2012. That may be your overture to settle this matter, and I will treated as such. That is, I am making a settlement offer to you in this email of my suit in Virginia. Of course for legal reasons I had to say that no agreement is final until it is written out and signed by both parties, but we can begin to negotiate a settlement that we both can live with.
In his mind, Bill Schmalfeldt is an [[Internet Tough Guy]]. In reality, Bill Schmalfeldt is a [[drunk]] [[fat|bloated]] [[pedobear]] [[troll]] whose style of harassing people who mock him has landed himself in a whole heap of [[Party Van|legal trouble]] and made him one of the more entertaining internet [[lolcows]]. His stupidity guarantees that he'll always fuck up...and that same stupidity ensures he will be unable to admit he fucked up, resulting in a feedback loop of lulz, at least until he dies.


But this is what I want from you. I want the entire truth, and you and I both know that it goes far beyond Brett Kimberlin lying to you as you will lead. You know that my allegations that there has been a conspiracy involving yourself, [redacted by Plaintiff], Brett Kimberlin and others is true.
==What Does Bill Schmalfeldt Do?==
[…]
Since Schmalfeldt claims to be [[lazy|disabled]], one thing he does NOT do is actually ''work''. This leaves his useless ass plenty of time to indulge his perversions, [[stalk]] and [[harass]] people (and their small children), and be an all-around [[Welfare whale|waste of society's resources]].
But it will not be good enough to just give me your word. At this point, your bear word would have no credibility with any court and therefore it would be useless to me. No, you would also have to be able to produce evidence. That would be documents, emails, voicemails, and anything else you have to substantiate what you tell me. That is what you will have to produce in any settlement.


And the evidence I will want will not be limited to what you and your team did to me, but what they did to Patrick, Mandy, Mike [redacted by Plaintiff], Seth [redacted by plaintiff], and anyone else. I want you to give me the whole operation, in testimony and in evidence.
==Blackout Drinking==
[[File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-Drunk.jpg|200px|right|thumb|Bill Schmalfeldt prepares to write another blog. HIC!]]
Schmalfeldt's penchant for [http://thinkingmanszombie.com/2015/09/07/grouchy-liberal-shown-the-door-again/ Johnnie Walker Red is common Internet knowledge]{{archive|wIlPK}}. (At 4200 calories per bottle, this all but certifies that Bill will remain a bloated, laughable fuck indefinitely.)


And in exchange for that, I will ask of you only $20,000 in compensation for your part of all of this and I will be amenable to a reasonable payment plan. Compared to the cost of counsel and the risk of judgment against you, that is a bargain.</blockquote.</b><br><br>
==Collecting Restraining Orders==
[[File:BillSchmalfeldtLolsuit.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Bill Schmalfeldt's [[drunk]] tantrums even spook [[Clippy]] ]]
Drunk people do dumb shit. Psychotic people do crazy shit. So obviously, Bill Schmalfeldt has done some dumb crazy shit which has caught the attention of the [[Party Van|authorities]]. Despite this, Bill still hasn't learned that stalking, harassing and [[DOX]]ing people is kind of illegal.  


Plaintiff can at least be grateful that thus far he has not been subjected to physical assault by Mr. Walker, as alleged by Mr. Kimberin on January 9, 2012. Mr. Walker claimed to police that he was attempting to stop Mr. Kimberlin from taking his picture with Kimberlin’s iPad. (Exhibit 3). That story was modified into Walker’s initial belief that the iPad was, in fact, a bomb that Kimberlin was about to use to blow everybody up.<br><br>
To date, Bill has been hit with 9 restraining orders in 6 states, including:
<b><blockquote>On January 9, 2012, I was leaving court at the same time as Mr. Kimberlin when Mr. Kimberlin raised his iPad as though to use it.  Knowing that Mr. Kimberlin had deep malice toward me and knowing his criminal history, I was afraid he was about to do harm to me so I took the device from him.  Because of the malice he had toward me and his criminal record, I believe I had a reasonable fear of bodily harm in that situation, justifying the invocation of self-defense. http://allergic2bull.blogspot.com/2012/05/how-brett-kimberlin-tried-to-frame-me_2100.html</blockquote></b><br><br>
*[http://www.scribd.com/doc/296859887/No-Contact-Orders-Palmer-Redacted North Carolina]
*[http://www.scribd.com/doc/294680122/15OP926-Plenary-Stalking-No-Contact-Order-Redacted Illinois]
*[http://www.scribd.com/doc/248361479/IL-No-Contact-Order-Redacted Illinois #2]
*[http://www.scribd.com/doc/289956537/Peace-Orders Maryland]
*[http://www.scribd.com/doc/283246394/Schmalfeldt-Court-Order-Redacted Massachusetts]


Walker denies any contact with Kimberlin other than his bravely snatching the iPad from him at risk of his own life. He denies Kimberlin was injured in any way, although hospital accounts do not support Mr. Walker’s denial. (Exhibit 5) According to discharge instructions from the emergency room at Suburban Hospital in Bethesda, Maryland, Kimberlin suffered an eye injury, a sprained back, a minor head injury, and on examination by the hospital’s radiology department, soft tissue swelling around his right eye. Walker explains away the discrepancy by suggesting Kimberlin either forged the documents or had someone beat him up just to frame Walker.<br><br>
Schmalfeldt also enhanced his [[PedoBear]] profile by being barred from harassing a 3-year-old child.
<b></blockquote>I say that his medical records and photographs were fakes, as a matter of logic.  I know I didn’t strike the man once and hopefully by the end of this story you will believe me.  So there is no way he was actually injured the way he claimed.  So when he produced photographs there are only three logical possibilities, as far as I can see: 1) the photographs are fakes—where he put on makeup or used software Photoshop—to make himself appear bruised when he was not, 2) the photographs are real but were from a prior injury or 3) he was really bruised that day, but not by me.  Either way, they are fakes.  Likewise, Kimberlin’s medical records cannot genuinely reflect injuries I gave him, so therefore there are only two possibilities: either this convicted document forger forged medical records, or he was genuinely injured that day, but not by me.  And in both cases there is the possibility that he had someone beat him up for him, or even caused himself harm.  But bluntly, I think it is more likely that the documents were just phony in some fashion.  It better fits with the criminal conduct he has engaged in, in the past. (http://allergic2bull.blogspot.com/2012/07/story-i-couldnt-tell-part-ii-brett.html)</blockquote></b><br><br>


Plaintiff does not share these reports of deceptive and unseemly conduct by Mr. Walker to prejudice this Court or to claim that Mr. Walker’s learning disabilities are in any way responsible for his alleged violent and litigious conduct. But things did reach the point where the States’ Attorney for Montgomery County, Maryland, sent Walker a letter on April 25, 2012. <br><br>
[[File:BillSchmalfeldtCriminal.jpg|500px|thumb|center|Before fleeing to Wisconsin in 2015, Bill Schmalfeldt (alias [http://hogewash.com/tag/cabin-boy-bill-schmalfeldt/ "Cabin Boy"] and [http://thinkingmanszombie.com "Dumbfuck"]  was a frequent defendant in the Maryland Courts. He also has racked up restraining orders in a half-dozen states.]]
<blockquote.<b>Very respectfully, it is my belief that your dispute with Mr. Kimberlin cannot be resolved in the criminal justice system. I cannot help but notice that the transcript of the peace order hearing which you helpfully provided reflects the following statement from the presiding judge… “It seems… quite apparent to this court that both of you are way too invested in each other’s affairs and way too invested in trying to do harm to one another.”  I further note from the transcript that [the judge] apparently credited Mr. Kimberlin’s testimony and consequently extended the piece order against you until August 8, 2012. </blockquote></b><br><br>


Plaintiff hopes that further unruliness on the part of Mr. Walker can be quelled by ruling in favor of Plaintiff’s MTDQ as soon as possible.<br><br>
==Cub Scout [[CP]]==
WHEREFORE, as the Plaintiff has no objection to Mr. Walker’s attempt to raise a little “walking around” cash by asking for leave to file a Rule 11 motion for sanctions, Plaintiff prays that this honorable court will see what sort of tangled mess of endless litigation awaits if this disgraced and unemployable attorney is allowed to continue to make a mess out of what should be a simple case of whether or not the Plaintiff’s allegations as outlined in his Amended Complaint have merit, as well as for any other relief the court deems just and necessary or any sanctions the court may wish to visit upon Mr. Walker sua sponte.
[[File:BillSchmalfeldtShit.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Bill thinks we're as fascinated by his pustulent feces as he is.]]
{{quote|Be proud of the filth in your head|--Bill Schmalfeldt}}


<br><br>
In the interest of taste, we won't dwell too much on how Bill got the [[banhammer]] at [[Daily Kos]]. Let's just say it involved [http://billschmalfeldtrapist.wordpress.com/2015/07/07/bill-schmalfeldt-fantasizes-about-child-rape/ Schmalfeldt's fascination with anal rape and Cub Scouts]. 'Nuff said.


*[http://theothermccain.com/2013/09/30/bill-schmalfeldt-sadism-sodomy-and-other-bizarre-mental-aberrations Bill Schmalfeldt: Sadism, Sodomy and Other Bizarre Mental Aberrations]
*[http://theothermccain.com/2013/02/20/dishonest-bill-schmalfeldt-got-banned-from-daily-kos-for-anal-rape-humor Dishonest Bill Schmalfeldt Got Banned from Daily Kos for Anal Rape ‘Satire’]
*[http://leestranahan.com/bill-schmalfeldt-too-disgusting-for-daily-kos/ Bill Schmalfeldt: Too Disgusting For Daily Kos]


[[File:walker.png]]  
A few months after getting booted from Daily Kos, Schmalfeldt tried to sneak back on under an alias, [http://theothermccain.com/2013/07/22/epic-new-failure-dailykos-re-banishes-deranged-cyberstalker-bill-schmalfeldt/ only to get [[banhammer]]ed again for cyberstalking and harassment].


<h1><b>WHAT THE FUCK??? DID SOMEBODY CHANGE THIS PAGE???</b></h1><br><br>
In 2015, [[Microsoft]] dumped Bill Schmalfeldt's Outlook email account, following an investigation which found that Schmalfeldt had used his account for {{archive|DlX8J|"illegal activity, to spread malware or to view/distribute [[CP]]"}}
 
==[[Coprophilia]]==
 
{{quote| I think I really, really need to go poo-poo, but the meat seems to be blocking progress down there. Maybe a cheeseburger would push everything through?|--Bill Schmalfeldt, {{archive|7puZJ|May 24, 2010}} }}
[[File:BillSchmalfeldtProtest1.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Gail Schmalfeldt bitchslaps Bill from the grave.]]
[[File:BillSchmalfeldtProtest2.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Gail Schmalfeldt bitchslaps Bill '''AGAIN''' from the grave.]]
Bill Schmalfeldt's fascination with "pooty holes" (usually those of children) and his own feces is some pretty sick [[shit]]. Only someone drunk and/or stupid would BLOG about that [[shit]], right?
 
{{quote|I made my way to the bathroom to assess the damage.  Let’s just say it was moderate.  My brain eventually realized what my bottom was doing and managed to close the barn door after only SOME of the horses had gotten out. Unfortunately, some of those horses had made their way up the back of my Depends where they soiled my underpants and the shorts I was wearing.  My shirt was spared. I got everything all cleaned up, the unfortunate adult diaper was bagged and tossed into the trash, the soiled clothing was dropped into the wash, I put on a new Depends, new shorts, and some long pajama pants. I was a MESSY little baby.|--Bill Schmalfeldt {{archive|gDGoc|blogs about shitting himself}} }}
 
[[MOAR]] exciting adventures of [[Dumbfuck|Bill Schmalfeldt]] shitting himself can be found {{archive|ZTa6S|'''***HERE!***'''}}
 
==Cursing Out His Catholic Jailers: Canticle and Juniper Courts==
Welcome to [http://www.freezepage.com/1450379805GADNREOBNF Canticle and Juniper Courts] in St. Francis, Wisconsin! They accept Section 8 housing vouchers, obviously (since how ''ELSE'' would a [[lazy]] [[fatass]] like Bill Schmalfeldt get housing anywhere?!)
 
It's also managed by the local [[Catholic]] diocese, which is pretty funny, once you know Schmalfeldt's background blogging [[pedo]] and [[misogynist]] [[shit]]:
 
{{morphquote|mqtest|background-color:white; width: 600px;|font-weight: bold;
|The stupid people one satirizes are generally too stupid to get that they are being lampooned. It's like in a fight when you slam your opponent between the eyes with a two by four, and they stand there blinking. The brain knows something just happened. It just doesn't know what.|Bill Schmalfeldt {{archive|CAdtY|11 Mar 2016}} who amusingly calls other people "stupid"...when [http://www.scribd.com/doc/296859887/No-Contact-Orders-Palmer-Redacted HE is the one who got his ass kicked in court by a 3-year-old]
|Whose MARRIAGE am I meddling in, you diseased, smegma caked dick?|Bill Schmalfeldt {{archive|2MylC|21 Feb 2016}}, being his typical vile self.
|She just couldn't fucking do it. So much for her wanting peace. I'm not "bargaining" with the evil twat. I was offering her a way out.|Bill Schmalfeldt, {{archive|OLcof|20 Feb 2016}}.
|And some sick-ass mother fucker sends me this. HOW CAN YOU CLAIM THE MORAL HIGH GROUND when you do this shit? |Bill Schmalfeldt, {{archive|OLcof|20 Feb 2016}}, ensuring that people will send him [[MOAR]] of that shit [[for the lulz]]
|Ye torrents roar Ye tempests howl! Your wrath outpour With angry growl! Do ye your worst, my vengeance call Shall rise triumphant over all!|Bill Schmalfeldt, {{archive|wVlGC|29 Nov 2015}}, quoting the Mikado, which gives Bill Schmalfeldt fuzzy memories of that [[tranny]] he fucked on a stage in Japan [http://archive.is/HvndE srsly!]
|Now, let me slip into my HAZMAT suit so you can give us a cuddle, and then off to beddy-bye, you adorable psychotic gash.|Bill Schmalfeldt {{archive|sfykA|13 Nov 2015}}
|Here's what I'd like you to do before the end of the weekend, Pabs. Reach down into your throat until your hand comes out your stinking ass, grab one of your dingleberry encrusted ass hairs and pull yourself inside out. |Bill Schmalfeldt, [http://ukuleledave.wordpress.com/2016/01/01/bill-scmalfeldt-wants-to-contact-you-forever-on-the-internet/comment-page-1/ 20 May 2015], who wonders how he ended up with NINE restraining orders....
|Given that I have stage IV Parkinson's disease, and it is affecting not just my body but my mind in the form of executive functioning and impulse/emotional control, I thought I could plea Not Guilty by Reason of Diminished Mental Capacity. Judge Ellinghaus-Jones told me that meant the trial would stop, I would be taken to a state mental facility to determine if I could tell the difference between right and wrong. I decided to drop the idea and gave a straight not guilty.|Bill Schmalfeldt, {{archive|DpzsS|April 2015}}, trying to evade responsibility for his criminal behavior by playing the "But I'm A [[Retard]]!"-Card
|Have a nice weekend, boys. Ya went and pissed off a guy with PD Dementia. Who knows what'll happen? I sure don't.|Bill Schmalfeldt, {{archive|PLBSk|10 Oct 2014}}, trying to play the "I'm a [[psycho]], so you better not make me MAD!"-Card
|You clever boys had me pegged. I am just so stupid, that I am going to stumble into the court and totally fuck myself over.|Bill Schmalfeldt, {{archive|oyCV2|13 Oct 2013}}, who has a habit of [http://hogewash.com/tag/dreadful-pro-se-schmalfeldt/ stumbling into courts and totally fucking himself over].
|Just wondering if the adulterous slut @cgable63 would like to take a moment from her ass kissing of the #DallasDimwit to tell her kids that their grandma died.|Bill Schmalfeldt, [http://leestranahan.com/bill-schmalfeldt-dishonors-his-mother-with-vile-misogyny/ 8 March 2013], tweeting to his ex-wife that her mother-in-law died
|I am just thinking you might consider taking a 72 hour break from sucking Stranny dick to honor my mother |Bill Schmalfeldt, [http://leestranahan.com/bill-schmalfeldt-dishonors-his-mother-with-vile-misogyny/ 8 March 2013], turning on the charm to request a favor
|That cunt would smother her mom and eat her corpse|Bill Schmalfeldt, [http://leestranahan.com/bill-schmalfeldt-dishonors-his-mother-with-vile-misogyny/ 6 March 2013]
| How many heterosexual men reading this diary right now have never asked their wife or girlfriend to just take a deep breath, relax, "I'll just put in the tip and we'll see how it goes," and then you ram it home like Captain Kidd jamming his sword back into his scabbard while she hollers "takeitouttakeitouttakeitout" and you tell her to just relax and it won't hurt so bad and she starts kicking and screaming "takeitOUTtakeitOUTtakeitOUT youfuckingbastardpieceofshit" and you finally do (because the walls are thin and your neighbors just LOVE calling the cops) and you tell her she should have at least given herself a chance to relax and enjoy it and she (if she's your wife) doesn't let you anywhere near her with "that thing" for weeks and if she's your girlfriend she stops returning your calls?|Bill Schmalfeldt, {{archive|trfVm|18 May 2012}}, describing the fun he has anally raping the womens.
|Any time I've been in a bar fight, I'm generally the guy standing. I can't do it physically any more, but if you dipshits really want to go to court with me, BRING IT. And send me pictures of your homes, because they will be mine. And your wives. They'll be mine, too. Everything you own. Mine. Anything else you want to talk about, dickface?|Bill Schmalfeldt, [[Internet Tough Guy]], {{archive|DsB96|2012}}
|How about we find out where you are staying and rape YOU?  Of course, no one would actually DO that, for fear of getting genital warts from your filthy, unwashed, unwiped ass. How many men do you figure it would take to hold you down, Stranny. I bet one could do it.|Bill Schmalfeldt, {{archive|vzBjV|2012}}, who wonders how he ended up with Restraining Orders against him in 6 States (and counting...)
|Nobody wishes any harm to @stranahn's wife. Being married to a cunt is hard enough on the poor girl|Bill Schmalfeldt, [http://theothermccain.com/2013/07/28/bill-schmalfeldt-finally-gets-his-reply/ 27 August 2012].
|I had a stroke near the inferior frontal gyrus on the left three weeks ago today, but it was a minor one and I'm already getting better.|Bill Schmalfeldt, {{archive|GtxjN|Nov 18, 2011}}, trying to claim that his brain is not massively fucked up.
|I'm not shy about self-promotion. I've used my own blog as well as this one on Technorati to tell you about my quest. I've spent EASILY over $1,000 of my own money to promote these books with press releases, SEO tools, and other such self-promotional expenses.And in the year that has gone by, you could count the number of books I've sold on two hands. You don't NEED hands to count the Zazzle products I've sold. Zero doesn't REQUIRE a digit.|Bill Schmalfeldt, {{archive|IKww9|Oct 6, 2011}}, admitting he is an [[attention whore]] (and an epic [[fail]] at it).
|We’re in Milwaukee and having a wonderful time… even though I had an embarrassing moment...I — uh — had a repeat of a previous gastrointestinal incident that I wrote about yesterday.  This time, it soaked through the pants and into the chair I was sitting on… something every adult child dreams of.  Poopin’ on one of Mom’s chairs.|Bill Schmalfeldt, {{archive|ZTa6S|Apr 17 2010}}, blogging about shitting himself. again.
|I got [the dog] onto her leash, opened the door, and...How do I put this delicately?...immediately noticed I was “filling up my diaper.” There was no urge.  There was no “need to go.”  I just stood up, walked to the door, bent over to put a chain around a dog’s neck, opened the door, and...Pooped ’em...just a bit before my Parkinson’s addled brain realized the horror that was being perpetrated in my underwear and snapped everything shut.|Bill Schmalfeldt, {{archive|ZTa6S|Apr 16 2010}}, blogging about shitting himself. again.
|I once had sex on a revolving stage in Japan. In front of paying customers. On New Year’s Eve, 1983/84, I had drinks in a Tokyo disco with a guy from Libya. We clinked glasses and toasted each other. Later that night, I was so wasted I asked a girl to dance with me and it turned out to be a guy.|Bill Schmalfeldt, {{archive|HvndE|April 8, 2010}} }}
 
On the other hand, given the [[Catholics]]' tight [[bromance|relationship]] with misogynists and pedophiles, Bill Schmalfeldt must fit in there pretty darn well!
 
==Lolsuits==
What do you do when you're a [[fat|bloated]] [[drunk]] [[pedobear]] with [[faggot|homosexual]] tendencies and the [[LOL INTERNET|Internet]] won't stop laughing at your tough-guy routine and pounding you with [[butthurt]]?
<br />
<center>'''''FILE A [[LOLSUIT]]!'''''</center>
<br />
Bill has filed 6 [[lawlsuit]]s in the last 2 years. All of them turn out the same way: [[Dumbfuck]] Bill's ignorance of the [[law]] has judges dismissing his complaints right into the [[shitpile]] with prejudice. Since Schmalfeldt doesn't work for a living, he tries to suck the government's tit some [[MOAR]] by demanding to file [[Poorfag|in forma pauperis]]. Sometimes the court shows mercy, sometimes the court tells Bill to [[GTFO]].
 
===List of Bill's Past [[Fail]]s===
Here's a list of Schmalfeldt's attempts to shut his detractors up, and the predictable result:
 
*Lolsuit 1: Schmalfeldt v. Hoge. Filed 20 May, 2014; withdrawn by Plaintiff (after turning his panties into a fudge factory) 22 May, 2014.
*Lolsuit 2: Hoge v. Schmalfeldt. Counterclaims filed on 3 June, 2014; counterclaims dismissed [[GTFO|with prejudice]] 15 August, 2014.
*Lolsuit 3: Schmalfeldt v. Johnson. Filed 2 February, 2015; motion to proceed [[Poorfag|in forma pauperis]] denied 18 February, 2015; dismissed for lack of jurisdiction 18 February, 2015.
*Lolsuit 4: Schmalfeldt v. Hoge. Filed 23 February, 2015; dismissed for lack of service of process and improper venue 18 June, 2015.
*Lolsuit 5: Schmalfeldt v. Grady. Filed 27 April, 2015; dismissed [[GTFO|with prejudice]] 19 August, 2015.
*Lolsuit 6: Schmalfeldt v. Grady. Filed 17 December, 2015; [[GTFO|dismissed for lack of personal jurisdiction]] [http://www.scribd.com/document/317237962/ECF-47 1 July, 2015]
*Lolsuit 7: Schmalfeldt v. Grady/Palmer. Filed 11 July 1016; dismissed after [[Poorfag|court-appointed pro bono attorney]] examined [[shit|Schmalfeldt's case]], [http://www.scribd.com/document/325076092/ECF-10 23 September 2016].
 
===Lolsuit 6 DISMISSED: July 1 2016===
After fleeing Maryland to escape his criminal troubles, Bill was pissed to learn that people were still mocking his fat, drunk, incontinent ass. On 17 December 2015, Schmalfeldt filed his latest [[shitpile]] in Milwaukee Federal Court. After a real lawyer answered Bill's [[lawlsuit]], Bill pissed his panties and [[Pussybitch|quickly dropped most of the defendants from the suit]].
 
Two months later, when the [[dumbfuck]] realized his defendants might actually have the [[lawyers|resources]] to [[rape]] him in court, [http://billysez.wordpress.com/2016/02/20/current-schmycle-phase-bargaining/ Bill began begging for a settlement].
The response?
{{quote|Hmmm. Interesting words from someone who has absolutely no compunction about bringing in completely un-related parties – INCLUDING A FUCKING TODDLER – into the “conversation” because he wants to intimidate me into silence. He’s figured out that that won’t work, so now he thinks that dangling being dropped from his pathetic FAIL of a lawsuit will.|LOLSUIT Defendant [http://billysez.wordpress.com/2016/02/20/current-schmycle-phase-bargaining/ mocking Bill's "offer"], 20 February 2016}}
 
That sounds like a resounding [[fuck you|no]].
 
After weeks predicting that the defendants would default, Schmalfeldt's prediction turned out to be typical [[bullshit]] as an attorney for defendants appeared and filed a [[shitload]] of [[lulz]]y motions:
 
[[Shit]]-for-brains Bill Schmalfeldt was [[GTFO|dismissed]] on July 1st, 2016. The Court's [[LULZ]]y Judgment [https://www.scribd.com/document/317237962/ECF-47 can be found here].
*[http://www.scribd.com/doc/301591061/ECF-12-Redacted '''Motion to Dismiss''']
*[http://www.scribd.com/doc/303361638/ECF-19-Redacted '''Motion to Strike Plaintiff's Motion to Disqualify Counsel'''] (As usual, [[Internet Tough Guy]] Schmalfeldt pissed his panties when a real lawyer appeared on the scene, desperately filing a [[Waaaambulance|Motion to exclude the lawyer from the case]]. So the lawyer filed this [[fuck you|reply]] to Bill's self-shitting maneuver.)
*[http://www.scribd.com/doc/303374159/ECF-20-Redacted '''Motion for Leave to File An Immediate Motion for Sanctions Under Rule 11'''] (Presenting evidence that Bill Schmalfeldt is a [[Antisocial_personality_disorder|willful]], [[retard|ignorant]] plaintiff who needs to be [[Falcon Punch|disciplined]] by the Court.)
*[http://www.scribd.com/doc/305267638/ECF-29-Redacted '''Motion for Plaintiff Bill Schmalfeldt to be Placed Under a Case Management Order'''] (Presenting further evidence that [[Dumbfuck|Bill Schmalfeldt]], unable to follow simple rules, needs to be bitchslapped by the court.)
*'''LOL, PLAGIARISM:''' [[Dumbfuck|Bill Schmalfeldt]] '''CAUGHT''' {{archive|btcMr|PLAGIARIZING IN COURT PAPERWORK}}
 
===COUNTERSUIT!!===
Christmas comes early!
{{quote|On 2 March, I filed a lawsuit in the Circuit Court for Carroll County, Maryland, against...William Schmalfeldt [and other assorted [[asshole]]s]...I allege that all the defendants are members of a civil conspiracy, ...engaged in defamation,...and that William Schmalfeldt breached a settlement agreement. The suit seeks monetary damages and injunctive relief.| {{archive|mJro4|Opening volley in LOLSUIT VII: Hoge vs. Schmalfeldt et al}} }}
 
==Vandalizing This ED Page!==
[[File:BillSchmalfeldtPoster.gif|300px|thumb|right|Let's see if [[Dumbfuck|Bill Schmalfeldt]] [[Fuck off|gets the point]] the first time. ]]
[[File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-perv.jpg|200px|thumb|right|Bill Schmalfeldt just doesn't understand the meaning of FUCK OFF AND DIE YOU FAT DRUNKEN CHILDSTALKING TURDSNIFFING PERVERTED STALKERFUCK!]]
On March 11, [[dumbfuck|Bill Schmalfeldt]] tried to work off some of his [[drunken]] [[butthurt]] by {{archive|QS57b|vandalizing this ED page}}. The edit lasted '''6 WHOLE MINUTES'''...which is about 5 minutes longer than Bill's laughable [[micropenis|microdick]] could last inside a [[tranny|shemale]] (back in [[1970s|the days before]] Bill got too [[obese]] to [[Erectile Dysfunction|raise that midget soldier aloft]], of course).
 
Next time [[dumbfuck|Bill Schmalfeldt]] feels tempted to take out his [[impotent|inadequacies]] on an [[LULZ|innocent ED page]], might we suggest that he fucking [[Vandalism_is_pointless|'''READ THIS FIRST''']]?
 
==Violent Fantasies and Threats==
Bill Schmalfeldt's rage is as [[Erectile Dysfunction|impotent]] as his softbatch [[cock]], but that doesn't stop Bill from repeatedly fantasizing about doing violence to his [[Paranoid personality disorder|enemies]], while beating his eternally soft [[micropenis|meat]].
 
{{frame|{{Center|{{Photoframe|Introimgs|background-color:white;|border: 1px black; padding: 5px; font-weight: bold;
|[[File:Bill-schmalfeldt-threat1.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|'''Bill Schmalfeldt, 13 Mar 2016'''}}
|[[File:Bill-schmalfeldt-threat2.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|'''Bill Schmalfeldt, 13 Mar 2016'''}}
|[[File:Bill-schmalfeldt-threat9b.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|'''Bill Schmafeldt, 11 Mar 2016'''}}
|[[File:Bill-schmalfeldt-threat7.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|'''Bill Schmalfeldt, 8 Jun 2015'''}}
|[[File:Bill-schmalfeldt-threat9.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|'''Bill Schmalfeldt, 30 May 2015'''}}
|[[File:Bill-schmalfeldt-threat10a.jpg|center|500px]] {{center|'''Bill Schmalfeldt, 10 Oct 2014'''}}
|[[File:Bill-schmalfeldt-threat9c.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|'''Bill Schmalfeldt, 29 April 2015'''}}
|[[File:Bill-schmalfeldt-threat8b.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|'''Bill Schmalfeldt, 15 Jul 2014'''}}
|[[File:Bill-schmalfeldt-threat9d.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|'''Bill Schmalfeldt, 23 Sept 2013'''}}
|[[File:Bill-schmalfeldt-threat6.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|'''Bill Schmalfeldt, Sept 2013'''}}
|[[File:Bill-schmalfeldt-threat5.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|'''Bill Schmalfeldt, 29 Jul 2013'''}}
|[[File:Bill-schmalfeldt-threat3.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|'''Bill Schmalfeldt, 28 Jul 2013'''}}
|[[File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-toughguy2.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|'''Bill Schmalfeldt, 28 Jul 2013'''}}
|[[File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-toughguy3.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|'''Bill Schmalfeldt, 18 Feb 2013'''}}
|[[File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-toughguy.jpg|center|500px]]{{center|'''Bill Schmalfeldt, 2012'''}}
}}}}|background=white|margin=auto}}
 
What [[Moar]] threats and fantasties of violence from [[Dumbfuck|Bill Schmafeldt]]? Then check these out (and the Gallery of Bill Schmalfeldt's "Creep, Vileness, Threats and Delusions of Persecution") at the bottom of this ED page.....
*[http://archive.is/G8oti '''Some of the Reasons We Don’t Like Bill Schmalfeldt''']
*[http://billysez.wordpress.com/2015/12/11/bill-schmalfeldt-now-with-moar-threats11111 '''Bill Schmalfeldt: Now With Moar Threats!''']
*[http://billysez.wordpress.com/2015/05/31/threats-never-made-by-bill-schmalfeldt '''Threats <s>never</s> made by Bill Schmalfeldt''']
*[http://theothermccain.com/2014/05/24/deranged-cyberstalker-bill-schmalfeldt-doubts-my-expertise-in-crazy/ '''Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt Doubts My Expertise in Crazy?''']
*[http://popehat.com/2013/08/06/true-threats-true-incitement-or-truly-crazy-the-rhetoric-of-deranged-cyberstalker-bill-schmalfeldt/ '''True Threats, True Incitement, Or Truly Crazy? The Rhetoric of Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt''']
 
==Gail Schmalfeldt==
Gail Schmalfeldt become a [[zombie]] on June 17, 2015. [[Some say]] that Gail [[an hero]]ed herself to escape from Bill Schmalfeldt's constant neglect, abuse and humiliation. Like being forced to endure photographs on your deathbed. Or having to endure [http://www.anonyme.com/View/cc8f3bae-1c7f-4889-beae-9319462aa39a Bill's enjoyment of] [[anal rape]].
 
Unfortunately for Gail, even death didn't deliver her from Bill's abuse of her dignity. After giving her corpse a [[creampie]], then getting the [[bitch]] cremated, Bill took the classy step of posing with the Ziploc bag of her [[Jizz Cake|ashes]].
 
<center><gallery>
File:BillSchmalfeldtAvatar1.jpg|Gail Schmalfeldt memorialized by a Wordpress surfer.
File:Gail-schmalfeldt.jpg|Gail Schmalfeldt photographed by her psychotic exhibitionist abuser Bill.
File:BillSchmalfeldtAshes.jpg|Gail Schmalfeldt photographed by her psychotic exhibitionist abuser Bill, postmortem.]]
</gallery></center>
 
<center><gallery>
File:Bill-tattoo.jpg|After Gail Schmalfeldt turned nipples-north, Bill Schmalfeldt got a couple of tattoos. "She always liked wiping my shitty ass in life," Bill explained, "now she covers my shitty ass in death. Also, KA-CHING!"
File:Gail-schmalfeldt-2.jpg|Gail Schmalfeldt photographed ({{archive|mW9jJ|and tweeted}}) by abuser Bill.
File:Gail-schmalfeldt-clock.jpg|Gail Schmalfeldt now better known as "Saint Gail of the Clockwork Urn" (don't ask; [http://thinkingmanszombie.com/2015/10/20/good-morning-dumbfuck-102 it's a long story])
File:Gail-schmalfeldt-eww.jpg|Gail Schmalfeldt Yes, {{archive|xo7KD|Bill really blogged this}} photo of his rapidly zombifying wife.
</gallery></center>
 
==Ode to [http://archive.is/y3AZk Gail Schmalfeldt]==
<pre>
MY ASS WILL SOIL MY DIAPERS AND MY SOUL SOAR BACK TO THE COMPUTER
A REALLY GREAT PARODY OF A REALLY BAD POEM
 
I’m ready
You are standing on the curb
But the doors of my short bus haven’t closed yet
I move toward the door and the driver says
Sit down, DUMBFUCK, you haven’t learned
Your lesson yet
I want to leave this life
And be with you
You’re going where I can not go right now
Because HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!
And KREEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNDLEEEERRRRRRRRRR!
I have to sue them for making my ass hurt so much,
And as much as I would love to hold your hand
And tell you stupid jokes because I’m as funny as Black Plague
The wireless mouse is not going to move itself
To find all the butthurt I need to convince a judge
That it’s a tort.
Remember the first time you flew in a plane?
Back when only certain people could afford to fly
And I sat with you at the gate.
You quivered with excitement.
I never did figure out
Where that buzzing sound was coming from.
And you waved goodbye as you walked through the door
With that funny bow-legged walk and crooked smile.
Now they’ve called your flight, and I’m not ready
For you to go. But I’m not the one taking this trip.
You are ready. That’s the important thing.
They’ve opened the door to the jetway.
Walk through, and don’t look back.
The cold never bothered me anyway.
I’m not ready to say goodbye, so I won’t.
We Germans have a much better way of sharing the sentiment.
“Oh, Internet , wie ich dich vermisst habe!”
Oh, Internet, how I’ve missed you!
It tears at my bowels that I won’t see you until then.
And I’ll have to clean up after myself.
But for now, I’m just not ready.
But there’s a terrific burrito stand just down the concourse
And that should take care of things.
I will be ready soon enough. When nature calls
My heart will fill with joy and my bowel with-
Well, never mind.
It will pour from my pooterhole and there will be no stopping it.
The upward thrust will send my heart
Soaring up to heaven,
Where it shall forever join with yours,
For I am cunning and St. Peter will have sympathy
On a poor, disabled, recently widowed
Viet Nam era Veteran who suffers from
Stage ELEVENTYLIARVII
Super Stress Exacerbated PARKINSON’S!!
The door closes. I switch on my iPad.
Damn. Fourteen percent remaining.
I rush to an outlet to plug in the charger.
My world nearly became empty and cold.
The sun’s glare through the window glimmers
On the iPad’s reflective screen.
I need to find a shady spot so I can see.
Outside I see an airplane vanish into a cloud.
What am I doing at the airport?
And wasn’t there a woman here?
What was that all about?
 
Bill Parvocampus
June 16, 2015
</pre>
 
<br />
<center>
<big>[http://www.theothermccain.com/2013/03/09/you-stay-classy-bill-schmalfeldt/ '''''You stay classy Bill Schmalfeldt!''''']</big>
</center>
<br />
 
==Family Whores: Cheerleading Bill's Fantasies of [[Anal rape]], Assault, [[Child Abuse]]==
[[File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-ToughGuy1.jpg|300px|thumb|right|Bill Schmalfeldt plays tough guy while his incestuous whores Lori J. Schmalfeldt, Rebecca Tibbits and Nancy Klosinski cheer on his sociopathic habits.]]
If you ever needed proof that [[sociopath]] and [[stupid]] run in the family, meet Bill Schmalfeldt's [[incestuous]] [[cheerleaders]] of his vile [[Antisocial Personality Disorder]]: [[Whore|Lori J. Schmalfeldt]], [[Cunt|Rebecca Tibbits]] and [[Skank|Nancy Klosinski]].
 
{{quote|Fuck you loosers|Nancy Klosinski, whose inability to use [[spellcheck]] matches her inability to [[google]] 'Bill Schmalfeldt'}}
Everyone hopes that Lori, Nancy and Rebecca ''really'' enjoy Bill's [[cunnilingus|company]], since Bill's immanent eviction from {{archive|FPzRt|Canticle and Juniper Courts}} means he'll soon be wanting to [[assrape|live with]] them any day now.
 
==Bill Schmalfeldt LiberalBill LiberalLad seeks anal rape victim on Ourtime dot com. [[Want]]? [[Kthxbye]]!==
By the summer of 2016, fail whale Bill Schmalfeldt decided it was time to stop [[masturbating]] into Gail's ash urn and seek a live woman for [[anal rape|a date]]. So he signed up for the famous site for oldass [[losers|singles]], OurTime.
 
{{archive|p02ds|'''LiberalBill a/k/a Bill Schmalfeldt's profile on OurTime'''}}
 
Who could have guessed the result. Anyone, anyone?
 
{{quote|I've had a lot of luck with OurTime...all of it bad. I honestly do not know what it is, but I have had a total of 3 meet and greets since last summer and all with ladies that seemed to like my photos, my story, my history, my politics, my sense of humor.
 
We meet for lunch, or coffee, or dinner, and it's adios muchacho.|Bill Schmalfeldt a/k/a LiberalLad wondering why women dropkick his ass after meeting (and googling his criminal stalking and pedophile history...}}
 
Of course, when anyone with [[google]] can quickly find out that Bill Schmalfeldt has 9 restraining orders against him in 6 states, and a lengthy list of criminal complaints against him in Maryland, Billy's got to find a way to explain away that [[ish]], [[amirite?]]
 
[[File:Bill-schmalfeldt-liberallad-ourtime.jpg|400px|thumb|center|LiberalLad on OurTime a/k/a pedophile, stalker and sociopath Bill Schmalfeldt.]]
Yes, ladies...and the instant Bill Schmalfeldt has that trust, he'll hand you the [[lube]] and {{archive|DnYsB|demand you to grease up and spread your asscheeks}}. [[Btw]], you might want to check out what happened to Bill Schmalfeldt's last <s>wife</s> victim!
[[File:Gail-schmalfeldt.jpg|400px|thumb|center|Bill Schmalfeldt's [[zombie|dead wife]], Gail, murdered by Bill's neglect and cheap$kate refusal to actually pay a doctor to diagnose her illness before it [[Game over|became fatal]]. When Gail Schmalfeldt isn't playing the harp in heaven, she's telling Bill what a worthless [[fuck]] he is. {{archive|turdsrfood.wordpress.com|Check it out here!}} ]]
 
==Gallery==
{{cg|Gallery of Creep, Vileness, Threats and Delusions of Persecution|BillSGallery|center|<gallery perrow="4">
File:Bill-schmalfeldt-stalker.jpg|Bill Schmalfeldt = [https://www.scribd.com/doc/296859887/No-Contact-Orders-Palmer-Redacted adjudicated toddler-talker]
File:GailSchmalfeldt1.jpg| [[Zombie|Gail Schmalfeldt]]
File:BillGailSchmalfeldt.jpg|Bill and Gail Schmafeldt in happier times....sort of
File:GailSchmalfeldt2.jpg|Gail Schmalfeldt
</gallery>|<gallery perrow="4">
File:BillSchmalfeldtAshes.jpg| [[Zombie|Gail Schmalfeldt]] ashes
File:GailSchmalfeldt.jpg| [[Zombie|Gail Schmalfeldt]] is happy to be free of her abuser.
File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-nutshuffler.gif | nutshuffler Bill Schmalfeldt
File:Gail-schmalfeldt.jpg|[[Zombie|Gail Schmalfeldt]]
File:BillSchmalfeldtDatingProfile2a.jpg|LiberalBill on OurTime a/k/a pedophile, stalker and sociopath Bill Schmalfeldt.
File:GailSchmalfeldt3.jpg| Gail Schmalfeldt was just a meal ticket to lazyfuck Bill
File:GailSchmalfeldtDying.jpg|Gail Schmalfeldt Bill couldnt wait for her to DIE
File:BillSchmalfeldtSheep.jpg|Bill Schmalfeldt fucks livestock when he can't find a willing Cub Scout
File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-toughguy3.jpg|paranoid Bill Schmalfeldt fantasizing about assassins
File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-toughguy2.jpg|paranoid Bill Schmalfeldt fantasizing about assassins
File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-toughguy.jpg| [[Fatfuck|Bill Schmalfeldt]] talks [[Internet Tough Guy|TOUGH]]!
File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-threat-29.jpg | Toughguy talk from Bill Schmalfeldt 19 Mar 2016
File:Bill-schmalfeldt-threat5.jpg| Bill Schmalfeldt threat 29 July 2013
File:Bill-schmalfeldt-threat3.jpg| Bill Schmalfeldt threat 29 July 2013
File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-threat11a.png| Bill Schmafeldt [[Persecution Complex|projects his violent fantasies onto others]]
File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-threat11b.jpg| Bill Schmafeldt [[Persecution Complex|projects his violent fantasies onto others]]
File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-vile1.jpg| Bill Schmalfeldt [[Closeted|projects his homosexual tendencies onto others]] 11 Feb 2013
File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-vile2.jpg| Bill Schmalfeldt [[Closeted|projects his homosexual tendencies onto others]] 13 Jan 2013
File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-threat27.jpg| Internet Tough Guy Bill Schmalfeldt threatens folks with baseball bat
File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-threat-28.jpg | Bill Schmalfeldt wonders how he got the NINE restraining orders. Nope, no violent tendencies there!
File:Bill-Schmalfeldt-threat-31.jpg | Bill Schmalfeldt ax murder threat 2014
File:Bill-schmalfeldt-homo.jpg | Bill Schmalfeldt homoerotic fantasy 19 April 2016
File:Bill-schmalfeldt-violence.jpg | Bill Schmalfeldt violent murder fantasy 19 April 2016
</gallery>}}
 
==See Also==
*[[Antisocial Personality Disorder]]
*[[CP]]
*[[Coprophilia]]
*[[Drunk]]
*[[Dumbfuck]]
*[[Erectile Dysfunction]]
*[[Internet Tough Guy]]
*[[Lawlsuits]]
*[[Lolsuits]]
*[[PedoBear]]
*[[Trolls]]
*[[Zombies]]
 
==External Links==
*[http://ukuleledave.wordpress.com/2015/12/16/has-bill-schmalfeldt-contacted-you '''IS BILL SCHMALFELDT HARASSING YOU?'''] Helpful advice if you end up getting harassed/stalked by Bill Schmalfeldt
*[https://kiwifarms.net/threads/bill-schmalfeldt-will-munko-william-mathew-schmalfeldt-the-liberal-grouch-skullflattener.20827/ Bill Schmalfeldt LULZ on Kiwi Farms board]
*[https://lolcow.farm/pt/res/260014.html Bill Schmalfeldt mockery on LOLCOW Farm]
*[http://billysez.wordpress.com Billy Sez] (A website devoted to daily Bill Schmalfeldt [[LULZ]]
*[http://thinkingmanszombie.com Thinking Man's Zombie] (Another website devoted to daily Bill Schmalfeldt [[LULZ]]
*[http://hogewash.com Hogewash] (Often reports on [http://hogewash.com/tag/cabin-boy-bill-schmalfeldt/ Bill Schmalfeldt's illegal behavior] and his latest restraining orders.)
*[http://theothermccain.com/category/blogging/bill-schmalfeldt/ The Other McCain] (Often reports on Bill Schmalfeldt.)
*[https://ukuleledave.wordpress.com/tag/bill-schmalfeldt The *original* Artisan Craft Blog!] (Often reports on Bill.)
*[http://kimberlinunmask.com/ Kimberlin Unmasked] (Home of Bill Schmalfeldt Mockery Comix, Inc.)
*[http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=schmalfeldt Urban Dictionary entry for "Schmalfeldt"]
*[http://www.complaints.com/2015-12-19/real-estate/cardinal-capital-management/st-francis-wi-53235-us/warning-cardinal-capital-management-allows-psychostalkerpedo-to-live-juniper-court-108/1001450563748101813.html WARNING: Cardinal Capital Management allows psychostalkerpedo to live @ Juniper Court] (Someone's not happy about the newest resident of Canticle and Juniper Courts in St. Francis Wisconsin...)
*[http://theothermccain.com/2013/07/12/deranged-cyberstalker-bill-schmalfeldt-inspires-epic-downfall-parody-video Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt Inspires Epic Downfall Parody Video]
*[http://knotmywisconsin.wordpress.com/2013/03/01/meet-bill-schmalfeldt Meet Bill Schmalfeldt]
*[http://leestranahan.com/bill-schmalfeldt-the-stranger-who-harassed-my-family/ Bill Schmalfeldt: The Stranger Who Harassed My Family] (Dated 2012, an early profile of Schmalfeldt's psychotic trolling behavior.)
*[http://billschmalfeldt.tumblr.com/ Bill Schmalfeldt's Lies]
*[http://theothermccain.com/2013/11/12/a-maryland-criminal-arrest-warrant-was-issued-today-for-bill-schmalfeldt/Maryland Criminal Arrest Warrant Was Issued for Bill Schmalfeldt]
*[http://popehat.com/2013/08/06/true-threats-true-incitement-or-truly-crazy-the-rhetoric-of-deranged-cyberstalker-bill-schmalfeldt/ The Rhetoric of Deranged Cyberstalker Bill Schmalfeldt]
*[https://www.anonyme.com/View/f16f4866-b4d2-4ce0-a114-942d7c9b0908 Cardinal Capital Management has PsychoGunPedophile Bill Schmalfeldt living @ Juniper Court Wisconsin]
*[http://thinkingmanszombie.com/2016/03/a-note-to-nancy-rebecca-tibbitts/ A Note To Nancy Klosinski and Rebecca Tibbits] Because these clueless [[bitches]] need to learn about [[Fucked up|Uncle Billy]]
*[http://blubbersuesbloggers.com/ Blubber Sues Bloggers] (A brief blog covering the early Lolsuits)
*[http://archive.is/turdsrfood.wordpress.com GAIL SPEAKS FROM THE GRAVE!!1]
{{trolls}}
{{timeline|Featured article February 22 and 23, [[2016]]|[[Valentine's Day Massacre]]|{{PAGENAME}}|[[NPR]]}}
[[Category:Trolls]]
[[Category:People|Schmalfeldt, Bill]]

Latest revision as of 17:47, 23 February 2019

BREAKING NEWS!!
On September 23rd, 2016, an Illinois Federal Court bitchslapped Dumbfuck Bill Schmalfeldt by DISMISSING his latest shitty LOLSUIT!!! Link to the court's LULZy Decision!
This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT BILL SCHMALFELDT BITCHSLAPPED WITH LOLSUIT IN MARYLAND CIVIL COURT (archive)!!!1
This page contains spoilers — important plot secrets and/or conclusions may be revealed. For example,
HOLY SHIT PedoBear BILL SCHMALFELDT HIT WITH RESTRAINING ORDER BY 3-YEAR-OLD!!!!!!! (archive)!!!1
Bill Schmalfeldt: Internet Tough Guy
Want to be fat and bloated in 30 days? Just follow the Bill Schmalfeldt Butthurt Emo diet: booze for breakfast, lunch, dinner! (hic!)

Who Is Bill Schmalfeldt?

Bill Schmalfeldt...who pisses himself when confronted in real life.

In his mind, Bill Schmalfeldt is an Internet Tough Guy. In reality, Bill Schmalfeldt is a drunk bloated pedobear troll whose style of harassing people who mock him has landed himself in a whole heap of legal trouble and made him one of the more entertaining internet lolcows. His stupidity guarantees that he'll always fuck up...and that same stupidity ensures he will be unable to admit he fucked up, resulting in a feedback loop of lulz, at least until he dies.

What Does Bill Schmalfeldt Do?

Since Schmalfeldt claims to be disabled, one thing he does NOT do is actually work. This leaves his useless ass plenty of time to indulge his perversions, stalk and harass people (and their small children), and be an all-around waste of society's resources.

Blackout Drinking

Bill Schmalfeldt prepares to write another blog. HIC!

Schmalfeldt's penchant for Johnnie Walker Red is common Internet knowledge (archive). (At 4200 calories per bottle, this all but certifies that Bill will remain a bloated, laughable fuck indefinitely.)

Collecting Restraining Orders

Bill Schmalfeldt's drunk tantrums even spook Clippy

Drunk people do dumb shit. Psychotic people do crazy shit. So obviously, Bill Schmalfeldt has done some dumb crazy shit which has caught the attention of the authorities. Despite this, Bill still hasn't learned that stalking, harassing and DOXing people is kind of illegal.

To date, Bill has been hit with 9 restraining orders in 6 states, including:

Schmalfeldt also enhanced his PedoBear profile by being barred from harassing a 3-year-old child.

Before fleeing to Wisconsin in 2015, Bill Schmalfeldt (alias "Cabin Boy" and "Dumbfuck" was a frequent defendant in the Maryland Courts. He also has racked up restraining orders in a half-dozen states.

Cub Scout CP

Bill thinks we're as fascinated by his pustulent feces as he is.
   
“ 		 
Be proud of the filth in your head
  		„
  		 

—--Bill Schmalfeldt

In the interest of taste, we won't dwell too much on how Bill got the banhammer at Daily Kos. Let's just say it involved Schmalfeldt's fascination with anal rape and Cub Scouts. 'Nuff said.

A few months after getting booted from Daily Kos, Schmalfeldt tried to sneak back on under an alias, only to get banhammered again for cyberstalking and harassment.

In 2015, Microsoft dumped Bill Schmalfeldt's Outlook email account, following an investigation which found that Schmalfeldt had used his account for "illegal activity, to spread malware or to view/distribute CP"

Coprophilia

   
“ 		 
I think I really, really need to go poo-poo, but the meat seems to be blocking progress down there. Maybe a cheeseburger would push everything through?
  		„
  		 

—--Bill Schmalfeldt, May 24, 2010

Gail Schmalfeldt bitchslaps Bill from the grave.
Gail Schmalfeldt bitchslaps Bill AGAIN from the grave.

Bill Schmalfeldt's fascination with "pooty holes" (usually those of children) and his own feces is some pretty sick shit. Only someone drunk and/or stupid would BLOG about that shit, right?

   
“ 		 
I made my way to the bathroom to assess the damage. Let’s just say it was moderate. My brain eventually realized what my bottom was doing and managed to close the barn door after only SOME of the horses had gotten out. Unfortunately, some of those horses had made their way up the back of my Depends where they soiled my underpants and the shorts I was wearing. My shirt was spared. I got everything all cleaned up, the unfortunate adult diaper was bagged and tossed into the trash, the soiled clothing was dropped into the wash, I put on a new Depends, new shorts, and some long pajama pants. I was a MESSY little baby.
  		„
  		 

—--Bill Schmalfeldt blogs about shitting himself

MOAR exciting adventures of Bill Schmalfeldt shitting himself can be found ***HERE!***

Cursing Out His Catholic Jailers: Canticle and Juniper Courts

Welcome to Canticle and Juniper Courts in St. Francis, Wisconsin! They accept Section 8 housing vouchers, obviously (since how ELSE would a lazy fatass like Bill Schmalfeldt get housing anywhere?!)

It's also managed by the local Catholic diocese, which is pretty funny, once you know Schmalfeldt's background blogging pedo and misogynist shit:

   
“ 		 
The stupid people one satirizes are generally too stupid to get that they are being lampooned. It's like in a fight when you slam your opponent between the eyes with a two by four, and they stand there blinking. The brain knows something just happened. It just doesn't know what.
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt 11 Mar 2016 who amusingly calls other people "stupid"...when HE is the one who got his ass kicked in court by a 3-year-old

   
“ 		 
Whose MARRIAGE am I meddling in, you diseased, smegma caked dick?
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt 21 Feb 2016, being his typical vile self.

   
“ 		 
She just couldn't fucking do it. So much for her wanting peace. I'm not "bargaining" with the evil twat. I was offering her a way out.
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, 20 Feb 2016.

   
“ 		 
And some sick-ass mother fucker sends me this. HOW CAN YOU CLAIM THE MORAL HIGH GROUND when you do this shit?
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, 20 Feb 2016, ensuring that people will send him MOAR of that shit for the lulz

   
“ 		 
Ye torrents roar Ye tempests howl! Your wrath outpour With angry growl! Do ye your worst, my vengeance call Shall rise triumphant over all!
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, 29 Nov 2015, quoting the Mikado, which gives Bill Schmalfeldt fuzzy memories of that tranny he fucked on a stage in Japan srsly!

   
“ 		 
Now, let me slip into my HAZMAT suit so you can give us a cuddle, and then off to beddy-bye, you adorable psychotic gash.
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt 13 Nov 2015

   
“ 		 
Here's what I'd like you to do before the end of the weekend, Pabs. Reach down into your throat until your hand comes out your stinking ass, grab one of your dingleberry encrusted ass hairs and pull yourself inside out.
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, 20 May 2015, who wonders how he ended up with NINE restraining orders....

   
“ 		 
Given that I have stage IV Parkinson's disease, and it is affecting not just my body but my mind in the form of executive functioning and impulse/emotional control, I thought I could plea Not Guilty by Reason of Diminished Mental Capacity. Judge Ellinghaus-Jones told me that meant the trial would stop, I would be taken to a state mental facility to determine if I could tell the difference between right and wrong. I decided to drop the idea and gave a straight not guilty.
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, April 2015, trying to evade responsibility for his criminal behavior by playing the "But I'm A Retard!"-Card

   
“ 		 
Have a nice weekend, boys. Ya went and pissed off a guy with PD Dementia. Who knows what'll happen? I sure don't.
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, 10 Oct 2014, trying to play the "I'm a psycho, so you better not make me MAD!"-Card

   
“ 		 
You clever boys had me pegged. I am just so stupid, that I am going to stumble into the court and totally fuck myself over.
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, 13 Oct 2013, who has a habit of stumbling into courts and totally fucking himself over.

   
“ 		 
Just wondering if the adulterous slut @cgable63 would like to take a moment from her ass kissing of the #DallasDimwit to tell her kids that their grandma died.
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, 8 March 2013, tweeting to his ex-wife that her mother-in-law died

   
“ 		 
I am just thinking you might consider taking a 72 hour break from sucking Stranny dick to honor my mother
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, 8 March 2013, turning on the charm to request a favor

   
“ 		 
That cunt would smother her mom and eat her corpse
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, 6 March 2013

   
“ 		 
How many heterosexual men reading this diary right now have never asked their wife or girlfriend to just take a deep breath, relax, "I'll just put in the tip and we'll see how it goes," and then you ram it home like Captain Kidd jamming his sword back into his scabbard while she hollers "takeitouttakeitouttakeitout" and you tell her to just relax and it won't hurt so bad and she starts kicking and screaming "takeitOUTtakeitOUTtakeitOUT youfuckingbastardpieceofshit" and you finally do (because the walls are thin and your neighbors just LOVE calling the cops) and you tell her she should have at least given herself a chance to relax and enjoy it and she (if she's your wife) doesn't let you anywhere near her with "that thing" for weeks and if she's your girlfriend she stops returning your calls?
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, 18 May 2012, describing the fun he has anally raping the womens.

   
“ 		 
Any time I've been in a bar fight, I'm generally the guy standing. I can't do it physically any more, but if you dipshits really want to go to court with me, BRING IT. And send me pictures of your homes, because they will be mine. And your wives. They'll be mine, too. Everything you own. Mine. Anything else you want to talk about, dickface?
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, Internet Tough Guy, 2012

   
“ 		 
How about we find out where you are staying and rape YOU? Of course, no one would actually DO that, for fear of getting genital warts from your filthy, unwashed, unwiped ass. How many men do you figure it would take to hold you down, Stranny. I bet one could do it.
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, 2012, who wonders how he ended up with Restraining Orders against him in 6 States (and counting...)

   
“ 		 
Nobody wishes any harm to @stranahn's wife. Being married to a cunt is hard enough on the poor girl
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, 27 August 2012.

   
“ 		 
I had a stroke near the inferior frontal gyrus on the left three weeks ago today, but it was a minor one and I'm already getting better.
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, Nov 18, 2011, trying to claim that his brain is not massively fucked up.

   
“ 		 
I'm not shy about self-promotion. I've used my own blog as well as this one on Technorati to tell you about my quest. I've spent EASILY over $1,000 of my own money to promote these books with press releases, SEO tools, and other such self-promotional expenses.And in the year that has gone by, you could count the number of books I've sold on two hands. You don't NEED hands to count the Zazzle products I've sold. Zero doesn't REQUIRE a digit.
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, Oct 6, 2011, admitting he is an attention whore (and an epic fail at it).

   
“ 		 
We’re in Milwaukee and having a wonderful time… even though I had an embarrassing moment...I — uh — had a repeat of a previous gastrointestinal incident that I wrote about yesterday. This time, it soaked through the pants and into the chair I was sitting on… something every adult child dreams of. Poopin’ on one of Mom’s chairs.
  		„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt, Apr 17 2010, blogging about shitting himself. again.

Previous Quote | Next Quote

On the other hand, given the Catholics' tight relationship with misogynists and pedophiles, Bill Schmalfeldt must fit in there pretty darn well!

Lolsuits

What do you do when you're a bloated drunk pedobear with homosexual tendencies and the Internet won't stop laughing at your tough-guy routine and pounding you with butthurt?

FILE A LOLSUIT!


Bill has filed 6 lawlsuits in the last 2 years. All of them turn out the same way: Dumbfuck Bill's ignorance of the law has judges dismissing his complaints right into the shitpile with prejudice. Since Schmalfeldt doesn't work for a living, he tries to suck the government's tit some MOAR by demanding to file in forma pauperis. Sometimes the court shows mercy, sometimes the court tells Bill to GTFO.

List of Bill's Past Fails

Here's a list of Schmalfeldt's attempts to shut his detractors up, and the predictable result:

  • Lolsuit 1: Schmalfeldt v. Hoge. Filed 20 May, 2014; withdrawn by Plaintiff (after turning his panties into a fudge factory) 22 May, 2014.
  • Lolsuit 2: Hoge v. Schmalfeldt. Counterclaims filed on 3 June, 2014; counterclaims dismissed with prejudice 15 August, 2014.
  • Lolsuit 3: Schmalfeldt v. Johnson. Filed 2 February, 2015; motion to proceed in forma pauperis denied 18 February, 2015; dismissed for lack of jurisdiction 18 February, 2015.
  • Lolsuit 4: Schmalfeldt v. Hoge. Filed 23 February, 2015; dismissed for lack of service of process and improper venue 18 June, 2015.
  • Lolsuit 5: Schmalfeldt v. Grady. Filed 27 April, 2015; dismissed with prejudice 19 August, 2015.
  • Lolsuit 6: Schmalfeldt v. Grady. Filed 17 December, 2015; dismissed for lack of personal jurisdiction 1 July, 2015
  • Lolsuit 7: Schmalfeldt v. Grady/Palmer. Filed 11 July 1016; dismissed after court-appointed pro bono attorney examined Schmalfeldt's case, 23 September 2016.

Lolsuit 6 DISMISSED: July 1 2016

After fleeing Maryland to escape his criminal troubles, Bill was pissed to learn that people were still mocking his fat, drunk, incontinent ass. On 17 December 2015, Schmalfeldt filed his latest shitpile in Milwaukee Federal Court. After a real lawyer answered Bill's lawlsuit, Bill pissed his panties and quickly dropped most of the defendants from the suit.

Two months later, when the dumbfuck realized his defendants might actually have the resources to rape him in court, Bill began begging for a settlement.

The response?

   
“ 		 
Hmmm. Interesting words from someone who has absolutely no compunction about bringing in completely un-related parties – INCLUDING A FUCKING TODDLER – into the “conversation” because he wants to intimidate me into silence. He’s figured out that that won’t work, so now he thinks that dangling being dropped from his pathetic FAIL of a lawsuit will.
  		„
  		 

—LOLSUIT Defendant mocking Bill's "offer", 20 February 2016

That sounds like a resounding no.

After weeks predicting that the defendants would default, Schmalfeldt's prediction turned out to be typical bullshit as an attorney for defendants appeared and filed a shitload of lulzy motions:

Shit-for-brains Bill Schmalfeldt was dismissed on July 1st, 2016. The Court's LULZy Judgment can be found here.

COUNTERSUIT!!

Christmas comes early!

   
“ 		 
On 2 March, I filed a lawsuit in the Circuit Court for Carroll County, Maryland, against...William Schmalfeldt [and other assorted assholes]...I allege that all the defendants are members of a civil conspiracy, ...engaged in defamation,...and that William Schmalfeldt breached a settlement agreement. The suit seeks monetary damages and injunctive relief.
  		„
  		 

— Opening volley in LOLSUIT VII: Hoge vs. Schmalfeldt et al

Vandalizing This ED Page!

Let's see if Bill Schmalfeldt gets the point the first time.
Bill Schmalfeldt just doesn't understand the meaning of FUCK OFF AND DIE YOU FAT DRUNKEN CHILDSTALKING TURDSNIFFING PERVERTED STALKERFUCK!

On March 11, Bill Schmalfeldt tried to work off some of his drunken butthurt by vandalizing this ED page. The edit lasted 6 WHOLE MINUTES...which is about 5 minutes longer than Bill's laughable microdick could last inside a shemale (back in the days before Bill got too obese to raise that midget soldier aloft, of course).

Next time Bill Schmalfeldt feels tempted to take out his inadequacies on an innocent ED page, might we suggest that he fucking READ THIS FIRST?

Violent Fantasies and Threats

Bill Schmalfeldt's rage is as impotent as his softbatch cock, but that doesn't stop Bill from repeatedly fantasizing about doing violence to his enemies, while beating his eternally soft meat.

Bill Schmalfeldt, 13 Mar 2016
Bill Schmalfeldt, 13 Mar 2016
Bill Schmafeldt, 11 Mar 2016
Bill Schmalfeldt, 8 Jun 2015
Bill Schmalfeldt, 30 May 2015
Bill Schmalfeldt, 10 Oct 2014
Bill Schmalfeldt, 29 April 2015
Bill Schmalfeldt, 15 Jul 2014
Bill Schmalfeldt, 23 Sept 2013
Bill Schmalfeldt, Sept 2013

Previous Image | Next Image

What Moar threats and fantasties of violence from Bill Schmafeldt? Then check these out (and the Gallery of Bill Schmalfeldt's "Creep, Vileness, Threats and Delusions of Persecution") at the bottom of this ED page.....

Gail Schmalfeldt

Gail Schmalfeldt become a zombie on June 17, 2015. Some say that Gail an heroed herself to escape from Bill Schmalfeldt's constant neglect, abuse and humiliation. Like being forced to endure photographs on your deathbed. Or having to endure Bill's enjoyment of anal rape.

Unfortunately for Gail, even death didn't deliver her from Bill's abuse of her dignity. After giving her corpse a creampie, then getting the bitch cremated, Bill took the classy step of posing with the Ziploc bag of her ashes.

  • Gail Schmalfeldt memorialized by a Wordpress surfer.
    Gail Schmalfeldt memorialized by a Wordpress surfer.
  • Gail Schmalfeldt photographed by her psychotic exhibitionist abuser Bill.
    Gail Schmalfeldt photographed by her psychotic exhibitionist abuser Bill.
  • Gail Schmalfeldt photographed by her psychotic exhibitionist abuser Bill, postmortem.]]
    Gail Schmalfeldt photographed by her psychotic exhibitionist abuser Bill, postmortem.]]
  • After Gail Schmalfeldt turned nipples-north, Bill Schmalfeldt got a couple of tattoos. "She always liked wiping my shitty ass in life," Bill explained, "now she covers my shitty ass in death. Also, KA-CHING!"
    After Gail Schmalfeldt turned nipples-north, Bill Schmalfeldt got a couple of tattoos. "She always liked wiping my shitty ass in life," Bill explained, "now she covers my shitty ass in death. Also, KA-CHING!"
  • Gail Schmalfeldt photographed ( and tweeted) by abuser Bill.
    Gail Schmalfeldt photographed ( and tweeted) by abuser Bill.
  • Gail Schmalfeldt now better known as "Saint Gail of the Clockwork Urn" (don't ask; it's a long story)
    Gail Schmalfeldt now better known as "Saint Gail of the Clockwork Urn" (don't ask; it's a long story)
  • Gail Schmalfeldt Yes, Bill really blogged this photo of his rapidly zombifying wife.
    Gail Schmalfeldt Yes, Bill really blogged this photo of his rapidly zombifying wife.

Ode to Gail Schmalfeldt

MY ASS WILL SOIL MY DIAPERS AND MY SOUL SOAR BACK TO THE COMPUTER
A REALLY GREAT PARODY OF A REALLY BAD POEM

I’m ready
You are standing on the curb
But the doors of my short bus haven’t closed yet
I move toward the door and the driver says
Sit down, DUMBFUCK, you haven’t learned
Your lesson yet
I want to leave this life
And be with you
You’re going where I can not go right now
Because HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOGE!
And KREEEEEEEEEEEEEENNNNDLEEEERRRRRRRRRR!
I have to sue them for making my ass hurt so much,
And as much as I would love to hold your hand
And tell you stupid jokes because I’m as funny as Black Plague
The wireless mouse is not going to move itself
To find all the butthurt I need to convince a judge
That it’s a tort.
Remember the first time you flew in a plane?
Back when only certain people could afford to fly
And I sat with you at the gate.
You quivered with excitement.
I never did figure out
Where that buzzing sound was coming from.
And you waved goodbye as you walked through the door
With that funny bow-legged walk and crooked smile.
Now they’ve called your flight, and I’m not ready
For you to go. But I’m not the one taking this trip.
You are ready. That’s the important thing.
They’ve opened the door to the jetway.
Walk through, and don’t look back.
The cold never bothered me anyway.
I’m not ready to say goodbye, so I won’t.
We Germans have a much better way of sharing the sentiment.
“Oh, Internet , wie ich dich vermisst habe!”
Oh, Internet, how I’ve missed you!
It tears at my bowels that I won’t see you until then.
And I’ll have to clean up after myself.
But for now, I’m just not ready.
But there’s a terrific burrito stand just down the concourse
And that should take care of things.
I will be ready soon enough. When nature calls
My heart will fill with joy and my bowel with-
Well, never mind.
It will pour from my pooterhole and there will be no stopping it.
The upward thrust will send my heart
Soaring up to heaven,
Where it shall forever join with yours,
For I am cunning and St. Peter will have sympathy
On a poor, disabled, recently widowed
Viet Nam era Veteran who suffers from
Stage ELEVENTYLIARVII
Super Stress Exacerbated PARKINSON’S!!
The door closes. I switch on my iPad.
Damn. Fourteen percent remaining.
I rush to an outlet to plug in the charger.
My world nearly became empty and cold.
The sun’s glare through the window glimmers
On the iPad’s reflective screen.
I need to find a shady spot so I can see.
Outside I see an airplane vanish into a cloud.
What am I doing at the airport?
And wasn’t there a woman here?
What was that all about?

Bill Parvocampus
June 16, 2015


You stay classy Bill Schmalfeldt!


Family Whores: Cheerleading Bill's Fantasies of Anal rape, Assault, Child Abuse

Bill Schmalfeldt plays tough guy while his incestuous whores Lori J. Schmalfeldt, Rebecca Tibbits and Nancy Klosinski cheer on his sociopathic habits.

If you ever needed proof that sociopath and stupid run in the family, meet Bill Schmalfeldt's incestuous cheerleaders of his vile Antisocial Personality Disorder: Lori J. Schmalfeldt, Rebecca Tibbits and Nancy Klosinski.

   
“ 		 
Fuck you loosers
  		„
  		 

—Nancy Klosinski, whose inability to use spellcheck matches her inability to google 'Bill Schmalfeldt'

Everyone hopes that Lori, Nancy and Rebecca really enjoy Bill's company, since Bill's immanent eviction from Canticle and Juniper Courts means he'll soon be wanting to live with them any day now.

Bill Schmalfeldt LiberalBill LiberalLad seeks anal rape victim on Ourtime dot com. Want? Kthxbye!

By the summer of 2016, fail whale Bill Schmalfeldt decided it was time to stop masturbating into Gail's ash urn and seek a live woman for a date. So he signed up for the famous site for oldass singles, OurTime.

LiberalBill a/k/a Bill Schmalfeldt's profile on OurTime

Who could have guessed the result. Anyone, anyone?

   
“ 		 
I've had a lot of luck with OurTime...all of it bad. I honestly do not know what it is, but I have had a total of 3 meet and greets since last summer and all with ladies that seemed to like my photos, my story, my history, my politics, my sense of humor.

We meet for lunch, or coffee, or dinner, and it's adios muchacho.
 

„
  		 

—Bill Schmalfeldt a/k/a LiberalLad wondering why women dropkick his ass after meeting (and googling his criminal stalking and pedophile history...

Of course, when anyone with google can quickly find out that Bill Schmalfeldt has 9 restraining orders against him in 6 states, and a lengthy list of criminal complaints against him in Maryland, Billy's got to find a way to explain away that ish, amirite?

LiberalLad on OurTime a/k/a pedophile, stalker and sociopath Bill Schmalfeldt.

Yes, ladies...and the instant Bill Schmalfeldt has that trust, he'll hand you the lube and demand you to grease up and spread your asscheeks. Btw, you might want to check out what happened to Bill Schmalfeldt's last wife victim!

Bill Schmalfeldt's dead wife, Gail, murdered by Bill's neglect and cheap$kate refusal to actually pay a doctor to diagnose her illness before it became fatal. When Gail Schmalfeldt isn't playing the harp in heaven, she's telling Bill what a worthless fuck he is. Check it out here!

Gallery

Gallery of Creep, Vileness, Threats and Delusions of Persecution About missing Pics
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See Also

External Links

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