Failbook

This article needs a serious clean up Somebody should do something about it.

Did You Know: that Facebook was originally a Hot or Not for Harvard, and by very definition since its inception has been a welcome place for drama?

	“	If Facebook thought that it could make more money out of you by throwing you in a garden shredder and turning you into fertiliser it would do so in half a heartbeat.	„
	— Lewis Collard

The truth sometimes can't be any funnier. The American Government and the Corporations' Butthurt over Julian Assange and praise for the money-grabbing and personal information smuggling Jew is hilarious yet not surprising at all !1!1!

The net is owned by Jew

Facebook? Moar liek Failbook, amirite?

When people fail at suicide, they meet a Government magician who tell them to use Facebook to find a new family and friends. If that fails, they must heed Gandalf from Lord of the Rings and smell where to go next. Some paths will lead astray to destinations such as Friendster, MySpace and Windows Messenger. But if you choose Instagram, your life is as tinted and golden as the pictures you take. Meanwhile, ass-burglar and "HERO" Mark ZOGerberg is standing there, waiting to ask you endless personal questions. So he can sell them to the gummint and the Fortune 500.

	“	They "trust me". Dumb fucks.	„
	—Mark Zuckerburg

The Failbook (alternatively known as: (((FaceBerg))), Bookface, FakeBook, Jailbook, FagBook, StalkBook, LiesBook, Faecesbook, Faceplant, Assbook, BaitBook, LaidBook, Hagbook, FaceSpook, DeFaceBook, FapBook, MyFace, FaceFuck, FacePalm, LameBook, FaceBukkake, WasteBook, Facetroll, RapeBook, MateBook, FaceBleed, Fascistbook, Facefull, FaceFool, PussJotter, Facehook, FaceStool, Facelube and 'Myspace 2: Electric Boogaloo') is a Web 2.0 site and NSA safe haven originally designed to connect school classmates and allow college graduates to find drug dealers. It, however, is now open to everyone, and greedy Jew Mark Zuckerberg^✡ wants 15 billion lollars for it. (It's actually worth $11 billion and Zuckerburg himself is worth $17 billion.....Oopsie doodle, make that $190 billion!!!11) Facebook was most often used to troll memorial tribute pages and controversial groups. Now it is getting difficult to troll since Facebook now ask users to verify their identities with a mobile cell phone number. However, insane stalkers still enjoy harassing classmates and also co-workers until the cops come. When Facebook goes down, users roam the streets in tears, shoving photos of themselves in people's faces and screaming "DO YOU LIKE THIS? DO YOU?"

The Truth, now on Blu-Ray

DO IT! DO IT! AN HERO!!!

Why Facebook?

	“	The thought process that went into building [Facebook] was all about: 'How do we consume as much of your time and conscious attention as possible?[...] It's a social-validation feedback loop ... exactly the kind of thing that a hacker like myself would come up with, because you're (((exploiting a vulnerability in human psychology.))) [We] understood this consciously. And we did it anyway.	„

Friends

There are many different types of "friend" you will make while using Facebook - a selection of the most useless and / or annoying follows: You probably hate these wastes of space, but still have them added. Great going, you useless pile of shit.

Facebook Raepists

Sadly, unlike on Myspace (lol), this is about as sexy as Facebook Camwhoring gets...or maybe not.

Facebook Raepists are people who feel the need to continually raep the profiles of every single one of their "friends" with their hueg Facebook Cocks. This involves making sure everyone knows about every single life enhancing new possession / experience / partner / sexual conquest / whatever, on a rolling news channel basis. This serves to improve your life so much, in ways you never expected, that you will wonder how you never killed yourself before Facebook came around. People like this often consider why they never get comments or likes on their posts, with some even going as far as sending private messages to make people aware of just how expensive their new pile of bullshit was - what they don't realise is that everyone else long ago clicked "hide all posts from this user", thus practising a humane and painless form of social castration, leaving the OP publicising his accomplishments to literally nobody...

Spoiler: GTFO of ma FB bitch, this isn't fucking Twitter

Non-Friends

You met some pretty cool guys while you were on your buddhist retreat in the mountains, living on nothing but pure fresh air, crystal clear spring water and plain brown rice, for the four hours of "meditation time" that is, you homo hipster faggot, and you all swapped Facebook details, ie. your names, or at least the names of your troll accounts. That was about three years ago, and, even though you see updates from them every day, you have never contacted them directly, nor have they made any attempt to contact you, or each other, even when you posted that you'd had some kind of epiphany and were completely sure that Nirvana was only one step away. You will never, ever, under any circumstances, delete one another, yet perversely, nor will you ever contact each other.

"Dead" Friends

You finally managed to persuade the hottest of your ex - partners to join Facebook. They duly created an account, added three friends, of which you are one, joined a few groups, and never did anything else on there, not even uploading a single photo... Shit, just one would have done... You know they don't use Facebook because you check their profile every day. What is more accurate, and something you should realise, is that they don't use that particular profile on Facebook, you fucking retard.

Networking

Typical Responses after adding a person as a friend, no matter if they have specified "looking for" options as "friendship", "networking" or "casual rape"

• Who are you?
• Do I know you?
• How did you find me?
• Who the fuck are you?
• XMLHttpRequest error 1002. Please try again.
• Why are you adding me?
• I don't know you
• Are you a friend of my dad?
• I am not adding the people I don't know
• ""
• "?"
• You are banned from sending friend requests for 12 days. You can click here to learn more about how Facebook bans your fat ass.

The real kind of networking facebook is about, however, is tracking you all-fucking-over the web, and reporting it all back to facebook, your ISP, the CIA, the NSA, and even that place where you can use the wireless internet without paying, as long as you don't mind ending up in a pastebin of facebook logs.

Wall

On the wall you post links you think are funny or interesting, but virtually no on else does, since taste is subjective. Also you brag to all your "friends" about your seemingly perfect cock dick ass

Moderation

Sadly this is not in any way an exaggeration, but an actual screen shot of FB's reporting system.

FaceBook is well aware of the fact that you are far too stupid to simply NOT look at shit that rustles your jimmies and as such offers a wide array of reporting tools from "I don't like this." to "This is annoying." which you can use to randomly burn shit off the site left and right while getting random people banned for no actual reason whatsoever other than it happens to be an idle Tuesday and someone was suddenly "annoyed" that you posted a picture of your cat or had the audacity to voice an opinion on... well, anything really. Mein Führer Mark outsources this stellar post burning system to various third party (read: third world) companies offering their employees wondrous benefits like $1 an hour pay rates and reduced weekly lashings for increased productivity!

• 
  You will NOT support gay marriage on FaceBook!
• 
  Using any person's name is an automatic BAN!
• 
  FaceBook REJECTS
  your font!

Applications

Facebook is a vote-farming app for "Zuckerberg 2020"

If you actually waste your time playing this shitty-excuse for a farm-simulator, you fail at life! Instead why don`t you actually sow seeds in real life, dumbass!?

Facebook, approximately 100 years ago, allowed external applications to be installed within profiles, making them moar money and as painful to load as MySpace pages. But only easier to block. These applications range from the pointless Daily Horoscopes and RIGHT NOW I'M LISTENING TO BURZUM on Last.FM to click farm data harvesting "games" Farmville, Mafia Wars, mafia wars clone.v2, mafia wars clone.v3, etc etc. Especially the 'E-Mail adding list, consisting of add me bullshit!' threads on the discussions as these will allow a wily user to gather hundreds of 'friends' relatively quickly

The Honesty box 'feature' allows anonymous posting to people's profiles and other pages. Trolling opportunities are rife. Armed with a dozen accounts one could easily convince an especially weak willed individual to go on webcam.

The cream on the cake however is the multitude of applications involving pirates, zombies, ninjas, vampires, wizards. No one is quite sure what the purpose of these applications are, however, if your close friend /ex/ local stalker "Bites" you then you must respond, ASAP, Now, Quick, otherwise...nothing happens. However, if you do respond... Well.... Nothing happens. Be warned! Just because she bit you, means it would be rude not to bite her back IRL.

Prepare to spend countless hours playing games like Cafe World clicking to start the dish wait on the fucking dish to be cooked serving it to the 3D bastard who wants your food and hardly even gives you any money for it, give them their fucking coffee and hope they burn themselves. It truly makes it +1 Fun until you run out of energy, but you used up all your energy making cocktails, so you served all the cocktails and nobody got drunk so then its -10 Fun but you come back tomorrow anyways so your dish won't spoil and sit there in a putrid green mess on the stove.

Or if you prefer, join the games, but then don't play...let your dishes in Cafe World spoil, let your properties in Mafia Wars all be robbed and your character iced, leave your buildings and statues partially built in numerous games, let your fish go belly up because you didn't feed them, let your zoo animals look at you broken-heartedly because you didnt give them treats every day, let your crops wither because you forgot to harvest them, let your Petville pet run away to the pound because you forgot to feed them and clean up all the bags of chips they left behind (and besides you couldn't stand that gay theme song). It will all happen eventually anyways, because nobody can play 20 or more games at the same time unless they do it for a living.

In 2010, Facebook has shown who the boss is, by betraying them by removing the featured apps page, which lead the investors of those apps to BAW.

Pages

It doesn't take a rocket-scientist to understand what USI is LOL, you dumb bitch !!!!

Facebook's "Pages" feature allows a user to upload a profile for a charity or organization, though they are usually set up when people think something is funny, when really, they fail. Hard.

People are allowed to join pages, and when they do (pictured right), everyone in the whole world, including you, is notified about this.

Pages are also popular among the people who have Unwarranted Self-Importance. You can create a "page" for yourself, your band, your dog or even maybe for your ex-gf, to make people fap to you, your band, your dog OR your ex-gf.

Causes

Moar info: Anti-semitism.

Zuckerstein wants you to feel like you're actually contributing to life on the planet, rather than just wasting your precious time filling out surveys that no one cares about. To wit, they've allowed 'Causes', which is the trendiest way to pretend to care about something. You can donate to any cause, which will lead the "owner" of that cause to buy himself some weed, alcohol, a rapidshare account or maybe even party equipment to celebrate having your monies IRL. Facebook also features the opportunity to change the world by simply clicking the like button of different causes.

Debates

The debates that run on Facebook are ironically inhabited by the most socially inept fucking losers, assholes, disease-ridden fat ugly people and the worst of no-lifes the internet could offer, not to mention the opposite of the retard spectrum; internet inept normies too stupid to stay out of the shit-slinging contests held by these sad sacks, thinking all arguments are valid and therefore hold no real opinions of their own. Fuck having informed opinions, amirite?. Boy are these faggots annoying. Damn nigger, you stupid.

But even those 16 year old girls who use Facebook have way more braincells than 100% of the people who debate on Facebook, because they at least use Facebook for what it was meant to be used for.

Most of the arguments in those debates are based on ad hominem. They either search for something in their enemy's identity that they think is a legal proof that he's wrong at something or generally a massive chatterbox.

Since Google is irritably with Facebook, it's almost impossible to find a debate on Facebook from a Google search. This shows the main reason why the babies debating on Facebook enjoy doing so: they know they can say the dumbest arguments imaginable about anything and none will ever care. They don't care that Facebook is a site where the average talkbacker thinks for maybe 5 seconds before responding, which alone proves how stupid it is to seriously try to debate on such a site.

Don't think for a second that all the Facebook debaters are equally stupid. The stupidest are those who debates on a page/group managed by someone who actually cares about the opinions demonstrated in those debates and will not hesitate to ban anyone who disagrees with his opinions.

Typical Facebook Debate

Person A: *2 options:*

A. I'm posting this video/article simply because it's fun watching people argue over it or because I want to prove something with it even thought nobody cares and I don't bother to explain what I think it proves, let alone why it proves it.

B. I'm posting my opinion about (something) here because I know it will start a giant debate flame war and I'm super bored.

In either case, it usually continues like this:

Person B: You're wrong and an idiot and/because you're/he's.. (insert: the result of cocaine at birth, too young to understand jack shit about the event, ugly looking, massive chatterbox, a member in a stupid group in Facebook, etc) and I'm saying this even thought I also know what I'm getting myself into.

Person A: You're the one who's.. (insert simliar dumb insult based on something from the other person's Facebook profile)! I plagiarized this from (someone he thinks is smart), and he's never wrong!

Person C: I agree with(person A) because what he says sounds nice and likeable. Person B is indeed what person A says he is.

Person D: I'll post an/a article/video without explaining anything about it including what it has to do with this thread.

Person E: This is stupid. Get a life all of you.

Persons A, B, C, D: Let's search for his house and kill him for exposing us.

Stalkerbook

The most prominent use of Fascistbook is to allow people with no social skills to stalk people that go to the same school as they do. People will post just about anything about themselves on there, from the names of their cats to photos of themselves having fun. Of course, this can be used for good, too.

This also allows the U.S. Government to stalk you as well, which makes sense, considering Failbook is operated by the jews. This makes sense, given the obvious connections between founder Mark Zuckerberg --> Jew --> CIA --> JEWS DID WTC.

Bleeding edge stalking technology

An Example of an Assbook Profile.

Your mother loves you; everyone else thinks you're a cunt.

Don't forget that your boss is on Facebook as well.

DevianTART's very own 18bitz. GIVE HER A NOBLE PEACE PRIZE.

Warning - Facebook is SERIOUS BUSINESS

On September 5, 2006, Facebook added an A+ feature called Feeds. Any time a user changes, adds, or removes data on the site, this act is broadcast to a feed which all their friends or classmates can read. The main feed is presented on the home page of the site as soon as users log in. For example, if you:

• Post a comment on a picture in some drunk chick's album telling her she's hot
• Leave a drunken comment on your ex's wall
• While drunk, change your mind about coming out and remove "officer in Campus PRIDE" from your activities
• Change your Current Status to "OMG SOOOO DRUNK"
• Confirm that you'll be drunk at an event at a particular location and time
• Add Elvis Costello to your music "likes" because you want to seem hip, while drunk.
• Tag a picture of yourself and your friends drunk and in an awkward position

Then everyone at your school will instantly be notified as soon as they log into Facebook!

This is A+. On this hallowed day, thousands of collar-popping date-raping fratclones were dumped by their orangeskin girlfriends for cruising skeeze snatch in photo comments, an activity now publicly viewable to all in the news feed! REMEMBER REMEMBER THE 5TH OF SEPTEMBER, IN OTHER WORDS NEVAR 4GET.

Serious drama

Protest image macro of Brian Peppers

By the evening of September 5, a number of groups opposed to the various changes had appeared on Facebook, including Students Against Facebook News Feed. At 7pm EST, the group had 11,000 members. By 9:30, it had over 30,000 members and was adding a staggering 20 members per second. By about 10:30, the clip had slowed to about 4 users per second which would be sustained overnight.

• omg protest bandwagon
• 
  10:26pm: 42,460 16 year old girls
• 
  10:27pm: 42,689 Internet Law majors
• 
  Statistics from this nerd

The group hit 100,000 members at 2:15am Eastern, by which point all communication occurring was from basement dwellers saying shit like "oh man the last two hours of my life were spent watching this group to see when it rolled over 100,000....its like new years only better" and girllovers posting hundreds of pictures of Dakota Fanning over and over and OVER AND OVER. In a crude variant of the fifty Hitler post, a Texas user named Jonathan Cunningham or simply "The Rape Kid", continuously posted the word "RAPE" at least 100 times in every thread for over 2 hours.

By September 7th, there were over 700,000 members angsting over the use over the word "gay" in a 1,000+ discussion thread, because the internet is serious business.

If the group's growth continues merely at a linear rate, by midnight on 9/11 it will have 1,712,786 members, ranking in population ahead of Philadelphia as the 5th largest US city. If it were a real city, it would have at least one million additional pedos waiting for several hundred thousand clones of Dakota Fanning to make the first move.

Idiotic Art Theft

Because copyright means nothing, and people think it's much more fun, and easier, to steal things from people who post things on DeviantART and y!Gallery then doing the honourable thing, and stealing them from Viacom and Microsoft, large amounts of fantard clubs have been formed revolving around posting stolen fan art on the site, both in the fantard clubs, as well as all over their user pages. Mostly yaoi related, and the occasional furry, the art pours in by the hundreds, no sources, no credits, the posters too lazy and stupid to even bother taking the artist's watermark, which happens to have their contact information, off of the picture. The comments that go with the pictures, "OMG!!!1!1!!!!11 SO HAWT!!!11!!", referring of course to anything, a stick figure, or the best piece of art in two thousand years. Upon finding adequate "proof" of the art theft, showing that it is from a different person, because the watermark is not good enough, you can finally report it to the Facebook staff. Now, after spending the last 30 minutes smashing your head against the desk for doing a favor for your friend who's art has been stolen, getting the adequate proof that they need, they inform you that you must cut through the 3 miles of red tape, and follow the simple 299 step copyright report process. Please note, the copyright report process must be done via e-mail, you must provide your Date of Birth, name, address, phone number, social security number, bank account number, PIN number, all credit and debit card information, and your soul. Upon completion of this, a friendly staff member will take a look at your case in approximately 8 years, when Facebook has already been closed down for copyright violations, not THOSE copyright violations, but the fact that the founder was a fucktard and stole the idea from someone, or whatever.

zOMG boycott

Predictably, a number of online petitions and calls for boycott sprang up. Though most of the boycott calls were amusingly posted on Facebook, one srsly TL;DR one was posted on Blogspot: http://daywithoutfacebook.blogspot.com/

Presented in anarchist red and white text on a black background, the authors urged readers to refuse to log into Facebook on 9/12, which is the day after 9/11.

Albeit ugly as hell, the author was at least wise enough to realize having the bajillionth "FUCK FACEBOOK Boycot Group" is redundant, as Facebook would then be required to boycott Facebook. Time paradox.

Media Sharkfrenzy

At about 10:30 EST on September 6, 2006, the story hit Slashdot, driving tons of furry traffic to lame sites whining about Facebook which I left out of this article. Around the same time, TL;DR editorials started appearing in college papers picked up by Google News.

By morning, snarky posts comparing the "revolt" to 1960s anti-Vietnam demonstrations started appearing in blogs on prominent nerd sites like ZDNet and CNet.

By late afternoon, the story had been picked up by Time.com as a front page "what's hot" story. This was followed shortly by articles in the San Francisco Chronicle, Wired, and later in The Washington Post.

Response

Mark Zuckerberg posted an article to the Facebook blog at 1:45am the next day. It wasn't too contrite, though:

“	We're not oblivious of the Facebook groups popping up about this (by the way, Ruchi is not the devil). And we agree, stalking isn't cool; but being able to know what's going on in your friends' lives is. This is information people used to dig for on a daily basis, nicely reorganized and summarized so people can learn about the people they care about.	„

Of course, friendwhores make this all bullshit by 'friending' everyone in sight. Because everyone is so used to adding friendwhores, it's easy to get yourself added by a victim. Problem solved!

Predictions

National news agencies, always eager for more online German teen drug sex stories, should shortly pick up the story leading to yet another round of hand-wringing over e-pedos and a statement from Joe Lieberman. This will quickly be followed by trite contrition from Mark Zuckerberg and a rollback of the new features to the disappointment of "ephebophiles" everywhere.

If the features aren't removed, a brisk market of Facebook account trading will spring up on eBay within days as capitalist Young Republican users sell their accounts to Catholic priests.

The Corruption of Facebook: THE FAKEBOOK

A new use of Facebook is the creation of fake celebrity Facebook accounts. This internet phenomena is popular on many community websites, and is called 'fakebooking'. We hope the fucktarded managers of Fakebook don't turn into pussies and start deleting those accounts. General opinion is that Anonymous is to blame for the Fakebook accounts.

• 5 WT Snacks
• Over 9000 Mitchell Hendersons (see: Mitchell Henderson)
• 10 Tay Zondays

Other people also make multiple accounts to prove their point about something that no one else agrees with. For instance, four to six accounts were created in the span of about two months, all by a girl with no life named Jessy Kelleway. She did have an account under her own name, but she also made accounts under the names Melissa, Cassandra, Samantha, Christina, Rachel, Chantel, etc. Ironically, Jessy was not smart enough to realize that another person would not know the details of all the messages sent to someone under another account. This is how it is for almost all Facebook users who think they can get away with making fake accounts. Although some are smart enough to pull it off, many are not. Most of these people are either trying to hack people that they hope to make friends with online, or just attention whores. These attention whores, much like Jessy Kelleway, cannot spell. They claim they are good and decent people. They say they were almost raped/murdered at a party. And overall, they cannot spell to save their lives.

Fakebook Statistics

• 1 out of every 1 male Fakebook user above the age of 25 is a convicted child molester.
• 89% of all worldwide rape victims were raped because of information given out on their Fakebook news feed.
• By the year 2010, scientists believe that 2 out of every 2 Fakebook users will have either raped someone or will have been raped themselves.
• According to real statistics, Fakebook users have a serious mental inability to grasp and appreciate certain humorous concepts, such as CP.

Usage

Another use of the endless amounts of puppet accounts possible is for raids. Recently, a group has arisen with the dread name /i/. Notable members include Mitchell Henderson, Sandy W. Itchef, and Poonchief Mangina. The group has had great success in taking down a Megan Meier group and plans more assaults in the near future. The group kindly requests /b/lackup as soon as possible.

Experience

Among favored experiences on Failbook is its dating feature. See a pretty girl that you like? Well, you’re just a few clicks away from seeing her personal pictures. You may then chat, send nudes, troll, or masturbate to her. Another nice feature is when you combine the above.

New Facebook

Starting in September, Facebook will be making the new Facebook the only Facebook. New Facebook is the same as old Facebook, except it looks completely different and has more aids. Facebook decided that since 20% of their userbase used it, they could Jew on the other 100 million users by forcing the new layout upon them. This was met with a large amount of petitions, groups, and butthurt, however Facebook knows what its users want and doesn't give a shit. A good example of all this butthurt is the faggots, who can't accept change for the better because they spent so much time on Facebook that they've become incapable of using anything but the layout from over 9000 years ago.

Scrabulous

Scrabble, but stolen - in violation of copyright - by some Mexicans and made very popular on Fecebook.

	“	Did you know that QI is a valid Scrabulous word? It means a life force in Chinese medicine.	„
	—Ziva David, pwning Mcgee @ scrabble with "Qi"

For some reason the company behind Scrabble, Hasbro, actually cared that their very old board game was being abused on Facebook, despite the fact that no-one makes money on Facebook, ever.

Uno

Uno is in fact an Olympic sport and we are very lucky to be able to play it from our basements via Facebok. How to troll at Uno:

1. Don't play any cards; just use the draw/pass button
2. Give the roast pig "gift" to any Jews playing
3. Use exceptionally bad language in the chat box
4. Wait until it's only you versus the "Player" robots as all the real human players log off in disgust/fear
5. Pawn Pwn the bots and get a score of Over 9000
6. ????
7. PROFIT!!!!

/fb/

Last Thursday, a group of 4chan namefags decided to form a group on Facebook. Composed of a small circlejerk of /b/ "veterans" and their sockpuppets, the 4chan Facebook group attempts to imitate /b/ by placing images on the photo album and commenting on them. The group's wall is comprised mainly of trolling, faggot bitching about Rules 1 and 2, rambling about what somebody had for dinner, or pretentious bragging about how awesome some obscure shitty band is.

Although the group creates a sense of standard by laying the banhammer on newfags who repost pictures, continuously leave idiotic commentary such as unfunny or popular memes, or generally fail at getting the point of the group in general, these standards are generally eased for people who have been in the group for a long time and who kiss moderator ass.

Other 4chan groups on Facebook

Typically comprised of butthurt failures who have been ejected from the main 4chan group and denied return due to the closed membership status there, other Facebook 4chan fan clubs are full of insurmountable fail, with lolcats constantly posted in the image section and memes repeated endlessly in the commentaries to an extent that makes a typical Monty Python and the Holy Grail conversation seem original. In other words, these groups are actually closer to the true, shitty nature of 4chan, except that most members are not anonymous.

Rule #6, page quality improvements

As a service to Failbook, /b/rotards devoted their time for the improvement of pages. Organizations like ‘VIRGIN for life’ were assisted with consultation for the removal of their epic faggotry. ‘Pornography Harms’ was given a warning for its exceeding idiocracy scale and later released under surveillance. "Muslims ARE No0T Terrorists" had exceeded its potential for lies and deception so it had to be trolled hard until its ultimate removal. MANT is a hazard for the limited intelligence of all humans, and has the potential to make an already psychologically vulnerable newfag the incentive to support terrorism or sympathy towards such savages. One new and repeating theme that this correctional service provides is the active involvement and care that fags provide to their communities.

Rose Zephyr

The one exception, this group of awesome individuals convened in Facebook on Thursday January 20th. Not sure what to do, they then proceeded to friend request and comment each other like a giant orgy of /b/tards, spreading to each other the joy of shedding the facade of anonymity.

Next day, the group reached a critical mass of 500 members. However, the mods then relentlessly purged the members of Rose Zephyr, thus depriving them of epic lulz despite no actual trolling committed by its members. Rose Zephyr has thus vowed to avenge its fallen members and regain its promise of lulz by getting back at the niggers of Facebook. at least one mod of Rose Zephyr has made a new account

Leaving Failbook

DO IT FAGGOT : http://www.facebook.com/help/contact.php?show_form=delete_account

Anti-ED Lulz

“	There is a sick, fucked up website in this world, called Encyclopedia Dramatica - which apparently is satirical. Well it isn't! Not one fucking bit! Look up the word satire, and then go to that website and then come back to me and agree that it's satirical! Of course, it's been set up and is mainly run by inbred Americans who like fucking their sisters and fiddling with farm animals. So basically takes the piss (in a none funny way) out of tragic events which have recently happened - for example: http://www.encyclopediadramatica.rs/Christopher_Foster the piss out of the what has happened to the Foster family in Obaston, Oswestry, Shropshire. None of it is true, and as I knew Kirstie very well, it disgusts me a great deal! I'm sure it would disgust all those who didn't know Kirstie, but have paid their respects to her in one way or another. The idea of this group is to get as many people as we can to join, and then hopefully get google to shut it down, or get them to do something about it, as the creators of E.Dramatica have managed to cover their cowardly backsides, by saying that they are in no way responsible for anything that gets posted on the website. Also there is no way of contacting the website creators either - because as I've stated above - they're taking no responsibility for what gets posted on there. Please invite all your friends to join this group people, as it will be greatly appreciated! Many thanks, Harry	„
—Unwitting pawn,, farming lolcows

Obviously, Google can totally shut ED down. Just as soon as the FBI can permanently stamp out 12chan, right?

Yiff on Facebook and other groups to Spam and troll

That's right. Feel free to spam and troll the hell out of it.

Fat womentrolling is easy. Just say any woman over the size of 8 are fat and have to lay off of the burgers from Burger King.

[1] a group that is a like magnet is awesome. For moar lulz, spam this page, as well as one. Yes, they're both duplicates.

[2] troll this soccerfag. Notice his profile picture.

ED Facebook

Moar info: ED Facebook.

Despite Encyclopedia Dramatica's constant claims that we are not /b/, this is taken to be a mere red herring for the denizens of Facebook. On November 10, 2009, ED's machine god decided to advertise the forums on the official Facebook page to attract hordes of new users and their sockpuppet friends to discuss enthralling topics such as The IRC fucking sucks and Trap Of The Year. What the machine spirit discovered on the page was not a discussion of how many girls wanted to suck our Sysops' cocks, but rather a collection of morons spouting memes and acting like mouth-breathing retards. To set them straight, God spoke. And they listened.
Editor's note: If any of the people featured in these quotes attempts to remove them, I'll post the uncensored version.

	“	oh my god, is this the page for 4chan? no it is not. SO QUIT IT WITH YOUR LAME CHANNER BULLSHIT BEFORE YOU ALL GET SENT 100 PIZZAS.	„
	—Encyclopedia Dramatica in cruise control

Although these threats have slowed down the tide of failure somewhat on the forums, they have done little to solve the problem of the ED Facebook page and it's fans. The page continues to have an overabundance of memefags who are too scared to post on the forums, and general retardation in every comment and post. It is uncertain how much longer Thayo will be able to go on updating it without being committed to a psyche institution or performing ritual suicide.

Here's a quick example of the kind of thin-skinned humorless fags who joined the ED Facebook thinking it was like reddit but maybe 10% edgier, only to realize that we're just cruel assholes to everyone. "B-but I just wanted to own the shitlibs!"

The internet never forgets.

Good riddance, honestly.

Shenanigans

Of course, ED Facebook, like the rest of ED, is not without its share of failed trolling attempts:

“	Lol, I tracked this kid down from the site from my hs who was using the fucking black person like a racist faggot and me and my crew bullyied the shit out of the dude in real life, i fucking beat beach, y'all better watch your back, internet shit can lead to real life, I bet that nikki coustus's dad may drive his porche into... some of you virgins that are outta touch with society and shit	„
—Some guy, pulling a 187 on your servers.

Basic Tutorial: Facebook Photo Stalker

Usually if someone is not your friend on Facebook you cannot see his/her picture. Facebook allows you to see pictures in most cases.

Method 1

1. Login to facebook
2. Open this page http://anonym.to/http://apps.facebook.com/josh_owns/?_fb_q=1&
3. Copy-paste ID of a person or the URL to the page of person
   • (sometimes this gives you error, but keep trying with different URLs)
4. You can see albums and descriptions of pictures (potentially revealing useful information)

Example

• You have a link http://anonym.to/http://www.facebook.com/people/Harrison-Hoffman/10619489
• Do you see the id????it is 10619489
• PROFIT

Method 2

This method is described in the following picture. It is more difficult, but sometimes it is better to do things manually.

Facebook Images

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  If you don't think this bullshit pays, have a look at FB's corporate headquarters. And they're expanding it.
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  Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
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  Ex-Myspace kids are finally shifting to something less retarted, although they bring their culture with them, poisoning facebook even moar.
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  Never gets old!
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  Note to Facebook users: Don't do what this guy did.

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  Where have I heard this before?
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  COURAGE WOLF
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  Tagging technology allows your friends to share awesome pics of you with the world!
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  Remove this image and I will reveal your name and send this to all your friends.
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  Doing it right.
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  Note to sysops: This contains maximum lulz.
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  God.
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  Look Mom I'm on TV
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  Triforce fail
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  "I'm sorry, Dave, I can't stop watching your news feed."
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  Typical Facebook wall.
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  Faecesbook is great if you like CP.
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  Trolling idiots on Failbook. Easy and fun.
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  5 Aug 2008 Facebook releases a new version that isn't compatible with Internet Explorer.
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  Pedobear can raise more than that.
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  Sara found real friends.
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  Asking for it.
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  Arsebook helps a brother out here.
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  21 Jan 2008 Already notorious for its antiseptic design, relatively simple profiles are now considered "unclean".
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  Facebook's main page.
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  Gifts and sexual favors can be shared on facebook.
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  Fritzl and West are on Failbook.
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  Stealing people's passwords provides great lulz.
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  Facebook's "like" system is full of fail.
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  Facebook identifies a black sounding name and immediately advertises children's shows and credit cards to it.
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  Doin' it wrong
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  Failbook retard is fail
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  The world may never know.
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  The story of a faggot. Notice his attention whore-likeness.
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  This guy
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  History is discussed
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  people speak english
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  What should he do?
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  facebook drinking
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  awkward photo
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  the bad ass chick
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  the bad ass dudes
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  boyfriend and girlfriend
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  makeup time
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  I am a neko
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  high contrast
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  cute and annoying
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  lol nerd
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  bfstamp
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  in ma car
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  fat friends
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  lesbians?
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  girl gamer
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  we r hippys lol
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  myspace half face
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  totally casual
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  idgaf
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  we r katz
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  2deep4u
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  partayyy!!1
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  shirtless
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  totally random
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  boobs
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  strong guy
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  sunglasses
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  da boys
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  so scene
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  just a few photos..
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  fun on computer
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  GRANDMA NOOOO!!!!111!!1!1
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  How to Properly Deal with Being Tagged in a Facebook Photo
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Serious Photoshops

Facebook stalkees also made hundreds of lame Photoshops. Some of the best:

Facebook Gallery About missing Pics

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  a contender for the most epic win of all time is on failbook?
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  Why trolling is easy on Facebook
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  Anon posers try to make Failbook group
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  "Unidentified" in the Nations app
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  A+ Roman shower.

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  Beware.
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  srsly just ghey.
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  now this is just in poor taste!
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  ObHitler
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  what (it's true tho)
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  HAL 9000 yo
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  war on terror
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  Brian Peppers cameo
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  and finally the lameass Chuck Norris one.
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  Typical Facebook user.
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  you've been farted on
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  OMG troll!
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  Mudkip later banned for insider trading
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  A 14 year old and a 17 year old in a relationship that's "complicated".
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  Ginger Propaganda on Facebook.
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  Goatse Spamming on a fake account.
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  A typical Facebook captcha
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  Wat
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  Pullin off an ORLY on Failbook
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  kikebook's marxist bias

Epic Fail

Facebook failure at its finest!

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  Your standard fake profile - right-wing, managed by friends from the Middle East.

Epic Win

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FaceBook Satire

Poking fun at fumbling FaceBook fuckups...

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FaceBook Meme Responses

Better with a picture amirite?

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Advertising On FaceBook

Marketing genius!

Gallery Of Ads About missing Pics

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  Become a doctor of bullshitology!
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  Inspired by the Joker.
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  Conflicting Messages

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  Time for some payback!
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  And people wonder why the divorce rate is so outrageously high.
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  WOW! You can meet JEWS for FREE! What a bargain!
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  You know yer credit rate is screwed when you only qualify for the PLUM card.
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  They're really setting
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  Sweet ride!
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  It's a trap!!

Failbook = Zombieland part 2 ?(:Electric Boogaloo)

David Fincher (Seven, Fight Club,... ) is releasing The Social Network, a movie about Failbook's cofounders. Jesse Eisenberg who was also playing Columbus in "Zombieland" is now going to play Mark Zuckerberg. Of course, considering the reality behind Failbook's inception involves how the entire idea was ripped off from Jew associates (including the actual first prototype), none of that will be documented. Its in the trailer that you just linked retard.

How To Be A Troll On facebook

First click on the following link

http://api.addthis.com/oexchange/0.8/forward/facebook/offer?url=http://flashportfolio.atw.hu/catspam/spammer.html&title=Breaking: US. President Barack Obama was shot&description=US. President Barack Obama has been reportedly attacked by one of his bodyguard, who was neutralized by other bodyguards during the incident. The president suffered a severe head injury, but his condition is not critical, according to white house correspondent Edwin Chen. The president is currently being treated in a hospital, whichs location is not known. For more details click here.&screenshot=http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7zfcswXNTOQ/T6XSeM3_aNI/AAAAAAAAECo/D2IN_5db818/s1600/CNN120logo.jpg

This will guide you to a page where you will see that it wants to force you to share something on facebook. It's some FAKE news about Obama being shot, which will probably catch everyone's attention who sees the post and they will click on it. But the real trolling comes after that. When they click on it it redirects them to the following page:

http://flashportoflio.atw.hu/catspam/spammer.html

And in this page there is a lovely javascript that starts playing an annoying music made from cat sounds and starts creating popup windows about cat pictures, which are positioned randomly so they will cover the whole screen. And if the user tries to close the original window or any of the popup they recreate itself and show up a warning message saying: "NO!".

Feeling lazy? Make some shit up and slap it on a pretty background as if it's something deep and meaningful. Nobody on facebook ever fact checks which will allow your bad information to spread. By the time anyone notices it's 100% bullshit it will have spread far and wide and much butthurt will be had from every person who reposted the bad information. Repeat as desired.

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How to stalk on fb

1. add your girlfriend on several accounts of yours
2. disable one of you accounts
3. when you breakup with her, she will delete and block all your accounts except for the one you disabled
4. when you wanna see her wall, activate your account, look at her wall, save the screenshot and deactivate your account
5. repeat step 4 until you are over her (forever)

In Conclusion

Here's all the bullshit you and your faux fagbook buddies are gonna keep posting for the rest of your unimportant little lives.

See Also

• Amateur_porn
• Annoying Facebook Girl
• Anthony Stancl - Facebook gone wrong.
• Big Data
• Bitstrips
• Facebook Usernames 2009
• Facebook Friend Culling
• Facebook Groups
• Facebook login
• OMG Illegal Facebook source code do not click!!!
• Foursquare
• Friendster
• International Dan Sanders Day
• Kate's Party
• Latenightshots
• Luke Springett - Failbook's answer to goatse.
• Michael Arega
• Multiply
• MySpace
• MyYearBook
• Openbook
• Orkut
• Reportfag
• SoFlo
• Spike Zombie - What people on failbook fap to.
• Swabez93
• Teenspot
• Trash Dove
• Twitter
• Unrealistic expectations
• Unwarranted Self-Importance
• Yuppie

External Links

More intense Facebook usage correlates with a higher sense of loneliness and lower self-esteem. There is a significant negative correlation between the number of Facebook friends and the sense of loneliness but none with self-esteem.

• UkrDramatica's article on Facebook
• Facebook

• • Facebook encouraging racism thus lols (Archived: 1: (Original 404-ed) 2: File copy (complete))
• "Facebook is actually an MMORPG" (Archived: 1: (Original 404-ed) 2: File copy (complete))
• Failbook burst onto the scene in December 2008
• Failbook's nasty origins exposed LULZ a-plenty! (Archived: 1 2)
• How to Revert the Problem
• Lamebook
• YTMND's StalkerNet - predictable but warm and satisfying, sort of like Toad The Wet Sprocket.
• [3] - Standard means of accessing Failbook.
• "Facebook is the end of humanity" (Archived: 1: (Original 404-ed) 2: File copy (Part one) (Part two))
• "Rudy Guiliani's daughter, Caroline, was smart enough to put photos of her underage drinking on Facebook." (Archived: 1 2)
• Javascript bookmarklets to delete your info from feeds
• An open letter to Mark Zuckerberg (Archived: 1 2)
  • SF Chronicle article one week later. (Archived: 1 2)
• This is why YOU should delete your Facebook account (Archived: 1 2)
• Facebook Trauma on Yahoo!Answers (Archived: 1 2)
• Dumb bint bitches about job and boss on FB. Guess what happens. (Archived: 1 2)
• Zuckerjew calls Facebook users "dumb fucks" (Archived: 1 2)
• 'How do we consume as much of your time and conscious attention as possible?'" (Archived: 1 2)
• "I think we have created tools that are ripping apart the social fabric of how society works" (Archived: 1: (Robots) 2: File (complete))
  • "The association between Internet addiction and psychiatric disorder" (Archived: 1: (Robots) 2: File copy (complete))

Failbook is part of a series on Trolls Visit the Trolls Portal for complete coverage.

Failbook is part of a series on Social Media Visit the Social Media Portal for complete coverage.

Failbook is part of a series on Sites Visit the Sites Portal for complete coverage.

Featured article September 6, 2006
Preceded by Duke Otterland	Failbook	Succeeded by Final Fantasy VII

Featured article October 4 and 5, 2021
Preceded by Old people	Failbook	Succeeded by Hiroshima and Nagasaki