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Chick tracts: Difference between revisions

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{{Breakingnews|'''[https://newrepublic.com/minutes/138111/jack-chick-soul-winner-catholic-hater-dead Jack has died and gone to Hell]'''}}
''Not to be confused with the [[vagina|other kind]] of Chick Tract.''
''Not to be confused with the [[vagina|other kind]] of Chick Tract.''


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[[Image:Jackchick34.jpg|thumb|Silly Jack. Girls don't play D&D]]
[[Image:Jackchick34.jpg|thumb|Silly Jack. Girls don't play D&D]]


'''Jack Chick''' is what happens when a comic book artist becomes a Christian [[fundamentalist]]. A typical Chick tract will usually feature a person who has yet to be "saved" or will be tricked by another character, who is usually the [[Satan|Devil]] in disguise. The character will eventually return to [[Jesus]], after realizing the error of their ways. Everyone who isn't a Jesus freak goes directly to Hell, or is actively working for the Devil, or just goes to hell for very poorly justified reasons. They're often full of hilarious misinformation about just about fucking everything. Jack Chick tracts are a [[The Sandwich Chef|popular target]] for [[Photoshop]]pers, in part because they are so [[Crazy|batshit insane]]. The inherent problem with [[shoop|shooping]] a Chick Tract is that the original untouched comics are usually the pinnacle of lulz and therefore cannot be improved upon.
'''Jack Thomas Chick'''{{Christian}} is what happens when a comic book artist becomes a Christian [[fundamentalist]]. A typical Chick tract (also called [[Shit]] Tract) will usually feature a person who has yet to be "saved" or will be tricked by another character, who is usually the [[Satan|Devil]] in disguise. The character will eventually return to [[Jesus]], after realizing the error of their ways. Everyone who isn't a Jesus freak goes directly to Hell, or is actively working for the Devil, or just goes to hell for very poorly justified reasons. They're often full of hilarious misinformation about just about fucking everything. Jack Chick tracts are a [[The Sandwich Chef|popular target]] for [[Photoshop]]pers, in part because they are so [[Crazy|batshit insane]]. The inherent problem with [[shoop|shooping]] a Chick Tract is that the original untouched comics are usually the pinnacle of lulz and therefore cannot be improved upon.


==Things Chick Hates==
==Things Chick Hates==
*[[Bible|Any translation of the Bible not the King James one. (So fuck you, non-English speaking people!)]] [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0031/0031_01.asp]
*[[Islam|Muslims]]! [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1104/1104_01.asp] (Duhhhhhh)
*[[Islam|Muslims]]! [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1104/1104_01.asp] (Duhhhhhh)
*[[Catholic|Roman Catholics]]! [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0071/0071_01.asp][http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0082/0082_01.asp][http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0074/0074_01.asp][http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1005/1005_01.asp][http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0040/0040_01.asp]
*[[Catholic|Roman Catholics]]! [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0071/0071_01.asp][http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0082/0082_01.asp][http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0074/0074_01.asp][http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1005/1005_01.asp][http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0040/0040_01.asp]
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*[[Why do you hate America?|U.S. troops]]! [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1024/1024_01.asp] (lolwut? Isn't America supposed to be a Christian nation?)
*[[Why do you hate America?|U.S. troops]]! [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1024/1024_01.asp] (lolwut? Isn't America supposed to be a Christian nation?)
*[[The Sandwich Chef|Atheists!]] [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0076/0076_01.asp] (Duhhhhhh)
*[[The Sandwich Chef|Atheists!]] [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0076/0076_01.asp] (Duhhhhhh)
* [[Family Guy]] [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1069/1069_01.asp]
*[[Family Guy]] [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1069/1069_01.asp]
*[[Space Moose]]! [http://www.hackcanada.com/canadian/zines/spacemoose/antlers2.jpg]
*[[Space Moose]]! [https://encyclopediadramatica.rs/File:Space_Moose_Chick_Tract.gif]
*[[You]]
*[[You]]


Oddly, Jack has no qualms about portraying Jew as black person. [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1107/1107_01.asp]
Oddly, Jack has no qualms about portraying Jew as a nigger. [http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/1107/1107_01.asp]


Apparently, Chick's site is b& in Singapore. [[LOL WUT]]?
Apparently, Chick's site is b& in Singapore. [[LOL WUT]]?
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* Jack Chick causes global warming, but doesn't believe in it.
* Jack Chick causes global warming, but doesn't believe in it.
* Jack Chick is impervious to insults.
* Jack Chick is impervious to insults.
* There <b>is</b> Jack Chick [[Rule 34]]...but it sucks balls. In the bad way.
* Jack Chick made [http://www.chick.com/catalog/videos/LOTW.asp a movie].
* Jack Chick made [http://www.chick.com/catalog/videos/LOTW.asp a movie].
* Jack Chick draws 'The Christian Hero' of his tracts in a style inspired by [[Finland|Tom of Finland]].  
* Jack Chick draws 'The Christian Hero' of his tracts in a style inspired by [[Finland|Tom of Finland]].  
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<center>
<center>
<youtube>OfRspsHV788</youtube>
<youtube>hsWEgQRLHDY</youtube>
</center>
</center>
===Rule 34===
[[File:BlackLeafMarcieDarkDungeonsRule34ChickTract.jpg|thumb|left|Dark Dungeons in 2008.]]
[[File:AnnGordonDebbieBaxterJesusChristTheTrialRule34ChickTract.png|thumb|The Trial in 2012.]]
There <b>is</b> Jack Chick [[Rule 34]]...<s>but it sucks balls. In the bad way.</s>
<del>Actually it's not that bad. There are two known 34s done for separate works so far:<del>
*[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0046/0046_01.asp Dark Dungeons] was a tract done in 1984, and a parody of it was created in 2008, depicting the character Marcie who killed herself after her D&D thief died of poison.
*[http://www.chick.com/reading/tracts/0018/0018_01.asp The Trial] was a tract done in 1996, and a parody of it was created in 2012, depicting [[Jesus]] fucking the child protagonists Ann Gordon and Debbie Baxter.


==Chick Dissections==
==Chick Dissections==
As mentioned above, there isn't much you can do to improve the lulz-quotient of a Chick Tract because they're perfectly insane. Still some people are willing to make page-by-fucking-page readings of them, making fun of them. Usually these are made by godless atheist heathens who TL;DR everything. Still, if you have some time on your hands, it's lets you see the tracts without letting your browser think you actually went to Chick's fucked up site.
As mentioned above, there isn't much you can do to improve the lulz-quotient of a Chick Tract because they're perfectly insane. Still some people are willing to make page-by-fucking-page readings of them, making fun of them. Usually these are made by godless atheist heathens who TL;DR everything.


*[http://enterthejabberwock.com/?cat=12 The Jabberwock dissections]- The most TL;DR of them, but has probably the most done.
*[http://enterthejabberwock.com/?cat=12 The Jabberwock dissections]- The most TL;DR of them, but has probably the most done.
*[http://chickdissections.blogspot.com/ The Jr. dissections]- Less done than Jabberwock but still a bunch.
*[http://chickdissections.blogspot.com/ The Jr. dissections]- Less done than Jabberwock but still a bunch.
*[http://jkchickdissections.blogspot.com/ The JK dissections]- Newer, with less done.
*[http://jkchickdissections.blogspot.com/ The JK dissections]- Newer, with less done.
*[http://tracts.boolean-union.com The Boolean Union dissections] - This is the most unique and is made in the style popularized by [[Mystery Science Theater 3000|MST3K]]. Out of all of them, this is currently the most frequently updated site and is the only one to have more than one person doing it all the time.


Want to make one? Make an uninspired blogspot account and be sure to mention every 10 seconds that you're an atheist. [[Profit]] will follow.
Want to make one? Make an uninspired blogspot account and be sure to mention every 10 seconds that you're an atheist. [[Profit]] will follow.
==Dox==
You can send him some [[goatse|love]] at:
Chick Publications
8780 Archibald Avenue
Rancho Cucamonga, CA
(909) 987-0771


==Gallery==
==Gallery==
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Image:Chick original.gif|[[Come]] into our [[In the ass|hearts]].
Image:Chick original.gif|[[Come]] into our [[In the ass|hearts]].
Image:Chick oh exploited.gif|[[Terrorist|أشهد أن لا إله إلاَّ الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله]]
Image:Chick oh exploited.gif|[[Terrorist|أشهد أن لا إله إلاَّ الله و أشهد أن محمد رسول الله]]
Image:chicktractscriptures.jpg|[[Jew|Oy Vey!!!]]
File:Jackchick34.gif
</gallery></center>
</gallery></center>


==See Also==
==See Also==
*[[Tim Todd]]
*[[A. Wyatt Mann]]
*[[Zyklon Ben]]
*[[Billy the Heretic]]
*[[Christian]]
*[[Christian]]
*[[Sandwich Chef]]
*[[Sandwich Chef]]
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*[http://enterthejabberwock.com/?cat=12 The Jabberwock dissections]
*[http://enterthejabberwock.com/?cat=12 The Jabberwock dissections]
*[http://comics.adultfanfiction.net/main.php?list=1339 Chick Tract Slash Fanfic] Possibly the first.
*[http://comics.adultfanfiction.net/main.php?list=1339 Chick Tract Slash Fanfic] Possibly the first.
*[http://badwebcomicswiki.shoutwiki.com/wiki/Jack_Chick_Tracts Review on "The Bad Webcomic Wiki"]


{{webcomics}}
{{webcomics}}
{{Comic Books}}
{{Christianity}}
{{Christianity}}


[[Category:Sites]]
{{Sites}}
[[Category:People|Chick, Jack]]
[[Category:People|Chick, Jack]]
[[Category:Galleries]]
[[Category:Galleries]]

Latest revision as of 18:50, 11 August 2024

BREAKING NEWS!!
Jack has died and gone to Hell

Not to be confused with the other kind of Chick Tract.

Hey Jack, whose ass did you cum in last night? OIC.
A typical Chick tract. No, srsly.
Jack Chick converts to Islam.
Cthulhu comes to roost! WILL YOU BE EATEN FIRST?
Cthulhu comes to roost! WHAT MUST I DO TO BE EATEN FIRST?
Silly Jack. Girls don't play D&D

Jack Thomas Chick† is what happens when a comic book artist becomes a Christian fundamentalist. A typical Chick tract (also called Shit Tract) will usually feature a person who has yet to be "saved" or will be tricked by another character, who is usually the Devil in disguise. The character will eventually return to Jesus, after realizing the error of their ways. Everyone who isn't a Jesus freak goes directly to Hell, or is actively working for the Devil, or just goes to hell for very poorly justified reasons. They're often full of hilarious misinformation about just about fucking everything. Jack Chick tracts are a popular target for Photoshoppers, in part because they are so batshit insane. The inherent problem with shooping a Chick Tract is that the original untouched comics are usually the pinnacle of lulz and therefore cannot be improved upon.

Things Chick Hates

Oddly, Jack has no qualms about portraying Jew as a nigger. [29]

Apparently, Chick's site is b& in Singapore. LOL WUT?

Important Facts

  • Jack Chick does not do it for the lulz
  • Jack Chick hates Mudkips.
  • Jack Chick is the original internet meme.
  • Jack Chick is Pedobear, which also makes him a furry.
  • Jack Chick causes global warming, but doesn't believe in it.
  • Jack Chick is impervious to insults.
  • Jack Chick made a movie.
  • Jack Chick draws 'The Christian Hero' of his tracts in a style inspired by Tom of Finland.
  • Jack Chick believes God and Jesus are the same person, therefore worships the robot GodJesus.

Rule 34

Dark Dungeons in 2008.
The Trial in 2012.

There is Jack Chick Rule 34...but it sucks balls. In the bad way.

Actually it's not that bad. There are two known 34s done for separate works so far:

  • Dark Dungeons was a tract done in 1984, and a parody of it was created in 2008, depicting the character Marcie who killed herself after her D&D thief died of poison.
  • The Trial was a tract done in 1996, and a parody of it was created in 2012, depicting Jesus fucking the child protagonists Ann Gordon and Debbie Baxter.

Chick Dissections

As mentioned above, there isn't much you can do to improve the lulz-quotient of a Chick Tract because they're perfectly insane. Still some people are willing to make page-by-fucking-page readings of them, making fun of them. Usually these are made by godless atheist heathens who TL;DR everything.

Want to make one? Make an uninspired blogspot account and be sure to mention every 10 seconds that you're an atheist. Profit will follow.

Gallery

See Also

External Links

[Boring. Move on.Read me!]

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