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Goatse

From Encyclopedia Dramatica
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OMG, GET ME OUTTA HERE!


Goatse predates Encyclopedia Dramatica and is still the most overused shock image here. It is also the inspiration for endless attempts to force TOW to have an article on anal stretching. Goatse was the favorite meme of the GNAA early on, but had become such an old meme that by two years ago, a job fair in Europe modelled its entrance on his open-anus gesture. Nobody knows or cares how Goatse got its name.

Fun Facts

Ohai
Prefered program for goatse users.
Hard Choice
The initial impact of Goatse
Another initial reaction
Oh, look - there's a movie out about you!
Poster of the above movie. A sure hit.


A challenger appears. Time for some moar Bawwwwww


ancient BBS goatse

Doing it wrong


These facts are all true:

  • Goatse was hosted on a webserver in Kansas City, making it yet another example in the city's long and storied list of trolls.
  • Goatse has made an utterly benign image title - "hello.jpg" - anathematic. Need proof? Google "Hello.jpg". The first two links are TOW's Goatse.cx and ED's very own copy of hello.jpg.
  • Upset after being Goatse'd? Don't worry: the person who Goatse'd you obviously got Goatse'd themselves; otherwise, they wouldn't have known of the site.
  • The Goatse guy seems to be married because he has a ring on his hand.
  • The Goatse guy appears to have either a rather large pilonidal cyst or a second, virgin asshole.
  • Goatse is the most infamous member of The Power 5.
  • The Goatse guy's best friend is The Giver.
  • Goatse can refer to the man in the picture, the picture itself (hello.jpg), the sex move, or the website that started it all.
  • Goatse enjoys long walks on the beach and FUCKING HUGE DILDOS
  • Despite what you see in the picture (study it for a moment) the human intestine is not a big truck you can dump something into, but a series of tubes.
  • It is supposedly now illegal in the United States
  • There are way too fucking many links to Goatse on ED.
  • Goatse has NOTHING to do with goats, although some have argued a direct link between Goatse and The Goat Tower
  • In some Dutch (more specifically Flemish) dialects Goatse means "small opening". The correct Dutch word is "gaatje".
  • The Goatse domain moved to France (Goatse.fr) you can now sign up for the cryptocurrency "Goatse coin" at Goatse.cx

Origin

The site was first launched in 1999 under the domain name Goatse.cx. According to the Wikipedia entry, the earliest known instance of the shock image was uploaded circa 1997 as “gap3.jpg” in a set of 40 additional images compressed into a single ZIP file named "Gap.zip" According to Gawker’s investigative report published in April 2012, the photo set initially spread across gay porn communities on Usenet and was later picked up by The Stiles

Legislation Inspired by Goatse

§ 2252C. Misleading words or digital images on the Internet
(a) IN GENERAL.—Whoever knowingly embeds words or digital images into the source code of a website with the intent to deceive a person into viewing material constituting obscenity shall be fined under this title and imprisoned for not more than 10 years.
(b) MINORS.—Whoever knowingly embeds words or digital images into the source code of a website with the intent to deceive a minor into viewing material harmful to minors on the Internet shall be fined under this title and imprisoned for not moar than 20 years.
(c) CONSTRUCTION.—For the purposes of this section, a word or digital image that clearly indicates the sexual content of the site, such as ‘sex’ or ‘porn’, is not misleading.
(d) DEFINITIONS.—As used in this section—HR 4472 EAS.
(1) the terms ‘material that is harmful to minors’ and ‘sex’ have the meaning given such terms in section 2252B; and
(2) the term 'source code’ means the combination of text and other characters comprising the content, both viewable and nonviewable, of a web page, including any website publishing language, programming language, protocol or functional content, as well as any successor languages or protocols.

That means that you cannot misleadingly link it because you could trick people into viewing obscenity. However feel free to link it via AIM, IRC or your favorite chat client because the fact that they are told what every URL actually is technically (arguably) means they are not being tricked.

The Man Behind The Anus

After a hard day's stretching, Kirk Johnson takes time to relax (his ass) at home and enjoy the beauty of nature
Kick Johnson's favorite rock album

One very persistent internets user spent months and months trawling all the gay erotica and anal stretching newsgroups and eventually located the star of this picture, by matching the pattern of moles on his ass. It is with many lulz that ED informs the world that the Goatse guy's real name is Kirk Johnson, a middle-aged bisexual man with a fancy for oversized black dildos. He posts pictures and videos of himself regularly on the newsgroup alt.binaries.erotica.male.anal.

The users at Something Awful think Kirk Johnson died at the age of 58 from shoving a volleyball up his asshole in July 2010. However, anyone who faps to his videos know he also posts regularly on Imagefap[1], and has thousands (I'm not shitting you) of pictures of his flexible clown car/poopchute. He has multiple videos as well (not for the faint of heart). You can even hear Kirk Johnson's voice! Kirk currently posts videos on xvideos, not to mention that you can also watch a video of him stretching his anus, and fisting himself, here. There is a 2007 interview from BMEzine here [2].

Linx

Goatse.cx originally linked to Urinalpoop.org and Dolphinsex.org, both of which are now parked. Thankfully, Dolphinsex continues right here on ED. The mere link to Dolphinsex was cited specifically in an official complaint and was used as one of the major reasons why Goatse was B& from the Christmas Island top-level domain (.cx):


   
“ 		 
[Goatse.cx links] to unlawful obscene content (site which describes how to have sex with dolphins)


 

„
  		 

—Rhonda Clarke, on the Christmas Island Internet Administration (CIIA) Limited AUP Complaint Form

 
“ 		 
I appreciate that the Christmas Island community takes immense pride in it’s natural beauty - of which the spinning dolphins are an important part, and note that the links to the dolphin sex web site would have been highly offensive to the users of the IT Centre, particularity children.


 

„
 

—Garth Miller of the CIIA, in a spelling-error filled final decision to suspend Goatse.cx


January 14, 2004: The Dream Dies

Dream is dead: 2006/2007 European job fair with Goatse-themed entrance

On January 11, 2004, Rhonda Clarke - a whiny resident of the tiny, Australian pseudocolony known as Christmas Island suffering from post-Goatse syndrome - submitted a formal complaint to the Christmas Island Internet Administration (CIIA) and a official Goatse on Google petition. Only three days later, the heartless bureaucratic fucks on the island suspended goatse.cx pending review. Although the exact sequelae are unknown, the registrant may simply have failed to respond, leading to Goatse.cx being automatically permabanned 60 days later (March 12, 2004).


 
“ 		 
There can be no doubt that will be viewed by some as “censorship” and a restriction of “freedom of speech”, however the board has specifically drafted polices which give CIIA latitude to (act in the absence of a court order) when there is a compelling public interest in doing so... The “freedom of speech” does not extend to use of our community owned network to facilitate unlawful activity or to intentionally harass or offend internet users.
  		„
 

—Garth Miller, the only person on Earth that uses air quotes when saying "freedom of speech"


To his credit, however, Garth appeared to sympathize with the ethical nihilism of the internet and to understand Goatse. We can be confident that he was fully aware of the harm he was inflicting on trolls everywhere:

Goatse was the inspiration for a popular movie


 
“ 		 
...goatse.cx is a well know [sic] “shock site” which is intended (one can assume) to be humorous. Although we have received numerous informal complaints, most have raised objections to the images. Although the images could generally be considered to be are offensive and crude, they do not represent child ( or other forms ) of illegal pornography. By internet standards the imagery - although intentionally offensive, is relatively tame...

...goatse.cx is... one of the Internets more popular shock sites - it is common practice for many “internet trolls” and third parties to embed hidden links to this site.
 

„
 


Uses of Goatse

This magazine cover depicts how America's sovereignty was lost due to being Goatsed by immigrants.
Goatse is one of New Zealand's proudest traditions
ZOMG hacked!

Wikipedia Drama

As long as TOW has had an article on Goatse, there have been several persistent users who felt the need to include the image in the article. Like all things glorious that have show up on Jimbo's chain of porn sites, it was quickly nominated for deletion (and deleted) several times. This lead to a huge debate about the inclusion of Kirk's gaping ass, with Wikipedos yelling "NON NOTABLE" and "WIKIPEDIA ISN'T CENSORED" at each other. The final decision was to only keep a link to the original image, and delete all new uploads of it as a "copyright violation".

A Novel Way To Troll


Eric [8:47 PM]: dude i have this site i post all my pics on for the class
Eric [8:47 PM]: want to see them
Eric [8:47 PM]: ?
Mike [8:47 PM]: Sure
Eric [8:47 PM]: they're kind of controversial
Eric [8:47 PM]: [Tinyurl Goatse mirror link defunct Tinyurl shock site link]
Mike [8:48 PM]: holy shit dude
Eric [8:48 PM]: lol
Mike [8:53 PM]: They were for Gavenus' class???
Eric [8:54 PM]: LOL yea, he said they were "artistic"
Eric [8:55 PM]: He said the first was ok, but the second was too over the top
Mike [8:55 PM]: Yeah I'll say
Mike [8:57 PM]: OK dude, I just looked at your pic...I still don't know you...you sure your talking to the right s/n?


Variations

Animated



Stars of Goatse

Science has given us a new way to troll with Goatse. Observe the image below and scroll slowly.


Use scrollbar to see the full image

NOTE: This is what scientists look at all day.


Reverse!



On JewTube


A stereoscopic video

The singing Goatse

Fan work

Official music video

Previous Video | Next Video


ASCII Rendition


g                                               g  
o /     \             \            /    \       o
a|       |             \          |      |      a
t|       `.             |         |       :     t
s`        |             |        \|       |     s
e \       | /       /  \\\   --__ \\       :    e
x  \      \/   _--~~          ~--__| \     |    x  
*   \      \_-~                    ~-_\    |    *
g    \_     \        _.--------.______\|   |    g
o      \     \______// _ ___ _ (_(__>  \   |    o
a       \   .  C ___)  ______ (_(____>  |  /    a
t       /\ |   C ____)/      \ (_____>  |_/     t
s      / /\|   C_____)       |  (___>   /  \    s
e     |   (   _C_____)\______/  // _/ /     \   e
x     |    \  |__   \\_________// (__/       |  x
*    | \    \____)   `----   --'             |  *
g    |  \_          ___\       /_          _/ | g
o   |              /    |     |  \            | o
a   |             |    /       \  \           | a
t   |          / /    |         |  \           |t
s   |         / /      \__/\___/    |          |s
e  |           /        |    |       |         |e
x  |          |         |    |       |         |x


If you are to much of a nice person to use Goatse as a trolling tool, redirect someone to the shocking ASCII version here.

High Quality HTML rendition

Galleries


The Complete Kirk Johnson Collection About missing Pics
  • Uploaded
    Uploaded
  • Just
    Just
  • For
    For
  • You
    You
  • Nigga
    Nigga
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


If you're too lazy to click on every picture, there's a slideshow of the entire picture set here. Be warned, however: this site is owned and operated by the same fgt as Meatspin.


Gallery of Goatse About missing Pics
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]


Gallery of Lame Copies About missing Pics
  • Goatse house.
    Goatse house.
  • Whoops.
    Whoops.
  • Lame cam-whore copy in trainin.
    Lame cam-whore copy in trainin.
  • A CHALLENGER APPEARS: Some furry sitting on a steel bar
    A CHALLENGER APPEARS: Some furry sitting on a steel bar
  • Muppets have the gapingest assholes
    Muppets have the gapingest assholes
[Collapse GalleryExpand Gallery]
  • Norb enforces Rule 46.
    Norb enforces Rule 46.
  • Pee-wee Herman looks inside a huge Goatse.
    Pee-wee Herman looks inside a huge Goatse.
  • Baaah.
    Baaah.
  • Bad shoop is bad shoop.
    Bad shoop is bad shoop.
  • Goatse on the BBC
    Goatse on the BBC
  • I'd eat that shit.
    I'd eat that shit.
  • Naturally formed
    Naturally formed
  • WoWse
    WoWse
  • Grindor dies of FACIAL GOATSE caused by Optimus Prime.
    Grindor dies of FACIAL GOATSE caused by Optimus Prime.
  • Furfag version.
    Furfag version.
  • Another FurFag Goatse
    Another FurFag Goatse
  • Chef Bert Spagnola with a note in his own handwriting to prove his identity at an internet forum.
    Chef Bert Spagnola with a note in his own handwriting to prove his identity at an internet forum.
  • Chef Bert Spagnola with a forum admin's name on a knife to prove his loyalty.
    Chef Bert Spagnola with a forum admin's name on a knife to prove his loyalty.
  • Dorian Thorn hopes one day his asshole will be as gapingly famous as Goatse's.
    Dorian Thorn hopes one day his asshole will be as gapingly famous as Goatse's.
  • Goatse back in his touring days with Pinkfloyd
    Goatse back in his touring days with Pinkfloyd
  • Roblox Goatse.
    Roblox Goatse.
  • Robbi Rodriguez of Goddess Mode.
    Robbi Rodriguez of Goddess Mode.
  • This man uploaded the above picture in hopes of getting free sysop on ED, but did he get it?
    This man uploaded the above picture in hopes of getting free sysop on ED, but did he get it?
  • Jared Mohammed retarded attempt for attention at goatse.
    Jared Mohammed retarded attempt for attention at goatse.
Hentai Goatse[3]


See Also

Ever wanted to know what Goatse tastes like? Now's your chance
Goatses can be quite tasty.

External Links



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Featured article July 20, 2006
Preceded by
Newgrounds 		Goatse Succeeded by
George Bush doesn't care about black people
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